10 Year Old Daughter Wants to Live with Dad...

Hi Mary,

I don't know first hand, but I do know that 10 is old enough to go in front of the judge and the judge will listen to what she has to say. If she is able to articulate why she wants to live with her dad (and it's reasonable) the judge will consider it EQUALLY to the parental testimony, so I would say you have a good shot.

I was not able to move away unless my daughter's dad gave consent (which he did, separate story) and I don't know KY law, but it's too bad they live so far away. A judge will give 50/50 custody practically anytime it is requested - can you move to them so you could split and have her 1/2 the week?

I also know (and I don't advocate playing money games) that waiving child support does WONDERS sometimes in a parent letting the child move in with the ex. Not sure what your financial situation is, but that might something you might want to offer if it looks like it would help.

Good luck!

I actually went through this same thing with my parents when they got a divorce and feel for her. I was always daddy's girl and after my parents divorce my mom moved us across the country (which broke my heart). I didnt get up the guts to tell my dad and mom I wanted to move in with my dad unitl I was 15 and needless to say my mom didnt take it very well and it caused a huge rift in our relationship. I cant remeber what but I there is an age where the court system will talk directly with the child to find out the whys and such of a decsion and I have heard of Dads winning custody in court (ours never got that far). I just wanted to say hang in there and I applaud you for taking her wants into consideration. If my dad had not helped fight my battle with my mom I dont know where I would be to this day. My mom was a wonderful mother but I didnt have the conncetion that I needed with her like i have with my dad. ((HUGS))

She is 10 years old and can say who she wants to live with. I would have her let the judge know how she feels. He/she will most likely talk to her in chambers with no questions from attorneys and no parents so she will not feel guilty for telling her true feelings. Kids in a split family often try to play the parents against each other and say they want to live with the opposite parent when they are in trouble or to make the parent feel guilty or get their way. I know this as I was from a split family and now have a son with an ex who I have custody of. I am not saying she is trying to play yall against each other and if it has been going on for some time then I think she really wants to stay with you and its the best thing for her. In the end its what makes the child happy.. Good luck and I wish you the best in your hearing, but it sounds as if you have a good chance. Make sure she is able to be heard and has a voice in the hearing though..

Wow, your step-daughter sounds just like my daughter, daddy's little girl....be careful here. I've been in almost the exact situation except I am the mother who is the primary custodial parent (by the court) and I finally gave my daughter to her dad three years ago. I went through a nasty custody battle with my ex for about 4 years. My daughter constantly whined how much she wanted to live with her dad and not me her evil mom. We went through psychological testing, counseling, numerous court dates, etc., and I was ordered to remain the primary custodial parent...good for me, right...wrong! My daughter became unbearable to live with. It got to the point where if I didn't do something with her, I would have probably gotten another divorce with my current husband. I got fed up with the constant misery in my household and sent her packing....best decision I ever made and never took her back, after spending thousands of dollars on all the baloney with the courts and psychologists. Now that was three years ago, going on four. At the time my kid moved in with my ex and his wife (his wife was a wonderful step-mom by the way and I was glad that she loved my daughter so much), BUT, after a year of living with my daughter, her step-mom left and they got divorced. My daughter turned their house upside down and the step-mom decided she had enough too of daddy's girl. So, the moral of my story is watch what you ask for. If you do succeed in getting her to live with you, make sure she sees a good counselor who can help her sort through her feelings. These situations can be a double edge sword which can stab on either end.

Speaking from my experience,

M.

