I am a SAHM. My husband and I have been REALLY tight with money lately. We have both spoken with our parents about it, and they all have been very helpful. Now my MIL has sent me an e-mail telling me that she is going to need her house cleaned and would be willing to pay me to do it. I cleaned for her before I had my baby which was no problem, and I have been to clean since I had him (he was like 5mos). I really didn't feel like it worked out very well to clean and try to take care of my son at the same time. My MIL is there the whole time so she helps, but not all the time because she also has other things she needs to get done. And it's just not the same for my son. He is really fussy it seems like the whole time and even though we are together all day, I basically don't get to see him ALL day. It just is a very unejoyable day and then we go home and my son is extra clingy for the rest of the evening. I don't know how to tell her that I just don't like the whole situation without sounding like I am just lazy and don't want to work, especially when she knows that we could definitely use the extra money.
P.S. My family all lives on the other side of the US, MIL is hubby's step-mother and never had kids, Dad works from 7-6 mon-fri. Sat. and Sun. his parents are usually out of town.
First I would like to say that when you go 1-2 times a week to clean someone's house and they are telling exactly how it should be cleaned, and you have to stop every few hours to help your child because that person just doesn't know how to handle him, yes, it is inconvenient. Especially when you spend ALL day over there and get in a grand total of 4 hours work.... Not cool. We turned to our parents for counsel in our time of EXTREME need. We have never asked for money before, and it nearly killed us to talk to our parents. Anyways I appreciate the mothers who stated their opinions politely. I have decided to look into doing something that I might enjoy a little more and possibly make about the same amount of money or more at doing.
Just tell the truth. Tell them you can't do it and you thought it was nice for the offer but you can't . Then the reason and leave it at that. I know blunt and sweet but that is me.
Tell her "thanks, but not right now. Maybe when the baby's older, but I need to focus on him right now".
I would just be honest, without saying too much.
I'd tell her, "Thank you so much for the offer to work. I appreciate that you were listening when we talked. However, I think right now I need to decline. It's not that we can't use the money, however trying to clean the house well, and tend to my son is just too much. I really feel it wouldn't be fair to you either since I don't think I could do a good job."
That explains the issue, while showing your appreciation.
I hope that helps.
Hi A.,
A delicate situation requires a delicate response. I'd suggest that you simply state to your MIL that your last experience in trying to combine cleaning and taking care of your child at the same time caused your child to be extra clingy that night. To avoid a possible repeat you respecfully decline to take her up on her offer. Then thank her for thinking of you. Maybe in the future the situation will change and you'll be able to take her up on the offer.
If your MIL is sensitive to your childs needs, despite not having children of her own, she'll understand. If not, you did your part, in a respectful manner and her response is her problem not yours. Don't fall into the trap of feeling guilty for not being able to do something. The word "no" can be hard to say sometimes (I speak from experience) but it's a vital word to learn. Just learn to say it with grace and respect.
"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment." Marcus Aurelius
Good luck,
W. (a successful MIL)
I agree with mom on the go. Being honest is best, or she will wonder the next time you guys mention money or anything. You can also tell her he is in one of those super clingy stages, especially when not in his comfort zone, and I'm sure she will remember that from when hers were little. Maybe she will have a suggestion, or be willing to let you break it up into smaller sessions or something that would work out better for you. Being honest about how difficult it is can't hurt, but trying to dodge it could make things tense.
You say your MIL watches the baby at least part of the time while you clean?
I'm sure it's not all that much fun but if you need the money this is a sweetheart deal. If he's clinging to you, can you just ask her to definitely watch him while you are doing the stuff that involves chemicals, and then if you must have him with you, get him his own little janitor bucket and ask him to help. I don't know how old he is but many toddlers love dustbusters.
I would tell her that you are looking for work that you can do while your child is sleeping or with Daddy. In other words., you love her grand-child so much that you want to mostly focus on his development right now. Day-time work will be there when he's older and in school, but you can never get back these early years with him.
I hope my sons marry women with that same priority!
Hopefully she will understand but if she doesn't that is not your problem. Your sons needs must come first.
You can definitely say no, it's your choice, but I wouldn't ever mention or complain about money again. As one mother said, plenty of mothers work and it's not always "enjoyable." We're talking 1 day a week?... You're an adult asking your parents for money and when someone offers you work that doesn't require a babysitter etc, it's too inconvenient? That's fine but perhaps don't ask for your parents' help anymore.
Honestly honey there is no way to say no without sounding lazy...You just said you need the money and she is trying to help, so it's up to you whether you need the money or not. She is trying to help you but your being stubborn. If it were me and I needed money for my "family" I'd suck it up and honestlty I think you should do. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to in order to take care of our family.
Could you clean her house at a time when your husband could watch your son at home? It seems like that would allow your son to remain at home where he is comfortable and have some time with dad while you could concentrate on the job at hand and probably get done faster so that you could get home to your little boy.
Good luck,
K.
It's not an everyday situation, so I don't see what the problem would be in making a little extra money if things are very tight. So it's not an "enjoyable" day......people who work don't enjoy it every minute of every day. That's life. I think it'd be easy to schedule cleaning on whatever day/time your husband is off so you can help him with the financial burden where you can, and he can help you with watching your child so you're free to get the job over and done with quickly without bouncing from task to baby all day. If you just don't want to, I guess you just say what you wrote today...you don't want to.
Any chance your mom, sister, etc. can watch your son so you can go & get the job done. Might be done quicker if you can concentrate on cleaning. If you start early enough maybe you could pick up your son by noon and spend the rest of the day with him. I wouldn't turn it down if you need the extra money.
I would say the number one issue is bringing in the money for your family needs. It sounds like it's just one day occasionally and if there's anyway to have your son entertained through it - I could not say no. It is a good way to help them and they help you.
I have a live-in MIL and have had to resort to being assertively honest when it comes to helping her with various tasks and errands. For example, I just found myself saying to her earlier today: "I am able to take you to get blood work, but it really isn't very convenient or easy to do with an infant - especially because it will take up most of the day and I had hoped to be able to go to the library - would you mind asking your sister to take you?" I felt a little rude, but at least I was honest. I think we all have an internal scale that weighs how much other peoples' business we can take on without losing our own sense of balance.
Just tell her your son is going through a clingy stage and you can't manage a cleaning job right now.
I'd ask if you could schedule the cleaning for when your son is sleeping. Go over to her house early, so that he's comfortable and will go down for a nap. Take a playpen if you have to. Or try and wait until Dad can watch him.
M.
