The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands - Gilbert,AZ

I'm sorry, but I won't take advice from a "Dr." who recommends that wives sexually submit to their husbands even if they don't feel like it. It gives me the creeps.

Edited: She says this on her SHOW. I have heard her say it. I have heard her say it many, many times. It doesn't get any more clear. The words came out of her mouth, more than once. I used to listen to the show while commuting. There wasn't a lot on the radio and I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment.

Why wouldn't of any of this apply to a SAHM???A marriage is a marriage a parent is a parent regardless if both partners work from home,or outside the home the 1 is home or whatever the situation maybe.We all have children we all have arguements I don't see how this would exclude SAHMs.I'll be getting this book to see what it has to say I have heard of it.I'm a proud SAHM of 3 have my fair share of arguments with hubby..If i'm missing why it wouldn't apply to us SAHMs & their hubbies please share.

What about the proper care and feeding of wives? The world is completely different today and if you do adhere to traditional roles in your relationship then I can see how you would believe that this book is a life-saver. But...being women...I feel we take on way more than men do at times. We are the nurturers but also must be providers (at least helping out financially)...we do it all! Maybe some man needs to write a book about care wives need. I've read and seen too many books about what a man wants and what will make him happy...a man is no prize to keep. He is your partner...your equal. You make decisions together and hopefully can parent on equal terms as well as take care of the home.

I read it. It helped me, and my husband has never been happier. I don't know about the whole working from home thing, and we don't have the money issues, but we do have issues, and they just don't matter so much when we are both trying to make each other happy. I know you are probably thinking that all the work will be yours, but it won't. Unless he is just a totally self absorbed SOB, he will respond to you doing what Dr. Laura suggests. I have heard a lot of women poo poo this idea, because they think that it is somehow demeaning that we should "manipulate" men into treating us better, but I don't look at it that way, though my husband teases me that I am, and then he says that he loves it...but I think back to when I was so in love with him that ever feeling like he was a burden was unthinkable, before kids, before money, before he left his dirty socks and underwear on the floor...and I think that I want him to know that I still love him that way.

He recieves love through sex, and he has a fragile ego, and I can stroke it better than anyone in the world. He can walk out the door every morning feeling loved and like he hung the moon in my eyes and his back is just a little straighter and he has a better day. Why would I not want to make him feel like that? Any man who does is going to rush home to feel like that again, and you will begin to love that look in his eyes when you know that he really, really knows how loved he is, and how special you are to him, you will be more than he ever dreamed of, and everything he needs.

What you are going to find is that once you reach him on his level, he will be more invloved in the day to day stuff that he lets you do alone right now. When he is home, he will be happy to start seeing you more as the woman he loves, and less as a coworker.

I don't like a lot of what Dr. Laura says, and I could not care less about the woman's movement being the cause of anything, but I know that she got the way men feel and think right, and that what she says to do works.

Honestly, for us, once we started to have more sex, on a regular basis, and he started to see that I really wanted him, after a while, it not only was not hard to do, I enjoyed it too. The more you have, the more you want it. Now, he is not so needy, since he knows that it is going to happen and he does not have any bad negative feelings that he is nagging me for it, or that I get to rule the roost about when, how, how much, if ever...he has relaxed, and it is no longer something that he worries about. It gave him more time to think about things like helping me around the house, and gave him more positive feelings in his carreer.

I don't worry that I am manipulating him (and most men would beg to be manipulated like this!) I do what I do now, because it is part of loving a man, not the way I think he should be loved, but the way he thinks he should be loved. Don't women get to decide how we want it? What does it matter how you get what you want? If the two don't coincide, compromise does not really mean that we meet in the middle, it means that we both do what the other needs to feel loved. You bennefit too. Two happy people, it can be done.

