Stay at Home or Work Outside of Home

This is what I tell parents struggling with that decision- 18 years from now you are NOT going to look back and say man I should have worked those few years that I stayed home with my kids. But if you do decide to work out of the home, are you going to look back and feel that you missed those few and precious years with them. Money can be earned and saved, time can not!!

J. Molino
J. Anne Photography
http://twinsrock-J..blogspot.com/

Are there any leaves of absence from the military you could use so you can "try it out"? Other than that, I agree with everyone else that you have already decided you want to stay home.

Hi F.,

I am a sahm and I love it. I just started a business that I can work from my home. Have you thought about working from home? If you are interested I would love to help. E-mail me at ____@____.com. I have been staying at home for over a year now and have workred from home ever since. Let me know if I can help. Good Luck!

M.

I for sure agree w/ your gut.... if you wait till you retire from the military you will have missed all of your oldest "growing up years". It is true that your kids are only young once & to have a their mother at home makes the home even more stable feeling & a place of comfort & safety hopefully! When you married your husband you trusted him with you heart, so why not trust him w/ the finances as well! I hope you feel comfortable w/ whatever decision you choose.... I'm partial to staying at home because I am a stay at home mom w/ a home based business..... my husband does make the money for our family & manages the budget, & he is great at it. Blessings, C.

Quick and easy, what my husband always says when I struggle with being a stay at home mom...
You can always work, but the kids are only kids once.
Yes, being dependent on one income is hard, but there are ways to make it work. Cutting out daycare/summer care/summer camps, etc save money. And there are so many other ways to save. Good luck! Your kids need you, they are only young once and you only have one chance to raise them. :)

I understand your dilemma. I am very much a 'go with your gut' person and if you are feeling the pull to be home with your children - do it. A friend of mine gave me some good advice on a similar child/work issue, "On your death bed are you going to regret not taking the position or not spending enough time with your child?" To look at it that way, for me, it was a pretty easy decision. Good luck.

I remember when I had to make this decision 16 years ago. My husband encouraged it greatly, so I made the decision to leave the workforce. I had goals to develop his business and that helped. I volunteered too. The advice my boss gave me when I retired was--get dressed every morning.

I know my children have benefited from me being at home and I know there are dis-advantages too. I made some mistakes by being to available to them. The only advice is not to loose yourself and find a way to curb the yearnings to go back into the workforce till the proper time. If you choose to stay home, dedicate yourself and don't turn back till its time.

If your asking what I would do, I would stay home in a heartbeat but everyone is different. I beleive that if a woman choses to get married she is putting her faith in that other person and if she choses to have children she is also chosing to give them her time while they are young.

Piece a'cake. Go back and read your request as if you were a stranger. You've made your choice; sounds like all you have to do is honor it. And, for what it's worth, it's worth it! Make the most of it and enJoy!

I think it sounds like you have already made your decision and you just need someone to tell you it is alright :) I am a sahm and wouldn't change it for anything! It is the hardest job I have ever had but I know 20 years down the road I won't look back and say "Gosh, I wish my kids spent more time in daycare!"

F.,

I love being home with my children. It is not an easy thing to do, for with my job would come outside praise for my accomplishments and lots of extra money. But I realize that my family is the most important thing in this world, and I was willing to give all that up for them.

My husband says that my job is "household manager." I handle all the bills, getting the cars fixed, servicing the furnace, etc...all the little things that he doesn't have time for. The kids love to help with that kind of stuff (like watch the dishwasher get repaired or drive through the car wash). That way when my husband is off work, we can be together as a family. Considering that as my job helps me to remember that I contribute to the household just as much as he does. Also, knowing that you have your past experience to fall back on if something were to happen to him or his job, you could always find a job if needed at some point in the future.

Best of luck to you. This can be a hard transition, but if you follow your heart you will make the decision that will be best for you and your family.

Just wanted to send my whole-hearted advice to try stay-at-home mothering! There is simply no substitute in your children's lives or in the life of your family. It is hard work - but it is soooo worth it! Your family will be healthier, happier and more well-adjusted. And, as a side note, you may be surprised at the intimacy that results in your marriage from having your hubbie be the sole breadwinner! Blessings!!!

