Selfish MIL or Am I Nuts?

The baby should be no where but with mom and dad for at least the first 6 weeks, and if you're breastfeeding, there's no reason for him to not stay with you or be fed formula. You are NOT being selfish in any way, shape or form!

If someone wanted to take my 6 day old baby I would have told them flat out they were CRAZY! I am way too protective of my kids, especially at that age and exclusively breast feeding to let ANYONE take them away, aside from someone in the family coming in the house to help, but even then, I want to be the primary holder, lover, giver, etc. She is a loon.

Lay down Ground rules and be firm...I would never have left my babies ( who I breastfed) over night with ANYONE unless I was in a medical emergency.
Good luck

She ignores your pregnancy, she wants to take your 6 DAY old to WORK (what does she do by the way?), have you feed him formula so she can take over and have him every weekend?
I'd say Grandma has a major screw loose.
If she needs an infant to look after that badly, there are plenty of foster babies out there that would benefit from her care.
Your son has a Mama and it's you.
Her behavior would creep me out big time.

I vote NUTS!!! Do not let her tell you how to run your family. You and your husband make the decisions about where you live, who sees your child and when, and how you will feed your child. YOUR HUSBAND needs to deal with her. You just gave birth!!! You do not need this. When I have MIL issues, I tell my husband he needs to take care of it or else I will--and he won't like the way I do it!!

What?? What kind of grandmother wants a breastfed baby to get formula just so SHE can feed him? Oh that's right, a selfish one!! Sounds like she only cares about what's fun for her and not what's best for baby or mommy or anyone else. Yes, I think your husband needs to settle this and whatever you do, do NOT move closer to her. The further away the better. Yuck. Best of luck with that one!

NO! Shes nuts! You cant take a 6 day old baby away from his mother!! And under no circumstances should someone not respect exclusively breastfeeding. Sorry, Mama, but those are fighting words. It seems like you are trying to keep the peace, but somethings going to have to give. Her demands are ridiculous! I felt uncomfortable when my MIL wanted to take my 4 month old that far away. I told her I wasnt comfortable with it yet, and she was welcome to come over.
Maybe shes was mad that you guys moved? I would tell hubby to get her in line. You shouldnt have to worry about this right now, you should be enjoying your newborn.
You want me to call her? lol ;)

I would suggest to yes talk to your hubby and ask him to relay to her in a loving way to back off, nip this behavior in the bud before it begins if you do it now she will be dissappionted and get over it and try to get in where she can fit in but if you allow it to continue on she will be hurt and it may turn out to be a mess. Show her now how to become the grandparent that is best for your new baby by being stern but loving in communicating to her what your expectations are and find out what hers are as the grandparent and work it out. If she says for the baby to come over every single weekend than explain to her how that wont work but suggest a compromise. Congrads!

She isnt selfish, she is a nutty control freak. There is NO WAY I would let my child go with anybody at 6 days old. You dont want him passed around her work. It is cold and flu season. Give her a nice picture to show off.
Stick to your guns. Just ignore her and keep breast feeding. I would be afraid that if she watched him even an hour she would start feeding him formula. I would definitly have your husband talk to her. She most likely will be offended and say she is just trying to help, but she isnt. If it were me I would most likely not answer her calls too. Scary!

WHOA! No, you're not nuts. I'm going to err on the side of an extremely excited grandma who wasn't so excited at first but is now very happy. However, this is YOUR baby, and while I think it's awesome to leave the grandchild with the grandparents and go off for a nice weekend or vacation sometime -not when they're a newborn! The baby needs to be with you and your husband and really no one else. Visitors are fine, but if you're feeling crowded and irritated, your husband should let it be known that it's time for your new family to bond by yourselves. You can both let her and anyone else know that in the coming months you can't wait for them to babysit, visit, etc. but right now you need to get used to being new parents and just spend time with your baby. No matter how long you breastfeed -down the road you can pump and send that to her, but not now. She sounds like the type where you can prepare for her to be miffed, but your husband really needs to handle it. Let him make sure she understands you really want her to see the baby and keep him and have a relationship with him -but not all right NOW! Good luck!

You keep that baby with you! Why in the world would a grandparent harass you about taking care of this baby? This sounds too weird!

You are not a paranoid new mom. Your mom 'radar' is going off and you should listen to it.

There will be plenty of opportunity much later when you will need her to babysit. Make it clear that you would love to have her babysit when your son is much older when you need her.

