Do You Recipocate with Playdates??

I personally prefer the play dates to be at my house. I do however have the kids clean-up before they go home. I remember once my daughter didn't want to clean-up and then when her friend left she had to do it all by herself. Now when I give the "15 minute warning" my daughter can be heard saying "come on, let's clean-up."

How do these things get set up? I usually call or email and say: "let's get the kids together. How about this day and time? Where do you want to get together?". That way it is not a given that everyone comes to my house. We even meet at play grounds and the library and other outdoor places. I would expect reciprocation but perhaps evenly divided over long periods of time. I do not mind hosting 5 times in a row as long as then others do as well. I also found that a lot of working parents would love for the stay-at-home-mom to take the kids on half school days and times when their meetings run late. Not a problem but beware that you do not become a free babysitter,unless you enjoy it or get compensated some other way, like getting home baked cookies in appreciation or something. Cheers.

Hi, C.:
Is there a Mommy club near you to gain friends?
Just want to know.
D.

C., I am going to be honest here and say that I am just really not that into the "playdate" thing. We occasionally have our daughter at a friend's house or have a child here, but it is not the norm. My dd goes to school during the week and spends 8am-2pm with her "friends" so I don't feel getting together with other kids during the week is needed. Most weekends we spend doing stuff as a family. I do work and go to school, but even if I was a SAHM I would feel the same. I just don't think kids need to spend so much time with "friends"--family is more important and also I just am not in the mood most times to entertain other kids. This is not because I am a rude person, it is just my preference. I think if you don't want someone's kid at your place, then don't invite them. Don't have friends over with the expectation of reciprocation unless you and the other parents have explicitly agreed to this. Just my 2 cents.

I have some GOOD friends.... that have kids that are friends with my kids.
I ALWAYS am play-date central. Sometimes even 7 kids over at my house.
I don't mind.... my kids appreciate it. They tell me.... their friends LOVE coming over....

With those Moms, they do not reciprocate.... much. BUT... it does not bother me.... because one has a small house with not much room, the other has her elderly parents living with her.... the other, is just not a play-date "Host" type... but they are all VERY nice women... and thoughtful and mannered. And we all get along. I do not keep points on who had the last play-date or who reciprocated last. I don't care.
When they come to my home.... with their kids in tow.... they ALWAYS bring things for the kids play-dates... be it food, or something for me, or activities for the kids. And they are gracious. I don't ask them to bring things to my home... they just do. And they are great guests... and then it is also a time where we women also have "our" time... and chat and vent and hang-out and have fun. Amongst the kids.

They also do NOT expect, my home to always look like Martha Stewart's. They come as is, my home is as is... we are all comfortable with each other... and it is a hang out time. And for the kids.
They do not care... if I got a chance to make my home all spotless first before they come over. They will also pitch right in, when they are here... and HELP me clean up, after the kids... and before they all go home. Without my asking.
Put it this way, THEY help me more in my own home... than my Husband and my Mom does. (my Mom lives with us).

When my daughter was just on Winter Break... I had play-dates, at our home... EVERY day. With often at least 4 kids over here, plus my 2 kids It was fine. And the Moms I KNOW.... appreciate it, and their kids and my kids. That is enough for me.

I grew up, with my parents always letting me have my friends over. We were the hang out place. And for my parents.... it was their way of 'knowing' my friends... and keeping an eye on my growing up, in the Teen years. AND they enjoyed having our friends over.

So, likewise, I do that for my kids too.
My daughter and son often tell me, they really appreciate that I have their friends over all the time. AND that their friends, LOVE coming over.
My daughter told me "You're the coolest Mom... you always have play-dates.... not like other Moms..."

all the best,
Susan

when my oldest son was little somehow I always ended up the "koolaid house" until I finally got fed up with 4-5 stray kids every day. So when they would call I would say something like, do you think they could play at your house today I have a ton of stuff to do, or something to that effect it evened out after that.

