Sleepovers? - Shawnee,KS

We just had a few girls sleepover for my daughters bday. (last night) They had a blast. The only downfall is they were up giggling at 4 am. No kidding!

My husbands mom did not like sleepovers. He is 35 now and still wonders why he never had anyone stay over. She had 7 kids, maybe that was why...lol!

I hate sleep overs...
I only allowed sleepovers once a year. I set the tent up in the back yard and let them stay out there. I had them arrive after 7pm. They would run around and play until I had pizza for them at 10pm. I had ice cream for them at 12am and then I expected that they'd quiet down and go to sleep... they did.
In the morning, I made pancakes at 7:00am and had all guests picked up at 8am....
Get 'em in... get 'em out.
LBC

Sounds to me like you need to get to the root of why it frazzles you to have 3 extra kids at your home?

I was raising 6 kids and often had sleepovers which would increase the number of kids at my house to double and once even tripple. I didn't stress about it. I just cook a little more food, lay down the rules, let the kids entertain their guests, and keep an eye on them.

What really helps is containing the play to one area of the house, knowing what snacks and foods I intend on serving in advance and preparing them in advance, unless I plan on having cookie or cake baking as part of our activity for the night. Always a winner is old fashioned pop corn and a great movie. I often dive into the archive and find something from the past the kids can get attached to.

Sometimes separating the kids into two groups helps too. The active group that loves being physical and the inactive group that prefers being more sendintary. Board games for the sendentary and outside activities for the actives. Sleeping bags for all and they get to sleep in the livingroom or in the kids bedroom which ever makes the most sense at the time.

I set the rules in my house and make certain all of the guests know the rules when they first arrive.

I hope these tips can help ease your angst about sleep overs. My kids are now 23 - 17 and still talk of their overnights from so long ago.

I've hosted sleepovers since my daughter was about 5. It has been a special part of her life that she has enjoyed. MOST of the time sleepovers are here because I have an only child, she has the entire 2nd floor to herself, and I guess other parents think I have more space, more entertainment, more time, etc.. whatever....... I do it because the children love it and I know that one day they will treasure the times they spent at my house.

When you are the host, you know what is going on. I have nothing against my daughter sleeping over at someone's house but I know in my house that my house rules are being followed.

I don't understand why some people are so against sleepovers, but to each his own. I have very special memories of sleepovers with friends. I would not let my personal feelings on something override something my child may love.

I have never "expected" people to reciprocate but it sure has been nice when someone does and it gives hubby and I a date night where we didn't spend $80 for a sitter. There are some girls who have slept at my house numerous times and my daughter never invited to sleepover with them...namely the moms don't want to bother because it overwhelms them, blah

I know it is appreciated when a young teen confides to me that she loves to come to my home and feels safe.

My daughter is 17 now and the girls still get together often. There are not as many sleepovers but I still routinely have a house full of teens. I gladly welcome them to my home.

It would be most generous if you could manage to have the boys over every now and then, not saying tit for tat but to give their parents a chance to have a date night once in a while. You might even have fun!

I also hate sleepovers. I didn't even like them as a kid! I think if you host other playdates, you're not being rude. I'm pretty upfront with my daughters' friends' moms - I am a horrible sleeper but need a lot of sleep so hate hate hate sleepovers. But - I am very very good about hosting playdates. And I'm not looking for my daughters to sleep at other people's houses either. They're not doing me a favor. I'd rather they didn't host sleepovers too! So I think it all depends - are they doing you a favor by having your son? I doubt it with 5 kids. You'd have to find 4 other sleepovers in order for you and your husband to have a night out... So if they're initiating these sleepovers, you could say once "I know I"m lame in this dept but I don't think I'll be hosting many or any sleepovers so please don't feel obligated to have my Johnny." Then if she does, it's on her. OR - if taking her 3 boys would mean she and her husband could have a night on their own/away, then suck it up and do it every once in awhile. Like 6 sleepovers at their house to 1 at yours... I'd think w/ 3 boys, your one extra isn't a big deal vs getting a free night once in a great while would be huge for them.