Your whole job right now is to take care of that baby. Don't feel shy about your instincts telling you to do it.

Take care!

Do what YOU plan to do. I understand she is eager to spend time with her new grandbaby but when (and if) YOU are ready to have him stay the night, you'll know! (And you can pack pumped breastmilk for him when and if he does go!)
Right now you're getting to know YOUR baby and that takes time. Motherhood is a learned skill. Focus on your baby and your family right now.

I'm a big fan of standing up for myself and my family. This is your chance to "change the rules" in life. Ask your husband to "stand up" for his family. Explain to his mother that you are both grown ups and need to make decisions for your family - like where to live, to breastfeed, etc. He can tactfully tell her that you are both happy that she's coming to visit, but that she should stop trying to "change things" in your household.

I'd vote for talking with your husband and having HIM talk with her since it's his mom. And then after that, I'd be concise but truthful with her.

So after he talks with her, if she brings up moving closer again, tell her, "Susan, we're happy where we are." PERIOD. If she keeps talking, don't engage her. If she brings up switching the baby to formula, tell her, "Susan, you know we've decided to EBF. Please don't try to change my mind."

Other than that, I'd just keep my comments to, "Thanks for letting me know" or "I don't think that's for us".

Stand up for yourself and your son. If you don't start now it will be harder to "change the rules" later.

She is being unreasonable. Stand your ground.

You and hubby need to talk and be sure you are on the same page. If not, discuss and come to an agreement. Then he needs to talk to his mom (and not say "she wants me to tell you" but rather "Mom, WE feel...").
1. Breastfeeding has lots of health advantages for both baby and mom AND you don't have to pay for it. It is your choice and that is that...end of discussion. That said, once you have this well established, allowing Grandma to feed him a bottle of expressed milk should be ok.
2. This is our home right now. If and when we decide to move, we will but not until then and it will be on our terms. If MIL wants to be closer, she can move.
3. You both should respect her role as grandma and tell her so; while she needs to respect that role and your roles as PARENTS. She has raised her kids and it is unreasonable for her to expect her to basically have "visitation" every other weekend like she is a non-custodial parent. Especially at such a young age.

I saw your update...she bossy and crazy. Stand your ground.

NO you are not too rough. YES you should have hubby talk to her about it - STERNLY. MIL sounds like a kook. Stop stressing about her. Don't take her phone call if you don't want to. There's no rule that says you must reply to every email. If she gets offended, say "Sorry. I was busy changing his diaper or feeding him or bathing him or going for a walk with him . . . " YOU are the mom and she is the grandma. YOU are in charge. Don't let her 'bully' you. Good for you for choosing to breastfeed. I agree that it is much healthier - WAY more cheap. When YOU choose to let her care for the baby one day down the road, she can feed him expressed (pumped) breastmilk. But I would be VERY cautious about letting her care for him w/o you there. She may give him formula that she's bought, therefore confusing your son. DON'T let her do that.

HE should talk to her. You should NOT let your infant be in an office. That is not even appropriate.
You deserve time to rest, to nurse, and to bond.
You can unplug a phone now and it will ring and ring, not stay busy like in the old days. Then you have silence.
If she gets the baby alone, she will feed it formula. Once that happens, it makes breastfeeding so much harder.
My MIL has issues and we don't allow her around kids alone. No exceptions.

You are 100% right. She is being selfish. This is your baby - your carried this baby and made this baby. This isn't her second chance. She's a grandma. Absolutely do not let her bully you out of breastfeeding. A baby 6 days old should not being going out AT ALL. They aren't vaccinated, the only protection your tiny newborn has is from your breastmilk. Talk to your pediatrician if you need someone to "blame" or for your husband to blame -- but tell MIL that baby needs to stay home with Mom and Dad for the first 4-8 weeks. Period. No discussion. Not being shown off to a bunch of co-workers, not staying over at her house. No. Your baby, your rules.

Set some house rules as well. You're breastfeeding, so you're up late and napping (hopefully) during the day when baby is. Have hubby tell her that she needs to call before she comes over, and set some guidelines. She can't come over any time she feels like, you guys both need your time to recover.

You are not being selfish - she is. Set up some boundaries in the best interest of your child.

Good luck and congrats!

