How Do You Know?

The best advise I can give you is to go ahead andhave them. Having kids is one of those things where I can't tell you how wonderful it is unless you have been there. For example, I just had my third child, a little girl. My b/f had no children before my baby got here, and he was so unprepared when I first told him that I was pregnant, but he slowly became more ready to be a parent by the time she got here. HE says that he can't believe he could ever love someone so much and he doesn't miss his old life style at all.

I'm the mother of 4 adult children and wife of my loving husband for almost 32 years. I was a bride at 18 and a mother at 19 (grandmother at 45 and would have preferred EARLIER)! If I hadn't gotten pregnant 3 months after we got married, I probably would've waited a few years, but I wouldn't change a thing. I will say that if 'things' are very important to you, don't have kids. You can't have both because you either won't be able to afford the 'things', or the kids will break them! LOL There's something heavenly about having such potential influence on a newly formed human being that you helped create, though!

Borrow a friend or relatives baby for a week. Then you'll know. Aslo there is foster care programs where you can get children of all different ages and really find out if you want that responsibility. S.

If it just feels like an "ok" idea, then you probably aren't ready yet. You're still young, you have time. When the time is right, you really will just "know".

And the disruptions? The first (and every) time you hear "I love you, Mama." its worth every bit of it.

I like Rosemary's answer. I don't think many of us are ever ready (especially without having had at least one to compare it to) for children in the truest sense of the word. Nothing can prepare you for all the good and bad you are going to experience (yep, bad comes along with it). But the good so overshadows the bad. They are disruption in the hugest sense of the word, yes the cliche, 'life changes forever'. But you have to be ready to share your life and for it not to be all about you anymore. I guess that's how you know, when you're really ready for it to not be all about you anymore. Any yes, when you hold your baby for the first time, all those doubts go completely out the window and you're ready for all the good and bad that your child can give you. And that's called LOVE! Good luck with your decision... :O)

Unfortunately I don't think anyone can answer that for you, however, I can share my own story. I am 26 mother of two. Growing up as a kid I always knew that I didn't really want any children. I didn't look at myself a "maternal" person. I got married and a I grew older I watched all my grandparents pass away and I watched the affect it had on my parents and I felt sad that I didn't really know my grandparents very well and I knew that was something that I was too late to change and I suddenly had this void. Then all of a sudden I realized that watching the joy of my parents with my nieces and nephews was something that I wanted to share with them in my life with my kids. So I knew that I had no more time to waste waiting. I wanted my parents to be young enough that my children could get to know them in the way that I never got to know my own grandparents. It has brought us all closer together as a family and watching them with my kids its so amazing, this bond we all share. And even though it is a lifestyle changing experience it is one you will never regret, now the girl who didn't feel maternal is the best mom in the world, at least my kids think so. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that you need to evaluate what is really most important in your life and are you ready to share it. It took losing people I love for me to realize that family is really the only true constant thing we have in this world.

Hi E.,

LOL, well I can tell you some of the clues in my own behavior/thoughts before I had my first...(my husband and I were married 7 years before choosing to get pregnant, by the way).

I used to look at babies and other folks' kids and think "aww, aren't they cute" and would even play with them for a bit, but only a little while and I never really had any deep desire to have my own. The first change I noticed in myself when I was ready is that I started looking at babies/kids, or playing with them or caring for them briefly and thought "I could just take you home with me!" ...and I meant it! I could actually picture myself with a child in my own arms, my own home, taking care of him or her (yes, even through the stinky and noisy and frustrating bits!). That was such a stark change from how I had felt before that it really was a signal for me.

Aside from that, I began looking at the things I did as fun and productive and good, but began realizing that I really was willing to cut back on those things and even put some things aside to have and care for children. Mind you, I also have an extremely good husband who helps with housework, cooking, etc., and who is very loving and even-tempered, so I knew I would not be doing everything alone (at least not all the stinky, noisy, frustrating bits alone, hehe).