One thing that I read a lot here is that women don't have time for sex. I have said that. Frankly, it just does not take that much out of my busy life, and I have a ton of control over just how much time it takes. I takes more time to scrub a tub than it does to have sex sometimes, so have a dirty tub. It really told my husband, whom I loved more than anything, that he was dead last on my list. I think I took vows to put him first, and now I do. Not when you are vomiting, or have a broken leg, but men who know you would want to have sex with them if you were not vomiting and get it as often as they want it when you are not sick, don't ask as soon as you flush either! Men who are never getting it and worry about it all the time act like babies about what they don't get. I am glad to live with a grown up now. A happy, satisified, grown up man who knows how loved he is, and not just because I told him over and over again while we were arguing about how little sex there was, but because I gave him love the way he can see it. If I had just had sex with him instead of justifying why I was too tired, we both would have been happy a lot sooner.

She is right about men. She may be abrasive and wrong about a lot, but she nails how men think dead on. Ask your husband if he thinks the way she says he does.

You won't regret it.

M.

I love it, I knew there were some repercussions from the feminist movement that were unfavorable to the way i choose to want to live. She outlined it magnificently. She would tell you that your husband might treat you like a business partner because you clearly put him third after the kids and working from home.

She would say that.

There is a reason it is so popular, it does not speak for everyone, but i know at least 6 women who are perfect for her advice, and im one of them.
I know for a FACT that i have been putting my husband 3rd for YEARS. without a thought to him or his wants and needs. In return he felt like he was unwanted and has acted accordingly.

Im not ashamed to say that i should be a better wife, so far ive been an awesome mother, cook, maid and a great friend, but not really the best wife. There is a difference.

*** (added later), i think some of the things that is being said about dr laura are unfair. She clearly is not supporting being "submissive",she merely says that women should try to make time for sex with their husbands, and they should alter their thinking so that they dont feel pressured, that its not just an "animal act" or a release, men put a lot of their self worth into how they are as lovers, theres nothing wrong with having frequent sex with your husband, its not supposed to be demeaning.

She never says submit to your husband, but merely consider him as important, or more than your other details in life.

If we feel that considering our husbands feelings, and wants and needs is a chore than we have a serious problem with our priorities.

I love it. I am actually just finishing it up. She makes some amazingly valid points on the insight into a "man's world." My husband and I choose to have a more "traditional" family...he works and takes care of all things financial, I'm home with 4 kids and take care of all things domestic; so many of the values she points out are very real in my home. However, even if we didn't have our lives set up the way we do, her points would still be valid.

In order for a man to feel loved and to show love to another person, he needs a physical connection. Many women do not feel like their emotional needs are being met by their husbands...but do not realize that neither are his. Men need to feel needed, appreciated and respected before they can recriprocate those same feelings toward their partners. By understanding the points she makes in this book, you will realize that she isn't so much telling you to be submissive, but rather showing you how much control YOU actually have in your relationship. By taking care of the very basic and primal needs of your husband, you will in turn get everything (and then some) that you need to feel loved and appreciated.

Read the book with an open mind as opposed to that of a feminest who fears repression and you'll take so much more away from it.

I work from home, and let me tell you, at first I thought the author was a woman-hater, but let me tell you, if you apply what she says, it WORKS. That book is fantastic. I saw a complete 180 in my BFs attitude. You can't read that book with a closed mind though... at first I was a little sensitive about what I was reading, but you have to pick out what applies to you and your daily lives. I'm actually in the process of writing a paper on this book and plan on blogging about it, just to spread the word (particularly aiming at women in my situation)... point is, it is a very valuable book, and I hope you're able to take something away from it like I did... it's all about being the bigger person :) BEST WISHES!!

Hi C.! I am not a "feminist who fears repression", OR, a "defensive wife" and I hated the book. I have a great marriage and I was appalled by all the things that Dr. Laura thinks a woman should do so her man doesn't run away.
One poster said of people who don't agree with the book" these are women who don't understand or care that intimacy is essential to the emotional health and well-being of men." How can you make such a judgement on people? I absolutely care about my husbands need for intimacy. My scorn for the book does not reflect how I care for my husband's needs.

