Would This Bother You? - King George,VA

Are you kidding me?! I'd love it if my MIL even ever got off of her BUTT and put her own drinking glass in the sink! LOL

She thought she was helping, let it go and be thankful she didn't drink all the good scotch after the kids were asleep.

Except for the holes, I think she's pretty sweet. Could she come to my house? I'll even let her dig holes if she wants!

Smiles!
Dawn

well, I would give your MIL a big giant fat kiss on the lips and probably have to stop myself from throwing hundred dollar bills her way.

But I'm borderline OCD and a single mom, so I don't have time to do that kind of stuff and I'd consider her a gift from heaven.

Is it an invasion?..... probably. I don't know her, so I can't tell if she's one of those insane women whose high standars are so out of control that they make everyone else feel like a dismal shadow of Betty Crocker...... or if your MIL just has some OCD issues and this is her way of being "useful".

At any rate.... scenarios like this are generally not about "you" and what you can't do....... "you" just take them that way.

If you don't want to her to be "her" then distance yourself from her and hire a stranger to watch your kids so that you can direct their behavior when they are in your house.

MIL's consider themselves a different breed of family, so you're not likely to get anywhere by having a conversation where you tell her you are unhappy that she tried to help you. So I wouldn't do that.

What I would do is thank her profusely for helping you out and tell her you hope you have that much energy when you are a grandma so that you can watch the grandkids and clean the kids house all in one weekend too.

Then decide if you ever want to have her back. But don't have her back and hope that she'll change her behavior. Cuz she won't.
And - if she's not actually psycho....... I always try to imagine that the other person has written a post with the "opposite" perspective of mine....... something along the lines of "I babysat for my grandkids who I adore and after they went to sleep like little angels I thought I would help out because the kids are so stressed and busy these days and so I clean up ..... imagine my surprise when my DIL was upset with me..... I feel like she doens't appreaciate how I could help her out since I know how busy they are........

Just my $0.02

I would freakin love it if someone would come watch my child so I could get away, and clean my house to boot!! Send your MIL my way!!

I say enjoy the help!!

oh man, if I could have a parent come and watch our kids for the weekend at our house while we were away, I wouldnt care what they did to my house!

wow. i mean. wow. what an awesome person.
send her my way.

can she babysit for M.?

Man! Send her to my house if that bothers you! I would love it! LOL
HTH,
A.

Nope wouldn't bother me a bit, in fact i'm very jealous

Oh Please Please Please send her to my house.
I could keep her busy for a month. LOL

And that is what it is - she is keeping busy and wants to helps out. So please, don't let it get to you. I don't think she is trying to point out anything wrong with your home. She just sounds maybe a little OCD - what with the alphabetizing - and wants to share her organizational skills.

:)

Depends on your relationship with her. Is this her passive/aggressive way of criticizing you, or does she just have a lot of energy and likes to help out?

Regardless, if you want her to keep watching your kids while you & your hubby have some alone time, then I suggest you do your best to get over it!

Can I have your mil?

Honestly, unless she has said something that makes you think she is doing it because she finds your house cleaning lackluster, I think her heart is in the right place. My mom is this way. When she comes, she thinks she needs to help with every little thing. It's ok, she knows I work hard and she just wants to give me a break.

Can she come over and watch my kids for the weekend?? Lol. Its a little weird especially the yard stuff, but if thats the worst she does, consider yourself blessed. I had a really OCD roomate once that would do stuff like that, she soul clean the whole apartment and then apologize for it, best roomate I ever had!

Send her my way, my house needs a good sanitizing. :)

Hi Christy B,
I will provide an alternative perspective.
You can choose to see your MIL's action as a criticism or choose to see her actions as a gift. It is your choice.
As I don't have a real mom, and my MIL -- G-d bless her -- has had a hard life and thus finds it hard to help others -- I would be so grateful if someone did that stuff for me. But that is where I am coming from.

I hope this helps.
Jillyt

Shoot - my husband's mom and aunt came to visit us once. I came home from work to find his aunt had scrubbed our trash can! YAY! One less thing for me to do. They did a bunch of stuff though and I appreciated it all. I'm so busy, so anythng anyone wants to do, go for it!