That's about all the help I can offer. I will say that even with those clues, and feeling I was ready, it was *still* a huge adjustment once the baby came. They are a lot of work, and I have had to change my life a great deal, but honestly I can't say there's anything I've had to totally give up - except for my beadwork...that's a little too hard to keep contained with a small child around the house. But even that I've just packed away for when my daughter and the baby that's on the way gets bigger.

We don't travel as much, of course, but we had done a good bit of travelling before, and we can do it again after the kids are grown, so I'm not really missing that too much. As a matter of fact, I'm rather enjoying having a household and being settled. It's where I'm supposed to be right now.

I'm not saying I don't have moments where I get frustrated, a bit stir-crazy, or feel like I need to just get out of Dodge (who doesn't!). Sometimes I do miss my child-free life, but those times are infrequent, and my daughter's kiss or hug or giggle makes me remember why I chose to have children. And my husband and I make sure that we each have time to ourselves at least once a week. Every now and again one or the other of us even takes a weekend off and goes to a workshop (for me it's dance) or to visit friends out of town. It's important that you have a partner that works with you and that you help each other when one or the other is getting burnt out.

If you have that, then you're ready I think. Everyone is different though. I can't say what your clues will be, I can only share what it's like for me.

Good Luck!
J.

Just my thoughts, It's time. Do you really want to be old when your kids are young?My oB/GYN always told me that 25 was the perfect age to start having kids. I had my first at 26 when he was 6 months old I got pregnant with my 2nd (not planned so soon). I have a boy and a girl and am all done. I would discuss it with my husbadn and go for it. It is very overwhelming, but to think of it as a disruption is a little selfish. Having said that maybe deep down you just don't want to have kids and that is fine. Not everyone is meant to be a mom.... or dad.... Talkt o your husband and not really knowing anything else about you I always say pray about it.

E.,
When you have kids everything changes. From the first few months of little to no sleep, to the first few years of babyproofing and damage control. Not to mention the dreaded teenaged years that I have yet to encounter with my little one.

The thing is, as daunting as these things seem, and as hard as it is to put your own life aside to raise another, it is the most rewarding experience you can have. I can truly say that a void was filled when I became a mother. A certain purpose of my life was being fulfilled and although I strive to balance motherhood with my own personal goals, motherhood has defined me.

Not everyone is born to give birth though. You may have other gifts and callings that don't allow you to put everything aside. There is no shame in that. Better that you recognize it now, than have kids because you feel it is your duty.

You can become close to friends or family's kids, you can volunteer and work with underpriveledged kids. There are many ways to have children in your life.

Bottom line is that if you do decide to have kids, they will turn your world beautifully upside down. If you can roll with the punches and take it day by day you will be fine.

Good luck to you!

-Krisin

The short answer, you don't! I don't think anyone can help you with this and I often think that we think about these things too much. I have two children, born 18 months apart. I never imagined being a mother and, until I met my husband, never had a desire to be one before that. The first pregnancy was not planned and I worried all the time that I was doing the right thing having the child. Now I have them, I honestly wouldn't be without them. Don't get me wrong, it is not easy!I am exhausted, my skin is terrible, I don't have time to go to the gym or paint my nails and often cleansing and toning are too much of an effort. I rarely have a bath, 2 minute showers are about my lot,I don't have time to shop and supermarket experiences are not pleasant...no more wandering around the aisles wondering what is new on the market and might I like it? My husband and I haven't been out together, just us, for 5 years and I do all the things you are told are bad for the development of your child, like putting them in front of the TV for an hour just to get a bit of peace!!!!
BUT, my children are the best thing that ever happened to me. Their little hands stroking your face when you are watching the TV, their bright eyes taking in everything new, their voices singing the new songs they have learned at nursery, their pride when they show you the pictures they have taken an hour to draw and colour in, taking 4 hours on a Sunday to take them to the park and have a picnic, watching them scoot around on their scooters and bikes giggling,cuddling up to you in bed at night whispering that they love you...nothing in the world can prepare you for the love of a child and the love you feel for them. My children have made me whole, my perspective on life is so different and I thank God, or mother nature, or whatever greater being is out there for giving me what I have.
My advice, nothing is perfect, nothing is easy and being a mother is no exception but I wouldn't chose to be anything else.
I hope you find this helpful, and no matter what you decide to do I wish you the very best of everything.

