Can My Ex Really Bar Me from Meeting His New Live in Gf?

You absolutely have every right! I've been in this situation personally, I am the step-mom. Back when we were dating, my step daughters mom had it put into their custody agreement. I can't remember the exact verbage, but basically they both had every right to 'demand' that they meet the others bf/gf.

N.

Hey A.,
I don't know the answer to the question, but if I were you I would contact a professional to find out. Maybe a social worker, or a lawyer. If you don't have a lawyer my good friend is a family law attorney and a really good person.
www.tryonlaw.com
Good luck!
J.

You lose control with a divorce.

I'm afraid Linda is right, you lose control in a divorce. I understand your concern as a good parent about your daughter's safety when she is with her dad. I'll be blunt --unless you have evidence that the gf is mistreating your daughter, there's no requirement that she has to "welcome" her. Your daughter has a cell phone, so obviously, you can get hold of her in an emergency; she should have both the bf and gf #'s in her phone. You and the ex need to discuss what happens if he needs backup childcare -- That is a whole different issue than what happens when your daughter is in his care. If you can't reach a mutually agreeable solution, your other option is to take the issue to court.

Wow! I thought I was reading about myself! My ex's girlfriend wants nothing to do with me and has banned me from calling or visiting their apartment. They have been together for nearly 3 years, and I have only met her a small handful of times. (I was also 15 when we got together)

I have put up with this to maintain a civil relationship and in the hopes that some day she will come around. However, it doesn't sound like the relationship with your ex is all that civil. Since you have joint custody, the ex cannot legally bar you from meeting his girlfriend or visiting the home, but he sure can make it difficult. Especially seeing how your divorce has not been finalized, I would insist on the right to visit the home he is living in, and meeting any people who will be living there. Once your custody arrangement has been finalized, the court does not like to get involved.

I hope you have a good lawyer. I let my ex bully me into a lot of arrangements that put me at a disadvantage. If you have to go to custody mediation (especially without your lawyer), make sure you get in writing that you have access to the home at any time your daughter is there, as well as unrestricted contact with her. That includes her having your bf's number on her phone. I've heard a lot of ex's will bar kids from contacting the other parent to remain in control.

I would try to be as understanding and civil as possible but stand your ground and don't let him guilt or bully you into backing off. I wish I had been stronger.

The answer is simply NO! You have the right to know who your child is around. Have him put the shoes on the other foot. Also if he does not want you to meet her then he is not really that seriouse about her. By him introducing you guys in his mind it means it is really over and he can not come back crowling to you if it dose not work. It could alsso be the gf feel threaten by you cause the big D is not final or she feels he still loves you. He is not going to want to met your BF cause it forces him to realize that he is not the head man in your life any more. I don't know any legal advice expect for maybe having to be stated and in writting that both parents need to know and have comman knowlege/access of the other parents special friend for safety and emergency issues. Until he does so visitation is limited and she can't spend the night with him. That will let him know you mean buisiness.

I think you should call Dr. Laura on the radio. Seems like there are lots of things to fix in this type of situation.

Common decency says that you absolutely should at least meet the woman your daughter will be spending time with. The fact that he is so adamantly opposed to it should be a huge red flag for you. What is it about her that he doesn't want you to know? Seems to me that he feels certain you will not approve of this woman. I wonder what he's hiding? You need to talk to a lawyer and find out what your rights are.

Good luck.

Ask what you want but you may not get it. Careful with your bf. I agree, you daughter is no longer yours if you go through with divorce. Think long and hard what you are doing to your daughter expecially. Better to wait eight more years.

This isn't modern family question. This is basic LAW and it sounds quite messed up and immature on your ex's part.

By law, if you have just cause, you can request to petition that your child NOT be allowed to spend the night with your ex husband if he is living with his girlfriend. You need a reason, not just b/c you are jealous that he is involved with another woman.
This is about the child's best interests.....not b/c you or your ex is upset that the other is involved with other people.

With that said, he can request the same of you. So if he does not want your daughter spending the night with you while your boyfriend stays the night and is living with you, it is fair game.

Lastly, where is YOUR lawyer??? If your ex has joint custody, he HAS TO MAINTAIN A RESIDENCE IN HIS NAME if he wants his daughter to stay with him on weekends, etc. If he does not have his own residence, than ABSOLUTELY, you can request that your daughter does not stay with him OVERNIGHT.
Your daughter is at an EXTREMELY vunerable age. She understands and is absorbing far more than you may think. Please dont bad mouth each other and let her know she is the top priority and is loved. Let her know she has NOTHING to do with this mess. Get her help if you can. Even though you don't think so, she is going through far more trauma than you know.