No - not too rough and yes - have your husband talk to to her. Most doctors don't recommend newborns be taken into public - including a work place - earlier than so many months or weeks. MIL needs to back off and realize YOU are mom and you will raise your child. Not her. Good luck !

I get so frustrated when I hear family members not doing all they possibly can to promote and support a breastfeeding mama. How disappointing! I had a MIL similar to this in the past. She took our 4 week old one afternoon and didn't return him for 7 hours. I also was nursing him. I tried calling after about 4 hours and she wouldn't return my calls. This was just one of the many things she did that bothered me. She even smoked around our newborn!! I asked my then husband to stick up for me many times and he wouldn't, hence the reason he is no longer my hubby.

I am so sorry you feel so torn. Try not to stress about it and just calmly explain that baby is too young and you want to be home and bond. Any MIL who would get mad about that is nuts.

Talk to your hubby about it. I am a firm believer that whoever's parent is causing the problem, the child should talk to that parent themselves. I don't think you should have to be the "bad guy." That being said, try not to let it instigate a fight between you and hubby. You may get lucky and he may step right up and tell his mom what she needs to be told. But if he doesn't, don't feel bad about stating to her how you feel.

Good luck to you, and don't back down! You are being such a good mommy by breastfeeding and putting baby's interest first!

Hi. Mil talking here. She's excited about having a grandchild and doesn't realize that she's crossing over a line. You and your hubby need to sit down and discuss what part grandparents should play in your family and once you do that then he needs to have that conversation with his parents. DO NOT SPEAK TO HER ABOUT CHANGING YOUR LIVING SITUATION NOW OR EVER! If you choose to move once your lease is up then it's your choice and that should include her or her feelings.

I live a hour away from my grandchildren (ages 4,6, and 8) and we see each other several times a month and speak on the phone all the time. When they were younger they lived 15 minutes away and I saw them all the time which was fine with their parents. I don't impose myself on their family since this is the time my daughter and sil need to spend quality time making lifelong memories with their children. I'm not saying that this is the correct thing to do but it works for everyone involved without hard feeling.

I would let your husband be your advocate right now. You are right, your first job is to bond with your baby. Post-pregnancy hormones can be crazy things and make you more emotional and you should be focusing on the positive, not negative, feelings right now with your new baby. Please don't let anyone push you into giving up time with your baby. If she wants a baby so bad, let her adopt one! Show your MIL some research about how good breastfeeding is for the baby and make it clear that you want COMPLETE PRIVACY when you breastfeed. Then if you're feeling overwhelmed by her presence, scoop up the baby, say "Oh, time to feed the baby!" and go be alone with him for awhile. But if you feel someone needs to say something to her, I think it should be your husband, at least initially. You guys are a team now, your own little family, and need to forge an identity as such. Congratulations!

Your husband needs to grow a pair and stand up for his wife and new baby. I have so much more I could write - but it wouldn't be nice so I will stop here. Good luck to you.

Your job right now is to bond with your baby and work on establishing breastfeeding. Your MIL can either help or stay out of your way. If she wants to visit you in your home, at your convenience, then great, she can see the baby and maybe you can have a nap. Under no circumstances would I allow anyone to take my 6 day-old son away from his nursing mother. Perhaps when he is older he can spend a day with grandma each week or month, or whatever works for you, but not now, and shame on her for trying.
As for the other things, like moving, I think you may have to start sticking up for yourself and your family. Ideally your husband would deal with this, since she is his mother, but I would suggest answers like "we are not interested in moving" rather than "we have 6 more months on our lease." I'm guessing that she is only going to hear "we will move when the lease is up" even though it is not what you said. Be firm and concise, for example: "We are breastfeeding. Please don't bring up formula again." You don't have to give her reasons or excuses, just state your position. By eliminating details like the cost of formula from your answers you don't give her anything to latch onto and argue about.
Congrats on your new baby!!

Nope, of course everyone wants to be around the new baby, but she is going over the top and wants to kinda take over you. Don't let her!, You are right about many things, why would you formula feed, if you can & WANT to breastfeed?? And of course having the baby over the weekend is way too long for a newborn to be away from mom, No way can she have that. She has to understand. This is your house, your family and YOUR child. (I'm going to sound hostile here, but don't spare her feelings, if you do, you will regret it. I have a similar situation at home, with my SIL, and had I stopped it from the beginning could've gone a lot better!)
Good Luck!

