Stay at Home Moms!! - Atoka,OK

I have always worked full time outside the home and have actually gotten a huge attitude from my sahm friends. They can't seem to understand why not every single mom has the deep felt desire to stay home with their kids. I also have seen people on this site make comments about it too. So I think both sides get negative comments from both sides. Its unfortunate that we can't all just support each other but I guess that's the case.

I'm a SAHM... and I never get that attitude toward myself or from my Husband.
But I do get, that just because I am a SAHM.. that I don't "do anything" all day. Grrrrr.....
because being a SAHM is very busy... and constant, and 24/7, with NO days off or vacations.
I am busy all day... doing everything!

I don't think any of us know unless we've done both. If people are that ignorant to comment on an experience they have never had, it's sad. Much of it I bet is driven by jealousy.

I get frustrated by this as well. I've had another woman (on this site no less) tell me "not every woman is submissive to her husband" in reference to me recommending staying at home with your children.

It really bothers me when women spout feminist propaganda at us SAHMs. I presonally feel that the only submission in my life is to the needs of my children. My husband and I made this decision together for the well being of our children. He agreed to shoulder the entire financial burden for the family and I agreed to shoulder the homestead burden for the family. It works best for us this way. We have a respectful and loving marriage. I am not submissive to him and he's not submissive to me. We work together on different fronts to give our family the best life possible.

I love my job and he loves his job. He wouldn't want my job and I wouldn't want his. We actively work to not take each other for granted. He makes sure to thank me for the work I do almost every day and I make sure to thank him for the support he provides almost every day. He asks about my day and really listens to me so he can understand me better and I do the same for him.

It is a choice that many solid and stable couples make because they truly believe it's the best choice for their families. That does NOT make the woman "submissive" or "opressed". In fact, most SAHM's end up calling most of the shots just because they have more practice at it than their hubbys do! lol!

Don't let them drag you down. If you're doing the right thing for your family, then that's all that matters. I know that's easier said than done (believe me, I know, my MIL takes issue with me "not working" HA!)

Anyways, you're not alone, a lot of us feel this way. It's the feminist movement gone horribly wrong that is causing this. Originally the feminist movement was all about women having CHOICES, now it's all about women having POWER and not needing men. It's about women needing to reach their potential AS OTHER'S SEE IT. That drives me nuts! I feel that my potential is best served by investing it in my living legacy, my children. That decision is MY RIGHT and NO ONE has the right to tell me that I made the wrong choice!!!

Stay strong!

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I'd also like to add that I was in the military when my older son was born and got out when pregnant with my younger. I've done both. Being a SAHM for me is harder but more rewarding and I would rather being doing all of this work day in and day out than not be able to be there for my children when they need me. That's my own personal feelings though.

wait wait wait.

I am going to take issue with the responses to this post and to others like it that seem to go something like this:

"I have worked full-time and been a SAHM and now know that being a SAHM is the harder but more rewarding choice."

Isn't that just the point sister-mamas? That if we as women stopped ranking ourselves and making qualitative judgements then wouldn't society follow suit? We are indeed our own worst enemies. The above quote could so easily be rephrased as:

"I have worked full-time and been a SAHM. For me, being a SAHM has been the more diffult job but I feel blessed by the benefits. I think it was the right choice for me and am lucky to be in a position to have a choice at all."

I am a working mom. It was the right decision for me, and I completely respect SAHMs who do it for the right reasons for their families.

I often feel the opposite - that the SAHM's think I'm a bad mom for not being there with my kids. It really boils down to personal preferences and making the best decisions for your family. If I had been a SAHM after our daughter's birth, I'd never made it through 5 months of chemo. Having a full time job and them being in day care (since we have no family close by) was our saving grace. It kept my mind off of the severity of my diagnosis and gave me quiet to recover when I needed it.

My mom was a SAHM - it's all I knew growing-up. I just knew from an early age it wasn't for me. It's not fair for your friends to make those comments and to make you self-conscious about your decisions. Most of the SAHM's I know rule the roost and have husbands who obey their every command. Those are very independent and strong women.

Some of these posts made me sad. It's not all "feminist bs". Some of it is pure jealously borne out of heartbreak that they have to ship their kids off to daycare.

