5 Yr Old Boy with "Sensitivity" Issues

I read all of the advice about the deployment and sensitivity and I couldn't say it any better. So, I thought I would touch on the ADHD thing. My son has it. So we are educated on the subject. Your son is way to young for medication. His "issues" can be dealt with behaviorally at home and in the classroom. Elementary school classrooms change activities so often that it is easier to keep active children focused since there isn't a prolonged amount of still time. Don't let the school bully you into medicating unless you feel it is necessary. Look online for things and tips you can use at home and even print a copy of those for the teacher to use. She should be educated in how to handle this but some of the older ones are not. It is okay if the doctor diagnoses your son with ADHD because then the school is required by law to accommodate your son in the least restrictive environment. That means they can not discriminate against him and must make a way for him to learn in the environment that works best for him. They can do an education plan for him in which they list what they are going to specifically do to help him reach his educational goals such as in my son's case, he has extra time on standardized tests because he has a hard time staying focused to finish in the alloted time. This is a good thing because it puts a plan of action in place for him. Too often schools and doctors rush to medicate when it is not necessary because it takes it off of their hands. But kids don't need to walk around like little zombies. They need to learn to work with their "disability" and find ways to cope. The school is there to help...at least they are supposed to be. Good luck and tell your husband to not let the school/doctor tell you what is best for your child. Try researching it online yourself and it will help you understand it all more.

I am also in the same situation. Well, sorta. My husband is currently deployed to Iraq and we have a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old. My 3 yr old has had quite a few issues since my husband left. He is really whiny sometimes and does not listen to me at all. He also wakes up in the middle of the night crying for his daddy. It breaks my heart. My husband is over there for 15 months and we haven't even got to the point of being halfway done. Also, my son is going through DoDDs to be observed by professionals. My family also thinks he has ADHD. He is so off the hook.
My advice would be just maybe get him assessed by someone. I agree with you about the medicine thing. I also do not want to medicate my kid. The deployment will go by fast and soon you will be together again and all will be good. Just give him time to re-adjust to you being there. He will probably seem more "sensitive" when you do come home for the fact that you have been gone and he has missed you. He is not gonna want to let you out of his sight.
Hope all goes well and Thank You for serving our Great Country!! God Bless you!!!

K. ~ Army wife

I have a 12 year old son who is extremely sensitive, but he would never admit to it. My husband has been deployed to Iraq for 7 months now, 2nd deployment, my son is still affected by it. Just as the spouse that gets left behind, we accept it but from time to time it hits us hard and we realize how much we hurt because our partner is gone. Now for a child its about 10x worse! Being 5, they have the capacity to understand YET how much do they really understand?
I work in the Mental Health Field and I am soon to graduate with my master's, so when you say "they" think he has ADHD, who are "they"? Is it the school? Is it a public school or a DOD school? The reason why is that when you remain in a military community it's easier to get a variety of support from people who really can understand what you and the family are going through.
As long as you do your part to keep your close bond your son should be OK, webcam, email, etc. Even send snail mail, pictures of where you are (if possible) also you can create a memory box, collect things you would be allowed to bring home that you can share with your son ask him to do the same so that when you get home for good or R&R you can talk about them and share the memories!
I am not a big supporter of meds, for me it should be a LAST resort, try all your other options first, find out what behaviors he is displaying that is indicating ADHD, we all have aspects of it but remember depression can also cause us to have a change in behavior. Not that he is DEPRESSED, but I am sure he is more than a little upset that mommy is gone. :)

I was deployed for almost a year to Iraq. My daughter was five as well at the time. She was not the same when I got back even though she was with her daddy. She also has ADHD. We avoided putting her on medication until she was 8. We could not allow her to go through another year without it. She almost failed 1st grade! Before we put her on meds we tried all...I mean all....of the alternatives. They tried giving her little things to play with on her feet and her hands. We tried micromanging everything that she did, special rewards, punishment for not finishing her homework, talking to her, everything. Even though she is really skinny we cut out all sugar and ADHD causing food problems. They tried individual attention and placed her in the front of the class. I was very adament about not "doping her up."

I finally drew the line when normal kids could finish a homework assignment in 20 min took her three to 3 1/2 hours.

We went to SEVERAL pediatric head doctors for two years and still could not resolve her problem. We finally tried the lowest dose of meds with her. Needless to say, she went from an almost failing grades to A's and B's. Whenever she does not receive her meds, we get a phone call from her teacher within an hour.

As the other ladies have stated, avoid giving him medication as long as you possibly can. We went for over three years before we gave it to her. We want our daughter off of it, but she cannot concentrate without it. If you have to go with a medication, ask for a non-stimulating type like straterra. They will tell you that the pharmacy does not carry it, get it anyway. The main thing is to be referred to a pediatric doctor not your usual Family Practic doctor. You need to seek some expertise on this one and definetly get several more opinions.

