How Would Deal with a Nanny That Keeps Asking for Advance Payments?

it's a difficult situation (i too find it harder to say no to someone with whom i have close working relationship like this) but there's really no option, is there?
i mean, unless you're okay with continuing to oblige and be resentful, which is a poor response.
'i'm sorry, but i'm afraid we gave the wrong impression by doing this before. we're not in a position to continue to make advance payments. it's just not something we're willing to revisit.'
khairete
S.

We had a nanny many years and this would bug me too. Are you planning to give a holiday bonus? We usually give 1 or 2 weeks. So if you do plan to as it is customary to give one, I would take out what she owes you and tell her that you're square now and you hope she banks the bonus to give her a little more flexibility so she doesn't keep having to ask to be paid early. Maybe she'll explain then too what is going on.

"I'm sorry. I can't do the advanced payments anymore."

Do you have a contract with her where payments are laid out? If not, get one.

"Oh sarah! you are so great and we love you. But I am sorry, I cannot do advance payments anymore."

Sit her down and explain that just as in any job, her pay depends upon her hours worked. Paying in advance isn't what you agreed to at the beginning of the job and that she needs to expect to be paid on her paydays and not before. You can tell her "I'm sorry that things are tight for you right now, and we can't continue to pay in advance. We (you and your husband) need to be able to budget and pay our own bills. So, please understand that we really don't want to be approached for advances any more."

I was a nanny for years and presented invoices for hours worked on the days that my clients agreed upon in our contract; I never expected to be paid in advance. A once-in-a-blue-moon situation would be understandable, but if you've made it clear you can't continue to do it, she shouldn't be consistently approaching you.

My concern is also that she may leave you high and dry if this continues. She obviously has some unresolved issues, but they are not yours. What she is doing is extremely unprofessional. If she needs financial assistance, she should talk to a bank about a small loan. YOU are not a bank. :) Tell her so.

ETA: Christine: nannies are a different sort of service provider than child care programs. When I had a preschool, yes, I did charge tuition at the beginning of the month, but that was also because I was *holding a space* for that particular child. When we have larger programs, we staff according to advance enrollment numbers. Nannies might be paid in advance in some arrangements, but only if that was is the contract. The standard is people get paid for hours they have worked. (the nice thing was that I didn't have to wait a week to have payroll process my hours, as would happen at the child development centers and, really, most other service jobs out there. ) My nanny contracts stipulated that they paid X dollars an hour for each hour work and that I was paid at agreed-upon times (my clients could choose a once every two weeks option or a 1st and 15th option)... I was willing to work with them and did get two weeks paid vacation each year.

Feel like I need to add: in professional relationships, it's not appropriate to sit her down and ask her questions about her situation, buy her books or give unsolicited advice. Nannying is a fuzzy area, but ultimately, I was a paid service provider, not a family member. One of the families I worked for and I are still close, but that was always put to the side when we were dealing with financial matters. (The mom and I had a co-op preschool before I worked solely for her family, and had done some work/traveling together in the hopes of starting a infant/toddler program at one of our universities as an extension of a Massachusetts grant-funded co-op. We didn't get the grant but continued to work together.) In short, your worker needs you to set the example that she is a professional and should behave/have the same expectations of such.

Don't ask her what's going on in her financial life, don't tell her she needs to budget better. Just stop giving her the advanced money. This isn't a pretend job, she isn't a family member. She is your employee. Advanced payments are not acceptable to you, so when she asks for one, just say no.

How many times have you given in? She may understand that you don't like it - but if you've done it before, she may feel that you're up for doing her favors.

I would just say that while you understand she's in some kind of predicament - you're not comfortable giving her advance payments because you have your own budget, and must stick to it.

I wouldn't get into it more than that.

If she complains, I might suggest she find an alternate source of cash - maybe babysit others on the weekend, weekend job, etc.

Most people understand 'sorry, but no'. If she can't respect that - or asks again, then she's not respecting you and your decision. Then I'd look into finding a new nanny.