I have a friend that left a gathering of mom's in tears because she HAD (no other choice) to go back to work after her maternity leave and the SAHM's at the gathering were attacking her for not staying home.
Her heart was already breaking......and then she had massive guilt on top of it.
Is it any wonder why working moms have to defend their choices if SAHM's are rubbing it in their faces? Sometimes people defend their choices (or lack of choice) out of pain and guilt.......and all we can do is label them as "feminist".

I think both sides need to have more grace for each other. I, personally have never been criticized for staying home, but if someone did.....I would walk away because I don't really care what people think of my choice because they don't live my life.

I agree with Dyreka. Pure feminist BS. I had this conversation with someone I was not very close with. She actually told me when my boyfriend leaves me I will wish I would have went back to work. Then she continued on about how since my BF makes the money, he controls it, which then leads to him controlling my life and having to ask for money for anything I wanted/needed. All I could think was "are you kidding me?" LOL I finially told "your man probably left you because of that attitude," i grabbed my drink and headed to the other side of the party.
My Bf does not control me and never has. I also never have to ask for money for anything. I feel blessed to be able (especially in today's economy) to have stayed home with the baby and gve her everything she has wanted/needed (including buying our first house). Our goal was to at least stay home for the first year, and we have passed that successfully. We made that decision together, as a couple, which is what couples do. I also feel very independant to be responsible for a little human being everyday, 24 hrs a day and essentially run the household.

Some people think that making money equates to self sufficiency /independence. I happen to be of the opinion that, since my earning potential is a fraction of my hubby's, and the difference between my potential salary and the cost of childcare for our children is not worth me not being able to be with my children every day, for most of the day. Yes, my kids can drive me INSANE at times, which is why once a week I have 4-5 hours to myself when a great babysitter takes care of them and I get my stuff done.

I grew up in a household where both of my parents had to work out of necessity to provide for 5 children and our private school education. I would have LOOOOOOVED for my mother to have been able to be there for us, to see our sporting events, our talent shows, etc. It would be SOOO much easier for me to go back to work an 8-5 job, but I would be cheating my kids out of the time that is rightly theirs.

If both parents must work out of necessity that is one thing, but choosing to work, rather than to spend the time with your kids, is totally different. Once our kids are in school I'll re-enter the workforce, but until then, I'm all theirs.

I WISH I COULD BE A SAHM!!! I'm a single mother, so I don't get the choice, unfortunately.

There are plenty of us working mom's who would LOVE to be SAHM's and envy those of you who are. Maybe that's part of it. A resentment or jealousy they have that they try to conceal by making a point to try to make the SAHM's feel bad about what they're doing, and to make themselves feel better about working. Isn't that always how it works? The insecure people have to put others down to make themselves feel bigger? I think that's probably what's behind most of it.

Your friends are not trying to be rude to you, they are just immersed in a culture that thinks stay at home moms are lazy or not ambitious.

Watch most tv shows, commercials, etc and women are shown as strong, capable, attractive career women, while their husbands typically are depicted as either weak, stupid, or passive, or crass. It is everywhere in our culture. All the 1950s tv shows with stay at home moms are openly made fun of as unrealistic, too old-fashioned, and demeaning to women. Now what tv shows even have happy stay at home moms anymore? I don't really know. I can think of Peg on Married with Children, not exactly my idea of a role model.

I also think lots of women are afraid to depend on their husbands to provide for them. Personally, I think the feminist movement from the 60s and 70s did this to our culture.

My friend is a SAHM and I work. She is always trying to make dates for us to get together with the kids. I wish she would remember that working moms only have 2 days to do everything at home. I can't be making plans to hang out on weekends. She says that she forgets because she does everything during the week so she has weekends free. Nice. We all have to respect each other. There is a bit of jealousy both ways.

Oh how I loe the "slippery slpoe" questions! My baby is 15 weeks old today. I am also the breadwinner in my family. I was abl to stay home for 7 weeks after my daughter was born, and then work from home for several more weeks. My husband is a stay at home dad right now. We are both well aware of how much work we each have to put into keeping our family running. We have 2 other kids in pre-school as well, so there is always a lot to keep up with around the house. When I get home, I take the baby off his hands so he can gete some things done, AND so i can spend some time with my little baby. On weekends, I usually spend as much time with the kids a sI can. My husband tries to go hang out at a friend's house sometimes after the kids go to bed so he can get some adult time too. It goes both ways. We both are just as tired at the end of the day, we both take turns getting up with the baby in the middle of the night, and we both do the housework. Not sure why it has to be one person or the other.