I totally planned on going back to work part-time, but once my son was born I just couldn't do it. I was nervous about strangers watching my child and I didn't want to miss out on anything, and once I calculated the hassle and stress of working outside the home and leaving my baby all day, not to mention the cost of childcare, I decided it wasn't worth it in my personal situation. Plus I wanted to be the greatest influence in his life and really nurture our bond (which in the end I think parents are whether or not they work, as long as we put a conscious effort into building that relationship). No one loves and care for a child like their parent. Sometimes I struggle with the desire to do something "important" but I realize that I am doing something extremely valuable, and I only have the next 5 years or so to devote myself full-time to caring for my young children before they are in school, and the whole rest of my life to make room for a career again. But it is difficult for me to swallow being financially dependent on someone else and to be put in that vulnerable position, even though my husband is very responsible.

We had to cut back financially, but I'm not sorry one bit and I'm sure my children much prefer having a loving parent take care of them as well. It has really worked for us. I know for some people that is not an option, but if there's any way you can, I would suggest considering it. "Things" don't bring happiness, but it's people and relationships that do. I absolutely love it and I feel like I am a very productive full-time mother, even though I don't work outside the home very often. My sister is going to continue working a few afternoons a week once her baby is born and I'm going to babysit her baby. I love being available for that, and I know she loves knowing her baby will be well cared for and loved and playing with cousins and aunt all day, while she gets to get out of the house and make some money and maintain her clientele.

My husband's mom worked a TON and he was always in daycare (Please don't misconstrue this. I'm not saying that moms who work neglect their children) and of course he wasn't very fond of that. My mom stayed home with us, even though we had to live in a 2 bedroom trailer (6 member family) with no Air Conditioning in Arizona for her to do so, plus she babysat children. I have so many fond memories of my mother singing songs to us while swinging in the hammock, etc. So that helped me and my husband make our decision. He had originally encouraged me to continue working at least a few times a week (which is a great idea) but after experiencing me as a SAHM he told me he was "so glad I don't have a stressball anymore for a wife!" I personally am much more content at home. I put forth a lot of conscious effort into parenting, our marriage, our health, being financially responsible, caring for our home, serving others, developing and improving myself, and so I feel very productive and not like I am stagnating whatsoever even though my professional life is put on hold while I do the most fulfilling work I can imagine. I find keeping routines really helps in this endeavor (www.flylady.net).
Another thing I highly recommend is joining MOMS Club (go to www.momsclub.org to find a chapter near you). There are weekly activities for the kids in addition to playgroups and monthly Mom's Night Out. You can attend as much or little as you're interested in. I know SO much more about fun things to do with kids in our area than I even had any idea existed before. And it's just nice to have a social outlet for both me and the kids and a support network. It's very regional, so everyone in my chapter lives very near to me, which is convenient.

Also, here are a few similar mamasource requests that might have responses that help you:
http://www.mamasource.com/request/7617010829489078273
http://www.mamasource.com/request/12432624957459005441
http://www.mamasource.com/request/6914077847657119745

Sounds like you have already made a decision. I'm not sure what you want people to respond to you, however, I also gave up a corporate job to stay home with my kids and although it's been quite an adjustment for me, I would have to say that it was the best decision I could make for my children. I don't want a stranger raising them. I want to be the one to see all the "firsts" and to always be able to help in their schools and be there when they get home from school. It means more to them than they can express. I had a friend I grew up with who lived next door. Her mom worked. Mine didn't. She told me years later when we were adults that she was always jealous of me that my mom was home to make me breakfast and was always there when I came home from school. I had no idea. She is now a stay-at-home mom too because she felt cheated as a child to not have her mom at home. So...if that helps justify your decision, than I'm glad you posted. Good luck and enjoy your kids while they're young! One day they'll move out and then you can go back to work. I plan to!

Hi F., my suggestion is go with your gut. I am ex-Air Force ATC and yes there will be days that you miss it and double guess yourself. The only thing I would change is not leave totally, go reserves. This way you will still end up with the benifits now as well as after what is it 20 years. I am not sure if you would be up for deployment overseas, that of course would change the whole ballgame. With 3 children I would not risk myself. Sometimes I think if I had stayed in I would be 7 years into retirement. That money would be welcome now. However I would not give up one day with my son even the not so good ones. I homeschool my son and that saves a ton of money. I use Sonlight for school and we have had a great time learning about the Greeks, Romans and when he reads I know I helped him do that. He and I challange each others nerves many times but we laugh more than most as well.