And I need some flowers badly...send her my way please!

Don't read too much into it. I totally understand why this upsets you (believe me). But try to look at it as a good thing. As others have said, she probably couldn't help herself... some people are like that with cleaning. So try to enjoy it! :-)

The holes in the ground are another story -- that's going a little too far without asking first, IMO.

Good luck!

DAYUM ... I WISH someone would come do that at my house :)

I probably would have alphabetized your DVD collection too LOL All my dvds(over 500), cd's (about 200) and books (over 1500) are alphabetized (the books are by author) ... just makes 'em easier to find when I want a particular one. I know exactly where to look.

Seriously though ... I'll happily welcome her to clean my house anytime LOL I'm only about an hour from you LOL

I would be way happy about the cleaning. The reorganizing might be a bit irritating, but I really wouldn't care. I would be upset about the digging holes and plants though. Upon thinking about it, I would allow someone to dig holes in my yard if they sanitized the inside of my house, lol!

I would take it...landscaping and all...the plants would probably die, but they would be pretty while they lasted.

Take it as being helpful and her way of loving on you.

My own mother told me about how every time her mother or MIL would come visit they would reorganize her kitchen to make it more efficient. She would smile and say thank you and then when they left move it all back the way she liked it. Needless to say my mother never rearranged my kitchen...lol.

Don't read into it...be happy...ah clean toilets and laundry you didn't have to do...heaven!!

My MIL loves to clean and organize things. All I have to say, is that when my husband and I come home after a weekend away to a nice, neat, clean and organized house it's so NICE!! Do I take it that she thinks my house is messy or that I'm an incompetent housewife, hell no!! She knows I have my hands full with 2 kids under 4 and just wants to help out. I'm sure that's all it is. :)

Is her home very ordered? Some people are a little OCD and really can't relax without organizing everything in sight. I would accept the help and have some compassion for her that she feels the need to have life so ordered. Honestly she might be only meaning to help or she could just be unable to sit still and needs to putter. Don't take it as criticism even if it is. Getting angry with her will only create a bigger problem. If there are specific things you do/don't want done let her know. But otherwise it seems she is doing helpful things. In the end you get a loving babysitter and some extra organization done. Who cares what the intent is?!

I loved my MIL with all my heart and miss her every day. We lost our house when hubby lost his job. So we stayed with MIL and FIL for a few months until she bought us the trailer we now live in.

Their house has 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms, 2 living areas, and a study. It's a huge Solitaire so it is huge and sound does not carry much. We lived in the master suite and the living room and study shared our wall. We could be noisy to a degree and the would generally not even know if we were home or not unless the looked out to see if our cars were there.

Her flaws....

She would come in to our room while we were at work. She would reorganize our drawers, take our laundry, wash it, bleach my new clothes, fold them and put them in a sack while hubbies was neatly ironed and hung...I still don't know why she did mine that way.

She would go in a clean the bathroom, vaccuum, make the bed, dust, all that. I would come home and be livid. My privacy was so invaded by this.

I look back now and say this is how I would do it differently>

When she came in my room she would find a made bed, the bathroom would already be clean, the floor may be picked up or even vacuumed, who knows what I would have had time for in the mornings before I left for work.

When she would come over to babysit I did not like how she did my laundry. So...I had all the laundry finished. I hate doing dishes so I would always make sure there were just a few ready for her to do, she would find a thin coating of dust that had happened since her last time she was there...see what I am doing? I am leaving the chores I hate with a passion and doing the ones I like.

She feels needed and I feel helped. But on my own terms.

I'd appreciate the help! Reorganizing altogether would be annoying or moving things, but cleaning and organizing..can you send her over here next?! ;)

Thank her and be glad that she's using her touch of OCD to your benefit. I understand the offense, really I do. It feels insulting and judgmental but you can fight it or take advantage of it.