Wait until you're sure you want to do it, and until your husband is firmly on board. I was married for 8 years before giving birth to my daughter at age 36. She'll be the only one, but we're definitely getting the parenthood experience, and loving it. She is wonderful, and I'm so glad we have her, but it does change your life, and you need to spend the time you need to do your childfree phase before you turn the page you can't turn back. Content yourself with the reality that either way you'll be okay. You can have a fulfilled life if you stay childfree, but you can wait awhile to decide.

It's always a good time and its never a good time. Children adjust your life in very positive ways and in different ways. It can be very scary when thinking about it but it's wonderful once you have them. If you live your life saying once I do this or that I'll have kids you'll always live your life looking for something else and never be content. You know how you feel in your heart. Go with that feeling. Children are a blessing.
There is some deep thinking in this decision, maybe talking it out with your husband and a counselor.

I guess it comes down to what you want. Do you want children? Does your husband want children? Can you afford a child at this time? Will you stay at home to raise them or send them to daycare? There are lots of questions when the subject of children comes up.

I was always told that if you keep waiting/postponing or contemplating you'll never have kids. If you truly WANT to be a parent, just do it. Then you work on adjusting your schedules around your children and what you & your husband need.

I wanted time with my husband before we had children because once you have kids your whole world changes. We were married for over 3 years before we tried. This year, we will be married 12 years with 3 sons. Our family is complete and we are all very happy & healthy.

You'll know when it's time, I don't think "ok" idea is the best time though. Don't get another cat! (lol) By the time that clock goes off, it won't be a matter of "ok" idea, it will hit you like a 10 ton truck.....sounds to me as if that clock is just starting to tick...tock. Have fun with your kitties...I've always had one and love them.

it it's just an "ok" idea, and you are some times scared that children will "disrupt your life", then you're probably not really ready. trust me, when you're ready you'll know and then God will blesss you accordingly.

Hi E.. I know I'm a young mother but it seems to me that if we wait til we're ready to have children, then we'll never have them. Nothing can prepare us for parenthood, but once we become mommies, things seem to just work out. Our children become the center of our lives and all the little things don't seem to matter as much.

I say wait until the feeling to have a child overwhelms you to the point that you know 100% that it is time. You are only 30 and you still have plenty of time. I was 34 when I had my 1st and just had my 2nd 5 months ago. Believe me raising kids is hard mentally, emotionally, financially, etc. Yes, they are precious gifts but kids are a 24/7 responsibility and you never know if the little one you bring in the world will be an easy going baby or one that has you up every three hours and cries non-stop. These are the truths that people don't talk about. Do you have any relatives with newborns or toddlers? If so, go stay a day and night with them and get up in the night, change diapers, prepare meals, entertain, clean house,......and this is if your lucky enough not to have to work outside the home. ----Remember having the baby is the easiest part. Good luck and trust your instincts.

There is NEVER a perfect time. There is always a reason, money, job, etc. You just have to know in your heart and soul this is what you want. I am the mother of almost 5 and my oldest is almost 6. I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world!! You just make things work. You make it happen. They are the most important thing and material things (money, job, etc) shouldn't come in the way of such a joy.
Of course it is smart to be financially ready but still there is never a perfect time.
Good luck!!

My best friend and her husband (also 30) have been married for 9 years & are expecting their first child next month... (I have 2 amazing daughters!). Here's the same thing I told her when she was asking me last spring after I just had my 2nd... Your life will never be the same in so many ways is unbelievable- you won't get to sleep until 11 EVER again; you won't be able to just go to the movies, or any other place for that matter; you won't get much time for yourself; you'll spend more money on diapers & other baby stuff than you ever thought possible; you'll worry about your 401k, IRA's, and 529 accounts (or find out what those are!); you'll get to experience pure joy on a level that cannot be explained; you will get to see glimpses of heaven on a daily basis; you'll wonder how that "gummy" first smile can melt your heart into a million pieces; you'll feel invincible knowing that your kiss can cure anything; just when you're at your wits end, you're toddler will out of the blue tell you "I love you, Momma" and all else fades away.... There's never a "good time" to start a family. If you and your husband are on the same page, leave everything else up to God and He will guide you through this amazing journey & someday you'll look back and think "why was I so worried about this?" because you barely remember life without your precious one!