Swallowing pride when my husband was the sole source of money was huge, huge for me. I was rasied NOT to depend on a man for money. But I handle the money so I do not have to ask for or defend the need for a new bra or whatever. I also ebay for extra money. This covers gifts and such, I also teach others to do it or charge to list for them.

You are right you brought these children into the world. Who do you want to raise them. Do not buy into if you are happy your children will be happy. You can both be happy. If you were to give your children imput (I am NOT suggesting you do) what would they say. What does staying home give your family and what does working give your family. If money is the biggest reason it is the wrong one. If not losing a sence of self is another redefine yourself. It will be hard to give up the kudos, kids are not going to give you a "balls to the walls" review at the end of the year. But the closeness you will have is priceless.
But I ramble on, forgive me.
Good luck on your choice, it is not an easy one.

I always advocate for owning your life - and being a stay at home mom if you are so inclined - I do and am - I think it's best for your kids and your peace of mind. I also advocate for mindfully acquiring and redistributing wealth. You can run a successful and profitable business from home that does good for people and planet - and requires no selling - if you are interested I could teach you how. Feel free to contact me.

My only advice is to not let guilt affect your decision. If you stay at home with your kids out of guilt or a sense of responsibility, you will ALL come to resent the decision.

I really hear where you're coming from! I have been a stay at home mom and it has been very rewarding. Is there anyway you could work part time or hours that your family would not miss you as much (evenings, nights?) Being so close to having full retirement is huge! And if you're husband is making good money then the money you bring in can go straight to college funds for your kids. There has got to be a way that you can have your cake and eat it too. Can you work from home at all? I would really try to do both if possible. B/C you sound like a good mom, your kids are going to be ok even if you can't be there for every minute of their lives. What you will be doing by working will have a great & impact on their later lives. Good luck with this huge decision. I hope that I helped and didn't just make it more difficult for you. BTW, I do the work at night thing and my kids are flourishing.

I choose to stay at home to raise my 3 children. I did child care in my home to help with expenses and spending money. This gave my children play mates which seemed to help a lot. You have children that are school age so you might want to take a kindergardener on as a play mate for your 5 year old. That way you would not have extra children all day. As you said they are only young once. I do not regret my choice at all.

Follow your gut. You know more about what your kids need than anyone else. They are learning from the people they are around all day, regardless if they are teaching them or not. You would teach them lovingly with the end result in mind - a happy, independent, confident, responsible adult. I was a SAHM for 23 years and it made a difference. Good luck!

I say...follow your gut! Your children probably do need you, and what is more important in your life than your children? That is not something you'll want to regret when your older!
Good luck!

Thank you for the sacrifices you have already made to serve our country!! I don't know if I could give up as much time with my family as I'm sure you already have, especially to serve people you don't even know, so you have my utmost respect and gratitude.

When I had this same decision to make, it was easy for me. The only resource I have in my life that I cannot renew is time. When the time is gone, there's no getting it back, and if I want to work outside the home, I can do it when my kids are grown. But the time with them is just too priceless! My oldest just turned 21 and I have no idea how that happened. He'll be gone soon, and I'm so glad that I was able to spend so much time with him - we will both have great memories forever. Our memories and associations are all we get to take with us when this life is over, so I say make it count! I think if you and your family will be happier with you at home, then you're making the best choice you can. And showing your husband that you trust him to completely provide for your family (especially since that sounds like a big deal for you) might even strengthen your relationship with him, too! I don't know of anything that makes my husband hold his head higher than when he knows I have faith in him. The best of luck to you, and blessings to your family!

Hi F.. I had a child 2 years ago, I worked and never really thought twice about it, and now on my second marriage starting over with two kids and am a stay at home mom. I am ready now to BE a mom, I thought I was then, but I see the difference in myself and how my focus has changed, if your ready to stay home with the kids you'll know it. And regardless of what we all say here it won't really matter. I know you'll make the choice that is right for you, and please let us all know what you decide, and after a few months update us too.

yes! Absolutely Stay at home and raise your family! How fortunate you are! If you want to have your own money look at the many work from home opportunites available. I know of 3 I would recommend! Look for integrity, tried and true, longevity, etc.

