Sex Question - Detroit,MI

I don't know how long you have been married, but with my husband and I (we've been married 2 years this Christmas) do flirty things with each other in order to prep for sex. I will be in the kitchen , he will come up behind me, reach for a glass and give my butt a gentle slap. Try being flirty with him, he may respond and become flirty back. Take showers together. Ask for back rubs. My husband loves any chance to touch my breasts. I have come to realize that just like women, men need to know that they are desired by their mates. Try that and see if sex happens more often. Hope it helps.

If someone told me that I should be 'able' to "handle" having sex every day and that they thought I was "weird" for not wanting to do it daily....

.... I wouldn't want to have sex either.

The brain is the primary sex organ. You've posted several times in the past on this subject. Why so fixated? You seem like you are really hyperfocused on this area of your life and that it's way too important to you in comparison to how most people I know perceive their sex life.

Which would lead me to ask: what is it that *isn't* getting focused on? For starters, your attitude that your husband's feelings about sex aren't legitimate might bear reflecting upon. Looks like you had a similar trust issue last August. Start there...

I think most people without medical issues are physically capable of having sex daily, but many simply don't want to. That is not a flaw.

If you're treating him like he is defective then you're actually contributing to the problem by undermining his self-esteem while making yourself undesirable with pushiness and nagging.

Try this - stop asking, give him some space, and chances are good that he will initiate.

most people can 'handle' sex every day. sure makes it sound like a chore, though. if my husband made me feel weird for not being right in synch with him it would put me off even more.
give the poor fellow a break, and take matters into your own hands now and then.
khairete
S. (who is for sure slowing down with age)

Can't or won't? There's a difference...

ADD: "my husband should be able to handle having sex every day. He can't. I think it's weird." If you think that you thinking this about him isn't something that he would pick up, you are mistaken. People aren't stupid. You may not be shaming him to his face or on purpose, but people pick up on other people's feelings. That's why people got deeper into this question than you think they should have.

ORIGINAL: 2-3 before medical school started. 2 since. It's a time/stress/sleep deprivation thing. And the frequency is fine for me.

Being "able" to physically is not the same as libido. Some people just don't WANT to every day. Sex is not the only way to show affection, it's just part of it. And feeling like he "has" to because he "should be able to at his age" isn't helping.

Has his sex drive ever been every day? If not, then your expectations don't make sense. If something's changed recently, step back and try to figure out why - medical, stress, routine, etc.

What works for BOTH of you is what is the "right" amount. You guys need to find out what that is.

I'll be fifty in a couple of months and have sex several times a week on average. Would have it more if I could but schedules between me and the guys I date don't always match up.
But that's me. Your mileage may vary.
There is no right or wrong amount of sex. The only right amount is what you decide together is the right amount.

How old is your husband? Mine is 37 and physically cant every day. When we've tried that, by the 4th day he can't keep it up, no matter what we try. I'm not usually in the mood every day, but once in a while I am. It's no big deal for us, our average is once or twice a week.

I couldn't do every day either. Some nights it's nice to to just fall into bed with a book or a crossword and go to sleep from there.

We were at every other day until I had a baby. I am pretty tired and still up at night so we do every 2 days right now.

Having a pattern to it may sound lame but it has made it so much more enjoyable. Takes away the "will we/won't we" aspect of it that creates bad feelings right before bed sometimes.

Once a week. But it's the bomb!
My husband works 60-70 hours a week. I am home with 3 kids.
While having sex every day would be awesome, we both are exhausted and need to sleep sometimes MORE than we need to have sex.
L.

Maybe it's not that he can't handle it every day but doesn't WANT too. Have you thought about that? Try talking to him about it instead of us, it might wok.

I asked my husband about your "problem". He said to tell you to "spice" things up and maybe your husband will "want" it more often.

It's worth a try.

Same as Shannon R., we're on an every other night schedule which works well for us. And yes, maybe it is weird to have a schedule but it takes all the "guess work" out of it! Both of us know what's up every day so no hurt feelings EVER about sex.

You think your husband is weird? Wow. That's nice. Can't imagine why he's not all over you.

My husband wants sex about once a month. In his 20s he wanted sex about twice a month. He just has a low sex drive. I am the one who always had to initiate it...and usually I still do. We are in our 40s now. He has sex more often than that to please me, but he'd be happy with only once a month. It used to drive me crazy, but I accept this about him now. At my insistence we have sex about once a week.