I have a mother and two sisters who fancy themselves clean freaks. They're really not, they forget that I grew up with them and saw their normal, disgusting sloppiness day in and day out for years. One of my sisters slept under a pile of stuffed animals with no sheet on her mattress for years and the other routinely left dirty dishes in her bedroom and my mother would have to stash and dash before anyone came over but now...well they just can't help themselves when they come to my house. My mom will wash my trash bins, clean the microwave, scrub my sink faucets. One sister felt the need to clean my burner inserts on the stove and alphabetize my magazines. Another sister was just here this week and couldn't resist the urge to wash a wall. I just roll my eyes and accept the "help." They're nuts, and my house is cleaner. Win-win.

Sounds like she is a little OCD and probably doesn’t mean to offend you. Maybe she can’t help it or doesn’t realize she is going overboard. I wouldn't be upset. I am thankful for any help I get around the house. I would be upset if the house were messier than how I left it or if things were broken.

I would love, love, love it! Can I borrow her?! :) Good luck to you!

I bet she was bored. Some women find it cathartic to clean. I would see it as a gift. At first it would bother me, but then I would be very thankful. I would also send a little note such as, 'Sorry you worked all weekend cleaning, that wasn't my intention, but thank you very much!'

I don't think it'd bother me. I likely would think "cool!" She's not necessarily pointing out what's wrong with it. I love to organize so she may enjoy it. And sanitizing isn't correcting. It's something that everybody needs to do at times so she saved you the trouble. I'd only be upset if she "undid" something that I'd done. ie: took plants OUT of the ground or I had my DVD's in chronological order and she switched them to alphabetical. So if there's something you don't want her to touch, I'd next time say before you leave "I know you love to organize but don't touch xyz!" in a fun way and then be psyched for the other stuff she helpes with. And I also have never ever had inlaws watch my kids for more than an hour... So I"m jealous.

Well I guess it depends...
I mean as far as the organizing goes I'm pretty anal about that so I may have been a bit peeved, but even so, I think it's pretty awesome that not only did she watch your kids all weekend but she actually made herself very useful and productive!
What makes you think she was "pointing out what was wrong?" Has she been critical of you in the past? If not, then send her a HUGE bouquet of flowers and say THANK YOU! What a gift!

My Mil does this type of stuff and it has nothing to do with the state of my house (which I admit could use a little work). She just has the type of personality that won't let her have down time. She can't stand sitting still. She has to be doing something from sun up to sun down. One day, out of nowhere, she just started washing my walls!

My mom does this, she comes over and watches the kids, and then cleans my house and organizes. The moving things around bothers me a tad bit but I just let it go. It's her way of helping me and when I know she is coming I let everything get nice and messy! I appreciate the help!

Are you kidding? I'd ask her to come over every weekend, if I were you! :))) LOL

Seriously, no, I don't see a red flag anywhere. Maybe she is an organized person, and just likes to organize everywhere. She is just taking small liberties in her son's house.
I know, I know, it is still your house. So, go ahead and re-arrange small stuff - like your spice draw. If you don't want plants, then tell her that gently, and tell her that you probably might be taking them out. Or, if you are actually ok with plants, then tell her so, but that you'd appreciate if she asked you before she did any changes like that.
Be nice to her, and see if she becomes more understanding!

I would be thrilled if I had a MIL that did this for me.

You have to think a little less about how you feel about it and more about what the intention is behind it. I doubt malice, and more like, well, I want my kid and kid-in-law to be happy and comfortable, and this little chore will help them out just a little bit more.

I say, save your energy for when she really ticks you off. Did she make you pay for babysitting? if not, then there you go, you got babysitting, housekeeping, and free landscaping. Count as a quirky blessing.

I love my MIL, but when she is at my house she insists on cooking and leaves my stove a greasy mess. You are much better off.

Right now, I'd love to have your mother in law come visit me for a weekend...heck, she can even stay for a week.

Where do you live? Oh, Virginia.. Darn. I would Love for her to come over here and clean the heck out of my house.

Anytime anyone wants to come over and clean or organize, I in no way will be offended.

I guess I do not see it as a slight, but rather her wanting to help..

I agree, she is probably one of those people that just likes to be busy. If she is like my mom, she does not know how to play with children..

My mother did not have lots of toys or games growing up, they were very poor. . They helped with all sorts of chores or took care of their grand parents because her parents were always working. ,Then she worked from age 15 all the way till she retired. It is hard for her to just relax..

