Very Shy 5 Y/o!

my daughter had extreme stranger anxiety.. she only went ot mom and her nanny..

When she was 18 months I quit my job and started socializing her... we went someplace everyday--libary story time, music class, swim class, dance class, gymnastic class.

she has blossomed into an very outgoing girl that is always talking to the teacher in whatever class we are in.

so I suggest getting her out and doing things.. the more experience she has being out socializing the better she will get.

It sounds like the girl herself is content and in no need of any pressure to be other than happy in herself. Making her self-conscious about her natural way of being in the world won't add to her interest in being with strangers.

It is ironic that children are taught not to talk to strangers, but when they have no interest in talking to strangers, it's a problem. To a child, and frankly in reality, there is no difference between a total stranger who is 42 and a total stranger who is 5. If talking to strangers is dangerous or wrong, it doesn't matter what age they are, does it?

Do you know that the parents of children who can't (or won't) play on their own are also being told 'this is a problem,' too?

Not everyone in the world is Robin Williams --thankfully. Not everyone is Howard Hughes, either. There is room for a range of personalities, and not everyone needs to be the same to be successful.

Besides, it's age-appropriate to be wary of others. She'll probably grow out of it in her own time.

T.,

I agree with the other moms, she needs to be around children around her age more often. Especially at her age, this is where she's going to learn to socialize without her parents being around all of the time. Your niece may want to look into asking the teacher to set her up in groups with the other kids to do assignments together as a group. By not allowing the kids to pick who to work with the teacher knows the personality of the kids that would be more forthcoming to speaking to her daughter. She may also want to see if she can get her into some classes like gymnastics, dance, team ball or something where she'll be forced to interact with the other kids. For her age, she could probably find something very reasonably priced at her local recreation center. It's true that it may take time, but I'm surprised that the teacher haven't tried putting her in a group setting to help her a bit more.

Tell your niece not to worry, she'll come out of it with a bit of help and encouragement.

Best of Luck,

A

T.... My daughter and son were both extremely shy.... When my daughter was 4 we put her in dance class.. What a difference that made :) She is now 15 and her teachers call her a "Social Butterfly" :) With my son, we started him in group sports when he was 4, and same thing... It made a crazy difference :) They are no longer shy :) It not only helped them interact with other kids their own age, it also helped them with their self esteem as they grew up :)

Good Luck :)

we had this problem with my step daughter - only at age 9. I role played with her, and we practiced meeting new people. We did a variety of different scenarios.
I explained that sometimes others seem scary, but they want to be liked too. This helped her a lot. Make a game of it and it goes over better.

good luck.

my daughter was very shy when she started school this year as well, and she has just recently started playing next to other children and when I spoke to her teachers about it they said that some kids take longer to adjust and need lots of encouragement. My suggestion is to get her around other kids away from school as often as possible.

I don't know what advice to give you, but I can tell you I was shy growing up in my early school years, and somewhat grew out of it when I made friends. The thing I can tell you that might give you relief is me being shy kept me from getting into trouble through my school years. I am not shy now, but do keep my distance from uncomfortable situations. I say give her time and see how it goes.

My now 9 year old son was just as bad at 5. We had to start him in tharpy and after about 2 years of this one Doctor put him on prozac. We still have some problems with getting him to speak up about thing but now he talks to his teacher and is willing to make new friends. It dose take a lot of work but with time your nice will find things that will work for her doughter. I hope all works out for her in the end.

T., tell your neice my dtr didn't speak for an entire year at school. Her report card came home with question marks because they had no way of assessing her performance. I did my best to expose her to as many social experiences without her feeling threatened. By this I mean we took dance where she sat on my lap for 4 weeks until she was comfortable to dance with me present. She finally made a good friend in school and that has been the key for her. She even got in trouble for talking too much. The teachers thought I was crazy because I was so happy for her getting in trouble. Don't push her, just give her lots of opportunities. There are alot of good tips she can get if she does research selective mutism. Doesn't mean she has that particular diagnosis but it did help me to better understand "shyness". Good Luck!

I had some of the same worries with my daughter. I would try to meet up with one of the girls from class out of school. This really helped us. Once she had someone she was comfortable she started acting more confident in class. Good luck.

My nephew is the same & my sister is worried but I have to agree with Linda C. on this one.

Ok you just described my soon to be 6yr old daughter to a T! She is the exact same way-she is very shy and often plays by herself at school. She is even bashful around some of our family members she has been around since she was born. My 2 year old daughter is very loud and not shy at all. I was very shy and quite when i was young and there is nothing wrong with me. If anything I was more of an observer and liked to listen/watch others. I feel that it made me aware of how I would like to be when I grew up. I am still shy until I get to know someone, I rarely ever am the first one to strick up a conversation but I see nothing wrong with that.
I would tell your niece not to be concerned but to be proud of her daughter wether if she is shy or were very outspoken, that is who she is :)

I don't have overly shy children at times yes but what I can say is some advice my mother-in-law gave me. Is to make sure you try not mention around her to others that she is shy. When she learns what that means she will live up to it. My suggestion is to give her the space she like and maybe needs until she is ready to deal with others. Trying to force her into uncomfortable situations will only make her want to tighten up more. You may suggest for her just to watch the other children play and give a report as to what is going on that she sees. What she likes and doesn't like whats going on. You'll learn alot of her perceptions. This way she can observe to social behaviors and learn and one day get curious to join in!!Good Luck!

T. K.

Please check out this website to rule out Selective Mutism.

www.selectivemutism.org.

Hi T.,
I would say give her opportunities to interact with other children who are relatively quiet. She may come out of her shell more with other quieter children she's more comfortable around. But don't push her! I spent my entire childhood being told I should be more social, should want to play with others more, and it only made me feel like it wasn't okay to be myself. I'm not shy, but I am an introvert, and being with other people drains me after a while. I need time alone to reflect and recharge. If she's actually afraid of others, keep her involved in team activities where she is exposed to being with others, but if she's just happy by herself, allow her some time alone. :)