Since you trust her with your children, and with your home, I'd take the time to speak with her. Ask her something like "it seems like maybe you're faced with a financial obligation that you can't quite handle, so you need to ask for advance payments? Can you tell me what's going on?" in a very non-threatening way. After all, you're her boss. You're entitled to address your employee's work issues. And a salary is a work issue.

She may have a problem, like maybe she's giving money to her brother who's out of work, or buying groceries for her mom who's sick, or maybe she's stuck in a bad loan situation. Is she young and perhaps doesn't have someone to give her guidance? Perhaps you can help - not by handing over money but by giving her some advice. Maybe she needs to re-finance a loan, or catch up on missed payments. Maybe her brother or boyfriend is demanding money and she needs help in saying no. Or perhaps it's a matter of buying Prada shoes and she needs help in creating/sticking to a budget and saying no to designer stuff.

If you value her, take the step to listen, to understand, and to give a piece of helpful advice. She doesn't have the right to know your financial situation, so I wouldn't go into details like how much you pay for your car and health insurance, but there's nothing wrong with telling her that you have carved out a budget that you stick to, and she gets $xx dollars per week/pay period, and you need to adhere to that, unless there's a real crisis that she's trying to handle.

I was a nanny during my college summers, and the couple I worked for were wealthy, but very careful with their money. They gave me helpful instruction on many things - buying a car, travel, money, etc, while realizing that they weren't my parents; they just had more experience with this kind of stuff than my very poor non-traveling parents. It was helpful. They pitched in when I needed a little extra like the time I had to pay for a dental visit, but they didn't subsidize extras or impulsive spending.

What is your contract with her? Do you have anything in writing?

Most people who work for a company get paid at the end of the week (or two weeks). That would be the same if she worked for a day care center.

On the other hand, if you put your children in a day care program, you would pay the provider up front. Maybe not an in-home day care person, but a center, yes.

If you don't have something in writing, you need to do that. She can sign or not. Since you want to keep her, you can allow her to have some input into the agreement if you want, so she doesn't leave you high and dry. You can find standard contracts on the internet. Include how many paid personal and sick days she gets, what sort of notice you both will provide to the other, what happens with school vacations and snow days, and so forth.

But you are not her friend, and she cannot come you constantly for money. As a compromise, let me ask if you planned to give her a holiday or end-of-year bonus. If you did, you could consider giving it to her now in lieu of a pay advance, and let her know that's it and you won't entertain any more requests. Tell her you are depending on your paycheck to pay her, and you aren't getting an advance from your boss so you don't have it to give. Also let her know that she's risking her future professional standing by thinking she can go to employers, as a nanny or any other type of employee, by thinking she can keep asking for money. You are not her parents, you are not an ATM.

I would stop short of asking her what's going on in her financial life. That's not your business, and I don't think you really want to get involved in sharing that sort of info back and forth! It's not her business whether you have spare cash or not, and it's not up to you to explain what your other expenses are.

Tell her kindly but flatly that she needs to budget better, she needs to plan her expenditures, and she needs to cut back on luxuries as everyone else does, and live within her means. This is, fundamentally, a business relationship. Yes, she may do some extra things for you, but don't we all do that in our jobs? As long as what you are asking her to do is "domestic" in nature (you aren't asking her to pay your bills, shovel your driveway or rototill your garden - so throwing a load of kids' laundry into the washer is reasonable.

Unless she is specifically looking to you for financial advice, I would not give her budget "tips" or hand her a financial planning book. That is intrusive and patronizing and how she chooses to spend the money you pay her is none of your business (and definitely not the business of anyone here). I agree with the people who say that you should simply tell her that you cannot do it. If you have a good relationship with her, you might say, "I can give you an advance just one more time [if you can and want to do it one more time]. Is there anything else I can do to help?"

People are also right that a nanny is a different kind of employee and so you may need to bend a little to keep her. But really, is it worth the extra stress to keep someone who is such a strain on your own budget, and willing to have a strained relationship with you over it?

Sounds like she's not living within her means.
Once in awhile I might give her an advance but mostly I'd say "No, I can't do it this time".
Consider giving her a Dave Ramsey book as a gift sometime.

