My friends husband moved out this Summer and moved in with the woman he has been having an affair with for over a year. She is a teacher here in our town and seemingly a nice person who just got involved with a married man who was terribly unhappy in his marriage. When he moved out and did not move in with his mom she confronted him about where he was staying. I guess he let it all out and confessed to a lot of stuff. He admitted starting affairs as early as the first year they were married because he found sex boring after the honeymoon wore off. They married in 96.
My friend and the hubby have NOT been to court yet. The day they were supposed to go for the temporary stuff to set up support for the kids and paying of the bills they hit a glitch. My friends attorney is related to that judge so he recused himself and they set the date to one day in the next couple of weeks with a different judge.
The hubby has been living with the girlfriend since the day he moved out. He just filed the divorce papers in November. The girlfriend has been posting this week to him on his FB that they finally have their own house now and showed several pictures of them getting ready to sign the papers. She also was telling everyone how they went and spent tons of money at Lowes and Walmart getting stuff to fix it up. So I truly believe he actually is on the deed as co-owner to a house with his girlfriend.
I copied the FB posts and gave them to my friend telling her that I thought she needed to let her attorney know he is spending assets that should be both of theirs. She has not told me what the attorney said today if they got to talk about it.
He spent money that was from their accounts, well, he took her off the accounts and gives her a bit of money in a different account he set up right before filing but it is barely enough to buy groceries or pay the utilities. He even stopped her from going and using their medical cards for some of her medical expenses. She got a doc's note stating she needs these treatments and the place said they would continue them until further notice or paperwork showing they should not. He in lording over her and actually hanging himself in my opinion. I cannot imagine a judge feeling any sympathy for him and taking his side as things unfold.
Over the last few years he has cleared over $100K or at least $90K per year at his job. So they will have a battle over assets but I think he is taking money from his kids and wife to spend it on his girlfriend. I don't think that is fair.
My question to others, is it fair to claim that 1/4 of that house is hers as a marital asset?
I just wonder if I am so jaded against him for not divorcing first them moving in with the girlfriend after all is said and done. Kind of like Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston, and Angelina Jolie. Had the hubby followed the normal steps no one would have faulted him for moving on with his life but now it is showing what he is truly made of. I feel for the girlfriend, how long will it be before he gets bored with sex with her and finds a new thrill.
He actually did take her to the bank and set her up her own account, he puts money in it but not much. Enough to pay for a few groceries and a bit of gasoline. He did take her off his accounts at the same time, she is no longer a co-signer on them. He is out spending money like crazy on this woman and her daughter, and his kids when he has them over, but is not helping with the stuff at my friends house. It is several acres, she has to pay someone to mow, she has to pay someone for repairs, etc...this is HIS family farm. They bought it 5 years ago. His grandmother wanted to move in to town and they bought it from her after they sold their house in town.
I tried to point out to her that if she asked her attorney to try to get him to buy her out, since this was his grandmothers home since she was first married, that my friend could live anywhere she wants. She could make a good down payment on a modest home with 3 beds and 1-2 bathrooms and still have some cash left over, even if she got out in the country again where she could still raise goats, sell their milk, and sell the young ones off. She could have a house that was not nearly 100 years old, falling apart, worn out, grass and weeds as tall as her van due to him not mowing in 3 years, and she could finally pick her own place. I think that way she could get a fresh start and feel better.
I hardly talk to her about the situation, at first she was in total denial. It was so sad. Since he choose to not file for divorce as soon as he moved out she thought that meant he was not sure and might not ever file but come home. I could not bust her bubble. It was so hard to watch her going through the emotions that I did not want to add further pain. I did copy the FB posts so that if he tried to hide the asset she would be able to show her attorney where to look. The address and everything is in the posts so it would make it easier for him to look up the address to find the deed.
She enrolled in college today. I had told her she might be able to get aid of some sort since he has done all this stuff. In my day in college it was called displaced homemaker scholarships. She got enrolled and is excited about going. She does need to have a full time job in my opinion but I am sure she won't work until the financials are sorted out. I think she should now but the attorney told her to wait unless she was offered one she could not pass up. Since they had agreed that she was to be a SAHM that her not working might get her more support in the long run. I don't know if I agree or not but I am not going to disagree with her attorney.
As for the girl friend, if I ever meet her I am not sure I would not be able to stop myself from calling her a whore to her face. She knew going in he was married since he and my friend both used the same place together where he met her. She had even met my friend at one time. She knew. She will get what is coming I know, Karma is gonna get her.
Thank you ladies for your answers, I appreciate the sisterhood I have felt.
I wonder how long it will take him to cheat on the girlfriend. If the lawyer isn't on this like a pitt bull the guy is going to spend assets that belong to the first wife on the teacher. I wonder how this will all go down in the school district when the truth comes out.
I know several people to whom this has happened. In all cases save one ALL spent monies were part of the decree. Meaning the courts usually try and split things 50/50. It's a balance sheet. Just as an example... even though we jointly own our home, because of how imbalanced out 'sheet' is, I get the house outright if we file. And possible tens of thousands more just to 'balance'.
