Terrible 3'S or Worse???

Hi, just wanted to write in and let you know that I have experienced this with my son and some of his friends' moms have said they were the same...My sister (mom to 6 kids) also says the same. Two's were nothing compared to 3's. It just seems like they get enough independance/language skills to think they get to run the show. I would not start jumping to ideas about disorders this soon in the game. My 4 year old is a very well behaved, reasonable boy...nothing like the 3 year old tester a year ago. Just stay consistant and let her grow in a loving enviroment. It's just another phase. My sister and I always joke that whoever came up with the 'terrible twos' really did an injustice to the three's!!! Good luck!!

Hmmm, sounds like this is new behavior? Does she have a new teacher? new director? I think I would first ask questions of the daycare about any new personnel etc. She maybe having trouble with a specific person (adult OR child), or just having trouble with a transititon.
If that doesn't solve the issue, maybe see the pediatrician? My rule of thumb is give the child the benefit of the doubt first... and if that doesn't come up with something, then look at the behavior.
Good luck.
T. W

Your subeject line hits the nail on the head! Terrible Twos are nothing compared to Terrible 3's! Hang on, be patient and try to enjoy the ride! I'm a FT working mother (single parent) and my two sons are 6 and 5 so I can defintely FEEL For you! Hang in there!

We have the same struggles with our son, who is 3 1/2. According to his teacher, it's par for the course. Some children still have trouble expressing themselves with words when they get angry. Hence, the behavior you are talking about. Our son is still on the immature side, but we're working on it with him. Encouraging him to use his words when he's upset, practicing with role-playing etc. We have immediate consequences for aggressive behavior.

Good luck!

Hi M.,

When my first went through it, a friend told me she called them the Trying 3's (and Frustrating 4's, by the way). They are pushing limits, locating boundries, trying out their independence, and all that fun stuff. She might be testing the world -- going through a "maturing" phase where she is learning new boundries. I find that on days when they don't get enough energy out (from playing outside, etc.) my kids have trouble settling down at night, too. My boys are 5 and 3 1/2 and they still test us on some things. I figure it's their job to try and my job to set the limits. These are the first of many "go rounds" you'll probably have, just be consistent.

Good luck!

I've worked in day care before and I know that when children have birthdays, they often switch classrooms. Has your daughter switched to a new class? She may be having trouble adjusting. Also, try to take some time to pay a "surprise" visit to the daycare during the day, you may see that your child's teacher is the one having issues; maybe the class is too large, or there may be some other children with behavior problems disrupting things, maybe she doesn't have the classroom under control. Your daughter may just be looking for some extra attention. I'm very supportive of teachers in any situation, but it never hurts to check. I agree with the other moms...it really is the terrible 3's (and 4's and 5's, etc) Hang in there!

I dont believe that the terrible twos end at 3. My children acted the same way as do my niece and nephew. I would speak to the daycare and make sure that they are giving her timeouts and daycare. That may work there if it is working at home. good luck.

M.,

I think many parents would agree that the 3's are worse than the 2's. For my high energy son, the twos were mainly just the typical temper tantrum. At age three, he started to hit, back talk, and call me 'Baby'. Time out took care of the behavior at home, and I was lucky that he did not act out in daycare. I would ask the teacher if it is possible that your daughter is picking up the behavior from aother child. I wouldn't assume your daughter has any larger issues yet. She is very young and testing her limits. She just has new skills that she didn't have when she was two!

Gosh, it troubles me that you jump to behavorial problems and ADHD! Could it just be that she's expressing her independence? Or maybe there is some sort of change in the classroom, new students, new enviornment, or even bowel issues. Is she constipated? My daughter turned three at christmas (12/24) and YES there are large changes in her behavior, mostly, challenging me and her dad, yelling, not taking no for an answer, throwing things. All normal for someone wanting to express of her wants and desires and controlling the outcomes.
Just be patience with her, tell her right from wrong and express consequnes (like you alreay are), these things take time and they all work out. BUT please don't be sooo quick to jump to Dx her, which ultimatly leads to meds... In my opinion I believe we (Americans) over med our kids.

Don't be hard on yourself. I have three children 1,3, & 4 years old. Children are unpredictable; at any time their attiude, behavior, and energy levels can change. I have only recently been home and all of them have changed. As my 3 year old gets older his behavior gets better, and as for the 4 year old he seems to misbehave more often and he was an angel. Behavioral problems are usually not easily determined at this stage so try your best to strong but also loving and caring. She will learn that some things will be tolerated and others will not.