Hi A.,
Kids do go through the sensitiviti stage, and sometimes it is also an emotional thing(i.e.you being gone), but it's absolutely normal, so i wouldn't worry if this problem will last a long time or that you have any concernes, than have you family care giver or you when you come back, talk to his peds Dr, just to ease your worries!! Hope this help...best of luck to you & your safe return home!!
Val

I am the spouse of a deployed soldier and my son that usually takrs his fathers absence in stride, but knowin at only 4 1/2, that his daddy is at war not just "work" he too has become a bit sensative. His Daddy is gone for 15 mths and it is very hard on him. I feel your pain.

I am currently an Air Force wife and I know where you are coming from. I am the parent that is left behind. When my son was 5 my husband was in the Marine Corps (he transitioned into the Air Force 7yrs ago). My son went through the exact same "sensitive" stage that your son seems to be going through. I do believe that it is a "stage". My son was really close to me as well...but I think all little boys are close to their moms! I don't belive that your husband needs to take him to the Dr unless it continues or becomes an uncontrollable issue. He is having to deal with allot right now and he just needs some time and LOTS OF PATIENCE!!! It is a funny thing that you mentioned ADHD. My son was diagnosed with it at age 5. He is now a senior in High School!!! He will be OK... He just needs to know that you and his Dad love him very much and that you both will always be there for him. As the parent left behind..I was the one that had to reassure my children that everything was going to be OK!!! If you can make him a tape of your voice that will help him. Take care and my prayers are with you over there!

My Daughter was the same way on and off when my Husband was in Iraq and so was I actually too, one of my friends husband was there at the same time so we helpped each other. Right now he could be thinking is mommy ever going to come home because it has been so long, it is just part of you being away. One thing that I found helpped with my daugther is being around grandpa so we plained at trip to grampas once at month or grampa would come to are house we was only 4 hour drive away. I'm sure that it would help the other way too with grama, It might help with a sister if your son is with grama, I know thier are single moms over their and have to have thier kids at moms.

I think what you son is going through is natural to the situation he is in. He misses his mom! It might help to take him to see someone who can help him talk through his worries. Are there any family support services offered at home that can assist with this? There should be some programs to help family members who are effected by deployment. Hope all works out.

Kind regards,
Monica

First of all, I cannot imagine how this must weigh on your mind while you are serving in Iraq. Our children remain a priority even when we cannot be with them. Thank you for your service and sacrifice. Regarding your son's "sensitivity"/ADHD issues you may want to consider seeking advice/treatment from a homeopathic provider in your area. It is where I would begin before using prescription medication on my child for ADHD. It may be all he needs to help himself cope and thrive during this separation from his Mom. A great website for referral to practitioners in your area or some telephone triage for help selecting the right remedy ( remedies cost < $10).... homeopathyworks.com Best of luck and blessing to you and your family!!

My husband has only deployed for 3 months to Afghanistan, but both my boys missed him quite a bit and it affected their behavior. My nephews (who's dad is in Iraq for 15 months) have voiced concern about his safety and not wanting him to go. I would assume that your son has the same concerns, whether he voices them or not. If you aren't utilizing base support systems (like, Hearts Apart)I would recommend giving it a try, my 8 year-old really seems to enjoy it and it seems to help him (my 5 year-old chooses not to leave his normal classroom for the program, I think it's an unpleasant reminder for him). Every child is going to handle a deployment differently, depending on their nature. If your husband can get your son in to talk to a therapist, it probably couldn't hurt, better to err on the side of caution. It's alot to ask a child so young to understand why Mom is gone and for so long, and though he may have had this issue even if you hadn't deployed, it's unlikely they're unrelated. He's probably really missing you and it's coming out in this way. Our military kids learn to be very resilient, but sometimes they need help to get there, take advantage of whatever programs the military provides to help him cope. I wish you luck in helping him and thank you for your sacrifice.

I AGREE WITH SANDRA E... out of all these. I will include it so you don't have to search for it..
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ADHD is often misdiagnosed. My daughter has these symptoms, and after diving, found out it is not ADHD but Sensory processing disorder (mild form of autism... to look at her, you would never guess). Google this and sensory integration dysfunction. Compare symptoms and see if they are similar. I agree with Sandra when it comes to the "diet" if you will. Certain foods and nutrients will trigger or have a reaction within the body. It's hard to describe, but I pray that you look into this. See what you can find. Developmental pediatrician is a good route to go as well. If they highly recommend medication look into holistic types, natural types. It can get expensive, but it is definitely better for the child. They will respond better and not be adversely affected. Good luck, and feel free to drop me a line if you want more assistance. I am a single parent of a now eight year old girl and she is doing well.
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From:
Sandra E

Date:
Mon. Feb. 25, 2008

I'm a Special Education aide and was a substitute teacher, as well, so I've observed many individuals and agree with the families who used meds as a last resort and found the kids to be more successful and less frustrated. I've been trying to educate myself and have found 2 interesting resources by Luke Jackson: Freaks, Geeks & Asperger Syndrome, and User's Guide to the Gluten-Free/Casein-Free Diet for Autism, ADHD and Asperger Syndrome. Luke wrote the diet book at age 12 and compares his and his brothers' lives before and after implementation--he insists it's not a cure (& was offended that someone even recommended it), but says that if there are any bowel issues in conjunction with other symptoms of autism or ADHD, try the GF/CF lifestyle, because the allergy to grains & dairy causes physical and mental problems; there are many websites & product suppliers. He additionally recommends the Feingold diet for ADHD, eliminating artificial colors, preservatives, and sweeteners, which is wise for all!