Dr. Laura (I use the term 'Dr.' loosely because she has no expertise in the counseling/psychology field except for her opinion), will tell you that anything wrong in your marriage is flat out because YOU screwed up.
Is your husband cheating on you? Poor guy, he just didn't get enough at home.
Does your husband treat you badly? Most likely because you nag (of course, anything coming out of a woman's mouth is most likely nagging according to the author).

Dr. Laura does not write a book for men, stating that men don't need it. They are too simple to do anything wrong without being provoked to it by their wife. Seriously?
I really believed that Dr. Laura missed the mark in her analysis of men. I don't believe that men only equate love with sex. My husband loves his parents and our kids but he doesn't have sex with them! I also don't believe that men are so simple that all they require is sex and a sandwich!

My husband and I have a vibrant marriage, but we both give 100%. It's not the woman gives 75% and the man gives 25% idea that people glean from the book.
I love, value and respect my husband too much to reduce him to "simple". He's a man of strength, integrity, honor, humor and emotion and he would lay down his life for me, even on MY worst day.

Oh, about sex. This book really ruined my view of sex. I LOVE having sex with my husband. After reading this book, it looked more like a chore or something I had to do to keep my husband from having sex with someone else. Sex is NOT meant to be a bargaining tool or a duty as a wife. Thankfully, I was able to fully enjoy sex again, after a time!

Now, in speaking out against this book I have been called a feminist, a nazi, and witch and have been told that my marriage is doomed for divorce, that my husband most likely hates me, had posters imply that I am "fridged", and people on this site have told me that I have no faith in God or the Bible if I don't like this book. Wow! Apparently people view this as the ONLY formula for a happy marriage and don't want anyone to be happy without it!
I hope that when you read the book you are able to maintain confidence that you are worthy of being loved even if you are unable to jump through Dr. Laura's hoops.
I wish you the happiest of marriages!

ps. my favorite book on marriage is "The 5 love Needs of Men and Women" by Barbara and Gary Rosberg and my favorite game to play with my husband is a game we invented called "5 things I like about you" where we each give 5 things that we love/like about each other. It's fun to think of things throughout the day to use in the game.

Some of the book is outdated, but it is a great book. Some of it needs to be pointed out to so many woman in our society today, we do act selfish, and we do forget that becoming mothers does not mean we are no longer wives. I applied some of the things in the book, like simply trying to be more available to my husband and showing him affection in the ways he understands best, and it has been amazing the way he now showers me with love and attention, and he did not even know I was reading the book/changing anything, he just feels so loved and desired he wants to make me happy in any way he can. It really has made our relationship better, and I recommend the book to people all the time. From what I have seen most of the woman who say it is bad, or anti-feminist, have not actually read the book, they are simply repeating things they have heard or read about the book without actually reading it for themselves. They are usually the very type of selfish self centered woman who would benefit most from the book. The book in no way implies that woman are submissive, in fact it says we are the ones with the power, that we have to make our lives better, that we can not sit around and wait and hope some man knows what we need. We have to know what we need, and this book simply tells us ways to help us get it.

if i wanted another thing to care for i'd get another dog. what i have instead is a partner, an equal. we do what our strengths are, in or out of the home. no i will never take advice from the traditionalist that holds back women from taking care of themselves. her other book about being a sahm is even worse. ugh. we live in 2010, not 1810.

I am reading it right now and am finding many of the ideas and suggestions to be helpful. Some of the insight that her male listeners offer really has opened my eyes to how men feel about some things. I asked my hubby if he felt the same way about a few things and his eyes lit up and he told me yes.

I have to admit that part of me was pretty annoyed by some of her words, as I am coming to realize that I oftentimes AM very selfish about asserting only my views and desires. Wow, it was tough to see myself in some of the wife examples. Will every wife love the book? Certainly not, and there are some ideas that I don't fully embrace either, but I am getting some pretty good takeaways about not nagging, more frequent physical intimacy, and mild ego stroking.

