Snitch

unfortunately in cases like this , and I am watching my bestfriend in a relationship with an equally bad guy she's been in for the past 7 yrs. The only thing you can do is back off and be there when he screws up .

She is twenty and an adult, you have to let her make her own mistakes. What you can do is be there to listen. The more you complain about him the harder she will glem onto him. Try to keep active in her life and do thing that will help her see what a great girl she is,

Good on you for venting your frustrations here rather than to your sister or parents. You'll only drive your sister closer to him the more you point out his faults.

I agree with you - stay out of it. You don't have to like this guy, just be civil when or if you see him. If your sister asks why you don't like him, you can always say, "You like him enough for both of us." and then change the subject.

If you tell your parents do you think that they could put an end to the relationship? I don't think that they would be able to do it. It would probably cause some arguing and resentment on your sister's part. She would probably defend him and just be more into him because nobody is going to tell her what to do or who she can or cannot see. I know when I was young this was my exact attitude.
After all she is an adult. How can this guy get money from your parents? Or is it the fact that if they give her money she will in turn hand it over too him?

I don't know what kind of relationship you and your sister have, but if it was my sister in this situation (or reversed, me) there would be a sit down discussion. Not with mom & dad per-se, but a real intervention of sorts. My sis and I are really close and have always leveled when it is something that really matters and what matters more than a possible addition to your family if they were to get married, have kids, etc?
Why wait for her to figure it out when it is too late. Come from a place of love and understanding and concern, not meddeling or controlling (cause you can't). Level with her your fears for her are if she continues in this relationship, the way it would impact the family and how precious and AWESOME you think she is and that this guy is just so out of his league dating her. You'll know what to say when time is right, but do it now before they get serious again!

The only factor where I could think telling your parents is if she still lives with them.
Other than that, she's an adult and free to make her own (even if they are bad) decisions and choices.
Have you expressed your disappointment about this relationship to her?

Unfortunately you cannot control this situation. However, if your sister lives at home your parents have a right to know. In that case you might do best to have a meeting with just your parents. They may want your sister to move out.

If you feel that would makes things worse and drive your sister further into the arms of this guy, then meet her alone and let her know your concerns. Please don't be angry with her and put her down. Just openly voice your concerns and don't forget to tell her how much you love her and want her to be happy. If you go just to criticize her then she will not hear you for sure.

Once you have done that there is not much more you can do.

She likes the "bad boys", and anything shy of locking her up will do nothing. She needs to make the decision, see him for what he is and wake up. Maybe you can involve your parents, but if she's in her 20's and stubborn (or stupid), then nothing will change her mind.Does she have a job? Live with your parents? If she has her own job and makes money that she's giving to him, then she's just going to have to learn the hard way. Life sucks but it sometimes teaches you lessons. You can be her friend/sister and show her that there ARE other men out there that will treat her good, but if she allows this type of treatment, then she'll need to learn the hard way. Don't allow him in your home, or anywhere you will be. If he shows up, you will need to make the call to tell him to leave. If he know you know that he's a loser, maybe that will help, but, all I can say is, Good luck

What a hot mess. I am sorry that you are going through this. I would talk to your sister...this is your business, it is your sister and you want the best for her. Support her, ensure that she can call you for anything...keep the conversation as neutral as possible and focus on her, not the guy. Avoid saying negative things about him, but only say things like "I wonder" or "I question" (because once you start negative comments about her man the conversation will shift to her defending him, and that is not the point you want to get across). Then, leave her alone, and make sure that all members of the family stay vigilant when it comes to conversations abount money. If you really that suspicous, keep your checkbook stowed away in a place she cannot find it, ensure that your wallet is not easilty accessible, be extremely cautious about lending money.

I have learned that as much as we can clearly see how awful things are,how bad a person is, like this guy, while we try to warn those we love, they seem to not get it until it is way so late. However, there is no reason why you can't mention this to your parents. They can hide their money. Unfortunately we have to hide our feelings, sometimes for a very long time.