The water is cold & deep but jump off the diving board because you won't know how much fun it is in the pool until you do! Best wishes & many blessings :)

Hi, I am 26 years old, and have 3 kids, 2 6 yr olds, and one 7 yr old. I was 18 when I got preggo with my first child. Needless to say, I wasn't ready yet. Here's my personal opinion no-one is EVER quite ready for children. You will never expect the wonder of it all, you will never expect the nights when you plan a romantic dinner with your husband just to have a kid stumble in right before you leave and throw up. Nothing can ever prepare you for that.
I was pretty much a child when I had mine, and I don't regret it one minute. I never got to finish college, I never will more than likely, I never got to go out and have the parties and hanging out with people my age. And guess what... I could care less. I love my life, I love my kids, all my dreams of doing this and that were pushed aside when I held that first baby in my arms. Both pregnancies were a surprise to me, and also the greatest blessing I will ever have.
I guess what I am saying is this... once you hold your baby in your arms, all former thoughts of "potential disruption" fly out of your head.

I think it's justa matter of knowing that you want something that's missing. I don't have kids either, but I know that if u are waiting based on finances you will likley not ever have one. My husband and I are planning to adopt since I am not able to have kids. For me it's just something that feels right. Having kids will be overwhelmin (I know this due to my friends), but I have been told having kids is totally worth it.

A little about me:
29, married, 2 cats, planning to adopt.

E.,

My husband and I had only been married for 8 months when we got pregnant with my son. I had started a new job in March and got pregnant in August. Sometimes its hard for me because I see my husband continuing to advance in his career, but mine is pretty much stagnant. I mean who wants to give a promotion to a woman who stops to go pump out milk 2 to 3 times a day. The promotions I could get would involve managing other people who help patients *healthcare*. If a patient had an issue and the manager was needed immediately, but I was off pumping milk, that wouldn't work too well.

I'm saying all that to say, there might be a period of time where you have to allow yourself and your career to level out. There will be many new responsiblities that come up. My son is 10.5 months old and because of chronic viruses and ear infections, he has never slept through the night (to put it lightly). I would be lying if I said that the exhaustion doesn't hinder my focus and my motivation at work sometimes! Sometimes, I feel like I'm being stretched about as thin as I can go. And there have been times where I've wanted to give up. Having a career AND a baby is like having to be 3 people all at the same time. BUT, I wouldn't change it. I know that this is only a "season" of my life, and it will pass with time.

You have to decide if you can handle allowing yourself to take a step back for just a little while. Sometimes it may feel like the world is passing you by, but I think it is worth it. I can look back at my life when I'm older and say I have children and a career that mattered. I guess its all about your perspective on things. The first year is the hardest, but after that, your career and YOU could get right back on the same track!

My prayers will be with your decision!

If you're not sure you want them, don't have them. Children are a life long emotional commitment and a lot of work. The younger years are often the easiest ones! Some people want them, but are scared. That's different. It's normal to be scared.

I knew that someday I would want to have kids, but I didnt know when and I had this huge plan for my life that I wanted to complete before starting a family. Then, I was pleasantly surprised with my son :) My husband and I had talked about having them but our bundle came sooner than we had talked.

I was shocked but I knew that I was up for the challenge. I am a 24 year old 1st time mommy and let me just say that I am loving every moment of it. When we first found out I was shocked and worried... but it seemed that everything fell into place.

Financially, I really dont think anyone is ever ready for kids. Emotionally, I believe that if you feel comfortable with the thought of "we" instead of "me" that you are as ready as you will ever be. You wont really know until you get that positive result.

