3 Year Old Super shy..sometimes...

she's only 3. doesn't sound like she has a shell per se, she's just figuring it all out. she actually sounds very outgoing to me- but she's smart and aware that sometimes her outgoing nature puts her in little situations that she doesn't yet know how to deal with, so she dives back to her comfort station. i wouldn't make a big deal about it at all, don't try and force her past her own barriers. if you stay calm and cheerful, this intelligent child will observe on her own that *this* is not a worrisome situation, and soon be able to apply this life lesson more broadly.
isn't it wonderful how kids naturally experiment and learn?
khairete
S.

My just turned 4 year old is just now starting to come out of her shell, as you put it. She is actually just fine if dad and I aren't around. She will talk, play, cooperate, etc. Her preschool teacher says she is quiet but participates fully. She will outgrow it in time but she may always remain rather reserved in public.

Her behavior is perfectly normal for her age. She will grow out of it.

She is dealing with the world around her on her own terms and that's just fine. She needs to have healthy boundaries and a safe place to be when she is feeling less than secure with the world around her. She sound's like the perfect 3 year old.

She may even be an introvert who is comfortable with people but a little people goes a long way.

No need to break her out of anything. She is developing just fine. The only time it may need to be broken is if it becomes a hindrance as she gets older.

How is her general personality (consider independently and compared to siblings)? This sounds just like my dd (5 1/2). She is very sweet and kind, but tends to be quiet around other adults (non-family members). She's been like this since a very young age. I just say she may look like me, but she definitely has her dad's personality! Her daycare/preschool teachers were even "worried" about her for a while because she was so quiet with them, too. I say that home is her "safe place" where she can talk and shout and figure out the ways of the world, but when she's at school or other places, she is much more reserved and practicing the good behaviors we've taught her.
I continue to demonstrate polite interactions (like saying "hi" back to the store clerk) and explain that I do expect her to be polite to other adults (like a previous commenter mentioned). I do not force her to take it further than that (forced hugs, conversations, etc).
I'd say this is pretty normal, as long as she does talk (at home, to family members) and can be understood. It's hard for me, because I'm a very outgoing and chatty person, and she's basically the opposite! I just have to remember that she has her own personality and is allowed to be who she is! Good luck mama!

Just give her some time.
It doesn't last very long.

Ditto Suz and others.

Is she genuinely afraid? because sometimes (OFTEN) perfectly confident outgoing kids don't like to say hi or respond to people and will play shy and hide. I filed this under bad manners with my kids who all tried that at times and taught them that even if they are feeling scared (which they weren't) we always respond politely to people. A little wave or smile or hi, nothing fancy. They could clasp onto me while they did it if they wanted, but like using "thank you" we need to do it, not hide faces and such. That's how I was raised, to respond politely to people. It's hard at first but the kids get used to it and it becomes second nature and builds confidence.

Most of my friends do not enforce this though and tons of kids snub adults and hide their faces when they feel like it and the parents don't care. 5 minutes later the kid is running up to the adult asking for something so it's not that they were scared, they just didn't feel like responding the same way it's no fun to say "thank you" and "sorry" sometimes.

So. If your daughter is GENUINELY soft and introverted and timid and scared, don't force her. But if she's just being selective, direct her to your standards of behavior.

Give her time. My now 7 year old was and still kinda is the same way, especially when I am around. If she hasnt seen someone in the family for a few days to even weeks or months she will revert to her shy self and within 10 minutes or so she will warm back up. At the same time this little girl just started cheerleading and is loving every part of it.
Being shy is not a bad thing. I would also hide when I was a kid, hated being in front of people and then I started working for Subway at 17. Needless to say I had to come out of my shell. I also have been a consultant for a candle company that forces me to get in front of people that I do not know. I also still at 32 years old don't really talk to someone until I get to know them a little.
In other words....it is her nature, there is nothing wrong with that and as she gets older she will adjust, possibly open up and will get through life just fine.

It truly sounds like she isn't around people outside of your family very much. I'd get her in some programs where she'd be around others. Story Time at the local library, community play groups, and go to the park several times per week.

I'd be worried if she didn't get through this that she'd not do well in pre-K nest year.

You let her have her space and let her be shy. To force her to interact when she's not ready will only cause problems. It's happened to me and my first. I tried to encourage him to just say hi to people that talked to him. He developed a stutter. I stopped making him try to talk to anyone, and the stutter went away almost overnight.

She's just shy (comfortable in her home surroundings so she's not shy
there).
Nothing wrong with that.
Some kids are shy, some are outgoing.
She may or may not outgrow it.
SD was shy until about age 15. Still selectively shy around ppl she
doesn't know. Outgoing just isn't her nature.
Son is very outgoing at age 2.
It just depends upon the child.
She may outgrow SOME of her shyness.
No biggie if she doesn't.
Every child is different.

Why are you looking to change her. She is 3. She is shy. And the problem would be???