WhatI really don't like is that society has a way of pitting women against each other. Instead of looking to each other for support, it always ends up being about jealousy or something of that nature. We all do what we have to and are able to in order to support our families. No one should be judged for that!

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I've done both - worked until 2nd was born and I can honestly say that SAHM is the harder job. I think it truly is a luxury these days to have a parent stay at home and it boggles my mind that some people think that working at home means you are somehow less than people who work outside of the home. Think of all the things you do and compare your job description to theirs. Unless they run their own company, there is no way they have the autonomy you do.

I love being a SAHM, I kinda hate working a 9-5, I have a criminal record a mile long, so I married man that I adore, and makes a great living. Too bad I don't have the time to take up shopping, I say. My mom went all "90's working woman" crazy back then. It turned out catastrophically, as indicated by my aforementioned rap sheet. But, my kids are the product of 2 recovering addicts-I'm going to need to really keep my eyes on them, so i wouldn't go to work, even if it meant doing without. Hey, I have the rest of my life to acquire things, but once those days of kids being kids is gone, they're gone forever, and God forbid my kids are real messed up one day, but at least I'll know that i was totally there for them, and did the best I could-I don't think I could say that in 20 years if they were raised in daycare-but that's just my situation.

Oh, you are asking the big question, aren't you?

Historically, women have been thought of and treated as not so smart second-class ctizens. SAHMs have historically been dependent on their husbands and oblivious to the logistics of making it happen financially. Since money is power, women have historically had none. Too often people still make this association. Some people (women and men) associate SAHMs with weakness and dependency, just like we can associate ice cream with good times.

Then, you've got the mothers who have to make themselves feel superior to others, so they have to find all kinds of reasons that their way is better. The only thing that you can decide is which is better for your family at what time. All mothers aren't meant to stay home and be with children all day; they simply are not wired for it, and that is okay.

Who cares what others say?

I am a work at home mom, and I believe all of this boils down to one thing. You have to do what is right for your family as a whole and everyone's situation is different. We have to respect and support each other in our decisions and situations. If you want to and are able to be a SAHM, that is wonderful. If you want to and are able to be a working mom, that is also wonderful. .

Women must stop being so judgmental and condescending to each other. I have read many comments and some people seem to believe that one bad experience with an opposing view sums up the bunch. Give me a break. Friends do not judge and hatefully criticize one another. If you have someone, whatever side of this argument they support, who is on your case constantly about your life and choices, tell them to back off or just cut them from your life. Moms, working or staying at home, tend to have enough drama and do not need any from friends or people who love to critique another person's life.

I personally love working from home, for many reasons. It works for our family and I feel we are fortunate for the opportunity to do so. My husband is a wonderful man and our son is the joy of our life.

If you want to work or stay at home or some combo thereof, accept your choices and do not judge others for not making the same choices.

All moms need to do what is best for them and their family. If you have the ability and can afford to be a SHM, do it—enjoy your little ones. Not everyone has the ability to be a SHM. Believe me, if we could afford it, I would be at home with my kids right now. You are extremely blessed to be able to stay at home and watch your kids grow. Don't worry about what others say. Just enjoy being a great mom!!!!

My thoughts are that women who stay home have so much more freedom than those who work at a job. We don't have to juggle the wishes of a boss along with the wishes/needs of our husband and children. We are free to set our own schedule, to bless our household with the many things we do for them daily (because we have the time to do so). I'm not saying that working women don't bless their households. I'm just saying that we have more freedom and time to do so. Of course, it's easy to squander away the hours, so we have to be diligent. But, I'm not sure why someone would feel that way unless that was their experience with a cruel or selfish father or husband.

I feel so much more connected to my twins than I do my older daughter. I blame that issue on the fact that I worked 60-70 hr weeks the whole time my older one was little and that I have been home w/ my twins 24/7 (aside from groceries or running other errands) since they were 6 months. It was a decision that my husband and I came to agree on. I work, believe me I work. I also have a double college degree. But I do everything on my time when I want to with my girls right here with me. Yes, my girls drive me a little batty some days and I do miss adult interaction at times, but I LOVE the fact that it has been ME who's raised them and not a stranger. I LOVE being able to be a homeroom mom when I'm needed, not asking for permission to go get my girls if/when they're sick, take them to the museum or the zoo or to the park to play on a whim, etc. Being a SAHM doesn't seem like it's that much work these days because of technology..however, there're still kids that need taken care of and homework to be helped to complete, a house to tend, meals to provide, laundry to do, and all the other resposibilites that come with being at home. I'm busier now that I ever was working in Corporate America, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Poppycock! The man may be the head of the household but the woman is the neck! Without the neck, there wouldn't be a "head"! LOL
You are doing an amazing thing for your family. It's the hardest, longest-lasting and often most under appreciated job in the word!