F.,

I had a tough time with this one, but I'm glad I made the right choice. I am a stay at home mom. I have a 6 year old little girl and a 3 year old little boy. I made pretty good money at my full time job, but money isn't everything. I'm much happier. I have time for my family and enjoy cooking and being there for them. Before it was like a rat race. We always ate out, never cooked at home. I would get home from work and they would be sleeping. My husband felt single because I was never home in the evening. We didn't do child care because he worked days and I worked evenings. My husband would get home from work and I would leave for work.
I still contribute funds. I took up direct sales and work when I want. I feel satisfied. I made it to management in less than a year. This is a fun job and I make a little money. I hope this helps.

It sounds like you really know what to do. I think if you work outside the home right now you will personally regret it. I'm not saying it's wrong to work outside the home, but I think since you are financially able, and you have that strong feeling in your heart you need to listen to that. Is your husband supportive of your decision to stay home? Try to imagine 9 years from now...what is going to be most important that you earned your retirement or that you have a 10,14, and 19 year old who you were able to spend time with, encourage, and guide. Work will always be there, but believe me your kids will not. Obviously I've been a stay at home mom and I have a 23, 19, and 20 year old and I wouldn't have traded the time with them for all the money in the world.

If you can trust your husband to be the bread winner, by all means stay home if you feel your kids need you. Remember with the military that 11 years transfers to a lot of state and federal jobs, or reenlisting later, if at some point you do want to go back to work.

I made that leap of faith myself three years ago. I have a Doctorate and taught at one of the top fine art high schools in the country. But my husband found a better job across the country. At the time I had just had my third child, so we decided I would stay home. Since then I've had a fourth who is doing wonderfully now, but had some health problems at the beginning. I do miss my job, and I do miss my paycheck, but I have absolutely NO regrets for being home with my kids. I see a big difference in my third who has never gone to daycare, and I would probably never have had my fourth had I stayed at work. I'm able to volunteer at their school, carry them to gymnastics, karate, violin lessons, etc. If one of them is ill, I don't have to worry about substitute care or taking a day off - I can just keep them home and nurse them well. Things are still absolute chaos with four kids, but at least I'm not trying to fit a job in as well.

All that said, I have absolute respect for women who hold down jobs and take care of their families as well because I know that most often having a job outside the home doesn't really diminish their responsibilities inside the home. But if you have a choice, you will not regret giving your time to your kids. It is a leap of faith, but God will reward you.

F.,

That is so tough! My husband is reenlisting as he has 10 years in the Navy. We had such a hard time deciding if he should stay in or do something else. That is a completely different decision than whether or not to become a stay at home mom though! I always say follow your gut! If you feel strongly that you should stay at home, then by all means, that is what you should do. I became a stay at home mom, and it is tough depending on the hubby completely. Not to mention that it is quite a change going from work to staying at home! It has been quite an adjustment, and one that I have had a really tough time with. My son is 18 months old, and I do not regret staying at home with him. I too felt and feel that he needs me.

Good luck in your decision!
L.

Good morning F.. Wow what a decision! I so get it. I went through a much similar point in my life and concluded just as you have. Follow your heart. Your children are only small once. I will say though, if you have a good sitting situation the other is not wrong. What does your husband think? I did choose to stay at home and have never regreted it. Most of my friends have done the same after me. It was a huge leap of faith. Good luck. You have two good choices. Follow your heart

First of all, a huge THANK YOU for your service to our country!!! I worked in the high-tech industry for 12 years, when I decided to stay home with my kids. I've never regretted it for a minute! As they say, no one ever says at the end of their life that they wished they'd spent more time at work. I've discovered so many opportunities to enjoy time with my kids. Since I'm able to spend lots of time at their school, participating in their sports and other activities, I sometimes see kids with working moms who are sad that their moms can't be with them and they say that they wish they didn't have to go to after-school care. (they're still great, well-adjusted kids, but I do notice their disappointment at times.)
I also noticed a big savings on work "expenses" such as gas and car maintenance, buying work clothes, dry cleaning, eating lunch out, and hiring-out work that I didn't have time to do myself. Also, I'm able to help my husband more, so that he's more successful in his job -- it's a team effort for all of us. He's grateful for my contributions. He doesn't consider my stopping work as a "step down" (don't let anyone tell you that!) -- he says it's the harder job!
Is it possible to "suspend" your service, so you could do your remaining 9 years after the kids are gone?
Good luck with your decision. You'll know what is right for you.