First let me tell you congrats for being a good mom! It is not easy being the step mom, I know first hand. My husband and I went through a similar battle a few years ago. It took alot of work, and alot of money, and some pain. Our situation was different, and the mother was clearly unfit, so it was easier to win custody. What I did was keep a calendar just for my step daughters. Everytime they had something going on, visited their family, or was to be at their mom's, I put it on the calendar. I also marked any problems, phone calls, etc on it. We recorded all voicemails onto a digital recorder, and any phone calls we had with her, as well as the ones the girls would let us record. check with your state as to the rules of recording conversations and voicemails before doing. By the time we were able to afford a lawyer and go to court, I had 3 years of information. I then compiled it into a booklet with sections. Once was a spreadsheet of all the days the girls were supposed to be in her custody, and highlited diff colors for things like them not being physically with their mom on the days they were supposed to be, their mom was in the hospital, and such. Then I made a list of EVERYTHING on the calendar. Next I went through each voicemail and phone convo and paraphrased, with important comments noted by the minute/second they occured. Finally, I made a narrative explaining in plain text about their marriage, divorce, and everything that had happened since. It was not easy, and took about 300 hours to complete. I bought folders and made 5 copies of the "book" as we call it, and our lawyer planned on using it for evidence. When court time came, she had no lawyer, and pleaded out when she saw the book of info we had against her. I had to look up alot of general statutes, and spent a LONG time preparing, but after 4 years we finally gained full custody of our girls. They visit their mom every other weekend, and one week during the summer at their discretion. My ears and mind are open if you have any questions, or just need to vent. Sometimes being the step mom is the hardest kind of mom to be. Good luck and you will be in my prayers!

Custody rights are based on what is best for the child. I think if this is mentioned in court, it may have some weight. I know they will look at all of the issues pertaining to the child, but ultimately, they usually rule on what is best for the child. If the child is in misery at home with mom, I think that is an issue worth mentioning. Make sure your lawyer knows about this issue. If possible have the child write down or record her feelings concerning this. I know several single dads and married dads that have full custody of the their children because the ruling was made based on what was best for the child. I hope it all works out.

Yes. It does happen. I worked for a family law attorney for 10 years. We had 2 male clients who won custody (this is just off the top of my head). We had a LOT of female clients, which is probably why I remember those 2 men. This was OVER 10 years ago, back when I was still working before having my own kids. So, yes, even back then, it did and does happen.

I cannot, obviously, give any specifics to the cases, I'm not even sure that I remember them well enough to say. But I assume that you have an attorney advising you already, and are just looking for reassurance that it isn't a futile effort.
It's not.

Consider getting a court appointed guardian ad litem. They'll listen to your step-daughter's preferences and needs and then advocate for her. You might not even have to sue.

At what age, in your state, does the child get to make the decision? In Texas it is 12 years old.

You all need to get a lawyer and talk to them and see where to go next. This little girl wants to live with dad for some reason and i think you need to move as fast as you can to let this happen, something just doesnt sound right. some judges will meet with the child alone so they arnt being pressured from either parent. make sure you ask your lawyer about that so it can be arranged hope this helps

All I'm going to say is that it's very hard for kids to go back and forth.
Transitions can be really tough and they can feel torn.
My ex husband took me to court about a million times over custody and didn't get it. My son said he liked being with his dad. But, he also said he liked being with me. My ex was of the opinion that a boy should be raised by his father, not by his mother. The court did not agree with that.
All that happened was my poor kid getting dragged to mediation and feeling even more torn in half.
My son saying that he would miss his dad when he's with me got twisted into my son wanting him instead and after talking with my son, they found that to clearly not be the case. My husband heard what he wanted to hear and didn't consider that my son was saying how much he loved being with me when he was here too, as in, as well. He loves us both.

You say that you provide a stable home life.
Are you trying to say that the mother doesn't?
My ex didn't have any of that to go on so his case was always based on my son wanting him over me, but when it came down to it, my son never said that.
You are coming from a position of making the child happy and in all fairness, you have to know that her mom would be upset being told her kid didn't want to live with her anymore.
You have to look at things from both sides and then consider the child in the middle.
Custody battles are never easy, especially for the kid.
My son would know.
He's been through it too many times.

It will be interesting to see your other responses.

I would have the child evaluated by an expert before going to court. You and your husband and her mother and her husband should be evaluated as well. Your attorney or the specialist could make it known that the child would like to make a statement, but it may not happen due to her age.

Yes, father’s do win more in the last 15-20 years then days gone by. Parental rolls have changed and in many cases reversed from what use to be considered the “norm”. Divorce, remarriage, blended families are common. What has not changed is when things go haywire it still the children who suffer the most.

I wish you all the best.

Blessings…….