DO NOT MOVE CLOSER TO HER, PLEASE! You will suffer. She can't understand because she's a control freak. She sounds exactly like my selfish, overbearing, controlling mother in law. My MIL actually told me to my face while I was pregnant "your mother must be excited because it's her first grandchild - we already have way too many, don't even know how many we have " kind of inferring that they are not excited, she also told me not to breastfeed because formula is much healthier than breastmilk (a real wacko) anyway, I can share lots of horror stories about my nightmare mil who continues to terrorize our household but with regard to your situation, pls pls don't move closer to her and I don't mean to discourage you but you must know this is the beginning of a long hell from your mil, she sounds just like mine and she will try to control your child without giving any regard to you as she does now (no comm with her mostly through your hubby right? yep, been there too) I had my husband talk to her and it made it worse because the way she took it, that I had more control of my hubbie more than her (that's how she thinks). I will just urge you not to move closer to her and not to grant her crazy wishes and counsel. Be firm, hopefully she'll keep her distance. Good luck.

Have your husband talk to her, she is over stepping her role and you need some time to bond as a new family. Let her know that you will let her know when you are ready for over nights and the like, but that it will not be for some time since you are choosing to breast feed exclusively. Make sure you and your husband are on the same page with all of this before he talks to her so he will not back down.

No way are you being too rough about this! You are being incredibly nice - too nice, in my opinion. Who the hell does your MIL think she is to disapprove and ignore your pregnancy??? And now all of a sudden she wants grandparent privileges?? I don't think so! You first should ask her (or try to have your husband ask her - he needs to stop "dancing" around their fragile relationship and just come out and ask her!) why she ignored and disapproved of your pregnancy and all of a sudden has an interest in your baby! He needs to ask her this! Also, have him tell his mother that you guys are not comfortable leaving the baby with her b/c what if she changes her mind AGAIN and decides she doesn't want the baby in her life again?? She is unstable and should NOT be alone with your baby! And do NOT move closer to her! Move farther away from her if possible! Good luck!

You are not being too rough. No-one would let their new born sleep away from them. This is important time for you and I'm sorry she is putting pressure on you. Just say sweetly "We're not ready for that yet" and don't give in!

Yuck, that's overbearing and frankly, creepy behavior on the part of your MIL. You are establishing the bond w/ your newborn and baby shouldn't be away from you. Keep up the breastfeeding (good job!) and firmly tell her NO on the formula (who does she think she is to dictate to you how your child is nourished?!) As for taking baby to work at this stage, no, no, no! Esp. not now that flu season has started. Call me paranoid, but I laid low w/ our infant for at least a few months so she could build up her immune system. And never allow your MIL to tell you where you should live!

You and your husband need to speak up and draw the line now ... Good luck to you and congratulations on your new little one!

You are trying to make the best choices you can for your children, and no one should pressure you otherwise. You know what is best - go with your feelings. Stick with the breastfeeding - good job! Keep the baby close to you if you want, and don't ever feel like you have to leave the baby if you don't want to. You're not nuts! I think grandparenthood hits everyone differently, and sometimes in a weird way. We had to "calibrate" some of our grandparents when we had kids. Let her know where you stand as best you can, if she plays by the rules - great! if not, then don't spend a lot of time with her.

Are you relying on your MIL to provide child care? If not, there is simply no reason for the child to be away from you. Not for the day. Not for an hour. Nursing a newborn requires a lot of physical effort and emotional bonding. Your MIL needs to back off for several months.

Don't wait for your husband to resolve the issue. Put your foot down, lay out some ground rules, and tell her how you feel. Do not let her interfere and tell you what to do. Frankly if you feel you're going to need to get a little rude and flat out say "Butt -out" DO IT. I understand tenuous relationships with family members, neither my grandmother or my father have spoke to me since I was 16,(he won't speak to me to stay in his mother's good graces) however I have stood my ground and refused to cow to my grandmother even though it would mean seeing my father again . My point being, don't let guilt or family control you if it is forcing you into an unhealthy situation. Your MIL definately sounds like an "Unhealthy situation".

Been there myself, seriously! Your MIL is your husband's mother and their relationship will never change, no matter how much he talks to her. Take everything she says in stride. You know best because this is your baby, even if she has been a mother a lot longer.

