Teenager Help - Prairie Grove,AR

Hey I dont have a teenager but I remember being one. I think the best way to get her to talk to you would be by telling her something you did when you were younger. When she comes and talks to you dont over react or put that mom face we all have that says I am so disapointed in you look.. Just be casual and act like if she didnt say anything out of this world. I think that the reason most kids dotn talk to their parents is because they think the parents are going to overeact they want to be able to talk to you like a friend. I think even though it is hard to just sit there and listen sometimes we just have to. No matter how bad it is. Also remember the things you did when you was a teenager.. Hope I could Help some how

It's a phase. Don't worry as long as she is talking to some one about what she is doing. How old is she? We my cousin and I (and the rest of the family) are having trouble with her daughter. She is only 11 is making several myspaces to cover up old one and we found a condom is her backpacy. She is only 11. Don't know what we are doing wrong. She also is talking to my cousin boyfriend more than us. I told my cousin hey at least he know a little more than us. We also didn't tell it know that he had told us anything because we didn't want to take that away from her being open to someone. It does hurt that she doesn't talk to me or her mom but what can you do. The father is around but is a negative influence on her. And she has stop all visits to him so she is mad about that.

Remember to check her e-mails, myspaces and anything else that you could think of. I was really suprised that my little cousin had open three myspaces. She was talking to older boys and was always talking about running away.

Keep you ears and heart open.

She will come to you.

Hope it helps.
Leti

I'm sure it sucks that your daughter isn't talking to you, but you should be happy that she is talking to someone. Don't let her know that he told you, or she won't be talking to him anymore. Maybe you should ask your husband to tell her he thinks she should talk to you, and that he is willing to be with her, if she needs the support. She might feel it's easier to talk to him, because he's not a biological parent. She may feel she isn't letting him down, but she would be letting you down. Try talking to her about something else(if you talk to her about sex now, she will know it's because of him) that she wouldn't expect you to talk about. Just to let her know you are open and willing to listen without judgement.Be patient and good luck.

You need to sit down with hubby and her and let her know in no uncertain terms that your family does not have secrets, with this being a 2nd marriage, Im wondering if shes not trying to get some kind of rise out of step dad, just to see what he would say, I would also be curious on how old your daughter was, to be having sex with her boyfriend, that sounds very strange to tell your father, I would have died rather then to let my father know that, even so not being married. JMO

Hi. You may have answered your own question. "Am I over reacting (as usual) or what?" Kids are often dramatic but they do not like drama from their parents. You have to deal with her in a calm manner. Chances are that she had a good feeling her secret would be shared with you. She is not really keeping you in the dark. You have to leave the floor open and allow her to come to you when she is comfortable. Getting excited and stressing out over the situation will only create a bigger wedge between you. Have you really talked to her about her feelings dealing with her dad? An inactive parent is hard. My son lashed out considerably because of it. They take it out on the person who is there and who they feel safe that no matter how much yelling they do, will remain there. Girls are tough. Hang in there, be cool, and eventually she will come around.

I would not talk to my Mom or Dad as a teenager. My mom's best friend was there for me. Dont take it personal, that's just the way it usually is. It will change later in life. Do not tell her that he is telling you this information, it will completely destroy her trust in him. You need to talk to him about what you want to happen, you cant undo what is done, but he could take her to the doc to get on birth control or something. Take comfort that in a round about way she trusts your judgement, after all, you are the one that brought her step-dad into her life.

hi my name is P. im 30 years old and a mother of a 8 year old boy but i have a 14 year old sister i talk to her all the time se dose trust me to tell me about her friends ond boyfriends some of the things i have learn is that whene they tell you some thing you need to keep it a secret and dont let no one else know about it cuz they dont like your friends or any one to no what she told you you need to be come her friend too. and let her know she can trust you not because your her mom you cant be her friend too. you need to do things that she would do with her friends like go to the moves or to the mall but just the two of you. but first you need to talk to her and let her know your worrys. hope this can help you some im not an expert but like i said before i have a 14 year old sis.