I read it a couple years ago and honestly it change my marriage for the better. I read some of these responses about her "anti-feminist submission" standpoint but...edited. She explains it beautifully and clearly. Rather than teaching submission she teaches how the health of most (!) relationships can be planted by the wife in order to be cared for and thrive by the couple. I love how she has a ton of real people's input. If you read it, as suggested, do it with an open mind because a defensive wife will probably not get much out of it. **Edited** Okay so I removed a little from earlier to show that I'm not a hater; what I stated earlier was perhaps too generalized. Let me just state this: Rather than allowing your marriage to easily slip into a downward spiral--he hurt me, so I hurt him, so he hurts me again...The point is to create an upward spiral: I love and serve him (not necessarily sexually), so he loves and serves me, so I love and serve him more, etc...It is harder work than a downward spiral but reaps love fruit which is the goal of any marriage.
Also, if I may say so, take a deep breath. You are doing great. You care about so many people and the fact that you are worried means you're doing good. NO MOM feels like she does/is/loves/gives/etc enough. It's not in our cards at this stage. What we can feel good about is the big picture: your children are healthy/generally happy; you are a good person who loves your hubby/kids; your hubby is devoted to providing for his fam as well as he can and he loves them back. Life is hard, it is supposed to be. The old saying goes that if you feel like life is easy, wait a minute.
We are a blessed people in general compared to most of the world and so we have a reason to smile each day. Don't get so caught up in where you feel like you're falling short that you neglect the love, peace and beauty of your life. Everything that troubles you will work itself out...and by then you'll have a whole new set of problems. Just enjoy the ride and know that there's at least a few moms around the country cheering you on silently.

It sounds like we have a lot in common. While I haven't read this book, I have considered it, and probably will. One my husband and I did read together was Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue. Which is essentially all about re-learning to be compassionate, respectful and giving to each other.

Read it with him or at least share what you're reading to get his feedback. The more open your communication the better yout relationship will be.
I don't feel she belittles men by calling them simple, it's just an understanding of the power women have!
Happy wife = Happy life!

To Christina M. -
Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands..."
Colossians 3:18 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord."

I don't know about Dr. Laura's book, but I can recommend a book by Dr. Kevin Leman: "Have a New Husband by Friday." It's a good book with a practical, common-sense approach to growing your relationship. He also wrote "Have A New Kid By Friday." Seriously, it's good!!! I believe these books could be very helpful to your situation. I hope this helps!

I read it, and found it helpful. However, if you do like it...don't suggest it to anyone on here-I did one time to someone who was having issues with her husband and pretty much got reamed for even suggesting it. Just a word of warning. Good luck to you.

I loved the PC&FOH book - maybe check it out from the library and also check out Flylady for help with the organization and keeping up on top of things.

It may not seem like you have enough time to care for another with all that you have to do, but I have found that frequently it is easier to just give up x amount of time to care for and satisfy the person than to spend y amount of time afterwards in an escalating battle. For a specific example: putting my son to bed - if I don't take the 10 mins to sit down and talk and hug and listen and get his water and tuck him in, I'm sending him back to bed for 30-50 mins afterwards and both of us are cross and unhappy. You may not need to send your husband back to bed like your kid, but it'll take more time to resolve issues that pop up because his first need wasn't satisfied - if that makes any sense?

I've been thinking I need a refresher and I'm gonna go get this book & read it right now instead of another post!

If you finances are tight just reserve it at the library and you can make a decision after. I actually used to like Dr Laura 10 + years ago, but either I have changed my attitude or she has, since I just listened to her 2 days ago and thought she was way off base on every answer. You should also consider the 5 languages of love.

I'm trying to read it now, seems like it's anti women. SAHM should really cater to their husbands because he works hard to support the family( and SAHM don't work hard????) Working Moms should ....quit their jobs and become SAHM's so they are not stressed and ill tempered. and of course the book was written by a working mom