I will say this, my husband was and is very supportive and that made the transition a lot better. Now that my son is here I wouldnt have changed anything about it. I never knew being a mommy would be so overpowering and addictive. But becoming a mom is the best thing I have done with my life.

Hi E.,

I am R. S. I knew when my life was settled enough to where I had the extra time needed to share with a young one. Also my job was steady and I had that yearning to have a child. It certainly is up to each individual but if you are feeling overwhelmed at this point, I would recommend waiting until that feeling has passed. I was not overwhelmed by any means, and belive me, when that child comes, it is enough to overwhelm you. Take care. Hope this helps.

I wouldn't advise anyone to have a child that wasn't sure whether or not they wanted one..Don't do it if you have doubts..being a parent is forever.Your "want" must be more than an "Ok idea."

There are definitely personal situations that can affect your decision.

Also, don't be afraid of losing out on your freedom. Going out with your closest friends (or not-so-nice co-workers) after work versus spending time with your new baby that you and your hubby made together doesn't compare! Trust me, if you and your husband are concerned about losing your freedom at all - don't be, you will just be getting the freedom to BE a kid again. Nothing is more fun than sharing experiences with your little one for the first time. In my experience, men become such little boys with a baby around, it is adorable.

I set a time frame for my husband and I to start trying for our first. I said in October we will stop using contraceptives. (I had been off the pill for 6 months already). That way, we had time to adjust to the idea, and it helped lessen the pressure that we were "trying" for a baby. It kinda made it sexy, like we were being dangerous and irresponsible.

Also, if your time frame comes, and you still don't feel ready, just reevaluate.

(About the freedom thing: some people really are too into themselves and their own lives to have kids. If this is you, be honest about it and don't feel guilty. It is best to make this assessment before you start trying for a baby. If you've envisioned yourself as a mom and want that for your life, you probably aren't the type to ditch your family because you want to go clubbing)

Hi E.,
Good question and I think it is great you are asking. I don't know if any of us really "know" if it is the right time because anything could come up after the decision then you get pregnant and it may seem like it was terrible timing! I believe if both you and your husband have decided you want children, go into it informed about most expenses because again, something may come unexpectedly, and are ready to give to the time factor a baby requires, then by all means go for it. I have three children, two are still at home and I love being a mom. I believe you know in your heart of hearts that you are ready to devote your time to a child and it adds to your life rather than take away.
J.

I bet you're going to get tons of responses..... My opinion is that it must be more than an "OK idea" b/c it WILL change your life FOREVER!!! Be sure that it's what you and your husband want. Spend plenty of time making "if/then" list - as in, IF we do "this", THEN "this" will happen.

I waited until I was 35 before becoming pregnant - and ended up having twins - NO fertility drugs involved!!! And frankly, there are girls out there that have a BURNING DESIRE to be a mom. I never felt that passion, but my husband and I knew that we would regret never having children. I had a very successful career (the highest ranked female in my company) and left it all to become a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). I wouldn't take anything for my children and the life I have now, but what a completely different life it is!!!
It's a tough decision - prayer helps too!
-A. R

I was just like you about a year ago. 29 (now 30), happily married, with 3 cats and a blossoming career. I didn't know if I wanted a "disruption" either. But we did it, and I'm so thankful we did and actually wish we had done it sooner. There's never a perfect time to have kids. I just took a leap of faith and it worked out. Having a child is overwhelming, but in a good way. I have learned so much patience that I didn't know I had. Plus the love that grows inside you for your child (though it wasn't instantaneous for me - took me a few months to really bond with my son) is like nothing else. I would sacrifice my career in a heartbeat for him, yet before he came along its all I focused on. So, I say go for it! HTH....

Parenting magazine recently did a very interesting study and a number of parents said if they had to do it over again, they would NOT have had children. I've seen studies where up to 50% of parents who planned their children would have delayed significantly, or put off completely, having children knowning what they did once their children were born. For those with 'surprise' pregnancies the number was even higher.

