Hi moms, I have a debacle about money. Our long time babysitter/friend has been real worried about not having enough money to even buy groceries for her and her family. We are comfortable enough to talk with each other about money. I offered to LEND her $100 for groceries -> in exchange for the money back when she could afford it *or* if she wanted to clean our house [working off the debt]. She agreed, knowing full well that it is a loan and not just a gift. She didn't ask me for this money, but happily took it. She also knows that I have been recently laid off - so that even our money situation is tight. But I have currently been hired for another job [not yet making money], this is why we went out.
Our kids went out of town to my inlaws for two weeks, so hubby and I can enjoy a great time with each other. We decided to go out of town for a weekend. Unfortunately, we could not bring our dog, Kona. I called to have the Vet kennel her up for the weekend. I am all new to this so I asked what they do with her while she is kenneled. They only take her out twice per day and feed her. That is it! I think that is torture and declined the service.
I finally had to resort to our babysitter. I really didn't want to bring our female dog to her since she has two un-neutered male dogs. Our female dog is fixed, but I didn't want her to be a "toy" to them all weekend. Kona is a sweet, submissive dog - even to other dogs. We try to socialize her the best we can. Of course she was happy to take her in [I did not tell her my reservations on her dogs] and I told myself that this is better than being kenneled up all weekend. I did offer up toys, bed and food for the stay, but she said no that she would take care of it.
We went out to our hotel and drank and had fun. While we were out eating dinner, she texted me "Hey if I clean ur house when yall go pick up the kids could u pay me for keeping kona?" [exact text message]. I know we agreed on cleaning the house, but my thoughts were if the kids are gone, I am perfectly capable of keeping a clean house. The message really threw me off and I was not happy. I tried to be polite and wrote back "I don't need the house clean, so we'll have to talk later" In her response, she said that one of her new children paid her for the week and that she has been screwed [out of money] lately. I didn't respond. I wanted to have fun and not get caught up in her text messages - I would possibly say something not nice. She texted back if I was mad at her. I still refused to respond.
We casually talked the next day and she ended up telling me that her daughter watched Kona the whole time since her boys [her dogs] didn't care for Kona. Also, she used her favorite blanket for Kona to sleep on and that Kona chewed up her favorite blanket.
I am feeling like I am being taken advantage of. I am thinking if she wants money out of me for watching our dog for two nights and two days, it will not be $100! Plus she didn't even watch the dog, it was her daughter. I am thinking that I should just leave it at that, call it a wash, and not ever use her services again - for either our children [that she will babysit once in a while], our dog, or clean our house.
Hubby is angry with me for even giving her the $100, my sister thinks I should pay the daughter a few dollars for watching Kona, and I think I should ask for $60 back from the sitter… not even have her clean [I am thinking that, but highly doubt I will act on it]. My mom thinks that she is trying to make equivalent that she watched the dog, the dog chewed on her favorite blanket [even though it's her negligence] and now she wants money for the whole deal. Who in their right mind lets a dog that is not theirs sleep on a favorite blanket??? I still cannot understand that, if it's true.
What should I say or do? I am at a real loss here. I want to do the right thing and not be rude, but not be a doormat and let her know I do not want to be taken advantage of! Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill?
Wow, I've received so many response already! Thank you! The vet quoted me $44 for the stay of two days/two nights [drop off /pick up is at two different times: 8 am and 6pm, we would have used the closest possible times]. I appreciate different point of views, even some I don't want to hear, but still read. I think I will be considering this a wash. I am still not sure about her friendship. It's not really the money, it's the point of how she is going about taking advantage of the situtation. Thanks for reading such a long post too :) It has been bothering me for the last couple of days and I feel like I am putting my heart out to this.
Wow, JL is the one opinion I really had to reread. Enslaved? Really? You honestly think I enslave her? Wow. She is a free human being in America. And you think I am enslaving her by letting her choose to watch my dog or not.
I would call it a wash and stop using her as a babysitter. Consider the 100 bucks a lesson learned. It sucked, but some people will want to take advantage of nice people.
I agree with sarah B. Let it go, don't use her services and move on. She is definitly trying to take advantage of you because she knows you are a nice person. Sorry she put a damper on a great night out with hubby. Move on.