I wouldn't be upset. I'd be OVERJOYED ! ! ! Even if she did things I wasn't happy about I'd be very grateful she thought enough of me and my wife to do that. AND if she left a bag of money behind because she thought I wasn't earning enough money to support their DD, I'd send them a BIG, B I G, GINORMOUS sickly sweet that you note.

Be grateful. Be thankful. You really don't know how lucky you are. Research mamapedia and see how many MILs are really horrible to the people their sons or daughters married.

If your MIL babysits for you occasionally, I'd send her a honey dew list. I send it disguised a your husband's honeydew list and ask her if there was anything on this list that shouldn't be on his list or that he couldn't do. Then when I'd have her babysit again, I'd post the honey dew list on the frig so its easily seen. That way she has an idea of what you'd like done.

My MIL and FIL hated me. My FIL boycotted our wedding because he disapproved of me so much. He was still cussing me on his death bed when I took his daughter to him to say goodbye. I won over all my MIL, BIL and SIL over the years, but not my FIL. It took me about 15 years to win over my MIL. Now I'm her favorite SIL.

I have my DVD's sorted by "interest themes". My grandkids movies are all on the bottom two shelves. The movies that would bore them (Great escape, Battle of the Buldge, Somewhere in Time, You've Got Mail) are all on the top shelves. If my MIL alphabetized them I wouldn't be mad, I just move the kids movies back down to the bottom shelf again. I don't sweat the small stuff. Even if she did something I really hated such as dumping all my recycleables in the trash, if she did it out of love, then I wouldn't complain.

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Be thankful for what you have.

Good luck to you and yours.

I would probably be slightly annoyed, because I tend to see things like that as the passive/aggressive way of saying "your house and yard need my help". But that's not necessarily what SHE meant by it. Maybe she's the type of person that needs to be busy, so cleaning and planting is more enjoyable than sitting around after the kids go to bed. She also could really think she is just doing you a nice favor and wanted to surprise you with a cleaner house and pretty yard. I don't think I would say anything or be upset, just give her the benefit of the doubt that she did everything with the intent to be nice and helpful.

I'm pretty sure she honestly believes she's doing you a favor and she's probably not one to just sit around and read or watch TV. My MIL is the same way. She vacuums and does crazy stuff here when I'm even actually home! She's from the old school that a "womens work is never done"...
What you might do is ask her to do some "certain" things that you would love to have done but havent gotten around to. If you give her a little list she wont have to guess.

The plants would bother me. The rest, I'd give her a hug. Then another one. Then another.

But then, my husband's Mom cannot be left alone with our kids at all. Alcohol is her co-pilot. So, maybe my view is a bit skewed. I'd put up with a *lot* to have a mother-in-law who could watch my kids and do no real harm. Plus, I'd love for my home to be that organized, even for a few days!

In your shoes, I *think* I'd figure out where my boundaries really were (pretty sure mine would be the plants). Then I'd let her know that I really appreciated her watching the kids and doing such an amazing job cleaning the house. And I'd send her flowers or something as a thank you. I'd also ask her (before next time), if she thought she'd want to plant again - and that I think it would be more fun if she and I went shopping for the plants together. That way, I get my boundaries respected while showing her how much I appreciated that she cares.

I think you MIL crossed some lines but none of this sounds malicious to me, unless it also came with commentary about *why* things shouldn't have been as they were before.

Best of luck to you!
d

I wouldn't be bothered by the cleaning aspects, but I know that my house is a mess and I'm lazy, so if someone came and did extra cleaning, I'd be happy.

In terms of re-organizing stuff, I wouldn't mind someone doing it but only if I had a say in what I wanted done. For example, we are in dire need of re-organizing stuff to make some more space for the kids toys. So I would be happy if someone did it for me, but I'd want to point at the shelves or cabinets where I wanted the kids stuff to go.

Similarly with the plants, it depends on what was done. We had our backyard landscaped fairly recently so I would be a little more picky about what goes in there.

Maybe you can come up with some projects that you would like done (or have been meaning to do). Then next time, you can try to find a nice way to suggest that she just relax after the kids go to bed, but if she really wants something to do, you have some projects that you've been wanting to get to and she could really you help you out if she started in on them.

