"Shy" Temperment

As the old Sesame Street song says, "Everyone feels a little shy sometimes." Your daughter may indeed grow out of this. Sometimes it's just a matter of growing up a bit more, or sometimes it's part of someone's personality.

Some children (and some adults!) are always much more comfortable being in small groups, or even alone. They are uncomfortable with strangers, crowds, and staring relatives.

However, usually we cannot choose our environments. We are always needing to meet strangers and be in large groups from time to time. So we all have to learn how to manage it.

For what it's worth, one of my very best friends has a daughter who was very timid as a child. She didn't grow out of it. My friend told her, "It's all right to be quiet and not noisy - but you must treat other people well, too." She taught her daughter at first to look at someone and say, "Hello," while still staying by Mama's side. Then the girl practiced answering questions such as, "How old are you?", "Would you like some ice cream?", and "What do you want to be when you grow up?" - you know, just typical conversational questions. She practiced smiling at the relatives even if she couldn't manage to go over to them. My friend and her daughter visited friendly neighbors and the friendliest of the relatives to practice on. They practiced until the little girl could give answers automatically without having to think too much about it. As she grew more able to give answers without being overly conscious of herself, she became more confident about doing other things, too. My friend's little girl is now a wife and mother, certainly with a quiet side but able to handle herself well in public, and even to speak before large groups (some natural extroverts can't do *that* well!).

Please don't talk about your child's shyness to your family members or to others. Even to explain, "She's shy," tells her there's something about her that others object to and that even Mama doesn't care for. If you treat the situation as if it's not a worry to you, your daughter might catch a little of your positive attitude.

I dont know if you do or not, but dont point it out to her that she is shy. Dont tell other people in front of her that she is shy, either. Dont even ask her what's wrong, or make it seem like she is doing anything wrong. Its like, if you say in front of a child that they are mean or a bad kid, they will believe it and act that way. She may or may not grow out of it; maybe she is just a shy person, and that's okay. You said she does well at preschool, so there really isn't that big of a problem. My daughter is like this, too, sometimes. Even with family members that she knows and is comfortable with most of the time, sometimes she just doesnt want to go to them and 'acts shy'. I want to buy this book by this woman in the video; it's kinda like an excerpt i guess about the 'shy child'.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qo3-CvC0Rq8&feature=share

Will she speak to others? My DD has Selective Mutism but most people don't understand it and just call her shy. It would be worth looking into for you. Start with www.selectivemutism.org

Keep taking her out. The only way she is going to get over this is to be around other people. Can you walk out of the room without her following you around at home? If you can, then she can get over this. It will take time.

Try to get your family members to come to your house often so that she can get used to someone else being in your house. And take her to their houses too, whether she likes it or not. Don't fawn over her or ask her what's wrong. Do not let her rule the roost when it comes to going out or staying in. You never want to give a small child THAT kind of power.

Good luck!
Dawn