"Splitting the Time"

My brother and his ex split the time with my neice just the way you are. And it has worked wonderfully for them. She had in her daycare and my brother didnt and it all worked out just fine. My neice has adjusted well theyve had some kinks to work out here and there but in divorce we all do.
Very sorry to hear that things arent working out. Remember tho your son is the most important thing dont let him get lost in the divorce mess. Good luck!

My husband and his ex-wife have this set up with their son, he's 9 now. It wasn't always this way, when he was younger he was with my husband every Wed and every other weekend. That morphed into every Wed & Thursday and every other weekend. Now it's every other week and it's fantastic. There is quite the adjustment and when it was a few days here and a few days there it was almost like he didn't "live" with his dad at all. I've been around the last four years, two year post divorce, and I would definitley recommend this solution. I would also recommend if possible co-parent counseling, this is one thing my husband always wanted to do and his ex didn't, but I think it would have been worthwhile. The more you and your ex can work toward making things similar at your house, just in terms of rules and then eventually things like chores and friends the easier the transition will be each week.

im sorry to hear about your situation. have you and your husband considered couples therapy. or any other solution than separating? you obviously feel that he is a good father to your son, since you are wanting your son to have so much time with his dad. i don't know the details of your situation, but are you sure that separating will allow you to go off of the meds you are now taking? i know that this is not the advice that you were looking for but i hate to see a young family broken, if all of the other options have not been expired.

I'm a newly divorced mom of a beautiful almost 4 year old little girl. I was also on anti-depressants. My ex did use that against me & won custody of our daughter. I now see my daughter every other Wed. & every other weekend. Part of the parenting plan states that the "primary residential custodian" (my ex in our case) can't move with our daughter more than 100 mile without court approval. Right now we're 30 minutes apart & it's difficult since she's in daycare when she's with her father. I don't take her to school on the days she's wih me. I use it as quality time for us.
One thing you need to think about is that your son would benefit from therapy to help him cope with the changes. My daughter acts out in frustration & cries alot because she says she misses me. She's not capable of verbalizing all of her emotions and certainly doesn't understand all that's changing in her life. I;m going to suggest to my ex that we take her to therapy to help get to the bottom things and also to learn how to talk to her without asking leading questions. It's crucial tha your son has a healthy relationship with both you and your husband regardless of the relationship the 2 of you have. I'm still very afraid of my ex, but try not to say things that would make my daughter afraid of her daddy. Your son is quite young, but old enough to know things aren't right. He probably already knows & and has for some time. I also would think long and hard about a 2 hour move. It's not conducive for co-parenting.
Make sure you get the help you need. That's the best thing you can do for your son. You can't nurture a healthy child if you aren't healthy yourself. Good luck. I hope you have better luck than I did.

Honestly I would not move 2 Hours away. Because I would want to be close by child if anything were to happen while he is with his father. Pray about this relocation, because you do not want to move there and then move back. Take some time and really think about it before you do anything.

Nita

My opinion is that you should not split one week you have him, the next he has him. This may seem like a good idea now, but in the long run you will spend part of your time re-calibrating your son to rules and bedtimes and a normal routine. He is too young to be passed back and forth-he needs a stable environment now more than ever. I have seen others do this and as the kids get older (school age) they question rules-I don't have to do that at dad's -why do I have to do it here. He may grow to like one place more than the other and then what? The parent he likes living with goes to court, the child after a certain age can choose and then what? What if your child doesn't choose you at age 11? How are you going to be? If you work 3 12 hour days-can those days be Fri, Sat, Sun? That way your husband can parent your sun during the weekends so you can work? Why are you relocating 2 hours away? If you are going towards family members can you get a family member to help? Your help with the child will come easier if the nanny knows they will get a full month's pay. Please rethink the split custody-your child needs stability and what happens when school starts? When will your child go to preschool? I started mine at 3. He can't do preschool every other week? He will miss half of his learning and will feel behind. Then what about kindergarten? When will he start? He's almost 2 so this agreement will only be good until Kindergarten. He will have to be in one place for schooling purposes. Also, if you are depressed and on meds-you need to put together a plan that will heal your depression and get you off the meds-your husband can use that against you in court if he wants to make you an unfit mother. Go to counseling and figure out your source of unhappiness and work through it-your son deserves a mom who is happy! (I am not against meds for depression-I think they can be beneficial-I think counselling and exercise may help you with your problems and once you are gone and the next chapter starts that sleeplessness will go away-you have a lot on your mind and you have your son's welfare on your mind-the decisions you make now affect him forever, and that would keep even the happiest people up at night!) Just follow your heart and your gut-be careful and treat your husband with respect and explain your decisions-make a pro con list. Is there a way you can work and not relocate? Best of luck to you! You will make the right decision for you and your family.

I am both a divorced mom and a family law paralegal. Some of this will depend on your state of residence what the court will allow you to do. In most states, though, if the two parents agree on any kind of schedule, no matter how different, the court will accept the agreement and incorporate it into his Decree. A lot of courts do not like to have such extreme separations in time with either parent. Again, you'd have to check with an attorney in your state, but here, especially with how young your son is, the court would want him to be in your physical custody during each week and your ex having visitation every, or every-other weekend.
Now, that's the legal part of your question. Here's my mommy advice...
It doesn't matter what you and your ex agree on, as long as you can agree on ANYTHING AT ALL. you are already miles ahead of most divorced parents, who disagree on whether their kid should play soccer or basketball. If you and your ex agree on the schedule...there WILL BE A WAY to make it work. The most important thing is getting along as best you can for your child's sake. My ex and I argued for no reason for 2 years, until we finally put aside the hurt and anger. Now we get along pretty well, and even consider one another friends. We are both remarried. Since we have a somewhat friendly relationship, it make working out the to-and-from much easier with regards to babysitting and traveling to visitation. Good Luck.