I think I'm just about spitting nails right now. This guy came back and dropped his son off with me so that he and the wife don't argue today. He says he will sit down with her and work some things out soon when he's not upset. He told me that I was right and that he would not file an exparte. Hmm... He went on to tell me that what gets to him the most is that she only dates rich guys and that she's never had to work and that he doesn't seem to think he should be paying 1000 per month because it's not even a drop in the bucket towards her bills? REALLY? So he's mad because she's always been a stay at home mom and he feels she only dates sugar daddies. I know, I know...don't get involved. AAAAKKKK....
What I see here is just a typical American couple going through a messy divorce and no one is all right or all wrong. But his views on her "worth" as a mother because she gets guys to pay her bills as he puts it...it's just sad. The woman has 2 ex husbands and he says one guy between them and she has a 12 year old. So she's had 3 guys in 12 years that have valued her work as a mom. That makes them sugar daddies?
I'm not saying necessarily if it's right or wrong. But, he told m this morning that he's dating a woman right around the corner from me and that if he got custody he would use me sometimes. So if he's dating and she's dating...why is the man being so jealous?
Mom admitted she lied about having no utilities or food. She just wants child support. It's time to get the divorce already! They are not even in the process because they've changed their minds a few times.
Heaven help me. I need to go back to school and get a degree in counseling.
Please.. I'm not going to be guilted about bouncing my thoughts off of the people here. This is the best place I know to get a wide variety of viewpoints. I gave the benefit of the doubt until I could not anymore and some of the wise ladies here immediately thought she was lying and told me so. The situation is over from my standpoint. Mamapedia is all about...my mother did this, my sister in law did that, my neighbor did the other thing... If people don't want to be talked about, then don't do such outrageous things. Anyone that lives in the area would know that there are about 2000+ providers and I don't even know how many hundreds of thosusands of households. It's just as anonymous as we need it to be. It's not nice to be hypocritical. I often have to step away from here for a few days because it seem so gossipy and political. Don't pretend you don't come for the juicy stories.
Waiting to hear from mom and she has no idea that he's here yet. If she wants to keep him here, she WILL pay me. Other wise, I'm out.
As for dad's accusations... There's always 2 sides. He has 2 businesses and she says she helped grow them both. She's now working to get a business off the ground with a man that is a banker. He says they are a couple. She says he's a financer/friend. I don't care what he is.
My goodness, don't give it another thought, it's like getting sucked into a Jerry Springer episode!
Take good care of the kids while you have them, that's all you can do. Let both mom and dad know you no longer want to discuss their personal situation, that's what I would do, I have enough drama in my own family/life, I don't need to take on others' :(
I have a very awesome friend who did in home childcare for years. The parents of one of the kids she watched separated and then divorced. It was super messy. Not the divorce as much as the relationship. They were ugly about each other and angry with each other and there was a lot of game playing, lying, blaming and passive agressive behavior. The little boy was miserable and, to be honest, so was my friend.
I understand, in home childcare is a little different, it's more intimate and you get to know the parents more personally. What I will say is that, this is when all of that backfires. I think you should look at both of them and honestly say,
"You talk to me and your spouse knows, your spouse talks to me and you know. Either one of you could supoena me and I would have to testify in the divorce, custody, and child support proceedings. No matter who called me in, I would have to answer both attorneys questions honestly and I wouldn't lie for either one of you. So, in the best interest of all of us, please, oh please, oh pretty, pretty, please, don't talk to me about this anymore."
You have to be the impartial person for this child.
As to these two, both of their priorities sound so far out of whack. If they are not divorced they need to cut out the dating until they are or at least have the papers filed and a date set. They need to be focussing on their children and working WITH each other in regards to the raising of their children. You, of all people, do not need to be the middle man. They need to grow up, put on their big boy and girl pants, and get to the business of taking care of those kids.
maybe its just me but I can't even make sense of your post or what relation these people even have to you.
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I wholeheartedly agree with MzKitty. I also have to wonder how good of a job you are doing running your business/taking care of the kids since you are spending so much time thinking about and posting about these people's personal affairs. You do realize that there are people here who either live in your area or know other people who live in your area and most of us have seen your picture and know your first name, right? This is not a good look for your business nor for your competency as a daycare provider at all.
I agree that it is not right to post these people's private business on a public forum on the internet. If they knew you were doing this they would probably fire you. You really need to detatch from this situation and remain impartial.
Its one thing to post a question and spill all your own dirty laundry, but to do it to someone else (without their consent) is very wrong.
If she is a Stay at Home mom how often does she use you for daycare? Not to sound horrible, but I thought the point of being a stay at home mom was so that you don’t have to use daycare. Also, how can you be a single parent and not work? In a perfect world it would be great, but realistically I would think that you would have to work. Heck, I’m married and I had to work.
Also, you are an overnight sitter? I wish that I lived closer to you. We have only been without our children overnight a hand full of times. My in laws are in Arizona and my parents are always too busy. It is not like we go anywhere overnight, but it would be nice to go once in awhile.
As long as your bill is being paid, who cares?
As for the mom only dating "sugar daddies" -- there's a name for that.
Many women have "arrangements" -- even to those that marry them.
She's not the first, she certainly won't be the last.
Lots of women flit from (and procreate with) man after man looking for security instead of standing on their own pegs and getting on a path to self sufficiency.
You don't need to be a "counselor" you need to care for the children you are paid to do so for.
I agree with Cheryl and Mamazita. You need to set boundaries here and let it go. Tell both of them when they start up that you are sorry that they are going through this but you really can't listen to either one of them since they are both "clients". I've had to do this numerous times with a couple who's daughter was in our Scout Troop. He may have every right to be mad but you aren't obligated to hear it or take sides.
added: OMG Is this one of the couples who doesn't pay you? UGH, you need to extricate yourself from this mess. Seriously, your services are worth something! Going above and beyond and giving 110% is one thing but not getting your worth doesn't do you or anyone any favors. You have a HARD job. Please vow to not shortchange yourself anymore!
What a minute? He brought him back? Crazy lady and doofus, are nuts! Seriously when she comes to get the kids, tell her no more. She needs to find a new daycare provider you are closed to her!
SLM... I have only skimmed the last couple of posts but seriously... This is all way too much information to have about the families you're providing care for. None of this should concern you, none of this is relevant to what you're doing... all of it oversteps serious boundaries.
I do feel sorry for the kids to be stuck in the middle of what seems like two really messed up people, but it also sounds like YOU are the one spending the most time with these kids anyway AND you aren't even getting paid?? What you agreed to be paid is a paltry sum for the hours your working and the things that you're doing for these kids which go beyond the parameters of daycare. You're operating more like a non-profit 24-hour shelter.
There are polite ways to tell people that you don't want to be in their business when they start involving you in things you don't want to be involved in. If I were you, I would really consider how to prepare yourself to not get so entrenched in other people's lives. All daycare good daycare providers do what they do for the kids, and it's also a business where kids come and go. No matter how close as you may feel to them or as long as you've been caring for them, you still have to maintain some level of distance.
This whole situation sounds like crazy-making to me~