I have been divorced and I have 2 daughters. I speak with knowledge and best intentions. Divorce is hell for children and I am GREAT friends with my ex. The child's life is turned upside down forever and their schedules are never normal ever again.
Keep your fighting and anger away from her and please tell your ex to do the same. I've been divorced for 6 years, I still cry b/c my daughter leads a unstable schedule. Children first!!

Good Morning A.,If I was in your situation I would tell my ex from now on you will see our daughter at my house. 10 year old's are very impressionable and you won't have her around sexual imorrality their not married, and tell him that inviroument is unhealthy for a 10 year old girl. This woman may not want to meet you because she knows he still has feelings for you and she may look at you as a threat. One of my daycare parents were in a simular situation, and the court would not order over nights with his daughter because of his choice living arrangements. Julliabbb

I think you have every right to meet whoever it is that your ex is moving in with. Just make sure your daughter doesnt feel like shes in the middle. He shouldnt take your bf's number out of her phone either. Thats childish. maybe for her safty, don't allow her over there until you get a chance to meet this woman.

Hi A.,
As a mother you have every right to meet his gf. Especially if they're going to live together and your daughter will be exposed to her. Just meeting her and seeing how she traets you will give you a sence of what type of person she is. Either your ex has something to hid or his gf is petty and immature. I hope you get to meet her!
Good Luck, A.

First maybe you and dad and new bf need to go have coffee somewhere quite obvious you both have moved on then there is no need for you to hate each other and if you both want what is best for your daughter you need to be friends she is only 10 she is not a teenager yet (the years she will typically try to destroy family relationships) if you and your x are not friends now how are you going to help her when she is a teen? The other woman is also not thinking about the child and you may have legal recourse as she may not be near your daughter if she is not willing to do things in the best interest of the child, why would she be threatened of you if you are in the middle of divorce? It is not about you nor the other woman it is about the 4 of you getting along so the child is safe and secure she needs to know that all 4 of the adults in her life are people she can count on! Just my opinion from being a child whos parents were not friends when they divorced. I also totally agree with Lisa my brother just went through all this his kids DO NOT stay the night with their mother because she is living with another man, they visit and come home.

Well its been soooo long since I went through this. NO WAY was my son going anywhere without me knowing who was going to be caring for him, influencing him etc etc. Get it in writing before the divorce is over. My ex did not want us girls to meet because he lied about me. When we did get together I heard she was really mad at him. I was nice and nothing like he described! haha. Once the gf told my son to call her mom AND he had to eat his peas. My Mom inlaw was there and took his plate of peas, opened the door and through them out the back door. Told her he has a mom and you're not it! SHeesh , these things are hard but you HAVE to protect your daughter, keep lines of communication open with your daughter and dont put the gf down, just in case your daughter likes her. YOu will make it work, dont worry.

You at least have the right to ask for her full name & birthdate so that you can do a background check. Offer the same information for your boyfriend.

Do a background search on this person online if you have a name. You need to find out if she has a criminal record, especially for drugs, alcohol, etc. If yes, this other lady must NEVER be allowed to drive your child in a car EVER. Phone numbers on cells phones are recorded also for the bills. You can contact your cell carrier to see if you can retrieve those deleted phone numbers. Then run a check on the number to see who owns it. And I am with the other moms, get legal help now. Fathers also have to do the same thing when wives shack up boyfriends who turn out to be predators. I think we should go back to the old days where any parent who shacks up cannot have custody of a child overnight and only has visits chaperoned by a child monitor.

You ABSOLUTELY have every right to meet this gal. You wouldn't let your daughter go spend the night at another kid's house if you didn't know anything about them! He's being unreasonable. The fact that he doesn't want to meet your boyfriend is strange also. Does he not worry or have concerns about your daughter being around a man he doesn't know? Obviously he was married to you he has a pretty good idea of your judgement in exposing your daughter to new people but still.... I've known a lot of women and men who divorced and picked really lousy partners. It is absolutely an obligation that he allow you to meet this woman. I hate to throw my sister under the bus (she doesn't live near me and isn't a member of the site) BUT....she is the live in girlfriend to a guy with a little girl. They got together when the daughter was 18 months old and she's now 11. My sister is HORRIBLE!!! She is very jealous and usually takes it out on the little girl. I'm not sure why the guy stays with her because he seems to be a very attentive good dad. His x has always refused to meet my sister or even hear her name! The little girl basically has to pretend my sister doesn't exist. If she could actually tell her mom the things my sister does and says I think she'd speak up for her daughter. Instead my sister teaches thru example to be petty and nasty. I have talked to her many times about it but she dismisses me and says that the boyfriend is ok with the situation so I should shut up. Your daughter will learn to be a woman from the women she spends the most time with. I think you should know who those women are!