I wouldn't leave a baby this young with anyone, including her until you are past the SIDS risk. I read an article that babies in countries like India and others don't have the problem with SIDS that our country does. I guess this is becuase the baby stays with the mom at all times and sleeps right next to their mom. It has something to do with your breathing pattern and the babies breathes fall in sinc with yours and regulates their breath. Also, our country has a major whooping cough epidemic going on right now. You shouldn't be taking your baby anywhere for 6 months until your son has had his first 3 dtap shots at 2, 4 & 6 months. Best of luck and don't let her get under your skin. She will be a big help once he is older!

Tell your husband not to answer and lock the doors. Put a sign on your door that says, 'quiet, nursing a newborn in process."
Mail her some informational information on the importance of breastfeeding and a letter explaining that your intentions are for the baby's best interest. Tell her she's already been a new mom and now it is your turn to be one and you would like some peace and bonding time with your baby. Babies do not need to be exposed to so many germs when so new anyway, she should know this.
Now is the time that your husband really needs a backbone. Otherwise, your family will have years of misery.

It sounds like your MIL is a little crazy.So you do not have to listen to her. Talk to your husband about her behavior.
Good luck!

NO!! You are not being too rough about this!! In fact I think you have been too kind!! Have hubby talk to MIL and tell her to take it down a notch - or twelve!! Breastfeeding is a lot of work, but SO rewarding!! It takes time to establish a good milk supply and proper latching so your nipples don't get sore.

She should back off and allow you time with your NEWBORN!! That baby should not leave your SIGHT for at least the first month or so! She is the Grandma, NOT THE MAMA! She should be able to visit for an hour or so, three or four times a week. Much more than that, she is 'hovering' and being too controlling! She does not have the right to take him to her work. WHY does she even want to?? Show him off with pictures like all the other proud grammas!

I don't think you are overreacting at all... I too know what it is like to deal with an overbearing MIL. First and foremost, this is YOUR child. Your MIL has no rights to your baby, and depending on the state in which you live, she can be denied visitation all together if you and your husband deem her as unfit. She would have to fight this in court, and would have to prove that she had been an involved party for several months prior... helping to care and clothe the child, etc. - but judging from your post - she hasn't been involved until now. IMO, your husband needs to deal with your MIL, since this is his mother. He needs to stand up for you and his child, and tell her that if she is not happy with your parenting decisions, then she doesn't have to be involved in her grandchild's life. Being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right.

Also, I hate to say it - but you are allowing this to happen. You are accommodating her by even considering taking your newborn to her house. When I gave birth to my son in March 2009, I very firmly told family members that if they wanted to see him, they would come and visit me. My in-laws traveled over 4 hours to see him, and they have for every visit since with the exception of a few major holidays. You have to acknowledge what is in the best interest of the child, and I can assure you - traveling and being exposed to germs at such a young age is not.

The decisions that you make now can affect your future relationship with your in-laws. If they think they can get away with this selfish intrusiveness now, what is going to stop it years down the road? Your husband needs to nip this in the bud, and if he cannot - do it yourself. You say that your husband has a "fragile" relationship with his mother... lets put it this way - would he rather have a fragile relationship with his mother (whom he does not live with) or his wife, who is the mother of his child. I wouldn't put up with it... your child may be a newborn now - but that won't always be the case. I wouldn't allow for any situation that could interfere with your bonding time, or set the stage for future upsets. Good luck!

I didn't read the other posts, but my first thought is she's trying to take over and has some issues!! Bring her to the office and have the baby every weekend at her house...that's CRAZY!! I'm sorry but this baby is 6 days old and if you're breastfeeding, the baby needs to be with you 24-7! Don't let her convince you to formula feed b/c it's easier for her...that is crazy too. She definitely sounds like there are some issues with her. But first and foremost, the most important thing to focus on is you, your baby and your husband...and everyone else comes after. The first several months with a baby, especially when breastfeeding is very demanding and can be quite exhausting...but also so rewarding. This is supposed to be a wonderful and exciting time for you and anyone that is causing this much stress doesn't need to be around right now. All your baby needs is you and if you feel comfortable having people visit than fine, but your MIL shouldn't be dictating what she wants. This is something you need your husband to work out. I also wouldn't leave the baby alone with her at this point, or anytime soon b/c she doesn't sound like she is on the same page with you about feeding, schedule, etc. I don't think you are being too rough at all and your husband should talk to her. But my gut is telling me that if she's doing all this, than talking to her about it may not even help. Limit your contact until you feel more comfortable. And not to be too negative, but if she's acting like this now, you may not ever feel comfortable....and in that case don't leave the baby alone with her. Let her visit, but this is YOUR child, not hers.

