Son Throwing Fits

Hi T.,

first of all well done for being so strong and somehow making it all go right despite it all! I read the previous answer and I just wanted to say one thing about that.

No matter what you do, do not give him any drugs to correct his behaviour. I don't know your personal beliefs and opinions on drugging young children, but I have seen at least 4 kids of close friends being put on one of the latest drugs for ADD or ADDHD or whatever they call it these days. They definitly got calmer kids at first. But after only a few weeks ALL my friends had way worse problems that now seems can only be handled with more drugs or other drugs.

I am old school, I know, but I think in the long run you will have a better son if you hang in there with your love and communication. And discipline of course, but no drugs please.
This is where I get a lot of information about this:

http://cchr.org/

Good luck :)
I.

Hi T.,

I have a 2 and a 1/2 year old boy. I too went through the same situation your are going through. I work part-time and so my son goes to daycare. He too use to scream and cry trying to get his way. He would even cry when de didn't see me in the room. He is not a bad anymore. I was too busy with housework when I came home that I didn't realize that he justed wanted me. Once I realized this, I started holding in my arms for a while when we got home. I wanted him to feel important and that I cared for him. I started to notice a difference after doing this for a few weeks. I also started hugging him when he cried and that tend to call him down. Once he was calm I would talk to him in an effort to figure out why he was crying. I noticed that he was comfortable in doing this and helped him to better communicate with me rather than cry.

Whatever you do just give him lots of hugs and kisses. This will make him feel that he matters too.

Lots of luck!
B.

T., I feel for you. You're in an unbelievably difficult place. I'm going to be frank because I'm VERY sure of what I'm saying: You will NOT get through this without a hands-on helper: some kind of specialist, psychologist, coach - and NOT an old-school nanny/grandmother-type. While your son's feelings are understandable, his behavior is extreme. This could turn into one of many lifelong problems if not effectively addressed now. His symptoms, right now, sound like RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder): NOT professional advice, but rather, my hunch. PLEASE don't try to correct this yourself or with a number of punishment-reward methods that you may be advised of. You have a HURTING child on your hands. And you are stretched very thin. I thank you, your husband and your son for your sacrifice. The little guys (literally) are the ones suffering in our defense. Stories like this should inspire every one of us to give something back.

Take Care,
J. Smithson
Loving Hands Learn 'n' Play
http://www.lhlearnandplay.com

Obviously he is very angry with your husband leaving and feels a bit threatened by the new arrival. Someone else to have to contend with for mother's attention. He probably feels like he has no control over his life, but he sure can control his behvior to get attention any way he sees that he can! He needs to feel secure in your love for him and needs to feel more of a sense of control over his life. At 5, his perception of reality and time are not like ours, which can be very confusing. Try to get a calendar to mark the days off when daddy comes home. Have him send letters, take pictures of himself and the new baby to send to daddy. Have one on one time with him and just smother him with attention and love and tell him how important he is. Give him responsibilities like a "big boy" that are doable and that will give him the opportunity to succeed and feel good about himself. Praise him every chance you get when he is doing well. Make consequences for bad behavior very clear, and use "one-two-three" Magic method so he can choose to straighten up. Do not be afraid to take him off to the side and discpline him in public. This sends the message that you don't care where you are, you are not scared to give him a talking to and a time out in the middle of the mall. Good luck and God bless your husband for serving our Country and to you for your sacrifice!

You poor thing. Here you have a new baby, no husband around to help you and obviously your son is reacting to both situations.
First of all give yourself a pat on the back! You are under tremendous stress and your son's behavior is not your fault.
I have 2 sons and when my 2nd was born, my 1st was insanely jealous of him. Forget sweetly helping me with the baby - my older son would surely have done away with him if he could have! And my husband stays in SF almost 5 nights out of the week for work, so I can somewhat relate.
Anyway . .at one point I consulted a child psychologist for a problem my son was having. Her name is Dr. Annie Rothenberg. She felt a lot of my son's issues related to his dad's absences and she was extremely helpful and suggested some concrete techniques to deal with the situation. I don't have her # at this point but she is located in Redwood City and is on the web. I bet she'd be able to help.