I have a 5 year old daughter who started having a hard time dealing with her Dad being gone so much too. Fortunately the DODD's school has a "club USA" that helps kids talk about their feelings and know other kids are going through the same thing. Its been helping but she still seems to have outbursts of crying and such in situations that don't warrant that much emotion sometimes.

Hello! I can totally relate! I am the parent who gets left behind and have been active duty also. It has been my experience with my now ten year old that deployment affects children in many ways. I can only describe my oldest as having an invisible umbelical cord attached with my husband because since his first deployment when she was six months old she has always gotten sick and acted out. On his last deployment she was five years old and began to get blisters in her mouth and extreme emotional sensitivity. The doctor diagnosed this as childhood stress disorder....typical symptoms to Dad being gone. He is getting ready for another deployment and she is already beginning to show symptoms of extreme emotional sensitivity again and this time I will be very prepared. She doesn't have ADHD, just a lot of love for Dad...get a second opinion!
I now have three children the other two are seven and sixteen months so it will take a lot of work to keep an eye on all symptoms, but I advise parents to take childhood stress disorder seriously. The blisters can be healed with doctor prescribed mixture medications made into a mouthwash.
I have a very old fashioned mother who believes that the child whoever it may be is just full of drama and wants attention. I disagree......seek medical attention. Deployment is not easy and I wish you luck. My husband is on his eighth and I pray everyday that this war would end.

I currently have a husband in Afghanistan. I don't know if you have heard of the Daddy Doll or in your case a Mommy Doll. My husband got them for my kids when he left. It has made it nice for the kids because they have a picture on the pillow that is full size. My children sleep with them and even took them for show and tell to show the kids in their class their dad. We got them through the military......M.

My son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 5. We had a hard time deciding if he should take medication for it. We finally did because we felt that it was important that he get positive feed back from people in his life instead of negative all the time. We were thinking of his self-esteem. We also wanted him to be able to focus so that he could learn easier. He is now in 2nd grade. He was tested last year for his reading and cognitive levels. He is above average in both areas. I do not think this would have been possible with out the medication. My husband was deployed for 6 months prior to my son's diagnoses. You always have the finally say if he ends up having ADHD. There are other conditions out there that first gets diagnosed as ADHD but ends up to be something else. Such as Aspergers. Is your son in Kindergarten? Usually a base may have a school counselor for the child who's parent is deployed.

I'm a Special Education aide and was a substitute teacher, as well, so I've observed many individuals and agree with the families who used meds as a last resort and found the kids to be more successful and less frustrated. I've been trying to educate myself and have found 2 interesting resources by Luke Jackson: Freaks, Geeks & Asperger Syndrome, and User's Guide to the Gluten-Free/Casein-Free Diet for Autism, ADHD and Asperger Syndrome. Luke wrote the diet book at age 12 and compares his and his brothers' lives before and after implementation--he insists it's not a cure (& was offended that someone even recommended it), but says that if there are any bowel issues in conjunction with other symptoms of autism or ADHD, try the GF/CF lifestyle, because the allergy to grains & dairy causes physical and mental problems; there are many websites & product suppliers. He additionally recommends the Feingold diet for ADHD, eliminating artificial colors, preservatives, and sweeteners, which is wise for all!

Hi!
I am not active duty, but I am an AF wife, and since Sept. 11, my husband has been deployed 5 times for about 6-7 months each time. We have 4 children and I can tell you that deployments are tough on everyone. My son is 8 (also has ADHD) and he is the one who usually has the hardest time. He was fine until he was 3 or 4, then the deployments really started to get to him. He still has a really hard time, and I am not sure if it will ever get better. One thing that I do with him while my husband is gone is everynight we add a link to our "paper chain/diary." Everynight we write down what happened that day and add it to our chian. We hang it up so that they can see how long daddy has been gone and when daddy gets home we take it down and let daddy read it. We also bought him a build a bear and had my husband record a message for him. He sleeps with him, and can hear daddy's voice anytime he needs to.

On the topic of ADHD, have your husband look up fish oil, and evening primrose oil, they are excellent natural supplements for kids with ADHD. We use both and it has worked wonders. I refuse to chemically restrain my child with meds.

I will keep your family in my prayers. Take care and God bless!

~T.