I have to say I wish people woulnd't try and turn this into a 'right' and 'wrong' issue. There are so many different variables at play. I worked full-time after my oldest was born, then became a stay-at-home mom when my 2nd child was born. When she was 3 1/2, I went back to work part-time for 5 years; then we moved when my youngest was 4 and I stayed home again for a year and a half. I just returned to working full-time for financial reasons, and although I miss my kids like crazy, it is what I need to do for my whole family right now. I know moms who have to work for financial reasons who would love to stay home and would be great at it..but I also know moms who stay home primarily because they can afford it and would feel guilty going to work; however, they are miserable. I don't understand why they just don't work..the kids are better off happy in daycare than unhappy at home with a miserable mom. This just seems to be such an emotionally charged issue and everybody worries what everybody else thinks, when they should really just be doing what makes them, their spouse and their children happy. We all have to do what works!

Well, in part because you are dependent on your husband. You can't just decide to leave him and if something where to happen to your husband you'd be in a tough spot trying to find a job when you haven't been working on resume appropriate jobs for years. In my opinion though, that is like deciding not to drive because you might get into a car accident. It might also stem from second guessing ourselves/themselves. Perhaps they feel a bit of guilt for not choosing (or being able to choose) to stay home. Or perhaps they aren't as secure in their relationship as you are and do fear it ending. The "perhaps" list could go on and on. I think it's best not to give it a second thought. You are happy with your decision and they are happy with theirs.

Best,
T.
SAHM

Hi Pam,

I think some women may feel that way because that's the way things use to be. Now, you have a lot of moms who want to make a career outside the home. I personally feel it is so empowering to be a WAHM. Regardless of if you have a work at home business or not..just you being home for your family, being there for the children, your husband, and making your home a peaceful sancurary for your family is the greatest work we can ever do. I love being a work at home mom and I wouldn't change it for the world.

If you and your husband are happy with were you are then who cares what the others think. More than likely either they don't know you or you are misreading them. They probably just wish they could be home with their children.

Enjoy how lucky you are to be there for your babies, blow everybody else off. You will never regret being there for your kids, these other people come and go.

I am a working mother of two children. Twins who both have chronic medical conditions neeeding lots of care(OT/Meds/MD visits) . I would give anything to be able to not have the additional burden of having to work outside the home due to financial reasons. The times I have to stay home for week(s) consecutively due to their illness makes me feel like a real mother to them. Dont let anyone ever make you feel badly for doing the most important job on earth well. Keep up the good mothering!I

There has always been drama between the working moms and the non working moms. It is the same conflict as breast feeding vs. bottle feeding. We are never more vulnerable to being judged as when we are mommies. Possibly they are feeling frustrated because they would love to be in your shoes who knows? I know that with my first 2 I worked and it was hard to hear stay at home moms complain about being at home (even if it was just about laundry or picking up toys or whatever). My heart ached every morning when I had to drop of my baby(s) - I absolutely hated it. When I got to the point that I had 3/4 my husband and I decided that it was best if I stayed at home to create calm in the storm of 4 children. By the time I had the 4th his work was providing enough income for us. So I was able to stay home. I have not always done a great job of being kind when I thought about the words that I might have spoken when it came to complaining when others had to work - I'm not saying you haven't - but you reminded me that I have been blessed- you and I love being at home!!! Controlled by our husbands lol lol lol lol - I would say to those women - behind every great man is a great woman working or not! You hang in there and love on your babies and tell your friends that if they can't respect the decision that you have made for your family as you respect the one they have made for theirs then they will need to find someone else to criticize!

I think it's the other way around. SAHMs give working moms attitude. I've heard statements like "oh it must be so hard for you to have to work" and "I don't know why people even have kids if they don't want to be with them all day" and "I just couldn't imagine having to leave little Haylee Kayden with a sitter" etc etc.

The working moms I know don't pass judgement on the at home moms. If anything we feel a bit beaten up by them.