I have heard of terrible two's lasting until 3,4 even 5 before a child "mellows out", don't assume the worst just yet. Its hard on a child being in daycare full time. Sticking to routine and schedules will help, and the biggest...Fresh foods, fruits and veggies. You would be very surprised how processed foods, sugar, fast food, ect can affect moods. All kids go through stages, some good...some bad. That doesn't mean you don't have to stick to your guns when she she is bad,get down on her level when your telling her what she is doing wrong and then explain; Instead of hitting or getting angry at someone...draw them a picture about how you feel, or tell her she can always talk to you and her teachers. If you get a chance sit with her teacher, listen to her suggestions, and tell her what you have told your daughter to do, so her teacher doesn't scold her for tattling.
Hope this helps

Well my son turned 3 in september and he went through simular things, he still does at times. My husband sorat sounds like yours, was or is he in the military? I blame a lot of the way my son is on my husband for how he acts around my son. He seems to pick up on it. I had to have a good talk with my husband and he tried his best to act different around my son. We have two boys so i dont want them growing up being mean to eachother and thinking ots okay .Since my husband has tried to change his ways my 3yr has calmed down some and i can see a difference even though there are still those bad days he has. Not really sure that helps you any, try to redirect as a form of disapline too, that helped our son.

Hi M.,

I have realized with both of my children that at age 2, they learn that they can test just how far they can get away with stuff. I don't think that ends with age 3. Your child is simply testing her nursery teachers with the same thing. I wouldn't go as far to say she will continue with these habits as a grown up. Be patient and caring. She'll grow up to be a responsible and respectable individual.

M. in Mcleansville

My youngest was worse at 3 than 2, but he was whiney..not bad behavior. Sounds like dad has/had ADHD issues and wasn't diagnosed as a child. I was told by our phychiatrist that ADD/ADHD can be passed down from parent to child. I would advise you to talk to the pediatrician about your concerns. Seems funny that it only happens at school though. Has she changes classrooms/teacher/routine?

Best of Luck,
B.

Hi. My very wise family doctor warned me about the whiny threes and gave me some very good advice. I filed it away for future reference, thinking I wouldn't need it since my daugher is pretty good natured. We got through the terrible two's because I ignored her tantrums, which then lasted about 30 seconds. A month after she turned three she started yelling at me and speaking in a nasty fashion. It took me awhile to say the magic words my physician taught me, rather than trying to reason or yell at her. When I finally did, it really worked.

The magic words? "I can't hear you." She knows I can't "hear" her unless she speaks civilly to me. Maybe you can tell her teacher these "magic words" and see if it helps any. My doctor also taught me "when/then" which I haven't used too much since my daughter isn't really motivated by rewards ("when you clean up, then we can go to the park" is an example of how to use it).

Good luck. Could it be a personality clash between your daughter and her teacher? Your daughter is acting normally for a three year old (and it does come on suddenly). Maybe the teacher has some issues that is affecting her discipline in the classroom.

I just thought of something else. Could you ask the teacher if she notices a particular time your daughter is more likely to act up? It could be that she is hungry/tired/both. My daughter can be very cranky right before lunch if she didn't eat enough breakfast or missed her snack; as though her blood sugar has dropped. And if she declines her nap she can get unreasonable before bed (she goes to bed an hour earlier if she declines her nap). My mother would fuss that I was impossible if I was tired or hungry. Well, duh! Who isn't impossible if they are tired and hungry, at any age?

Try something.. first off, ask her if someone at the daycare is mean to her... talk to her daily about it and see if she opens up. sometimes that takes three or more tries to get out of kids.. if that 's not it.. might be the WORKERS there.. if not.. make sure they lessen the sugar and no caffine a few days .. that should help. REMEMBER.. they are just starting to talk and just starting to want to show their independence... whatever they can get.. this is trial and error stage..seeing WHAT They can get away with... (got 5 kids and a pscyhology degree... sometimes what I say actually helps...) NOW... can anyone help me with a teenage step son...

my daughter is 3 (Jan9) my daugher seems to act like this too and when she does I have to stop what i'm doing and sit down and put her on my lap and listen to her - I think it's about 1 on 1 attention with her. I don't know your child but the dr told me that when they should unusual behavior problems the first thing to look at is their sleeping and that they should go to bed the same time at night they get up in the moring. Like if they get up at 7 am they should go to bed at 7pm. My daughter wakes up with us around 6 or so but I put her to bed at 7:30 because it's nice and dark by then usually. I try to keep it short because if I noticed that if I give in to all of her requests at bedtime she makes more and more of them ..... Maybe she's just acting out for any attention she can get at school and that is why she behaves pretty good at home? I know this prob doesn't give you any advice but wanted you to know you're not alone :o) my mother in law who works with children says that the more stimulation u give a high energy child the more wild they seem to get... maybe that classroom isn't as under control as u think?

PS what does bx mean?

Hi M., I'm a Nana now and your problem does sound familiar. When my daughter (now 29)was a toddler, she experienced very similar bx issues and eventually we found she was reactive to certain foods (e.g., licorice, choc, raisins). If you haven't done so already, I woud suggest taking her to an allergist. Allergist will sometimes suggest eliminating certain foods from your little one's diet, before resorting to injections.