I have to tell you I was in your situation a few months back and its hard either way. My husband lost his job and I had to go back to work full time, its been such a struggle for me to get everyone out of the house by 8am, and be at work all day long thinking how I should be home with my son. I still cry lots and know its only until things get better, if I could stay at home I would. I am looking forward to the day I can be at home again. They are only young once, and now is the time they need you to learn and grow. If your husband is supportive and willing to support you then go for it, stay at home and have no regrets!

It's great that you want to stay home with your children and you might have the chance to do it.

I would work Part Time so the strain on your husband to bring home all of the money won't weigh him down and that there might be regret later down the road.

This way you can be home with your children part of the time and work and help your husband the other part.

Good Luck.

Me personally would stay home. I was a hard-working other for 2 years of my oldest life. When I got pregnant with my second, I planned on working until I had her and then staying home after that. Well, I didn't make it all the way thru the pregnancy b/c I just couldn't stand being away from my oldest anymore. I've been home for 2 1/2 years now and wouldn't trade it for the world. I did have some struggles of getting used to relying on my hubby and not making money myself, but now I have gotten into selling Gold Canyon Candles. It's something that I can do at home, on my own schedule. I make pretty good money, so I feel like I'm contributing in that way, but I also get to be out of the house doing parties and meeting new women all the time. For me, this is the best solution. I get to be home with my kids, but I also get to be part of some sort of work that will make some extra money. If you are interested more in the Gold Canyon business, let me know. If not, no worries. I just thought I would ask b/c of your situation. Good luck on making a decision. I know it's a hard one, I've been there before. Like you said, though, your kids are only young once!

L.

i think staying home is important and it is what i choose to do myself. however, i now understand what it feels like to have to think about money for my children's future, for example college. sometimes parents have to sacrafice something equally important to achieve another important goal for their children, especially with rising cost of everything people need to live now. i would never want my children to have to pay off student loans for the rest of their lives like both my husband and i are doing right now. your current job could make bigger future dreams for your children really happen when you have that retirement check coming free and clear, if you even have any dreams or thoughts of that nature happening for your children. it really sounds like your torn between two positives. good luck and God Bless.

I think you are very smart to consider everything you have mentioned. If you want to stay home and can afford to do it, then do it. I made the choice to have a child too; just because he attends daycare doesn't mean I'm not raising him. If you stay home and decide it isn't for you will returning to the military be an option?

Hi F.,
That is a tough one. I completely understand the leap of faith involved in relying on your husbands income. Beyond the leap of faith, keep in mind the economy. Is your husbands career a stable one? Does he have job security even in the worst of times? I am with you, my kids are everything to me and I would stay home in an instant if the economy was better. I know this may not be the answer you were looking for, but it is what keeps me working. Good Luck!
Angie

Maybe check out doing something from home, where you can still be w/the kids and earn money . . .I am a PartyLite consultant and this works for me. My boys are 4 and 7. If you check out direct selling, make sure they are registered with the DSA (direct selling association). You can check out my site www.partylite.biz/candlekim . I know a lot of moms on this site sell different things and make $$ - you should check them out as a possibility! Good luck! The working/mom thing is a personal choice...

If I had to do it over again I would stay at home with my kids. Now that they are grown I know that I missed way to much and they missed me. Career should take a backseat to the kids ,you will have time for that later.
Talk to your husband and let him give you an honest answer to how he feels. If he is not sure then it won't work. You and he have to feel the same about rasing the kids.As for having to depend on your husband isn't that what marriage about?
Motherhood is the best job in the world.

F., I'm so impressed with your thoughtfulness. All I can say is what my experience has been. My husband and I have had the great opportunity to work from home all our married lives (our boys are now 22 and 21), and it was a wonderful challenging experience have our kids grow up with our business. We also chose to home school them, and I'm so glad I didn't miss out. Sometimes I think I got more out of the experience than they did, but we are still a very, very close family. Our situation has been a little more challenging than most, in that our oldest son has Duchenne muscular dystrophy and needs our complete care. Our youngest son is a Marine currently stationed in Iraq. Knowing what I know today, would I do it all over again? ABSOLUTELY! It's challenging, it's fun, you learn a WHOLE lot about yourself, but the reward is more than I could have ever imagined.

I wish you all the best in your decision. Being a Mom is probably the most important task we ever undertake, and the one that can shake us to our foundations. If my experience can be of any help, please let me know.

All the best,
S.