She may have "understood" but apparently doesn't care. Is she asking for her pay a day or so early? Or is she say "hey, I know payday is in two weeks, but I need it today". Kind of thing.

While I understand you and your family like her, I would be a little worried that she is continuing to ask for money. Others say "take care of her". She is not your responsibility. She makes a salary and is paid for her work.

If you have a contract, go by the contract. I would sit her down now and say, "starting next year, I will not be doing any advance payments. I'm sorry if this is a problem, but I have a budget and I have to stick with the budget."

I'm a pretty direct person so I'd just ask her what's up. Why speculate? My best guess is that she's behind in some sort of payments.

Be honest and tell her you cannot keep paying her in advance. Let her know this is not something that is common in the workplace. I know if I tried pulling that at my company, I would be told no, and perhaps, even get terminated. It's very unprofessional, not to mention, awkward. I can understand expensive, unforeseen things like funeral expenses, and even then, most jobs won't pay you in advance, because there is no guarantee you'll stick around and earn your pay. It's not their responsibility to teach you to save or manage your money.

If she is having financial difficulty, she needs to work a second job or cut down on her expenses, but that should not be your problem. Tell her that while you may have been able to assist with advance payments in the past, that is no longer the case. The economy is tough and you no longer have the luxury of providing advance payments, as much as you appreciate her and her hard work. If she keeps pressing, stay firm. If she likes you and the kids and respects and appreciates you, she will find someone/somewhere else to get the money. I doubt she will walk away from you if she is so pressed for money, but even if she threatens to do so, I would stay firm.

I'd be very worried that she might be over-extended financially and may end up succumbing to the temptation to use your credit card number. Good people sometimes do bad things when they are under a great deal of financial pressure.

If I were in your shoes, I would secure your office, change your credit card numbers, and buy a safe to keep important documents in, along with your social security numbers. I know that you would never want to think this would happen, but I've seen this kind of thing before, and you will have to decide whether or not to press charges if she does. Filing a police report may be the only way you don't end up losing a lot of money, especially if she were to open a lot of credit cards in your name.

You might not like thinking along these lines, but look at it like this. Financial firms check credit scores before hiring people because they don't want people with these problems ending up embezzling.

Sit down with her. Tell her that you can tell that she must have financial difficulties because she's always asking for an advance. Tell her that it worries you that she might not know how to live within her means. Give her a book by Dave Ramsey and ask her to read it.

You should tell her that you will not be able to advance payments anymore, and that if she needs to get a better paying job, you will understand and give her a good reference.

The best way to deal with this is proactively. I do hope she will read the book and figure out that she has to make a change in her life. Meanwhile, protect yourself. Just in case.

M.,

Do you mean she is asking you for her pay early or more money as a loan? I don't quite follow.

If she gets paid well, I would ask her if she is having financial problems and advise to her to contact her bank, as many offer free financial counseling classes.

I would not make a habit of advancing her pay.

I had to always pay in advance for after care, sports fees, classes. I don't see the difference. I thought nannies and day care providers were paid for the coming week.

Start saying no. She keeps asking, because you keep doing it. Actions speak louder than words.
Updated

Start saying no. She keeps asking, because you keep doing it. "Do as I do, not as I say" comes to mind!

Updated

Start saying no. She keeps asking, because you keep doing it. "Do as I do, not as I say" comes to mind!

Find a new nanny. I could see if she asked once or twice - she needs to get her car fixed or something. That would bother me if she kept asking for advanced payments. If she had a different job - she wouldn't be able to ask for advance payments.

ETA

In regular child care or where you have a spot reserved for your child you pay in advance. This is why you sign a contract before your child starts attending. For instance, in my child care center, I had that the payment was due on Monday. If it wasn't paid by the end of the day on Monday your child was not allowed to enter class on Tuesday morning. I had a waiting list and could fill that child's spot within hours.

I had to pay my staff regardless of attendance. If kids were out sick, if parents took their kids on vacation, if they were on school holiday, etc...my staff was still there. The lights were on, the heat or air was on, their food was still purchased because there were supposed to be there.

Just because a parent kept their child home did not influence if my staff got paid of not. My staff got paid for being at work.