It may not be that she is trying to point out something is wrong with your house, but she is looking for something to do. Some people have trouble just sitting still. If you can offer some projects for her to do, then it might help her keep busy and help you out at the same time.

My in-laws watch our kids over Memorial Day weekend. Typically, they don't do anything extra, but sometimes they do some small things. Like one time they oiled all the hinges on the doors so they didn't squeak. It didn't bother me one bit. They are more house repair capable then I am. I'd give them a lot more projects to do if they had the time. :-)

yes. I would be upset. If it stopped at sanitizing, I would be happy. But to re-organize your things, AND begin digging in your yard without discussion and input from you? Heck no!

Sounds like she has some sort of compulsions though. Has hubby ever mentioned her being compulsive in other ways before? It really doesn't sound personal to me. Sounds like something she can't control.

Maybe if you nicely told her how much you appreciated what she did (the items that you DID appreciate) and then asked her, that if she wanted to do MORE than those items, to please ask you first what you would like. Or maybe leave a list of: If you feel like you need something to do, here is a list of things that would make my life easier... feel free to pick one.

But really, it sounds like she has some sort of "issues" that don't involve YOU. :/

My mom is EXACTLY like this!! She cannot help herself - she is totally OCD in her own home when it comes to cleaning/organizing. When she visits us she does ALL the things your MIL is doing. She truly thinks she is being helpful and she just wants to be helpful. I used to get incredibly annoyed with her, but now I just let her do her thing and just say thanks. Anyway - I used to get really bothered by it for years and years and years. It drove me completely crazy...she would rehang pictures on the wall, scrub our floor, plant things, reorganize, tell me what would look better in our house, tell me you really should do this, scrub the tiny dark spots off the bottom of the pans, drive my husband nuts by making him lists of things he needs to do. I just finally (I'm 40) accepted my mom is nuts and will never change and I just think to myself, oh good, she's cleaning the stove top, now it'll be nice and shiny for a couple days.

My MIL would clean when she and FIL cam to keep the kids while hubby and I went on a couple of trips. This woman can clean! I asked my husband if she could move in. He told me his father would come with her so I said NO THANK YOU!

I was always so appreciative of her efforts. She didn't mean anything by it she just thought she was helping.

I think this is one of those times that you can choose the way to look at it. Since I would consider it helpful (albeit odd) to have that kind of thing taken off my plate, I'd probably just smile and say thanks. The digging holes I wouldn't like, however. Nor would I want her to choose and put in plants, either, unless we had discussed it. She sounds like a busy body; I mean that in the sense that she just can't sit down and relax, but finds that she needs to either clean or organize. What can I say? There are people like that out there and one of them happens to be your MIL :) What would be funny is if next time she comes over you leave a list of projects for her to plow through. Wonder how she'd like that? Lol

annoyed? yeah. Bothered, I probably would have come home, messed up my Dvd collection, cooked a big huge messy meal, and served it to her on paper plates cups and dishes, all the while commenting how everything is SO clean. I would go outside, and fill the holes with dog poop cause thats what I do when my dog digs one. Then say OOOPS you did this? what was it for? cause you know my dog kills everything. I wouldn't like it but I wouldn't be too angry. I think it would be nice, but i dont know yet, my MIL is coming for 5 months so I will let you know after that, if i am still living.

Nope not at all, maybe the plants but if i didnt like them i would just remove them but to have a santized toilet i would dig out 10 bushes per toilet. As long as I didnt see my underwear organized and folded then no problems here.

I have to go along with Leigh R. I recently spent time at my son's house taking care of him while the wife was out of town doing training for her job.

It's a generational thing. If it is out of place, clean up or put it away. A couple of nights I did dinner and made things that were requested no problem. I bought the food, the pans and made the food at the house.

To me it's a way of saying thank you for letting come over and watch your kids or make it a little easier on your day. If the kitchen is cleaned up it is nice to begin a meal in a freshly cleaned kitchen. Oh, I do try to make sure I put things in the places that they have and not mix them up.

