Hi Moms! Several months ago I offered to help out someone with their child. She is a single mom and just needed some extra help. I was more than willing. We met and agreed on terms of times, date and payment. I thought all was well when she has paid me upfront for the first week and said that is how she would like to continue. The second and third week came and went with no payment. I talked to her on the phone and she explained her situation had changed and asked if she could make a payment the end of the month. I understood and told her that was fine, as long as the lines of communication were open. Payments straggled in from that point, which was fine because again, the lines of communication were open. However, the last two weeks of payment were not made and when school got out, she no longer needed my help. I emailed her asking when payment would/could be made. I was told Saturday. That Saturday came and went with nothing. I emailed again and asked what happened as I had made sure I was home when she came over. We had our Saturday's mixed up and she assured me it would be this Saturday (the 14th). Well, here I am, on Monday, having spent most of my Saturday at home waiting, and she didn't come. She didn't call either to say she wasn't coming. I'm not a confrontational person. I mean no harm nor is it my intent to bother this Mom. However, I do expect people to stand by their word. A third email at this point seems futile. Should I just give up and not expect her to honor her commitment to pay me? How should I handle this? Help!
Hi Moms!
Thank you all for the great advice. One thing I love about this site is the diversity in responses you can recieve! I've decided to let the issue go. I've learned my lesson in trusting people and will give more freely of myself with lower expectations. I can only hope in my heart that her conscious will come around one day and she may realize how she has treated people. But this is a decision I cannot make for her. I put myself out there to help, and the true meaning of helping someone is not expecting something in return. Could I use the money? Yes, absolutely. Do I hold her responsible for keeping her word? Yes, absolutely. I know that I did what was expected of me and what I told her I would do. I leave it to her now to live with the way she has chosen to handle the situation.
Thanks again for the advice from all of you!!
Two words... Small Claim! At this point it sounds like you need to take legal action if you want to receive payment. Otherwise, let it go.
I hate it when people do things like , esp. when they make you wait at home while they have no intention of coming over. That being said it just depends on how far you want to take this. You could threaten, and carryout, a law suite. I I pay a little fee through one of my credit cards that allows me access to a group of lawyers that will write letters on my behalf and give me advice etc. I love it and I bet you have access to this through some financial institution. If this is too much drama and effort for the money I would do a comlete 180. I would send her a nice letter, saying you understand her financial situation and that you would love to make a payment plan with her, or trade her babysitting hours etc. Call her your friend and offer to help her in the future if she needs it. Make sure she knows that you need the money too. Then maybe she will feel comfortable giving you at least partial payment. I would tend to do the latter unless the money is substantial. She may just not have it, but I bet she has talked herself out of paying you. You might say that you need the money and if she will watch your children you can waitress at night etc. --M.
I have never met a single, custodial parent who wasn't always in a cash crisis. (It boggles the mind that the media presents single-parenthood as a desirable state!) She just doesn't have the money, and she lives the rest of her financial life like that too. She had good intentions, she just doesn't have enough cash for her bills, ever.
This is, of course, an estimate of her financial state based on personal experience.
Money between friends is such a hard subject. I have a rule for myself (same with my husband) that when we loan anything, be it money or objects, we loan with no expectations... meaning we never expect to get it back again. This is a great rule for us because if nothing follows through, we never expected to get anything back anyway. Are you in a tough position right now that you have to have the money back? If so, keep taking measures for the return. If not, be thankful you are in such a good position. I do not expect people to stand by their word as we never know what the future holds. I do expect people to do what they can to stand by their word, but who can predict anything? Your friend may be standing by her word, but if she doesn't have the money still to back up her word, what can she do? Talk to her...instead of going the direction of trying to get your money back, tell her you know she would pay if she could and ask her if there are any problems right now...what's going on in her life that she isn't able to stand by her word as she would probably like to do. My brother has an autistic child. His family struggles financially all the time and we have given them money at Christmas time, etc. to help out...I say give because although it was said to be a loan, I know what his life is like financially compared to ours and the hardships they go through (we are not rich, but yet we are in so many ways). I've told him not to worry about it...if he can ever pay back for his own peace of mind, great. If not, we will survive. We've lived fine without the money so far, I know we can keep on going and without it since we've been doing it so far. One day I figure, just like the movie 'Pay It Forward', help will be there for us if and when we need it. It's wonderful you've helped your friend...keep it on that note and all should work out.
V.-
Unless you need the money - I think I'd shoot one more email and tell her not to worry about it. I helped out a friend in a similiar way when she was going through a messy divorce. She was having a horrible time and just didn't have the money to pay.
It sounds like she had good intentions, but with the economy the way it is, I can see where she may be unable to pay you and her other bills and feed her kids...
Again, I don't know the full situation, but if you can get by without the money, I think the best gift (help) you can give her now would be to forgive the debt.
Just my opinion.
Good luck-
C.
My husband and I own rental properties and collecting rent is constantly an issue. People with young kids that are single parents or don't have steady jobs often have a difficult time meeting their financial obligations. It can be embarrassing to them. She knows she owes you the money and with the cost of gas and groceries rising as they have, she more than likely cannot afford to pay you without sacrificing.
You might have to chalk up those two weeks as a good deed done and not offer to watch her child when school starts up again.
I had a similar issue. A mom who's daughter went to pre-school with my daughter asked if I could watch her daughter in the am before school and to bring her to school as well. We agreed on an amount and she paid me once in January or Feb I can't remember. Well she just kept making excuses and I just went along with it, I never did it for the money, I was trying to be a good person and figured since I have the priveledge of being home I could help her. ( And this woman is married!). She never paid me again! And it turned out she owed the school alot of money too. Some people just don't have any honor or integrity and take advantage of other's generosity. I decided to let this go, if she was ok not paying like that then you are going to have to spend alot of time and energy trying to get this money and it could turn in to an ordeal and cause you lot's of stress. I know it is so unfair and not right. You did the right thing for the kids, so feel good about that and follow your gut, I had a feeling about that woman I knew and ignored it! My advice: Let It Go!!!
Ugh, I feel for you. I'm guessing that if you're not a confrontational person, you feel taken advantage of. And while it is indeed nice to do a favor for a person in a financial bind, that wasn't your agreement to begin with. It would have been a different story if she had said she needed your help but didn't have the resources to pay you. You would have probably been inclined to help temporarily if you were financially able.
Yes you can understand her situation, no you should not automatically be expected to take the hit without any explanation or apology from her.
If it were me, I would probably send one more e-mail that clearly states how much she owes you. And maybe something like "I'm not sure what your explanation is for missing so many agreed payment dates, but I would appreciate being filled in". Beyond that, there is little you can do to collect, so it may be a lesson learned. And of course don't watch her kids anymore!!
Again, it is nice to know that you did something to help her, and nice that you won't yell at her or humiliate her. And you can be grateful that you are not in her predicament, but don't feel bad for being mad! She is in the wrong here, not you.
Good luck!