When you think about a nanny it is the other way around. You do not pay her by the hour or day or month whether she shows up or not. Her presence is required each time. So you pay her as an employee. Regular child care is nothing like paying an employee. Paying a nanny is like paying any other employee. Either it's contract labor and, non-tax on your part, where you pay her $X per hour or your terms with no benefits like you hire a plumber to come in and do a specific job or you hire her for a taxable job where you withhold her stated and federal taxes and send her taxes and Social Security in with a matching part by yourself. You might allow her to accrue vacation days, sick days, retirement, etc...if you do this sort of contract with her.

When I was a nanny I worked for a family with 7 children. I wasn't responsible for more than 1-2 during the day but when they came home from school I had snacks ready for them and got them going on chores. When their dad came home about half an hour later he checked on chores and got them starting dinner.

I was paid strictly by the hour by the child. If I had sick kids home from school I got paid for an extra kid all day. If it was a school vacation day I got paid for each kiddo under the age of 10. They had a teen daughter that was more than capable of watching the kids but they wanted someone there that was dedicated to the younger kids, toddler through elementary school.

I did not have taxes withheld, I was contract labor. I got paid by the hour by the child and nothing else. I didn't work summers or school breaks. They claimed my pay on their income taxes as child care. I claim all my income so I'm not worried about any of that.

I also had her bosses child join the group. The boss paid me by the hour but she held out taxes and paid into my social security. They also claimed child care expenses on their taxes.

Having a nanny is not like child care or pre-school or anything. It's contract labor that you hire to come into your home and do a specific job. It's up to you as to how you manage the pay and taxes and such. You need to sit down with your spouse and decide what you want to do. You can let her know she can expect consequences if she asks again OR you could ask her if being paid weekly instead of whatever you're doing would work better.

Pay her every Friday at the close of the day. For her time that week. Or hold it back and pay her on the next Monday.

Emergencies happen, that's a given. If you work in a company that has a credit union you can go in on your lunch break and get a signature loan or draw money from a savings account. In a home situation like this there are no alternatives to asking the boss for an advance.

Consider what her needs are, maybe she's too intimidated to tell you that she isn't making it from payday to payday.

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When that happened to me at my child child care center I asked them to come to my office. I simply told the person that I would do this one last time and then they would be terminated if they asked again. I had told them I wasn't even taking money for my own household, "I" made sure my staff got paid first, then the utilities were paid.

If you don't want to test her loyalty you could tell her that you will do it one last time and then you are moving her paydays to once per month and if she approaches you again you will hold her pay for one month. She will work a month then that pay is held to make sure her hours and any charges are taken care of. Then she is paid the next month. How many times have you worked at a business that ends payroll then it takes a couple of weeks for that pay period to generate checks? I've worked at several places where I worked a full month before I got 2 weeks pay.

For her to come again and again, asking for money when it's not payday...and you've let her know you don't like it, that's just "oh well, she'll give it to me anyway".

M.,

You trust her, yes? You have her in your home caring for your children, correct? Sit down with her and have a blunt talk with her. Find out what's going on financially that she needs advance payments.

Ask if her WHY she needs the money. Ask her if this is a loan or what. If she believes that you have enough money to ask for advance payments - are we talking hundreds of dollars or a thousand? Either way - if it's happened more than once (you don't say how many times this has happened and how many times you have said yes) and now becoming a habit? I would sit down with her and have a serious talk.

Good luck!

I would just say no, sorry, I can't.

You're her boss and can obviously say no but I would do what I could to help her out and keep her happy. When my girls had piano lessons and private drama lessons I would pay the fee on the first thursday and Friday of the month in advance. If the instructor ended up canceling, then I would deduct the lesson fee from next months payment. (I paid in advance for daycare and preschool too).

Simply say, "I'm sorry. I don't have the funds to pay you until I (or hubby) receive our paycheck." I would make sure that in our contract the pay date was clearly laid out.

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Simply say, "I'm sorry. I don't have the funds to pay you until I (or hubby) receive our paycheck." I would make sure that in our contract the pay date was clearly laid out.