I agree with Sara, let it go and no more babysitting.
As for petsitting, I do pay our pet sitter a set amount $20-$25 for coming over 2 times a day and spending about 45 minutes with dogs and I pay around $60 per night for her to sleepover at my house with the dogs.
This woman knows she owes owes you money and she is trying to snag more from you. I would tell her "let's call it even on the $100 LOAN" and cease business with her.
Good luck..it is a touchy situation.
I completely understand where you are coming from. I agree that you should call it a wash and be done with her. If she thinks her daughter should get some money than she can give it to her daughter, you had no involvement in that decision. The decision to allow a dog to sleep on her favorite blanket was hers...not yours and not smart, she should be responsible for that decision all by herself!
Just FYI: I recently had to board my dog at a kennel for 2 nights and our bill was $90.
You aren't making a mountain out of a mole hill per say, but you did make a big mistake. Loaning money will almost always ruin relationships. If someone needs a loan, give them a financial gift instead. You'll be much better off. You're almost willing to write someone off who has played a valuable part in your families' life over $100.
I was in this situation once, and at the time it was a huge deal and caused conflict and plenty of anxiety and worry on my part. My husband and I made a deal from that day forward to never "loan" money again. It's been our policy from then on if we wanted to help a friend or relative to give them whatever money or assistance we could, and never expect any sort of payment in return. I know that doesn't really answer your question, but it might help to figure out something similar in the future. I'm sorry you're stuck in the middle of this right now. (I do have to say, you're so right about the blanket, if it was her favorite she should have taken care of it. Plus, the daughter did the service at the request of her mother, not you.) Good Luck!
The saying that's kept me from destroying many friendships is,
"Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry." - Shakespeare
His logic is thus: lending money to friends is risky, because hitching debt onto personal relationships can cause resentment and, in the case of default, loses the lender both his money and his friend. Borrowing invites more private dangers: it supplants domestic thrift ("husbandry")—in Polonius's eyes, an important gentlemanly value.
Long story short, I think you should cut your losses and take this as a life lesson that you got away with fairly cheap. Do not loan any more money and personally I wouldn't use her services any longer. If you do, make sure you pay her upon services rendered and not before.
Because you offered her the $100 and also suggested she could work it off by cleaning your house, I don't think you should be upset with her. She was trying to earn it by offering to clean your house. Did you offer to pay her for watching your dog, or did she think she was earning toward paying off her debt to you?
I think this is all a bunch of miscommunication on behalf of both of you. You are angry with yourself for lending her the money, and frustrated with her inability to pay you back. She also did you a favor by taking your dog, who would otherwise have had to stay in a kennel.
I think you were both trying to be nice to one another, and both were trying to help the other out, but neither one turned out the way you wanted it to.
Consider her tough situation, and ask yourself if $100 is the price of a friendship. I don't think it is fair of you to be angry with her. I would tell her that the debt to you is forgiven, and thank her for taking care of your dog. Then put the whole mess behind you.
Put this relationship back to the pre-loan status. And as David Ramsey says in Financial Peace University, "Loans made to family and friends usually turn into gifts. Never loan money to a friend or family. If you want to help them out, consider it a gift."
I would maybe say that when you asked her to keep the dog, no money was discussed so you thought she was good with that. If she wants to clean the house when the kids return to repay for the $100, she can do that. Then I would not use her again and consider it a lesson learned. Good luck.
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Let it go. Distance yourself from her. In a few months you will be able to talk about it (hopefully). It sounds like you both are under stress due to money and are straining the bounds of friendship because of it. I never lend money that I expect to see back. This way I can help someone and feel extra lucky if they are able to pay me back.
As far as the daughter watching the dog... your agreement was with the mother, if she had her daughter do the work, than it's not your responsibility to pay her. Yes, giving her a few $$ would be a nice thing to do, but considering you're already out money I wouldn't give her anything.
Personally, I would be very upset over the whole situation. Looking at it objectively, it's probably just best to call it a wash and be done with it. If you had to put the dog in the kennel, how much would it have cost?
I've had a long day and maybe I didn't read things right. If not, forgive me.
