I Don't Know If I Should Take Her Out of School.

It sounds like she is going to be one that is easily affected by her peers. I think you should keep her home for awhile and work on esteem builders, maybe put her in a dance class, or a music class instead of preschool.

Is this her first year in pre-k? If so, it's really too early to tell if she needs pulled yet or not. I would personally allow her to be in until atleast Christmas break, and then I would make a decision. You need to keep reminding her that YOU are the parent and you don't like how she is so well behaved at school and then not nice at home w/ mommy & daddy...she needs to be as nice at home as she is at school. Also, that just because "so & so" speaks a certain way, that doesn't give HER the right to do it. If she continues to do what she does, she will lose something she enjoys/ a special toy(s), etc., will have to spend time in the naughty seat, etc. She will eventually come around....you just need to be consistant. GL

this isn't a school or homeschool issue (this issue will not go away with homeschooling i assure you) it's a parenting issue.
first of all, it's perfectly natural for littles to test their independence this way. the response should not be bind these wings, but to work with them so that their independence flows naturally into exploration and doesn't need to push back with defiance.
what happens in your home will always have a much greater influence on your child than what happens at school. she could be an angel there, surrounded by other beaming cherubs, and she's still going to act out at home if that's the atmosphere that's being fostered there.
how you handle this will depend on what your parenting philosophy is, and if you haven't got one it's time you figured one out. charts work great for some kids, they did nothing useful in my home. you say you have no patience to homeschool (which is a great thing to recognize), but homeschooling is really just an extension of parenting. do you have the patience to parent? if not, you need to work on THAT (not on 'fixing' your child) first.
toddlers need firm loving boundaries (NOT a ton of inflexible rules) and a lot of consistency. don't try 12 different methods in a week and then get frustrated because none of them work. decide NOW what sort of a family you are ie are you a 'natural consequences' mom, or a time-out for everything one, or do you work out in advance what the consequence will be, are you a spanker, and so forth. then put it into action. and stick with it. nothing says you can't change what genuinely doesn't work, but you can't be all over the place all the time. your toddler has GOT to know where the line in the sand is drawn and be able to rely on it.
khairete
S.

She's only in preschool, so it's not necessary for her to be there. Why not try pulling her out to see if she would prefer being at home, and if her behavior improves. I know that at 3, my daughter did not want to be in preschool, so I pulled her out. My 3 year old oldest son was happy when I pulled him out of preschool, even though he got along well there. What he really wanted was more time with me.

Taking them out of school at 3 is not considered "homeschooling" them. At 3 years old there is no need for them to be in school.

If she was no problem before you put her in preschool, and she is a problem now, it sounds like taking her out and waiting until she is older or in kindergarten is the answer.

Most kids, before kindergarten, really mostly just want to be with mom and dad, no matter how much fun their school is. It's just a reality of their emotional needs at that age.

After reading the other responses: it sounds like J. P. has a choice of whether or not to put her daughter in preschool, so this is not an issue of having to put her daughter in school because she works. I'm really surprised at how few people realize that toddlers mostly want to be with their parents? And it's extremely common for them to act out when they do not get to be with their parents, no matter how much they seem to like their school. My oldest son was great at preschool, but put up an enormous battle every morning as I got him ready to go off to school every day. After two decades of being intimately involved with kids, the fact that preschoolers want to be with their parents is obvious to me, and it's an almost universal fact. Yes, I know, a few kids are different. But my daughter, at almost 18, is the most independent, outgoing and social and active person I know, but when I put her in preschool at 3 she cried all day, and wanted to come home. So because I had the option of doing so, I took her out and waited another year. By that time she was ready. And believe me, I wanted her in preschool. Hanging out with toddlers was never my favorite thing to do.

I personally think if you can stay at home then you should keep your kids home. You can take a child out for play dates and mommy and me groups for socialization. I think daycare/preschool is overrated.

If you really want your child in preschool then I would put her in another one. I would talk to the director and the teacher if they let you and I mean more than a few minutes. Plus I would spend time in the classroom and observing from outside of the room. Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

Was your daughter still napping before she went to school? To me it just sounds like she is tired. It is not sounding like changing schools would mean anything. She just may not be ready for any kind of school. There is no need to worry about home schooling. She has plenty of time to mature before kindergarten.