I usually bring my own crafts to keep me occupied so that I don't go and alphabetize the spice cabinet.

Look at this way, your MIL loves you and she is trying to say so in her own way. Yes, it can get to you but one day you will be in that boat and wish that you had her to help you. Don't push her away.

Take her out to lunch and have a good chat and see if there is something you two can do to help you understand her better.

The other S.

Reading too much into it, and maybe not "getting" what sounds like a generational disconnect between you. And....you are fortunate to have an MIL who is healthy enough to babysit, so keep that always in the back of your mind.

You do not indicate that there is any other issue between you, or that you dislike her otherwise, or that you do not get along; you do not even say that she verbally snipes at you about the "state" of your house. If that's right -- you DO get along otherwise and she does not make snide comments about your housekeeping -- then her actions very likely are her hard-wired way of life. Is her own house very organized and sanitized? Bet it is. Does she do this when she visits other family members? Bet she does, or she would if left alone in their homes long enough. This may be fundamental to her personality (neatness freak or even OCD) or -- very importantly -- she may truly and sincerely see this as "a way I can be helpful to John and Sally. They are so busy with the kids. I love to help out. I bet Sally would be glad if I...."

She may just honestly like to do these things wherever she is and she might be profoundly upset if she were told it's seen as interfering when she sees it as merely being a good babysitter who sees things and does them.

Remember that she is from another generation, when people just did things around a house -- any house they were iin -- and did not think to ask permission for every little chore they found to do. There really are generational differences in how folks think about these things; we younger folks tend to be more, well, territorial about Our Homes and Our Stuff, and see it as a wordless criticism when an older relative does something, but their generation doesn't see the offense in it and usually means no criticism by it. Just some perspective to think about.

I'd truly let it go unless she is delving into your underwear drawer or telling you how to raise your kids. If it really still bugs you, start GIVING her specific chores to fulfill her need to help: "You are so great at organizing things! You really don't have to and we want you to relax once the kids are asleep--you deserve it. But if you need something to do, you can sit in front of your favorite TV show and still organize this basket of the kids' books....." And so on.

The one thing I might (gently) call her on is the plants -- if they are ones that will grow too quickly for you, overshadow other plants in your yard eventually, grow berries etc. that will attract birds/squirrels you don't want, etc. -- have your husband tell her how nice it was of her, but you're going to find something to fill her lovely holes yourselves.

My MIL does similar and things and hell yes it bothers me. She claims that it's nice and she always loved it when her MIL did it. I let it go for a bit but nowadays she is no longer welcome in my home due to other issues similar to those types of things happening. It is up to you to just let it go or set firm boundaries and it is up to her to respect them. I hope you have a better relationship with your MIL than I do and mutual respect it there.

My MIL would just tell me what I"m doing wrong and make me feel bad about it instead of fixing it herself. I think it would still bother me that she went through my things, but it sounds like she doesn't know how to sit still so maybe she just needs to be kept busy. If I were you, if she really feels the need to organize I'd make requests ;)

Some of that would bother me, like the plants and reorganizing my pantry. But every time my mom comes to visit(which will happen this weekend) she cleans and does laundry. I think it just a mom thing! I tell her she doesn't have to do this stuff, but she says she likes to, so I just don't say anything about it anymore!

Maybe she just got bored? The last time I was at my parents, I got bored and reorganized their pantry...of course I asked first and they are making lists of other things I can organize the next time I'm home(I love organizing things)!

She cleaned your home.
She alphabetized your DVD collection.
Reorganized your spice drawer and pantry, did the laundry....
She obviously, is not the type to just sit still (some people cannot sit still and always have to keep busy). Thus, maybe she cannot just sit and watch tv. Maybe she doesn't even like watching tv.

I don't think she was "pointing out" what was "wrong" with your home.
She just cleaned the house and planted some plants. Gee, did she even bring the plants with her in the car?

For me, the putting in new plants would bother me. Because, I am a gardener and I KNOW what plants to put where and what I like. So that is personal.
Per sanitizing your home, well whatever. She made it clean. Maybe she is OCD or something. And it is her own personal hang-up. Not meaning to insult, you.
And the reorganizing the spice drawer and pantry, well that is personal. Each person has their own way of doing things. Just tell her. Nicely.
I don't even like when my Husband reorganizes the kitchen, either. He puts things where I can't find it later. For example.