I am at the point that it must make them feel better. They have to have societies "pat on the back". The real ugly truth is..Not one of us, no matter what you do can do it all. I am happy to be teaching my kids that every new "thing" is not what will make them happy.

I think this is the reason I started blogging. I really got started in January and in July I took off!! I don't know what my main niche will be, I'm just letting myself find it. I want to share with the world, you can be a contributing person and not "work" in a "career".

I Love My Job!! I want to leave my mark by being the change I want to see in the world!"

Musings of a Modern Mom
@MusingMom6
musingsmom.blogspot.com

I am a SAHM myself and I do feel as though my independence and freedom has gone out the door. My husband is not at all controlling, but I hate not having my own "spending" money that I earned or doing what I please when I want to w/ out having to worry about the dreaded "budget" :) I'm not quite sure why I feel this way, maybe it's my own guilt..but there are more days that I commend my choice to stay home w/ my 3 kids then there are days that I am kicking myself because I can't go out and buy a shirt when I want to :)

All of my friends work and I am the only stay at home mom in the group. I know that I have been judged and still am judged but I stopped feeling guilty about it and do my best to raise my kids to be decent human beings. I am struggling with going back, someday, because I do feel like I need to have something besides raising a family and when the kids are all grown and independent i don't want to feel all useless and lost. I watch my working friends struggle to balance everything and they are not even full-time! To each their own. Most women work because it is a neccessity and others need to get out a couple days a week, away from the homefront, for their sanity. I don't judge and I wish people would stop judging stay at home mothers. We aren't stupid or do hours of Pilates and gym everyday.

That is just their opinion..like anything else in life. You either agree or don't agree and go on.
I am also a SAHM and most days I love the whole experience. I would not change a thing. I love being the house where all the kids hang out. I love having my kids home with me ..when the older ones are not in school.
Just feel confident in your choices whatever they are. No one can make you feel inferior.

hi, i am a stay at home mom of 2 girls and one more on the way and i have family telling me that i should get back to work. my husband and i had made that choice for me to take care of the children and he will work. now that both girls will be in school i hear it more to go back to work or take care of their children. i am not a daycare and plus we have a job taking care of our house and family is work. i go out and visit my family running around town with my girls shopping and he doesnt have a problem with that. just because you dont go out and work doesnt make you less that a person that a person that does work.

It's because whichever side you're on, stay at home or work full-time, the "other side" feels threatened or feel like they are being looked down upon because of their choices. I've been a SAHM and a working mom. I work now and many SAHMs are not shy about letting me know how they would never have "someone else raise their kids" as they put it. Don't take it personally. What works for some doesn't work for others and just stay confident in your choices!

maybe im just still too hormonal from having a baby but i have heard things like that from people too and it hurts my feelings. i made a choice to stay home with my daughter. i couldn't imagine letting a daycare worker experience the things with her i get to experience. any stay at home mom can tell you that being a full-time mom is NOT an easy job. my fiance works two jobs and after watching the baby for a couple hours while i run errands tells me how marvelous i am for doing this all day. i used to work 60-70 hour weeks before i had my baby and i work much harder now than i did in the past. staying at home doesn't make you "less independent" it makes you stronger. it takes a strong woman to take care of people that truley depend on her. ugh..that just makes me mad at this point... :)

Maybe because the ones saying that feel they are being controlled by their husbands? And that has nothing to do with being a SAHM or a WOHM.
Had a controlling husband. It had nothing to do with working or staying at home.

It is their "perception" that stay at home moms must be made to do so.

What people perceive has little to do with reality but more to do with
their experience.

Do what "YOU" think is right. Enjoy your children..

There are plenty of SAHM's out there and I really doubt if any of them are being controlled by their husbands. In fact, when I told my husband I wanted to stay at home with our kids, he didn't see the value and would have preferred I go back to work. He didn't see it, when our first was an infant, but he sees the value in me staying home now. My advice is to ignore anyone who says these kinds of things. While there are some women out there who want and choose to work, there are others who are probably envious of you but they have no choice but to work. Not everyone is as fortunate as we are. I will say that I encounter many people who's comments are...."I don't know how you do it, I could never stay at home with my kids..I'd go crazy." I don't know why people say this but a lot of them do. It kind of makes me feel bad (like they think you are crazy or lazy to want to stay at home with your kids). Maybe those who make these comments have this subconscious guilt and it makes them feel better to make these comments. Being a stay at home mom is hard! ....but we accept that challenge.