However, you say she is an angel in school, so does that mean she likes school? If so maybe an earlier bed time or a nap after school, or school only a few days a week...... some type of compromise might help.

My daughter didn't go through the terrible two's either. I was like WOW that was easy. No one tells you about the horrible 3's. It gets better around the time they turn 4. Tantrums are fewer & further between. Just a stage, they get through & so do you...

I just wanted to add that our children at some time or another will be influenced by other children. My response when my daughter says something that I don't like that another child has said is: They may say that at their house but we don't say that at ours.

So I am guessing she is in preschool and wouldn't HAVE to be "homeschooled" although I am sure you would still teach her things since kids really do learn through play. I suspect this is just normal behavior...kids copy what they see/hear which is why we parents have to watch everything they see and hear.

I don't think you need to take her out of school but maybe talk to the director. See what they are seeing. As long as they don't see a problem (like indications that she isn't socially ready) I would leave her in the program. You will just need to be super vigilant in correcting her behavior. Most kids do act up at home especially if they are good all day in school. Can you shorten her day? Maybe she is not ready for such a long day at school. Can you make her betime a bit earlier? Maybe she isn't getting enough sleep.

My daughter will be 4 in December and she started at a new daycare/preschool in the early summer. She seemed over-tired at night and I suspected she was too over stimulated and needed more rest. We started agressively working towards an earlier bedtime (she has always been a night owl) and it has made a world of difference. Good luck.

If you think this is school related, then consider keeping her home. But that doesn't necessarily translate to "homeschooling", lol. Neither of my kids started ANY formal schooling or groups (daycare) at ALL until they were 4. And then it was only for the socializing/learning to follow instructions from another adult for a period of time without Mom there. In fact, we purposely chose a pre-k for our son that did NOT focus on academics... but on socializing, play and learning to follow directions. (They had a LOT of hands on play time, circle time, playground every day, etc... and they were only there for 3 hours). If they knew how to do something, they were expected to (write their name, tie their own shoes, etc).. but if not, it was NOT something they "needed to learn"...
Both my kids were taught to read at home, by me, by the time they were in pre-k (age 4) and the "academic" aspect was not something they needed from school.
So what is it that you have your daughter in "school" for right now? Maybe you need to take a step back and examine the answer to THAT question and then decide if the preschool she is in is meeting THAT need... If it is not, that could be a source of her acting out as well...

Am I the only one who will admit that sometimes MOMS need a break too. Both my kids started preschool 2 days a week when they were 2 1/2 (in fact it was a "mothers day out" program so they were there from 9a-3p). While I love being a SAH mom, that was a nice little sanity-break that allowed me to do some things kid-free (whether it be doctor, grocery store, coffee with a friend, etc). So I wouldn't jump so quickly to pulling her out.

My daughter did terrible twos at three and grew out of it by four. And the type of preschool won't keep your daughter from hearing things like what her friend told her - all types of kids go to all types of schools, and chances are this comment could have been made on the playground easily out of earshot of a teacher.

If she is an angel at school I would assume she likes it there, so it seems unfair to me that you would yank her out of a school she has already adjusted to. Change is hard for kids. And I do believe the socialization your child receives there is very good for her.

I think this is simply a time for you to reinforce your values and discipline at home. Just don't put up with the bad behavior and don't give in to her. If you want, talk to the teacher about what your daughter overheard. She would probably appreciate knowing what was said and may even be able to use it as a teaching opportunity to the whole class. Good luck!

SHE IS 3 1/2 and things will change. Really. I'd be jumping for joy hearing that she is an angel at school. I'll bet she is tired afterwards. See if there are other things, like a nap, or a good solid meal and snack afterwards to help.And those charts don't work for everyone. And she is old enough for a few time outs.

Mom,
Have you considered another preschool? I would look for a good Christian preschool if you can find a good one. She is picking up phrases like the one she says is not good. Why are teachrs allowing the children to say things like this? I teach in a Christian preschool and we teach things daily like kindness, sharing, fairness, respect, using nice words etc, it is woven into the curriculum in an easy way for young children to understand. I have never believed in the phrase " terrible twos", it is just a phase that young children go thru since they are learning to assert themselves and begining to use the language skills they have acquired. They need to start learning what behavior is appropriate and what is not by being guided by caregivers and parents. Sound like this may not be happening at your preschool. Just a thought and hope it helps.

no she needs to learn social skills and what is and is not acceptable. if she storms off put her in the corner. when she uses the phrase " if you want me to do something you have to give me money " say fine. next time she wants you to do something tell her if you want me to do something you have to give me money. she will get the point real quick. and dont do what she asks. she is old enough to understand consenquences for actions.