Maybe your MIL, is just OCD and/or can't keep still and always has to be doing something, if not she gets bored.
Can't you just speak to her?
Or your Husband should. Its his Mom.

I think she is just having to keep busy.
Does not mean to insult you.
Unless, she has a habit of insulting you already.
But I would not take it personally.
But you do need to talk to her. Diplomatically.
Maybe she doesn't even realize.... she is affecting you.

This would drive me ca-razy!!!! I would feel exactly the same way you do!!! But it's probably NOT about pointing out your weaknesses in housekeeping, gardening and organization... she probably was just bored and maybe trying to help out. Or those are just her normal habits (sterilizing, alphabetizing etc) and she can't turn them off at someone elses house. Its actually a sickness I am the same way and could see myself doing that someday.

I have the opoosite problem- My MIL unloads the dishwasher for me and I am irked because everything is put away in a completely wrong place. And she's been in my kitchen SO many times, it's like "STACK my forks, don't jumble them! Augh!!!" but she's just trying to help. Her style is willy nilly, she really doesn't realize I have an actual order to things. Your MIL sounds like she probably thinks you're willy nilly and won't be offended by her new order because there seems to be no order.

Man the laundry really gets to me... my MIL "throws in a load" occasionally and I just can't stand it because I like things done my way you know! Poor MIL's they just can't win. It's because they are MIL. My mom actually does the sanitizing at my house when she babysits- and brags too- "did you see your microwave? Go look in your fridge and tell me if you notice anything!" at first I am irked but then I think "aww I love my mom thanks!!" But the MIL's ... poor MIL's.

Us moms get very defensive about our housework. When I was in college I babysat my cousin and swept my aunt's kitchen floor while I was there (it was really bad, I just wanted to be able to walk around barefoot! Another one of my quirks). She STILL talks about it. My poor aunt works her butt off full time and is a super mom showering attention on her kids, and she gets all insecure that her neice helped out by sweeping the floor the week her regular nanny was gone.

I would totally be upset like you and read into it like you! But yes, we should get over things like this.

When my MIL comes for a visit, she usually helps with some cleaning around the house. She will ask if there is laundry, etc she can help with, and she will usually also cook a few meals, including picking up some general house hold items from the store. I love that she does this! I would never ever ask her to do it, but she does it anyway. Shoot, if I had the nerve, I would even say "well, I am good on laundry right now, but how about cleaning out the inside of my microwave?" hahaha.

Someone already said it... maybe she is bored. I know my MIL gets bored on longer visits. She is used to running around her own household and helping to take care of various ill relatives and stuff like that, so when she is out of town at our house, she has limited stuff to get involved in. Also, your MIL just might not be the type that likes to sit around and watch TV or read, and just wants to keep herself busy. She probably also thinks she is doing you a favor... which she is. I would say ...dont read negativity into it... unless she is making snide remarks or something about how she has to clean your house for you, just take it for face value and consider it a nice gift!

Hi, Christy:
From your post: "I just couldn't imagine coming in to someone else's home and pointing out what's wrong with it."

It seems your perception is that she thinks there is something wrong with your home. Ask her if that is her perception.

Think about it. Do you have a child that doesn't sit still?
They have to be doing something all the time.
Adults are children at heart.
Anyway, talk to her about the way you feel. After all, she is family.
Good luck.
D.

I wouldn't mind her sanitizing my stove, microwave, sippy cups, or toilet. I wouldn't mind her doing the laundry. If it was my house, all of that stuff probably needed to get done anyway and I would appreciate the help. If she reorganized ANYTHING I'd freak a little bit. I'm very OCD, but not in the typical way... Like most OCD people would like the alphabetized DVDs... Not me. I organize my things in a way that only I know the order of (My fiance hates this. Lol). And the plant thing? Oh she'd be over the next day ripping out the plants and filling in the holes. My MIL is a master gardener so this is something that she would do. I, however, don't like plants. They commit suicide to get away from me! Seriously, for Easter my mom gave me some indoor Tulips. I followed the directions to a tee. I watered it the exact amount I was supposed to when I was supposed to. I made sure that it got sunlight but not "too much". I did everything. It was completely dead 3 days later.