Ignore them like others have said. I believe that when your have people that hate on you, its because they want to be like you. You stay at home and take care of your children, bottem line. You shouldn't have to explain yourself to others of your actions, belifs etc. I am a stay at home mom and I live with my mother. Her request is that I stay home to focus on my son and work on my college education online. Thats all. well im going to take the advantage to better myself and mold my child the best I can without interference from outsiders. Also just cause you choose not to work, that does not mean your not independent. You are for sure cause you deal with the household, the children, etc on your own, not with help from others and that is the defenition of Independence. So don;t worry yourself. Its not worth it. Besides your kids are what are inportant and i'm sure they LOVE having mommy home all the time!!!

Good Luck and Best Wishes!!

I'm a stay at home mom and I have to say that taking care of the kids is a job all within itself. As a matter of fact, I think its the best and most rewarding job a person can have. Unfortunately some moms wish they could stay home with their children, but can't afford to. You should count your lucky stars. I know a lot of stay at home moms and not a single one of them has ever said anything about anyone telling them they are being controlled by their husbands. I personally have never had anyone tell me that either. To me, the people who are telling you that are jealous that you can do it and they can't. Having a job outside the home is not more empowering. Actually, the opposite. There are lot of men who stay at home and I'm sure they will also tell you its the most rewarding job. Not to mention, staying at home with your children is more controlled then if your not around your children all day. You definitely have more control over the family unit. Although the husband should be the head in any marriage, but definitely not a controlling situation. If i were you, I would find some friends that aren't so judgmental. Good Luck and spend as much time with your kids as you can. They grow fast.

I have been a stay at home mom now for 9 years and i absolutely love it. I did not do it when my son was little and I missed out on a lot of "first" things. That is why I decided to stay at home when our second child was born. Plus I am able to attend all of her school parties, PTO meetings, and other outside school gatherings that most working parents can not attend. I think being able to come and go as you please and not being on a set schedule is kinda nice also. I would not trade it for anything.

Not everyone can be a SAHM either financially or emotionally. Some people just need that break from kids that work gives them. Perhaps they think you need it as well or they are jealous that you can handle it while they can't. I have been a SAHM for the last 14 months except I have a part time job just recently that I can go to while my husband is home to watch our son. I hope it stays temporary and doesn't extend because I have found now that my job has become more limited so I get bored there I would much rather be home with my family and miss it so. My SIL is always telling me oh you'll be a better Mom if you spend less time with the kids you don't have to be there every second. I tell her you know what it doesn't bother me just because you go insane doesn't mean I'm going to. He gets lots of Daddy time in the evenings so I don't feel I need a break. I guess I get it then.

okay so me and a girlfriend have this conversation all the time. She works and would love to be able to afford to stay at home, I am a SAHM and fulltime caregiver for my MIL. I always crack up at the fact that people think its not a job and how I sit around and do nothing all day. The best thing that we can come up with is that there are many different types of moms out there. The ones like me are ones that love being at home with our kids and never get bored with the small things that happen on a daily basis. I am very hands on when it comes to parenting and wanted to be at home when we had kids, my husband agreed. There are other moms that are a little less and work part time and work part time, and those who couldnt fathom bieng a SAHM and work full time. Not everyone who works falls into these catagories of course there are many out there who have no choice. Neither one or the other is a better choice, its just whats better for your family and a mom of one group might never understand that of another, just like with evey other parenting choice we make, we all have our reasons for each one and there is a pro and con to each. I would probably say the biggest con about being a SAHM is not getting that adult time that I got when I did work, but I have made it a priority to get adult time atleast once a week and this is what I find from some moms that would not want to me a SAHM is htat they dont want to loose that part of themselves. Being a mom is a huge sacrafice and we give up a lot of ourselves to do it, some moms can afford to sacrafice more and still be okay while I think others need to keep that part of themselves to still be a good parent. As long as you know you are happy and doing what is right and best for YOUR family, then that is all that matters. I always tell poeple when they make coments "Well this is what owrks best for our family" Hope this helps (sorry for the length)

I say, ignore what they say, they're just jealous that you get to stay home and play! Oh all right, you get to stay home and work. ; ) LOL I think that some people can't stand it that we stay at home and have learned how to have a life at home with our kids and can afford not to work. or have learned to live within the small income that our husbands bring in. And there are dads that stay home while their wife works so are they henpecked or controlled by their wives? not necessarily. It's what works for them! And if they enjoy it more power to them.

