So Much 4 Our Child Taking a Holiday Picture W/ Soon 2 Be Ex He Was a No-show!

F. - I think it's clear that his actions are all about controlling and manipulating you, inconveniencing you, and watching you jump through hoops. If he wants to see his daughter, he can show up at your door with 48 hours notice minimum, with a car seat and a diaper bag and a stroller. You should have your coat on like you are heading out - hand him the baby and LEAVE!

If he doesn't show in a half hour, take her out and leave a note on the door that you waited and then you had a date or an appointment and could not wait for him. Do not be there when he arrives.

Do not meet him at the mall, do not meet him anywhere unless he wants to meet at the police station where it is warm and safe for her. Stop doing these thing for him and he will eventually stop asking.

Get a lawyer or mediator to put a visitation schedule in place if you really want it, and then start the proceedings to get child support. He needs to stop yanking your chain, and the only way for that to happen is if you get strong and stay strong. Your daughter is too little to know what's going on, so get these structures in place before she is aware enough to be disappointed.

I'm sorry this is happening to you, F.. I know your daughter is young now, but these kinds of set-ups and disappointments will definitely be affecting her and he is not being fair at all. I know you want him to be a part of your daughter's life, as he should be, but you do not deserve this, and neither does she. Again I am very sorry and I hope that things get better for you.

He is playing games F.. It is all about control. You are right to realize that your daughter is your priority and that you are now a single parent. If he will not ask the court for visitation, and there is no visitation in writing, then you are under no obligation to take her to see him, arrange photos, let him pick her up, anything. So don't.

I know that sounds harsh, but my son's father and I split up when he was under a year old. I played the game and made myself and my son available to him when ever he decided to do something together or wanted to see my son. It got to the point that he would say he was coming over, I would tell my son "Daddy is coming to get you" then he would not show up. I was left dealing with a crying, unhappy, toddler more than times than I can count. SHAME ON ME. I finally stopped telling him when Dad said he was coming over so at least the disappointment factor ended. But, I spent way to many years, yes years, playing this game and being the accommodating one and trying to facilitate a relationship between my son and his father. It just didn't work.

You cannot change your (soon-to-be) Ex but you can change your actions. Don't fall in to the trap of being the "good guy" and setting your child up for disappointment. Just cut off the contact now, while she is young. Seems harsh and painful, but in the long run it is better for the child. And better for yourself. Build a strong relationship with your daughter and let her build strong relationships with other, responsible, male role models in your family.

You will both okay and better for it.

Good Luck.

I agree he is a game player! If he doesn't want to see his child then dont make him or go out of your way to do it. One day he will come around and realize whats impt. But for the sake of you and your child except him the way he is and move on cause if you hold on to that he becomes your slave. Been there done that it sucks but letting go is the best feeling ever! Good luck