Wouldn't bother me. The gardening's a bit weird though.

As long as she isn't being passive/aggressive about it I'd count your blessings.
My MIL used to do that kind of stuff. Over the years it's twisted; now she only puts stuff away occasionally and it's always on a high shelf where I can't reach it (she's 5'7, I'm 5'3). She doesn't reorganize, just puts random individual items in strange places so I can never find them.

In my opinion she is way overstepping boundries. I can understand wiping out the microwave if something spilled or splattered and/or simply cleaning up the kitchen after making a meal. But sanitizing and is taking it too far. It is a well known fact that homes that are overcleaned and over sanitized actually cause kids to get sick and to get severe allergies.
And with the CDs no way leave them alone. My house my organization skills ---- in my home I want to know where my stuff is. She can look for it as I would in her home.
Next time you are at her house start re-arranging her kitchen or bathroom cupboards and do it your way and see if she likes it. Yes I would be supper POed.

She can come to my house anytime!! LOL

When i had 2 kids i use to think that. And it use to bother me. I am military, so I was particular in how things needed to be even how it was clean. 6 kids later. Kids are alive (great). House not burned down (good). Police not out front....but I use to feel your pain. Not so much anymore. If it really bothers you to the point where you can't sleep at night ask mil if she wouldn't mind watching kids at her house.

Send her on over to my apartment when she's done at your place! Trust me, I have plenty to keep her busy.

Better you should have it this way than the other. It would be worse if she criticized your housekeeping, then turned around and did nothing but watch TV.

I would love for someone to clean and do the laundry, but the reorganizing someone else's house is beyond reasonable. She is a control freak and thinks her way is the only way.

It's hard to have someone else rearrange YOUR living space. I had to learn how to relax and let the nanny make certain changes. She's good about not making drastic changes without asking. I had to tell myself that she is here all day every day and needs to feel comfortable in her environment. With each change, I have to literally ask myself how important it is and if I can live with it. If I can live with it, I do. If I can't, I either change it back or ask her to do it and explain why. If she uses the "wrong" pillowcases when she makes my bed, I either change them or sleep on them, depending on how important it is to me. I'm thankful that I didn't have to make the bed. I don't care if my spaces are in a particular order, as long as everything stays correctly grouped by shelf. Also, it's not like I would have to maintain that particular order. Unless you can't shake it (which is understandable in your own home), I would say just shake your head and laugh. It's even okay to let her in on the joke.

I would just appreciate it. You don't have to love that she has done this, but just appreciate that she did it, and didn't gripe to you that you aren't doing those things. Some MIL's would gripe about it. Next time ask her if she wouldn't mind vacuuming too, lol.

yeah, she's not respecting boundaries - VERY uncool, to me, i'd see that as a passive/aggressive way of her asserting her "authority"... would NOT go over well with me! your husband needs to address it.

I don't have a MIL as she passed away long before we got married. In addition my own mother lives 4 hours away. My parents have never kept the kids so we could have a weekend getaway - so that in and of itself would keep me from being unnerved at anything she may have done while at your house!!!!

Anyway - to be quite honest I wish someone would come in and organize myhouse but in all honesty if I had a MIL and she came over and took over some of these things I'd likely feel a bit territorial!

i can totally understand your feelings. i would feel judged and annoyed.
and yet how many times when i've been scraping crud out of the microwave or digging through the spice cabinet have i wished there were someone to help me get it all done!
if she's generally pleasant and isn't dropping snotty comments or making ew faces in your house, i'd go with the assumption that she's just trying to help you out and hopes you'll come home and be delighted.
i have to say, even with a good attitude i'd probably have to draw the line at doing my laundry (NOBODY ELSE WILL DO IT RIGHT!) and i'd be pretty tense at someone else deciding what to plant in my yard without consulting me.
khairete
S.

Re-landscaping would annoy me, but the other stuff, nah. I would, however, be disappointed that she didn't spend more quality time with the kids.