Hello mommies! Need your advice. I am on week 4 of my 2.5 year old son's new preschool. Previously he was at his grandparent's home based daycare.
Issue: He cries incessantly to a point of throwing up all his breakfast when I drop him off at preschool. First week was fine no throw ups. We thought it was getting better by week 2 when he stopped crying in morning but week 3 and 4 followed where we have had random instances of him throwing up in the morning. When i described this to the preschool directors, they are shocked and do not understand why is he doing so. They claim he has no throw ups at school, doesnt cry and is perfectly well behaved! I have observed this on several occasions where i notice he is happy in 30secs of me handing him to another person and me going out the door. Is he having separation anxiety with me dropping him off? Or is he just not ready for preschool? Any advice or questions to help aid in advice, is greatly appreciated!
I wish i could reply to each one of y'all's advice/suggestions but i just dont know why that function is not enabled. Anyway, I spoke with my peds on this topic and based on his suggestion, we swapped the person to do the drop off. We prepared him from home as well saying you are about to head to school now. He did not like it but seemed okay from home. Dad did the drop off, LO listened and did not cry, no throw ups. Sad part is he did not get any breakfast today morning in fear of throw ups. Fingers crossed lets see where this goes.. Thank you mammas for listening in, being kind with your responses and providing valuable feedback.
He's just a baby. Why is he in school already? He has many many years of school ahead of him. Can he go back to the grandparents' daycare? If it is socialization you are concerned about, find play groups and storytimes you can do together.
Added: Toddlers don't throw up at will to manipulate. He is truly upset at the time.
It’s not clear to me where this throwing up is occurring. At home? In the car? At the entrance to the school? It’s not in the classroom, since they aren’t seeing it, right? So let’s look at what happens in the 20-30 minutes before the vomiting.
If he’s “fine” at school and you believe/trust the staff, then it’s not school per se.
And it sounds silly, but have you ruled out dietary issues? Because sometimes wheat/dairy and other things cause problems, and maybe being rushed to get out the door adds to it.
What’s the routine beforehand? Are you learning the rigors of getting out the door on time, and perhaps rushing yourself? Maybe he’s picking up on that even though you think it’s all inside your head. Does he need more time to transition? Some kids just don't get their butts in gear easily, so you need to give a 10 minute warning and a 5 minutes warning (which they don’t understand, but they do understand a kitchen timer or a “watch TV until the commercial and then we turn it off” sort of thing). Does he need to get his shoes on 20 minutes before departure and then play for a bit, rather than “Stop what you’re doing, put on your shoes, where’s you backpack? Let’s GO! We’re late!” (Which we ALL feel, by the way – no shame there! But it’s not good for kids so we have to control it.) So maybe you need a new routine every day, not just on school days. Maybe the backpack and the lunch/snack and the shoes and everything else need to be done ahead. Maybe breakfast needs to be 15 minutes earlier. Maybe your things need to be in the car the night before so you are totally organized and calm.
What’s the routine when you get to school? I’m not one for long, drawn-out goodbyes, but maybe more of a transition routine would be good. That might mean you need to get there 10 minutes earlier, especially if you are going on to work. Maybe he needs a special toy or activity, or a place to sit (the art table, a carpet square in the corner, the Duplo box….).
And the first week is always fun because it’s party time. The second week is, “Wait, this is every day?” The 3rd and 4th weeks are, “Geez, I could be home in my pajamas and doing what I want, instead of sitting at circle time.” So there’s definitely a honeymoon period followed by reality for most kids, whether 2.5 or 3.5.
So he's throwing up when? I'm not following why they aren't observing it if it's when you drop him off at preschool. Is this at home?
I have a thrower upper. It's anxiety (separation).
Fine once there.
Do you have calming techniques? We do deep breathing, etc. For us it started later - but always went to daycare/preschool from early on and it wasn't until about age 6.
So you can do a lovey (something small that gives comfort), deep breaths, don't rush, just encourage and listen and say I know you are upset, I understand - remember you have a lovely teacher Ms ... and you have fun with the trucks when you get there (and have Ms ... put a truck aside for him to play with especially when he gets there) ... get the teacher on board with hand off ... and this will get easier.
You can say 'It's ok to be upset, but let's try not to be sick. Let's calm down and try to slow down our tummy' and then distract - we found think of 5 things you can hear, 5 things you can see, 5 things you can touch ....
I think he tosses his cookies hoping you’ll react. I’d clean him up, be absolutely matter of fact, and march him right into class. He sees you get upset, and he figures eventually you’ll stop this preschool stuff and take him home. He is fine at school because he is. I’m sure he has friends and enjoys himself.
Does he need to go to preschool at 2 1/2 years old? Mine started late but I worked with her quite a bit as well as her grandmother. She was great going to dance class at 3 and figure skating soon after. I don't see why he needs to go so early.
if he's fine at preschool he's probably fine.
at not even 3 he sure doesn't need it, though. is it an option to keep him home? why did you move him from family daycare? at his age he only needs to be playing, he certainly doesn't need the formality of school.
it sounds like it's an anxiety thing. if you really want him to go, then i'm sure it will be fine. just keep your morning and drop-off routine as simple as possible. no long drawn out farewell scenes. if he pukes, clean it up without a fuss and send him off. he's already adjusting.
ETA you don't feed your child breakfast because you don't want him to throw up????
omg.
khairete
S.
If the pre-school says he's happy while he's there then what's the problem?
It's only been 4 weeks.
It may very well be that this is his way of transitioning.
Kids often have some trouble with this sometimes till kindergarten or first grade.
I'd keep up with the new routine.
Keep the drop off short and sweet.
Before you know it you'll start experiencing the other side of this - sometimes they cry when you come to pick them up at the end of the day because they want to stay longer to play.
It's nothing personal - it's just how they deal with transitions for awhile.
They do out grow it eventually.
My daughter used to have a "sensitive gag reflex" when she was little and when she cried hard it would make her puke. She outgrew it at about age 2.5. I'm guessing this is what is going on with your son. It sounds like you found a solution that works...Dad drops him off. Keep feeding him breakfast! Don't withhold it due to fear of throwing up! Also, one thing to consider is that unless your son needs to be in preschool this early, you don't have to send him till he is older. My kids both did a morning preschool the 2 years before Kindergarten (so ages, 3-5). It was play based and they LOVED going, playing with friends, playing with sand and water, doing circle time, practicing numbers and letters in a fun way, beading, crafts, painting and doing blocks and puzzles and building things. They adored feeding the chickens and guinea pigs and climbing on all the outdoor play areas. I think it is important to instill in your son a love of "school"...he is sooo young. It needs to be fun and something he looks forward to!
You didn't feed him to prevent him from throwing up so he can go to school at 2?
I hope when you read that you really contemplate how crazy this sounds. Unless you absolutely need to send him to daycare, I'd rethink things. Preschool is before kinder, at age 4-5. Anything before that is educational daycare. It's is completely and utterly worthless, with no evidence supporting it.