Disruption to your life? That is the very lowest baseline of change that takes place. For the first three years they almost feel like they take over your life from a purely dependent need. Beyond that, it depends on your type of parenting and the type of parenting your spouse sees being the go-to style. Some parents are amazing helicopters who can barely keep themselves looking decent because they must always hover and get involved at a far deeper level than is necessary. I have a son in HS who pities the poor child in one of his classes that his mom shows up with cutesy lunches and makes a big fuss over him in front of his friends. She has essentially made the kid a pariah and the butt of jokes because she can't get over the fact that he is not four any longer. Others are drama queens who live a life of extremes. The worst thing, best thing, sickest child, strongest child, smallest child...you get the picture. When you become a parent you are not only dealing with your own children but with your parents--who tend to have ideas on how to raise your children, friends with kids and the kids your children are friends with and THEIR parents. It is a tangled web you weave when first you practice to conceive. My apologies to Shakespeare.

I have two boys and they are good kids, but if I hadn't wanted them all the way down to the ends of my toes, I'd never have had them. I wish more people were like you and took some time to consider the true impact in their lives before making a truly lifelong commitment.

Kids are expenseive! Our boys cost us about 1500 a month, on average, for clothing, sports equipment, school projects and various this and thats that really add up quickly! This does not include needing a much larger home, car and such that is a part of every day life once you have children.

I work with two people in their early 30s who are childless by choice and they are VERY happy with that choice, but one had to REALLY overcome some societal pressures to procreate to reach that place and the other had to be firm but kind with her parents to have them understand they were NOT getting grandkids from her.

What is your husbands take on having children? With my husband and I we practiced the 'no has the final say' way of deciding to have another baby. We never were on the same page about having another so we have our two and now that they are within 5 years of being gone to college, we are flat out THRILLED that we don't have one in elementary school--which is how the spacing would have worked. 'No has the final say' is a great way to do things, IMO. We use it for moving, auto purchases, vacations and such. It keeps great harmony in our home.

Good luck with whatever you decide--just do what your heart wants and your head knows...not what anyone else pressures you to do (or not do).

LA

If you doubt if you want kids you shouldnt have them. However if you are waiting for a good time to have kids lol that will never happen. Lets face it, its never a good time to have them you just do and life changes around them. I know the feeling of it being overwhelming. My daughter is 7 almost 8 and we just found out we are expecting another one. Its been nice having an older child we have much more freedom this way so its scary to go back to diapers and bottles but Im happy. Timing is horrible but we will figure it out. You just have to decide if you want children and if you are willing to give up freedom cause lets face it when that baby gets here nothing else in the world matters except that baby. It is a good feeling though. Good luck

If it seems disrupting now... just wait until the reality actually hits. Unless you have full-time help, your life no longer belongs to you, and even w/ help, you are the one who bears the brunt of all organization and anxiety. Unless you are really anxious to sacrifice everything that you've known until now, and totally devote ALL your time and energy (even time and energy that you didn't realize you had -like at 3a.m. after multiple sleepless nights) I say you're not ready.
Then again, I don't think you can EVER be ready, you just do it, and make it work. Afterall, your own child is the only person on earth you would ever make such sacrifices for and you love them every second of it.

I believe children are a gift from God. He blesses you in His time, not yours. Perhaps, a little prayer would help you in making your decision. He'll show you what's right for you.

You should have children when you have no reservations about having a life change. If you have a child while still feeling that you want your current lifestyle you are not ready. There is huge change when a baby comes along, especially the first one! Going from making money and coming and going with no one else's schedule to think about, to being home and revolving your life around a child will affect you in one aspect or another. When I had my first child the lifestyle changes were huge, and my relationship with my husband changed dramatically. We were both ready, and we both agreed it was time, but neither one of us realized just how big of an idea it was. If you're not 100% sure, I would wait. 30 years old is young to have children these days...I wouldn't rush it.