How awesome that you have the choice:) I would say considering that your gut and heart are telling you to stay home with your kids than that is the right decision for you and your family. I completely understand the other side of wanting to feel some independence too. Have you considered looking into all of the great home business opportunities? If you found one that works for you, you could have both!

You sound like you really want to be home. I think you should follow where your heart leads. There is a saying do what you love and the money will follow. I truly believe if you do what is best for your family it will all work out. It will take an adjustment as far as not having as much accessible spending money, but you will be able to manage. Honestly, children need us at all phases of life. I have found they need me as much (in a much different way) as they are getting older. I think while you focus on your children don't lose sight of yourself. Do things for yourself still, get out and spend time with your friends.
Take care and God bless,
K.

Sweetheart, if you have a choice...STAY AT HOME!!! You are absolutely right - your children are only young once and they need you!

I definitely recommend getting your "mommy time", though. The more refreshment you get, the better mommy you will be. There is fulfillment beyond measure in these precious little gifts of ours!

sounds like you've already made your decision (-;

Hi! It's difficult to make that decision. I tried my hardest to spend as much time with my kids as they grew. I tweaked my hours at work all of the time so that I could go to special functions, help out in their classes, and be there for when they got home. This might be a silly question, but can you go part time in the Military or is it a full time or nothing kind of job? I had to depend on my husband when I did not work, and I did not like it at first, but, I did get to stay home with my babies!! It is so important for them to have you available. I learned how to adjust to not working, and I improvised when money was tight, and one important thing, I did learn was to save some $'s on the side for when I needed some me time...a movie, a massage, etc. Whenever I used coupons, etc, I would take what I saved and put it away so that I could have my own stash. Sounds weird, but it worked for me. I still needed that feeling of having my own $'s. There are some really good at home jobs listed here on this site, too, that you could do part time from home. one that I really like is USANA.COM. You can go to their web site and check it out...it's good for you stuff, and something that everyone can use, and let's you earn while staying at home. Good luck with your decision.

F.,
If you can stay at home with your kids do it. I have been a stay at home mom for 18 years now and love it. I don't regret anything about it. The time goes by so fast with the kids and you can't go back and change what you have missed. I have done daycare in the home for all of those years in order to feel I was doing my part with bringing in some money. I also started a home based business two and a half years ago that has totally changed my life for the healthier and the wealthier. It is with FreeLife and Himalayan GoChi juice. If youa re interested in that please contact me for more information.
Good Luck to you
B. Garcia
Barbgarcia.com
###-###-####
Himalayan GoChi juice representitive

What do you think your kids would want?

Wouldn't it be nice to earn a paycheck staying home and caring for our children? That is exactly what it boils down to. I read in the paper if you paid a MOM what she is worth and does, you couldn't afford her. That keeps me grounded as I'm staying home with our brood. To help me feel that I'm contributing, I have a home business as well. Keeps me a bit focused from the day to day, cooking, cleaning, etc. which for me, gets a bit overwhelming. I love being my our children, it's the Martha Stewart Home part I'm not so keen on. Which is why once my home business is a bit bigger, housekeeper is in the future!

I hope you find your answers. E-mail me if you wish to chat. Take care!