We are always initiating playdates....so I understand the feeling. I guess I am a bold one. I say.... well we had her last time, how about you take them ??? But the kids a little older. When they were younger we had a playgroup set up and it was revolving around to diff homes. Rarely was it just the kids and the one parent. All the parents did come too. Occasionally there was babysitting amoung a few moms and a babysitting co-op . Which was nice.

So what would happen if you decline a few times to raise an issue of conversation and then say........well, your welcome to host this time ?

I'm with Anne A. on this one. My son is 5 and gets invited all the time and we decline. I have received many dirty looks from other moms for declining, but I don't care. When children are young, under 8, things can happen and I don't want to be responsible. My home is for my family. I don't want to entertain anyone's little kids; heck, I hardly entertain mine. When my son is old enough and wants friends over that HE can entertain, then fine, I'll gladly be the cook and chaffeur.

M.

Yes, we reciprocate, and I've taught my older son (13) that it's polite to do the same. He has friends come over and hang out or spend the night pretty often, but they go to their house and do the same. I do like having them here whenever possible so that I know what is going on - I like to hear the gossip, :-) but I know the other parents, and they are well supervised at the other houses as well. It gets expensive feeding teenagers all the time, so it's helpful when others reciprocate. Both of my boys like to be home, so sometimes I have to push a little and suggest they go to someone else's house for a change. It makes me feel good that all the kids are comfortable here, though. My younger son is 6, and he has one really good friend that we trade off with. Usually we'll set up a couple of playdates at once - this week we'll play at my house, and next weekend we'll go to your's type of thing. I am a teacher, and the other mom is a nutritionist, so we have to plan ahead of time to work out our schedules. I'm hoping we can get to know each other better through these playdates, because I think she would be a good new friend for me too. Maybe something like that will work out for you, and then you could ask if your kids could go over to their house. It's nice once you reach that level of friendship where you can ask for simple favors like that and then return the favor.

Sorry this got long.

Yes, we reciprocate. My son usually has one playdate a week (Wed is a half day at his school) and it's usually alternating either at our house or the other children's homes. His friends who have two working parents are usually at an after school program so we can only have playdates with them on the weekends.

We do as much as possible. I offer weekly, but maybe only once a month do we have a playdate at my home. Part of this is because we, and the group(s) we hang out with, like to venture from home to the many places around. Part of this is because I have 2 dogs, which turns away the allergic and the germaphone-types. I used to feel bad, but I offer plenty, so I no longer feel bad that I'm not taken up on it.

If I were you, I'd try to schedule/plan a swap with other moms. Maybe even do it by cute little invitations? Good luck!

We reciprocate. I agree with you, its not fun always having the kids come to your house. I bring it up if it has been like the last 3 times at mine, I say--- ok, next playdate will be at your house---. I say that on the 3rd time if its not offered by then. Otherwise, I don't offer to host another playdate until it is convienent for me. Sometimes you just have to be blunt and ask for what you need-be honest, tell them you love hosting, but need a break too. You need to have the kids balance things out at the other's houses for a while. Or say _______ has been talking about her new toys, would it be ok if we do the playdate at your house next time so ______can see _____ new toys? I hope this helps.

Good luck,

Molly

My house is "where it's at" as well......... I TYPICALLY don't mind. Usually enjoy it actually. AS long as people are polite, help with dishes (I always feed lunch), and CLEAN UP before they go!!! All our play dates include the moms as well......(Kids are all 5 and under right now.) However, there are a couple people who have NEVER reciprocated and I am DONE with them...... (They are the ones who come, don't help clean up the lunch table, and leave before helping clean the toy room. Not to mention they are ROUGH on our toys and just rude!)

Didn't you just ask this question a few months ago or are you just venting?

Yes, I do try to reciprocate. But if it came down to my child not getting to hang out with a friend (because the other parents didn't) I would still have the kids over.

You're right - the parents in your circle are probably just being self-absorbed. People can be that way!

I know the feeling...and it can get expensive too!