Step Mom

now your being a step mom getting to the root of the problem hang in there take him out for ice cream for talking to you reward the good and it will keep coming. if he knows he is safe opening up to you he will continue. give him possibilities that he can try to solve the problem on his own. with your guidnance but by himself. now you are being a good step mom. keep it up
he needs to be included somewhere and you need to be the one to include him if you go to the store invite him. be his friend. if you want to take him to the park do it. give him an escape for his emotions and make him feel included with you.

he is trying to learn how to make friends and doest know how you need to take the lead show him how you are going to make him your friend and he can follow you. next time he acts out instead of punishing him ask him what happened that day and let hiim unload on you. don't criticize. just listen and give suggestions. you and dad need to pay more attention to him if you two go out invite him along. if dad goes to the store have dad invite him. make him feel he belongs somewhere. if he cant do it at school he needs to do it at home. YOu are getting somewhere with him now. keep going. hang in there.

He needs clear rules and consequences. He needs to feel like he is contributing to the family and he also needs to feel like he is a part of the family, so also give him lots of compliments even when he is not expecting it. Provide lots of good activities for him and maybe help him meet new people.

He could also benefit from some counseling. Being bullied is difficult and can have these effects on him. it's good you talk to each other, you should probably talk to his school and teachers to see if they notice behavior changes and let them know he feels he is being picked on at school so they can keep an eye out for him.

OK--seems like there are two issues here.
O. is that the child needs to know exactly what the rules are and what will happen if he does not obey the rules. Write the rules and consequences on a poster and hang it in you kitchen. Review the rules with him every morning. Stick to the rules AND the consequences every day, every time. You & dad can agree on the rules and consequences before the poster is written.
Second, the child may be having some peer trouble at school. That is a separate issue and he needs to know that friends come and go. He can always make new friends. If friends are not being nice to him, he needs new friends. Invite new friends to spend time at his house.
Good luck!

Does he know why the kids don't like him?
Is there one ring leader that picked him to not be in the in group?
You should plan a talk with his school counselor. This is a form of bullying.

I would get him a notebook that he would be allowed to draw, write, etc anything that he wanted. Better yet, get him a free standing punching bag that he can take his anger out on. What about enrolling him in some type of individual sport like swimming, or martial arts, or track where you are part of a team but you are successful on your own.

M.

You and your husband really need to sit down with him together and explain that you are a team, and that he needs to listen/mind BOTH of you.
Good luck, it sounds like you're doing a great job in taking the first step by communicating. :)