I have to agree with Crystal - if you doubt you want kids or think of them as a disruption - don't have them. You should have children when you are ready to put your own needs, wants, desires second. Children are the most wonderful blessing there is and they deserve to be treated as such. I hope you make the decision that is right for you and your husband. It is a decision you should obviously make together. If you are religious, then pray about it. Some people never have children and are very happy. My husband and I wanted nothing in the world more than to be parents, but were told we could not have children. Our two little miracles proved the Dr.'s wrong - with a lot of prayer. Good luck with this very important decision.

E., I have read the other responses and they are ALL quite valid. The one thing I wanted to share was don't have children just because everyone else has them. You have to be willing to put the child before yourself in everything.

It will change things period. Your marriage will change and things you have time for may have to be put on the back burner.
It is a 24/7 hr job. Some mom's have to do a balancing act and it can be difficult or stressful not only for themselves but also for their marriages.

But, with that work comes the love and compassion for your child that only you can give as a mother.

You may want to also talk to someone who has adopted or someone who is in your age bracket or older about life changes and such.

I know someone who was marrid, and got PG and then couldn't stand being so tied down to the child. She left her DH and child.
I personally don't know who could do such a thing but then again, I knew I wanted children.

Mothering is my chosen profession.

You sound just like I did! The choice to have my son was out of my hands, as he was a wonderful surprise. I still say to this day that if he hadn't surprised us, I would probably still be waiting on the "i'm ready" sign. I had a stable home, a loving husband, a great career, and supportive family. All the pieces were in place for a baby-but I still worried about how my life would change. It's a tough one, for sure.
Its like I tell my other friends in the same boat as you who are considering the baby question- My child has taught me a level of unconditional and truly fulfilling love that you just will never know unless you are a mother. I have grown in so many wonderful ways because of my son. Although it was quite an adjustment for us at first, I don't miss my former childless life like I thought I would. Actually, I don't even remember it much!
Good luck with your decision.

Well if you don't want your life to be turned upside down I suggest not having kids! Sorry to be so blunt but that's what they do. They are a "Never ending job" that always wants something, needs something or is getting into something. But if you want to know unconditional love and a "job" that will NEVER reward you like any other, then have kids. I am a better person because of my daughter.

You just will! The feeling and joy of being a mother will take over you until it happens. But be very sure you have the right person beside you. Single parenting must be the hardest most depressing thing for a woman. You have to have support because it is more work and constant attention that you can rarely grab 5 minutes on the computer or watch your favorite show. Just make sure God wants this for you as much as you do. Oh, and i have 3 little boys so having one would not nearly as difficult.
Good LucK on whatever decision you reach and let God lead the way. He has the plan for your life already.

There is never a "right time". You will always find reasons why you should or shouldn't in any given situation. Your life will change for certain...but it depends on your point of veiw as to whether it would be a disruption or a change. Two of my 3 were surprises, or wouldn't have gotten pregnant at that time. My second was planned. My motivation was the desire to given my first a sibling. So..I'm not much help here I suppose... :)

I don't think you ever know for sure 100%, but I think the longer you wait, the overwhelming sense of how having children will change your life will only grow. My husband and I wait until a year after we were married to start trying to get pregnant, and I ended up having major infertility issues and it took us over two years to finally conceive. I am very thankful that we didn't wait any longer!!! We are now having a discussion of when to have another -- if at all. I am perfectly happy with the one that we have right now -- feel very blessed! My husband would like another one!

I say take the plunge!!!!!!

Dear E.,
As a mom and grandmother, the best thing I can tell you is first and foremost make sure you and your husband both WANT childern..It isn't a matter of should and shouldn't in my mind. It is a matter of wanting and knowing that your life wouldn't be complete without children..Yes, children make life a good bit messier. So, if all you see about children in your life is the disruption, maybe you don't WANT them. if you don't, then by all means don't have them because the resentment you feel toward them won't make life good for them. Only bring children into the world if you believe they will enrich your life.

B. B

I think that the disruption feeling is normal to anyone that doesn't have children. I beleive that is the "scared" part coming out. Everyone is scared at some point. I think that you will just know in your heart, when you are ready.