Good luck!

You or he needs to talk to her! I didn't have anyone visit for at least the first week, this was our time. I would never have that baby out of my sight, or I don't remember how long! Oh, I think it was 5 weeks when my mom visited and I was gone for 1.5 hours.

Don't listen to her about formula, continue breastfeeding. If you really want her to feed the baby, pump some, if not, it is a good excuse to keep him with you.

I would set up times when she can come visit YOUR house. Maybe once a week? Or if you want to, swap houses ONCE a week. This is your time, not her's and this is your child. Do what you see is the best. Don't worry about the future relationships now. You need to set boundaries, or you will deal with this from here on out.

do what YOU feel you need to do. have you tried talking with your husband and finding out what page he's on? if not do that, then have HIM tell her where her place is, and maybe consider not answering the phone ne more when she calls, when she wants to come over to "visit" just tell her it's just not a good time for you guys. you dont' have to tell her why you didn't return her call, or why she couldn't come visit..then maybe later your husband can explain when she stops, she can be the GRANDPARENT and when you say this is what's going to happen she needs to hush and so be it.

my husband and i are thinking about having one (we have 4 seperately)..and O YES we are moving a ways from his mom because she like the control too (not the only reason) THANK GOD he and are on the same page

Congrats on your new baby! I know this is a difficult time with your MIL, but you need to set boundaries NOW.

You and your husband need to talk to her immediately to get the boundaries set and for her to understand her role.

I know this may sound harsh, but the last thing you need right now with a new baby is all of this aggravation. Your MIL may be going through some kind of depression or something and it is coming out in strange ways towards your new life changes. She may need some help...

...but...you need to put your life and your baby first. This is VERY unhealthy for everyone involved.

The only thing I can add is to make sure you are looking at both sides of the story here..."just in case" we are all missing something...if there is a dynamic that perhaps you aren't seeing that is impacting the way your MIL is acting (say for example you are very young and married -say 18 or 19 -she may feel a need to control things -especially if she is worried about your money situation, etc...she is acting out because she cares and is nervous...or have either of you shut her out before and now she is grasping on to the baby as a reason to get close to you)....I don't know...just putting things out there to think about.

Good luck...please keep us posted...

I think everyone deals with this at some point or another. I had a crazy experience with my mother-in-law as well and since then I have lost a lot of respect for her. She was kind throughout my pregnancy but once the baby came (my first...so naturally I am a bit protective) things changed. I wanted people to wash hands before handling him and for some reason this struck a nerve with the father of my child's side of the family...and since I, too, was establishing breastfeeding I didn't want my son to have a pacifier at the beginning...well (not being a baby hog myself)...when she came to visit she insisted I give him a pacifier while he was fussing...I said no and politely asked to hold him...she told me no repeatedly. I eventually told her that I would like to see if he was hungry...which he was...and for some reason she copped an attitude after I was done feeding him (much to this story).

Bottom-line...I received a lot of advice on how to deal with MIL. This is your child. You know what he needs and what is best for him. Do not feel bullied to do anything less than what is in your child's best interest. Your husband should also speak to his mother on behalf of his family. Many people said that it is just the excitement of a new child, but also, people should be aware of how a new mom feels toward her own child. She needs support to establish good breastfeeding habits. Also, when it was suggested that I spend the night with my two week old I said no...he needs to be comfortable in his own home. Boy, this didn't go over well, either...just stay firm and politely stand your ground. YOU are mother...

Try not to let her behavior stress you out. You cannot control her, so it is out of your hands. Just do your thing without obligation to meet her demands. Although this is not a pleasant situation, it's reality.

What the hell?? Who would EVER ask a new mother to leave her baby at such a young age!?
I didn't leave my kids alone with anyone other than my husband until this weekend (when we both got away) and my kids are 1 and 2!
She is crazy and YOU need to stick up for yourself and your family. It seems like your husband doesnt' like her very much, so who cares if you being honest upsets her and makes waves???
Cut her out if she is going to be like that!
AND hello if your husband doesn't really like his mom or enjoy her, why in the hell would your baby?!
Seriously I am on your side, but get a grip and take control!