You AND your husband have 5 children.. That means he can watch all of his own children and you can handle the guests.

Usually boys respond a lot better to dads than to moms, so let your husband know the 2 of you will be caring for all of the children.

Sleep overs do not have to be a big deal.

You set rules. "I want you all to have fun, but remember we do not run or rough house in the house, we use our manners, and I need all of you to go to sleep at 11:00 (or whatever time you say)."

Then let them play outside, eat dinner, play some games inside, watch a video and then sleep..

Once other children get used to your rules.. it really is just fine.

At age 9 it shouldn't be too big of a deal to have 3 friends sleeping over with your son -especially if there are 4 other kids there as well to play with, etc. Just because you have 5 kids doesn't mean you get a pass on playdate, sleepover and other reciprocal duties with your kids' friends, and yes, it is rude to NEVER reciprocate. ou don't have to do it every single time, but you do need to have the other kids over sometime. Just hand them all a grilled cheese and pop some popcorn and let them do whatever 9 year old boys do. I don't understand why so many people hate sleepovers -some of my best times growing up were having them and going to them. My oldest is only 5, but he already goes to them and we have them here. They're fun!

.... I am play-date central, per my kids' friends.
I just had a play date the other day, with 8 kids over. My daughter's and my son's friends. And their Moms were here too.
Then, one of them slept over.
My daughter has also had sleep overs at our home, since she was about 8.

Now, the thing is... although these friends come over ALL the time, and we have sleep overs.... and I know the other Mom's well and we all get along... they (the other Moms/families), do not have play dates or sleep overs. It is just too mind-boggling for them to do or they are too busy or their home is too small etc.
It is... fine.
I... do not mind at all, that they do not reciprocate. I NEVER, even expect them to have play-dates or sleep overs, like I do.
I just do it, because that is how I am and I have always been the play-date house and sleep over, place. My parents were the same way, when I was a kid.

So... my point is, although I am a constant "Host" for my kids and their friends... I... do not at all, "expect" the other Moms or families, to do the same as me.
And I really don't take it personally that they don't do play-dates or sleep overs. Because, it is not, personal. It is nothing... for me to even over think. Also because, my kids' friends and their Moms... are all really nice people. And they are gracious & thoughtful in other ways, with my kids. So that is their way of "reciprocating." In their own way.

All you have to do is say, that you are not a play-date or sleep over type, at your home, because you have 5 kids.
And to me... that is a no-brainer. I wouldn't expect anyone with 5 kids... to have as many sleep-overs or play dates, like I do.
:)

The other point is: I, do NOT, have play-dates and sleep-overs for my kids at our home, JUST because, I "expect" the other Moms or families, to do the same. My doing so is NOT dependent, on them doing the same as me.
I have play-dates and sleep overs, because I like to do that for my kids. Not because, it is to get the other parents to do the same.

You definitely need to reciprocate. It is only one night out of your life. Just lay down the law with your son, before his friends arrive. Have the night already planned for them, and when the kids come over, tell them what you expect. And make sure you know what time they will be going home in the morning. That is the best knowledge of all!!! And for the record, I totally disagree with your husband, that may not be true at all. And I'm sure the other boys would be very excited to come over. Another thought is to have one over at a time.

Sleepovers - UG! My girls are 2 and 6. I dread the day my oldest asks for a sleepover. She can't stay at anyone elses house. Not sure if she ever will. I just feel my kids should sleep at home. My parent's house is ok. Just hear of crazy stories about the dad or something.I know that's extreme but the whole concept of sleepovers is just stressful.

Don't fall into that "it's rude not to reciprocate" stuff. It depends on what it is. Just because someone else can do something and it works for their household doesn't mean that it will work for your household. Continue to have the boys over for a playdate. If you don't want sleepovers then don't have them. Nothing wrong with that. IF you can't avoid it, tell hubby to watch them while you go to a hotel and get a spa package!