F.,

Wow, 11 yrs in the Military - That's amazing. Good job on that! I'm sure that leaving with only 9 yrs left can make this a difficult decision, even though you know that your job as a mom is your priority. Moms are moms whether we work outside the home or inside the home, p/t or f/t. Just as long as you are making it work as a family and everyone is happy. Botton line, you need to really listen to your gut and make sure you and your husband are on the same page.
Going from working outside the home to being a SAHM can be a huge transition, just as going from SAHM to working outside the home can be. There are pros and cons to both.
What is that calling you are hearing that tells you to stay at home with your children now? During the last 9 yrs of mommyhood, have you always felt this calling to stay at home with them more? Is your situation you have now working for all of you? Great secure childcare, happy family life? Happy secure children? Where and how do you feel it in your body when you think about staying at home full time to compared to how you feel when you go to work outside the home? How does if feel better/ or worse? Can you really imagine yourself as a SAHM? How does that make you feel? Do you feel you will be a better mom because of it? Are you just thinking you need to stay at home because of cultural biases, or old agreements or ideas you had about motherhood?
If you decide to become a SAHM are you not only willing to surrender to the daily messy beautiful life of a SAHM, but also willing to call on your village when you need to?
And about this agreement you have about depending on your husband for $$....that's a HUGE old agreement isn't it? I know that one well. Even though my husband and I chose for me to be the Stay at home parent 12 yrs ago...(since then I've worked p/t and started a business p/t), but I had to let go of that belief system of "depending" on my husband for money. I can still hear my grandma saying to me when I was in High School "Never depend on a man for money!!" "Make your own way!" Those are not foolish words, and I appreciated her wanting her granddaughters to be financially secure. But she had to raise her 4 kids on her own, so her beleif system was different. However, letting go of "depending" on our husbands for money....bunch of s*&t really. Choosing - and being able to - stay at home with your children is a very important career. More rewards than anything. It doesn't have to be difficult, but it can just be messy and chaotic sometimes. We just don't get paid for this job in monetary means. But that's the beauty of having a supportive partner...it's meant to be a very cooperative journey...where you shouldn't have to ask for an allowance, or feel guilty. As long as we are wise with the money our partner brings home and we are actually doing the meaningful purposeful job of being the stay at home parent, you - SAHM's, have every right to sharing the income. You have to decide if you are ready to let go of that control of YOUR money / HIS money. It's not easy...beleive me I know...I still struggle with it today *~*.
There is no really right or wrong way to raise your family. As long as the home is safe and nurturing, and your children are really thriving, learning, and growing from you and your husband, and your village. You have to feel what is best for all of you. I can tell you that I have absolutley no regrets of being a SAHM, and I don't have any regrets of starting my own business either. It works for my family. I hope this helps you a bit. I encourage you to write down the questions I asked and answer them mindfully. You will do the right thing for your children.

Much good energy to you

In peace,
A.
mom of 4. Birthing and Parenting Mentor
www.birthingfromwithin.com

Hi F.,

That is a tough choice because I know you get lots of benefits from the military. You have to make your choice but I decided to be a Stay at home mom. We don't have the best financial situation but I believe God gave us our daughter and He will provide the money we need. I am so thankful I decided to stay home with her. It isn't easy, it is hard financially and it gets loney but it is well worth it.

I know you will make the best choice for your family. ou are right, they are only young once.

Hi,
My husband and I agreed that I would stay home with the kids after the 2nd one was 8 months old. I feel that was the best decision possible because my kids were getting the babysitter's values. She was a wonderful person, but I didn't have kids to have someone else raise them.
Now, many years down the line, he resents being the breadwinner and feels I didn't carry my fair share of the load.
I don't regret the time I spent at home with them. I think it was what needed to be done. My advice to you, is to be sure your husband is really on board with this decision. I don't think mine ever really was.
My other thought is if you do decide to opt out of the work force, find a way to keep job skills current. I didn't do that and by the time I could go back to work, my skills were so out of date that I couldn't find a job in anything I really wanted to do.
Thanks,
E.

The choice to work at home with your children or to stay in the work force is a very personal decision. I have done both at different times for different reasons. My only advice is that once you make YOUR decision do not listen to those who would have criticism for you. You and your husband need to make the right choice for Your family. 4 yrs ago my husband and I decided that we were going to pull our children from public school and begin homeschooling. It was very controversial amongst our peers and family. Now that we have been successful people say how wonderfully adjusted and mature, responsible etc our children are. They can not believe they are only freshman in High School. They get along with everyone and are an asset in just about any situation. We had to do what was best for our family. BEST is different for each of us. I completely trust that you and your spouse will make a great decision for your children and the unknowns of the situation will work them selves out. Is there anyway for you to take a sabaticle to see if it works best for you? That might leave the door open if you find that you still need to work in the long run.

I agree, it sounds like you know what you want. My husband and I were both in the military. Can you finish your last nine years as a Reservist? That way it would be minimal impact on the family and you still get a retirement at 60, which is better than throwing away those 11 years. Something to consider!

I think your heart is right. What you can do for your children is not replaceable by anyone else. It will endure their whole lives and bring benefits even to the next generation after then. I have a Ph.D. and chose to raise my own children rather than pursue work. I found small part-time work most of the time, but it was very small. My children are both young adults and out of the home now--I'm really glad about the priorities that we had concerning my work.

In my opinion, it's wise for young women to get as much career preparation as they can before marriage and children. You have career experience now under your belt. Your work experience is now an added insurance policy in case of times of trouble. I see nothing wrong in being completely dependent on your husband's income. He is also dependent on you for the daily daytime nurture and training of your children. Sounds like a wonderful partnership to me.