First of all, I'm wondering if you had a talk with your daughter about sex... if you haven't, then you should. Don't wait. She needs to know that you are the mom. Tell her how much you love her and that she was made with love, and that you and your ex wanted her, etc. Therefore, sex should be something she should be careful with. And that if at any point she feels she is ready for sex, then that you would help her get pills, or any advice she had.
The reason I say talk to her about sex, if because she needs to hear it from you. Not your hubby... sorry. I just don't trust men much. As a mother, I think you need to keep that guard up all the time with your children. If she feels that misses dad and is upset that he is not in her family picture, then think about what she is doing. She may want you to be upset with him for being too close, or she want to see if he tells you and then he not trustworthy to her. Either way, I think she need you to talk to her. I don't see anything wrong with her telling him things, but since you said she is upset that her biological father istn' around, then this might have a meaning more than what it looks like. She knows that's not her father, right? She knows she can tell him anything and if he gets her in trouble, then she has more of a reason to not want him around.. anyway, that's just my especulation of this.. I may be wrong.
But I just think it is kind of weird. And also, have they been always close? Or has it just been lately? Anyway, you must never take anyone else word but your children's. So, you do need to talk to her. Don't tell her that he told you. Just go out, do fun things.. and then tell her about that you understand that she misses her father, but that it's ok.. she's got you. Tell her she can count on you for anything and that you will always be on her side... "make sure you say that". You should also talk to her about your first time, etc.. tell her how scared you were and that back then there weren't so many precaustions like now.. etc.. and that there are many things to worry about, not just getting pregnant. So, I think if you open up a conversation where you are telling her your story, then she might just tell you then. Don't say you know... just let her tell you. Don't be upset, she may have done that on purpose. It's humanly possible that she wants to get you back for her not having the life she wants.. "as she sees it". It's not your fault, but do ask your husband to suggest to her to talk to you... and then that might help too. If he's a good man, then he should know better than to keep bounderies as to what he can talk to her about, and what not to... otherwise, you are have the wrong kind of connection there! Honestly I wouldn't feel confortable with that. But then again, it all depends on their relationship while growing up.. were they always close, did he do fatherly things... did he teach her how to tie her shoes, that kidn of bond... if he wasn't there, and all of sudden he is taking interest in her sexual life, it is no good.
I hope you don't get offended, but it's always good to hear it from different points of view.. and that's just one. I do not know your story, but I know you are saying this is not her dad. And even if this was her dad. It is not usual for a girl to tell this to a guy! Unless... he is giving her the impression that she can talk about these sort of things with her...is he talking about things like this too?? Not good. You should be doing that. It's a mom thing. No matter what people say, I still think that you need to get in the middle and back him off, no matter how nice he is. That's your girl.
Let him know that.. I'm sure if her's a good man, he knows., and that's why he told you... but just in case.. men are hard to figure out too.. anyway, I've seen a lot of these cases.
And let her know that she's your baby.. always.

I feel for you. I wish you the best.

By the way, don't let him take her to the doctor.. no no.. You should.

WHAT I'M CONCERNED ABOUT IS THE LAST SENTENCE YOU PUT: "Am I over reacting (as usual) or what?"
DO YOU OVER REACT ALOT? PERHAPS THAT MAY BE THE REASON SHE ISN'T COMING TO YOU. ALOT OF TIMES WE MAY NOT LIKE WHAT WE HEAR BUT WE GOT TO SIT BACK AND TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION SHE CAME TO YOU WITH THIS INFORMATION AND NEEDS ADVICE. I ALWAYS TELL MY DAUGHTER I MAY NOT LIKE EVERYTHING YOU SAY & DO BUT I WILL LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY.
SIT DOWN TALK WITH HER. EXPLAIN TO HER YOUR FEELINGS IN A CALM TONE. WHEN SHE TELLS YOU SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOUR SKIN CRAWL TRY TO COMPOSE YOURSELF AND NOT OVER REACT. CHANCES ARE IF SHE SEE IT WON'T MAKE YOU FLY OFF THE HANDLE SHE WILL COME TO YOU WITH MORE STUFF. THEN AS TIME GOES BY WHAT SHE DOES THAT DAY HAS NO BARING ON THE PAST & HOPEFULLY YOUR TALKS CAN PREVENT HER MESSING UP INTHE FUTURE. OPEN COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY. YEAH IT IS GREAT SHE HAS A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH FATHER. HOWEVER HE DOES NEED TO TELL HER THAT HE IS PROUD SHE CAN CONFIDE IN HIM ABOUT SUCH THINGS BUT IT WOULD BE MORE APPRIOPRIATE TO SIT DOWN AS A FAMILY W/YOU AND DISCUSS IT OPENLY. NOT INCINUATING THAT HE WOULD JEPARDIZE HIS PLACE IN THE FAMILY BUT TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE JUST ASK HIM TO TELL HER TO TALK WITH BOTH OF YOU. THIS WAY NO BODY IS LEFT OUT AND ALL IS OUT IN THE OPEN.
WHEN SHE TELLS YOU SOMETHING ACT ON IT IN A POSITIVE WAY AND GET HER ALL THE INFORMATION YOU CAN GET. YOU HAVE THE WORLD AT YOUR FINGER TIPS RIGHT HERE ON THE NET. AND NEVER MAKE PROMISES YOU DON'T INTEND TO KEEP. TEENAGERS ARE KEEN TO THAT STUF!
I'M NOT SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE. MY OLDEST IS ONLY 7 BUT, I AM PRAYING I CAN PRACTICE WHAT I PREACH. THANKS FOR LISTENING.
JAN

Ok, to put your mind at ease. I am 25 years old. My dad is my best friend. I can talk to him about anything. I love my mom, but I just have never really felt like I could tell her things. When I got pregnant for the first time, My dad was the first to know,(Well after my husband). The second time was the same. Some girls are just natural born daddy's girls. You need to talk to your husband and pretty much give him the advice you would give your daughter and have him relay that to her.
K.

I can not really tell you what to do, but I can tell you that it is a good thing that she is talking to an adult in your house hold. It is hard to get teens to open up, especially about sex. My oldest child is 12 and she opens up more with my mom and I am greatful for that. My mom will then talk to me and keep me informed.