It is overwhelming! But once you have a child your heart will expand to include this new person, if you let it. And you won't regret it.

All I can say is it's a decision you make with your heart. You can't just "figure it out."

Best wishes!

E., I know you've probably heard it before, but I think you're never really ready until you experience it for yourself. With my first child I wasn't really trying, but I wasn't not trying. One day I went to work feeling horrible and I went to the doctor thinking it was an infection. She did a pregnancy test, just in case and what do you know I was pregnant. At that time my life changed for the better. Sometimes in life it's like your missing something and you don't know what. When you find that something you feel fulfilled. I have never known such love as when I was pregnant. Not even getting married to my husband can replace the love of being pregnant with that child and having that child. So I think if your ready and your husband is ready I say Go for it all the way. You'll see! Good Luck!

You are never fully prepared to have kids. You just don't it and hope for the best. If we had waited until we had enough money or were mature enough we would never have had our wonderful son. Have faith in yourself that you can handle it.

I agree with a few of the other responses. There is never a "perfect" time to have children, from a human standpoint. If you wait for the "perfect" time, you will run out of time before you know it. My husband and I had been married for 9 months when we got pregnant with our first child. Neither of us were truly ready, but it is amazing how you grow and mature when you have a child. We have now been married for almost 6 years and have 3 children. We don't regret any of it. It has been hard at times, but when your child runs to you with arms open wide and tells you how much they love you, there is absolutely nothing in this world that compares. Their little faces, smiles, laughs, etc, are worth all the sacrifices that you make. Hope you have a wonderful ride, if you choose to take the risk.

You don't know. We waited 8 years to have them and was mortified when we decided to stop using anything and even more mortified when we went to have her 4 1/2 weeks early. We were so "not ready". I am not sure your ever ready. When we tried for a second and it wasn't happening, we thought apparently one is enough. Then God had other plans and we got pregnant with my second daughter. I was so much more relaxed and calm with her. I encourage you to pray about it with your husband and step out by faith. That is really every choice we make in this life, a faith walk. May I encourage you to make sure you take plenty of folic acid and a good quality multi vitamin a few months prior to trying. You need to make sure your in the best possible health for the baby's sake. They are taking in all your good or bad stuff running through your body. I really didn't think about it that deeply until I got pregnant with my first daughter.
My best to you on your journey to new life :-)
W. Morris from Indiana

I think if the time is right, you'll just know. I waiting several years before I agreed w/ my husband it was time to try for the same reasons you have. He has wanted a second for about 2 years and I'm still on hold. I'm bac and forth about the issue. I think that when I'm ready, I'll know some how.
M. G

HI E.,
I'm a mom of 4 awesome kids! 3 sons and a daughter...19,17,15 and 6 and would like to have one more...:)
Parenthood is something you can never really plan for perfectly. It is filled with much joy and sometimes much pain. It is a journey like no other and no one as hard as they may try, can explain it to you fully. It is something you must live and learn all by yourself. Yes...it comes with all sorts of interruptions...waking up to a baby's warm smile and tender sounds. Watching a toddler learn amazing , wonderful things everyday. Watching a child learn about life and be excited just because the sun is up. Having deep meaningful converstaions with your teenager that is becoming an adult right before your very eyes. Oh yes...parethood is full of wonderful, surprising, lovely and sometimes painful interruptions...I would not trade in one day of those interruptions. I thank God everyday for blessing me with my kids...some of those days have been long and hard and my heart has been broken....but I can't imagine my life with out the love I have for these kids...how they have come into my life and filled it with with such adventure, laughter and challanges. Your heart will know when it is time to try to be a mommy. My advice to you is...don't wait to long...not everyone can have children for one reason or another. We tend to take getting pregnant for granted. My heart breaks for those who want so badly to be parents and can't. I have several friends that have adopted children and they are so thankful they did. I know that if I did not have kids either (naturally or by adoption) there would be such a huge void in my life. Good luck with your decision with this...it is truly the biggest and most important one you may ever make. :)

Blessings,
M.
Jer.29:11