It really isnt any of your business. The best you can do is talk to your sister to let her know you are concerned about this relationship and why...To me it seems like you are making many assumptions about this guys background that you probably shouldnt be making. DO you have proof of drugs (thats a pretty harsh accusation)...and assuming that because he doesnt come from the same background as you do means he will "weasel" something out of your family....just plain wrong, please have proof before you make these types of assumptions.

You should have a calm rational talk w/ you sister. Express your concern but don't sound like you are attacking him. Then let it go, knowing you did your best.

I can tell you from past experiance that the more you and your family protest the relationship the more she is going to be with him. But what worked for me is loosing all my family not due to anything they did but due to what my first husband did. He made sure that I had no contact with my family at all. I couldnt call or go see them and they only lived about 20 mins away from us. They would not come to the house not because of me but because they did not like and would not tolerate him. Family is important and most of woman understand that, if you make her choose you and your family will loose. However if he makes her choose then he will loose. You can invite her over to the house and explain to her that you love her but if he is going to be around then you dont want to meet at your house but rather in a public setting that way all of you are more comfortable. This also probally wont happen because he wont want to be around her family since im sure you and the family has made it clear how you feel about him. I hope and pray for her sake that he isnt being abusive physically or mentally. That is one of the hardest things to handle and then to be isolated from your family. Good luck and may the gods bless your sister and keep her safe.

Sis, I would stay out of this as you mentioned near the end of your post, your sister is an adult. This guy will show his true colors soon enough. Just be sure that you and your parents keep your eyes wide open.

Your sister is an adult she needs to see the light at the end of the tunnel if it's to late you can't say you didn't warn her..What will happen if you did tell your parents they can't do anything to stop her

How do you suppose he's going to get his mitts on the family's assets? Has he tried to get anything from your parents before? I certainly hope they're not giving anything to any grown man.

They might actually love each other -- which is no excuse for being in a relationship with a "douche bag." If that's the case, then accusing him of crimes he has not committed isn't helping your case. Sounds like he has enough actual guilt to warrant an intervention. Stick to the facts and she'll be more likely to listen. If you start jumping the gun on "he's after the parent's money" she'll tune you out as a hater. Unless, of course, there is history to that claim.

Keep reminding her of the cheating. Drag her to a planned parenthood for an STD test so that she can feel the fear and humilation that causes and hopefully, based on the facts at hand, she'll dump the bum.

I think your parents should know so they can be prepared. If your sister chooses to be with this loser that's her business. That does not mean you have to have him in your life. Express to your sister that you and your parents do not approve of him and do not want him in your/their house. She is always welcome, but he is not. Hopefully she'll see the light before she marries him or worse, becomes pregnant.

Although I am not in the exact situation I do have to say that when it comes to a boyfriend our sisters are never going to take the advice of others. My sister has been dating an older man for about 10 years and he is so controlling. She recently decided to move in with him and because he told her he did not want her dog at his house she got rid of it. My kids are so upset as am I. This dog has been her life for 4 years. She also wants to have kids so bad. He is already a grandfather so has told her in the past that he was done having kids. He raised his. Well they ended up breaking up over it but then he came back and said "he would do whatever she wants,if she wanted him to get a reversal and she wanted to have a baby then that is what he would do" Well...wrong. Now it no kids again and supposedly she is ok with it. UGH!! We just have to look the other way and hope for the best. My sister and I have not spoken for 2 weeks because of what she did. I can't blame the guy but deep down I am. I am blaming both of them in different ways. What is so great about this guy that she has to give up her life to live with him. I could go on and on but as family we just need to bite our tongue. If you don't trust the guy watch your back. I am sure talking with her will not help but you can try. And when it does not work out for your sister, as it sounds like it wont, then you can say "told you so". Having 3 sisters I have gone through this with all of them. We should organize a meet up- Stories about our siblings relationships:)
Good luck and keep us posted.