Deja Vu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's your child. Either you and your husband get on the same page now, or pay for it later where his mother is concerned. She is selfish and wants to be controlling IF it's allowed. I read a lot of great responses and something I didn't think of when I was wrangling with my husband about dropping off a newborn at MIL's

>>>SIDS<<< is serious and you can't expect for her or anyone else to attend to your baby as you do and I hope your husband does. But, if he's the momma-pleasing type, you're in for a ride if you don't set boundaries early on.

My MIL wanted to be involved in everything, and I learned not because she cared, because she is a bully!!!!! But, I didn't give in. She, too, didn't come to the house and help with caring for the baby nor did she spend time with me during the pregnancy after claiming she would. No love lost there, because I had a happy and healthy pregnancy and child.

Keep in mind your attitude, and overall general health is supposed to keep you able-bodied to care for your child. Don't waste time explaining to anyone what's best for YOUR child.

Remember, set boundaries because if you start early letting the child go there she's gonna think she has the right to dictate how you care for the child, just as she is with the formula. What a nerve!

haha, i had the same problem with my MIL. I understand what you're going thru. In fact, it got so bad i ended up going to a therapist because I was holding all this anger,stress, inside. You do what you want to do. If she tells you again about formula don't even answer her, i mean of course answer her but don't explain all over again what you're planning on doing blah blah blah, you already told her you want to breastfed and so be it. You need to tell her your rules and how you're going to do things because if you don't she's not going to stop. Luckily every time my MIL would "suggest" something about my parenting silks my husband was always there to tell her I was going to do what I wanted to do, so I never had to tell her myself. But i suggest you tell your husband if he can talk to her only because you both don't talk much. And about taking your baby over for the weekend, if you don't feel comfortable again don't do it. Tell her he's too small, tell her, you would but not now. My mother lives two hours from here, my son will be one on thurs, a few months ago my mother was begging me to leave my son a whole week with her but i didn't and couldn't. I told her once he's a little bigger I will, when I'm ready. There's nothing wrong with that. Good luck

Oh my its sounds EXACTLY like what i went through.. with one exception my MIL did not try and have baby overnight but urged all the time "he should be sleeping through the night so i can have him over".... breastfed babies tend to have their own timetable when they sleep for longer periods do to metabolizing the milk fat.. anyhow off topic sorry.

I found the best way to handle my situation was to not have my husband handle it because he is too sensitive to his mom and never really gets the big picture and i therefore during a one on one talk said to her how greatly appreciative we were to have her in our lives as such a caring grandmother but to please respect the manner in which WE(husband and I not her)decided to raise our child and for now that means no office visits(she is in real estate), sleepovers, formula etc( not kidding you and i have VERY similar situations)... i am all for standing my ground but someone very dear explained there are only so many battles you can win, do you want this to be one of them... needless to say she backed off but still offers great support and help in caring for our child now and truly got the message i was sending that day.. our son will be one tomorrow and to be honest without her the past year would have been hell.. Good luck! remember everyone is adjusting to the new situation, stay firm in approach!

Gosh, he's only 6 weeks old, not 6 years! Yes, it seems quite soon for her to be taking to take him. I do think you should ask your husband to gently tell her you both feel the baby is too young to be away from his parents overnight. He can tell her how exciting it will be for him to have special weekend visits when he is older. Maybe you can plan a little more time for you all to visit or stay at her house? Welcome her again to come and visit you, when you're up to it. I think you're going to have to ignore her comments on the baby formula issue and you moving closer to her. Chalk it up to her just being excited.

tell your mil, that if she wants a baby to be at work with her, to have another of her own!

the ONLY way to deal with this is to allow your husband to be your advocate. anything you say or do, will be perceived as adversarial.. trust me, i've been there.

i just pray, that when my children have children i do NOT act like a lot of these entitled, neurotic mils!

ETA: wait...your baby is only 10 DAYS OLD???

wow.

There is no way in heck I would just leave my baby because my MIL demanded it. Especially so young!! I have a tough time leaving my son now who is almost 15 months old and my own mother and MIL would never even think about demanding it. And to request you to formula feed just so you can leave him with her is absolutely crazy. Good for you for breastfeeding!! My son weaned himself when he was six months old and I was sad I couldn't continue for longer. Keep up the good work mom!! And I would put my foot down with my MIL. It's completely unacceptable for her to expect the things she does. You are the mother and what you say goes. You have no problem with her visiting but at this age your baby will NOT spend the night. PERIOD. Good luck!!