I HATE sleepovers. I don't like my kids elsewhere and I don't like kids here. That being said it's a perverse part of suburban American life. I try to avoid them at all costs and there are some kids who are not allowed to sleepover here and there are houses where my kids are not allowed to sleep over. We are VERY selective and I get complaints from my kids and even from their friends but I don't really care. I'm not in a popularity contest.

It is far easier for the other mom of 3 boys to have your 1 boy at her house than the opposite. If you're friendly with the mom commiserate with her. Tell her your son loves to have sleepovers with her sons but with 4 other kids you are so exhausted by night-time that you just feel overwhelmed. Make sure she knows how you feel about her boys and that they are great kids and that she does such a good job raising them (that goes a loooong way).

Ultimately, you will have to host them once in a while (3:1 ratio seems fair to me). Just try to do it when your schedule is reasonably stress free and make sure to have kid-friendly movies available to make things a little easier.

Good luck mama!

Everyone is different, I love a house full of kids. In most cases I enjoy having the "party" at our house. As my girls age I feel like I have a real sense of their friends and their friends really like to be at our house.

When I was a kid my Mom was not the warmest hostess to my own friends and as a result I did everything I could to stay at my girlfriends houses. I always wanted to have that house where kids feel comfortable and I do not want to "lose" my kids to someone else's parenting and lifestyle. I think it also makes your own kids appreciate their Mom & Dad more when their friends genuinely like to be in your home.

I do see what your saying in that "trading" for a sleepover with 3 siblings is a bit lopsided but I would continue to do it occasionally to be polite. Not sure how old your children are but maybe you could plan those sleepovers on nights when one or more of your other children is at a relatives or at their own sleepover. That would keep the focus on the boys and not be too overwhelming.

Ironically, I have a livingroom full of 6 little girls right now. Two are mine and the rest slept over last night. We were just discussing a two nighter since they're having so much fun and it is Christmas vacation.
Maybe boys are different but try to finds ways to have fun with them and some structured activities so you don't have kids climbing the walls. Try to relax and have fun with it, you may surprise yourself.

I would do the other kids one at a time if they wouldn't just feel horrible about not being together. I would also consider letting some of your own kids go to their friends for sleepovers on the nights you are having the boys over. The only thing you need to do when they have a sleep over at your house is provide lots of snacks and things for them to do in the area they stay, whether it's the basement, the bedroom, the living room camping out, etc....then you go off to the bedroom and spend some time doing reading or watching TV, etc...let hubby corral the boys and spend the evening doing stuff with them. That way you are not even involved.

Don't worry about it and don't do anything that stresses you out. You have them over during the day when M. can clean, run errands, or whatever.

My mom usually coordinated things so that when I was spending a night at a friends house a friend would spend the night at our house with my brother and vice versa. That way she ended up with the same number of kids in the house-- just different ones!

Actually it is not easier to have one than three. It is the same and no one likes having sleepovers you just do it because that is how the game is played.

The most I have had was 23 eight year old girls. Wasn't really fun for me but it wasn't about me. It was her birthday party request.

I hate them but I have them. It really is rude not to reciprocate.

You've reciprocated a couple of times and have been honest with the mom. I think it's understandable that with six children, adding three more is daunting. I agree with your husband when he says her having one more over is nothing compared to you taking three at a time! If it bothers her, she will just stop having your son for sleepovers which won't be the end of the world.

You're not rude. I don't do sleepovers hardly ever. It overwhelms me. I don't like being responsible with other's children and I don't like having others responsible for mine. I've done them before but rarely. Not even that often with cousins and grandparents. I hate them either way! I wouldn't do it at all. There is no obligation or etiquette here. My son has had a friend over to hang out several times and my son has never been to his house ever. No worries. No pressure. If there is ever a time where the other parent is putting on pressure or guilt trips, then it's a dysfunctional relationship. It doesn't sound like that's what's going on though, so that's good. =) Good luck!!