I love that I can spend time at home, my kids and I go for walks and work in the garden. I don't think I could stand to put my kids in daycare and not see them all day.

Just ignore them, there will always be someone who judges you no matter what you choose. I am a SAHM. Well, more like WAHM. I work online part time 10 hrs a week, and I also blog (eco-babyz.com). I found it to be a great outlet for some 'me' time even though it is all still baby related. My husband is not controlling at all! But I think some people even from my own extended family might think that. :) I love being home with my daughter, wouldn't change it for the world! It was a choice we made together, mutually and wholeheartedly with my husband.

you know many of us work AT home - i've worked at home with my kids by my side for years - time freedom AND a nice income - best of both worlds.
J.

i didnt read all of the other comments, so i dont know if this was said or not, but i think its mainly jealousy. they use the husband excuse because they cant think of any other reason. i know a girl who has a husband and he works and she also works 2 jobs. i wouldnt say shes my friend, because we fight on and off all the time, but anyway she always manages to refer to me being a SAHM in every conversation no matter what the convo is about. then she had the nerve to post on facebook saying "im glad im a mother who doesnt have to rely on her husbands paycheck" so i commented to her "sorry not all of us have men who CAN support us" childish, i know but im with you, its just so DAMN frustrating!!!

I would just ignore them. I would love to stay home and be a mom.

I was a teacher for 5 years before having my son. I always wanted to have and to teach my OWN children. So when I became a mom, we were thrilled that we could afford for me to stay home.

Is it your choice to stay home, or your husband's? If you wanted to work part time I would hope that y'all could make it work so that you could have that part-time job. If he won't allow that, then maybe he is controlling.

Perhaps part of people's ideas on SAHMs comes from women's rights and/or biblical "submissiveness" which states that the man should be at the head of the household, etc. Some women, who are not christian and/or not submissive to their husbands as the bible says they should be, feel tha submissiveness = controlling, which it does not. Submissive is something the WIFE is, while controlling is something that the HUSBAND is. Something to think about.

Sometimes I wish I were working part time so that I could feel a little more 'indpendent' as you mentioned. I want to go buy a new pair of jeans or something and it'd be easier to explain to my husband what I spent money on (my hubby's quite a tight-wad, but because of that, we have enough money for me to be able to stay home, so why complain about that?)

i dont know..........i get alot of respect within my group for deciding to be a sahm. The people i know, consider it harder, and more lonely, and they know i miss work, but i feel this is best.

Maybe the women you know are feeling the pressure to work because THEY dont want to feel pressured into being "holly house wife".

maybe they have a different image of it,, like dinner having to on the table at 5, and that kind of nonsense.

open can, pour out worms....!!!;) No-one knows what it is like to be a SAHM unless they have done it. I sure didn't!! I had so many misconceptions about it when I was a single gal working. I thought it must be the most easy, peaceful life!!HA! Just like I used to wonder why people in restaurants couldn't control their children....hahahhahaha....you just don't get it if you haven't lived it;) I am convinced that the greatest things in life just don't come easy and we SAHMs are a dying breed. The world just isn't geared to moms being home and so many of us that are, are sort of off on our own private islands all day, without a network, without adult companionship. There are great things out there to help us no doubt, but the overwhelming trend seems to be to return to work after a child. I think I am the only mom at home on my street, it is a no-mans land around here after my husband leaves each morning. I think that being a mom has it's challenges whether you work outside the home and then have to wrangle the kids, cook dinner, and live life in four hours and go to bed early to start it all again or if you are home all day and cleaning messes as more are being made and running the home all day long with no break, no change of pace. I knew a few moms when I decided to stay home who worked outside who I think wished they had the chance to stay home and so sometimes they formed negative opinions to deal with the fact that it just wasn't an option in their life at the moment. I think we SAHMs are the unsung heroes doing a hard and often thankless job. We know how much work we do and we know that our men are not controlling us, so I guess that just has to be good enough. It gets on my nerves sometimes too, sometimes I rant, but usually I just try and let it go. Overall I am super happy with my life, my man, my kids and my often messy house. We are all happy and healthy and I don't have to deal with wondering if my children are ok all day long. I am really grateful to my man for putting value on me raising the kids during the day! Don't know if I am independent or not..too busy to contemplate it..LOL;) Great post;)