You lent someone $100 with the agreement she would work it off.
(First of all, a wise person told me years ago never to lend money if you truly expect it back, especially from a person who is struggling).
There were no kids to babysit, you didn't want your house clean, BUT, you wanted her to watch your dog. This was knowing full well that her males weren't neutered, but you thought it was better than having her "tortured" in a kennel.
How much would it have cost you to kennel your dog? It's not cheap.
I wouldn't pay her extra, but I would tell her you're even for the money she owes you.
Who in their right mind lets a dog that's not theirs on a favorite blanket? I don't know....maybe somebody who wanted to make your dog comfortable.
As for the daughter taking your dog, I wouldn't be mad about that....As far as your dog goes.
I wouldn't give the daughter any money....I mean, my daughter would do a favor for me to pay off a $100 debt.
As far as the blanket....did she show it to you? Was it new and expensive?
I'm not going to assume you're liable for it, but if I agreed to watch a dog and it chewed my couch up....I'd mention it.
I don't know why you'd want money back from her after she so willing to have your dog.
I would just zero things out.
I have a very good friend who has two dogs and she gripes they can't ever go anywhere because the dogs can't be left for 10 minutes without thrashing the entire house. They rip screens off the windows, I mean, they are so super naughty. She and her husband wanted to get away for a weekend and she asked me if I would stay at HER house to watch them because they didn't have time to arrange a kennel.
It was the longest 3 day weekend of my entire life and as much as I love her, I told her that I will never, ever do it again.
I didn't want payment, it was my gift to them, but believe me...if I was charging by the hour to be on duty 24 hours a day and keep them from eating plants or grass and barfing in the house or chewing pillows or ripping my arms out the sockets to take them outside......
I'd charge about a bazillion dollars.
:)
Call things a wash. Consider it even.
If you feel you're being taken advantage of.....don't ask her to watch your kids or make arrangements for your dog anymore.
You helped her out when she needed something, she helped you out when you needed your dog taken care of (even though you knew she had other dogs)....
Let it go. Don't fight about it.
That's just my opinion.
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My dad always says "Don't ever lend anything that you're not willing to lose, especially money and especially to friends or family."
I think you're just going to have to call it a wash and leave it alone. Definitely don't use her services again if you are uncomfortable about how petty she is. I must say though that if someone were struggling to feed their family, I would not loan them money. I would give it.
I think there was a huge misunderstanding on both parties. When you "loaned" her the $100.00 instead of saying you can clean my house to work it off you should have stated in there as well that there could be other avenues involved to pay the money back not just cleaning your home. Unless you strictly wanted her to pay you back by cleaning your home but it doesn't sound like you did.
When you called and asked her to watch your dog did you discuss payment? You should have made it very clear to her that if she watched the dog for you that would go towards the loan instead of just assuming she would know that. If you value her then I would certainly have a face to face conversation and make an apology to her saying that when you asked her to watch the dog you assumed she would have known that it went towards the debt and that was your mistake for not making it clear from the get-go and ask her if she would have a problem with that. If she does then ask her if she would like to clean your house when the time permits to do so to pay off the loan as originally discussed. As far as the daughter watching the dog you asked HER not her daughter so if she asked her daughter after the fact then that is on her. To be nice you could go and get a small thank you gift for the daughter but not completely necessary. Now as far as the blanket goes I don't know why someone would give a "favorite" blanket to someone elses dog and them being in a different environment. These are all factors when considering to watch someone elses pet. They might poop on your carpet, they might pee everywhere or god forbid they might just chew up your couch but that is something the person needs to take into consideration before accepting to take on such responsability. I say you need to have a sit down conversation with the girl and explain that you thought the dog sitting would just go towards the loan but that it is obvious that she had other plans and ask her point blank do you want that to go towards the loan or would you prefer to work out some other type of conditions to repay? However I would set something up in stone say in two more weeks she comes over to babysit, clean, whatever you both agree upon and make it very cleart o her that this is for repayment of the loan and she will not be getting paid for it. I think it was all a miscommuincation and wrongly assumptions on both parties and it can be fixable if that is what you feel to do. Otherwise cut your losses ......