3 year olds aren't homeschooled - they are simply 3 year olds. You read to them, sing songs with hand motions, take them to story hour, let them paint with a smock on. It's simply being a kid, not education per se - think age 6 for 'homeschool' age. Then you can relax and simply enjoy raising her. All children start testing boundaries at some point. What is acceptable behavior and what is not, what are the rules at school and what are they at home. I would definitely want good behavior modeled anywhere my child was spending a few hours a day. We never had Froggie or Junie B Jones books in our house because I didn't need another brat around - and I simply and gently told my kids that. So it sounds like she is simply growing up - and needs more time with you. If you want her in school a bit, try 2 mornings a week.

I think it is perfectly fine for a 3 year old to go to preschool. Mine does and went to a Mother's-Day-Out program before that. Kids need that mental stimulation. Mine is a raving lunatic at home but perfect at school...LOL. This stage of development is a tough one for parents, or those of us raising grandkids.

I think having good rules that are easy to understand and implement are crucial to getting better behavior.

Example:
Simple rules at my house:
1. Speak in an indoor voice, not "No yelling", not "talk quietly" etc...

2 Feet go on the floor. Not "no jumping on furniture", not "keep your feet off the furniture"...very simple but vague enough they apply to lots of areas.

3. Toys in the living room go in time out for being out of the play room. Not "keep your toys in your space".

I think it's a little premature to be pulling the plug on preschool and then deciding to homeschool. For how long? Just this year or her entire school career?

First of all, many kids go through being 2 years old just fine only to have it come out more when their 3 - she's probably trying to exert her independence and testing her boundaries and I would just continue to be firm and discipline her consistently. If the chart is not working, find something else - time outs, taking away a special toy, etc. If she acts in any way that is rude or disrespectful, get down on her level, look her straight in the eye, and tell her with no uncertain terms that that is not acceptable, we don't talk that way to each other, and warn her that it will get her put in time out if it happens again (or whatever punishment you come up with that works). I've found that when my daughter gets this way (whiny, demanding, screaming, tantrums) it helps if I send her to her room and tell her that she needs to stay in there until she decides to be nice...when she can start acting nice, she can come out and join us. It sends home the message that she can act and feel whatever way she wants, but I'm not going to stand around and listen to it. We don't have to do it often, but every time we have, she comes out smiling and with a totally different attitude (and it's usually 5 minutes or less).

Secondly, it is unfortunate that she is picking this up already, but any kid that goes to school is eventually going to see other kids behaving in ways that would never be tolerated in their home and may pick up on it or try it out - sort of a way of trying out a "role" and again, testing boundaries. I used to call my younger stepson the "tofu of kids" (not in front of him!) because he would just automatically pick up the behavior (the "flavor" if you will) of whatever kids happened to be around him at that time - and he was 7. They also can pick up stuff on TV, so I would make sure she is not watching anything more geared toward tweens and teens that shows kids copping an attitude and acting and talking all snarky. Again, I would just hold firm on what you believe, remind her that we don't treat other people that way, and enforce consequences as necessary. Maybe also you can talk to the teacher or director about what you are seeing and see what they say - perhaps it's time for them to have a little talk with the class about how we treat people too.

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Does she have any symptoms of sensory processing disorder? is she highly intelligent? Does she obsess on particular things?

School or no school, developmentally 3 yr olds are difficult to begin with. Terrible threes - you can read about them. Also just read about 3 yr olds in general and you will find your daughter is no different than a lot of 3 yr olds. She needs to go through her developmental stages in order to grow and thrive...and being perfect is not good for anyone. Even if she IS acting up because of school then use it as a time to teach her. She is only 3, yes...and doesn't need to be in school but school at age 3 is not a crime! I remind moms who do not send their kids to preschool that often times you will be dealing with the SAME types of issues when your child goes to kindergarten! Its a matter or choice and often times necessity. Once she transitions and you guide her and support her, teach her, she will most likely find a lot of positive in being in school right now.

my son was the same way- and I am a teacher-- 3 weeks shy of his 4th birthday, things got better... just the age.