As long as she has a GOOD attorney, it doesn't matter what her husband has spent the money ON... he's spent the money and owes her half the total. So if he put 100k down on the house and 50k on the girlfriend, it will work out that he 'owes' her 75k on the balance sheet. Which may be in form of a check, or it may be in a redistribution of assets (like their own house free and clear... or both cars... or, or, or, or.).
This also happens a LOT (I'm told, at least) with one spouse and an education. Known as the "I flipped burgers to get him through medschool" situation. If one spouse has purchased and education using family money/time they owe the other spouse and equal education AND a percentage of their increased income for x number of years.
It's not that she'd own 1/4 of the house, per se, it's that she's owed 1/2 of the money he spent. Any good attorney will be able to get that money back for her either in actual money, or in assets.
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He's a pig and I am sorry for your friend. I am not sorry for the girlfriend either. She will get what's coming to her as well. He's a married man and she knew this when she got involved with him. Once a cheater always a cheater. I do hope your friend's attorney is a good one.
Exactly what Riley said. She doesn't have any stake in the house purchased with money from the marriage by the girlfriend & ex-husband, she'll just be owed the money back as long as she has an at least halfway decent lawyer.
He sounds like pond scum, and the women who you say is his girlfriend and is really a nice woman who just got in the wrong situation with a married man is worse than pond scum. Any self respecting woman would tell a guy with kids to make sure his kids are taken care of first. As far as him removing is actual wife from accounts unless she went into the bank with him and signed papers to be removed he committed fraud. If he is a co-signer on another home depending on your state laws, being his leagal wife she may have a right to it as well. I would NOT feel sorry for the girl friend she new he was MARRIED and should have put the breaks on things ASAP told loverboy. GIVE ME A CALL WHEN YOUR REALLY FREE. And so what if he gets bored and moves on. It was ok for her to do this to another woman. So turn around is fair play. JUST MY THOUGHT. We as women need to stick together and those who choose to stab others in the back get whats due them.
He showed what he was truly made of not by the way he is acting now.... but by how he acted through the marriage. Selfish people are.... selfish. He is selfish now. He was selfish then. He will continue to be selfish. Because he is selfish.
Of course it's not fair - nothing is fair. She shouldn't be able to claim 1/4 of the house.... she should be able to claim 1/2, because she was 1/2 of the 'family'. But it depends on the judge.
If she's covered under his insurance, he can't keep her from going to the Dr unless he removes her from his policy - which he can probably do. So, she needs to make sure she likes her lawyer and that he's on top of everything so she doesn't get even more screwed.
I feel for your friend. I feel for her kids. I wish them much luck and peace.
She needs an excellent lawyer and thank her lucky starts she's not going to be married to this loser for much longer.
Good luck to her and glad she has a good friend like you.
Divorce is always hard and I am assuming from your question that your friend does not work outside the home. She needs to get herself a job ASAP.
Laws vary state by state. I would assume she is entitled to 50% of the assets they accrued as a couple over the past 5 years (since they were married). Oklahoma is an equitable property state, not a community property state which means 'equitable' not necessarily equal division of property. Whatever he (or she) had prior to the marriage is considered separate property and belongs to the party originally owning it. So if they bought the house with the husband's earnings prior to the marriage most of it will likely be his. If they bought it with a shared down payment and money earned since the marriage then it may be split (of course a judge could force a sale if she does not have the money to buy him out). And it's not generally a good time to sell. If they have only had the house a few years I wonder how much equity they have in it anyway.
The children are of course entitled to child support which is supposed to go towards supporting them. This is set by the judge and can vary depending upon custody arrangements (eg if custody is shared equally - alternate days or weeks- then there generally is no child support since both parents are paying for the kids during their 50% of the time).
I just wanted to say I agree with you completely. How sad for the wife AND, to a much lesser extent, even the new girlfriend. He will eventually get tired of her as well and move on. Sounds like he just can't control his impulses and feels like he's entitled to do whatever he wants when he wants, including moving in before the divorce is even final. Best wishes to your friend.
She needs to relay any and all information to her attorney. Name of the girlfriend, etc. Public records will show if his name is or is not on the house.
His new mortgage, unfortunately for him, is not going to effect his spousal support or child support. Then his new chickie will get to foot the bills with his "leftovers". His kids WILL be supported first.
Make sure she gets court ordered (even court collected) child support.
The first place an attorney is going to look for character flaws is Facebook.
He can try to run but he won't be able to hide.
What he's doing stinks and you're a good friend for hating to see your friend "done" like this.
Wow you know i'm so jaded now. You see everyday the taking advantage of. I agree she would get the asset not the house. And really she would not want to be part owner of that trap. Because if he doesnt pay the bills she could possibly be liable for it. She better move fast because he is spending out of style.
Courts tend to stop considering income martial after separation. Now if she can show marital assets going into the home she will get an offset for that when the assets are divided.
I am not sure how you come up with a fourth of the house though. If they only put 10% down and the rest is a mortgage? It sounds like you don't like the way he went about doing this and you are not thinking clearly.
