Borrowed Money Not Being Paid Back

I don't know what's going on here. This is the exact question just asked by N. B. word for word. Looks like all you did was copied and pasted her question. Looks like someone is playing games which is not appreciated.

UPDATE: Sorry mama's but there's been a misunderstanding here. She reposted under a different account due to not realizing that the other was under her facebook account. She is trying to delete the other one so to not cause issues w/family who are on her fb. So it's the same person.

I always tell people to never loan money to family or friends unless it is OK that you never see the money again. I'm sorry to say that you may never get paid back. :(

I would chalk it up to experience and then never ever lend them $ from that account (or my own) again.

They probably feel like they spent the money on the daughter it was intended for, so that they shouldn't be obligated to pay it back to the account. I doubt they view it as borrowing any $ from YOU, and it was spent on the daughter not themselves, so they feel justified in not paying it back.
Unless there is some reason I am missing, then I would drop it and just never agree to something like that again.

Even if someone owes you money, it's not nice to watch thier spending for them. They thought enough of your husband to make him godfather to one child. Why aren't you excited that they would have another? Who are you to say whether they can afford another baby!
They didn't borrow the money from you. True, you put it in the account but gave it as a gift. Once you give a gift, it is no longer yours. They borrowed from an account meant for thier daughter and spent it on thier daughter. By telling you he had the reciept he was telling you that the money was spent on her so back off. They don't consider it a loan at all. They consider it an early withdrawal. In order to avoid family squabbles - LET IT GO!!!! Wish them well on the new baby and the vacation. Close the account and put the money into an annuity that can't be touched before a certain period of time. That will prevent this from happening again.

You need to let this go. It's not really your place in a sense, because it's not your money that was borrowed. If you think it is, then you are giving your niece money with major strings attached. It's her money and her parents should do the right thing, but you absolutely are not the one who can or should try to enforce this. Drop the issue, or it will make you look like the bad guy.

Also, making judgments about a couple's decision to have another baby really does make you look bad, so that's why people are on the attack. I understand what you are trying to say, but it isn't your place.

It's just bad business to lend money to family. If you should ever feel compelled to give money to family, it MUST be a gift. The fact is, if they were responsible with money, they would have had the money themselves. Obviously they are not in a situation to pay you back. Ergo, they should not have been lent the money in the first place.

Just take a loss on this- assuming it's not a huge sum of money, it's not worth putting a rift in your family. Just don't do it again, lesson learned.

I would also like to say it's pretty distasteful of you to watch their spending like a hawk. It is her right to have a baby. She doesn't need your permission.

They borrowed the money from their daughter, not you, and they probably don't actually consider themselves to be owing her the money. I don't believe that's right at all, but that's probably the case and it was the risk you took when you guys allowed them to "borrow" from that account. At this point, judging them for their other life choices is just as wrong as them not repaying the "loan" from their daughter's account.

You need to consider that money a loss. It's not ever going to be repaid. You can keep adding to it for your niece as you wish, but her parents aren't going to repay her and I wouldn't even bother being upset about it at this point.

What I WOULD do is set up a different account for the girl or set up this one as a trust for the girl and set it up in a way where money can only go into it and not ever be taken out until she's 21 or 25 (and do it as a revocable trust, not irrevocable).

I don't know if there is a way to get the money back without causing a rift. We learned a long time ago from my brother and sister in law don't loan the money if you can't afford to loose it. I would say move on and lesson learned. I know it's for your niece, but I don't see it coming back.

If this is for their daughter, then I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just keep a note in the account register that they borrowed the $ from your niece and they can worry about paying her back if/when she confronts them herself. However, if the money is intended for her, what's the big deal since it WAS spent on HER.

Are you sure baby # 3 is planned? Perhaps this was a surprise? As far as "an expensive vacation"--Disney's NOT as expensive as you think. Perhaps they're planning on using their tax return they'll be getting next year to pay for the trip?

You have done, or said, nothing wrong. You are doing a wonderful thing for your niece and are upset that your in-laws are abusing your good deed. Obviously your in-laws have different values than you. I think the best thing to do is to drop it...lesson learned on your part. Your in-laws are not to be trusted when it comes to money. As frustrating as it is, anything you say or do is not going to change them.
Good luck!

Don't lend money you can't afford to lose.

I would have DH ask BIL for the money one more time and then let it drop. Then I would not approve any more "loans" from nieces' account if you intend to manage it. Give it to her when she is 18, but otherwise treat it like a trust fund that is set up to pay out in adulthood.

Hopefully it really did go to her dance class, and therefore benefited her, even if it wasn't the original intention.

Sadly, not everyone has the same ideas of "afford" and "necessity" and loans can turn sour when parties don't agree.

Any chance they simply forgot? People who aren't good with money OFTEN forget in matters concerning them, and it sounds like things are just kind of hectic in their family.

I would just ring them up and ask when would be a good time to pick up the money you'd lent them for the class? If you needed to wait until payday or if they had it handy? You're going through the accounts and want to get this one up to date.

Not make it a big deal, unless THEY make it a big deal.

I don't think there is a way to do this. You can ask and let it go. There's not much else you can do except learn in the future not to lend money. I only lend money if I don't care if it's paid back or not to avoid this. Otherwise, it causes a problem. Good luck!

I'd let this one go, and set up a 529 account for your niece. Use whatever is left in the savings account to start the 529.

http://www.wellsfargoadvantagefunds.com/wfweb/wf/ev/index...

This is the link to the WI 529 plan. You open it, you contribute to it, your niece is the beneficiary and the funds can only be used for college. There are big tax advantages, and contingencies in case (god forbid) she dies or doesn't choose to go to college. Plus, no "borrowing" from it.

Looks like someone has two mamapedia accounts. Wonder why?

Well, I would tell them to keep the money and consider it a 3rd baby gift. Chalk it up to lesson learned. If you set up the account for college and shes not in college, then you simply know...and let the parents know...that that money is NOT to be touched until college. That way you will not run into this issue in the future. Good luck!

A lot of good suggestions/comments here. One thing I would just add...at least it did go towards her dance lessons and not other household things. I would just dismiss it and learn from it.

I'm sorry!! That's such a tough situation....just reaffirms my opinion to NEVER lend even one dime to family. It's just not worth it.

How much did you lend them? If it's not much, it might be best to just let it go, but make a firm decision between you and your spouse to NEVER lend again. NO MATTER WHAT. Just tell them from now on that it's not personal, it's just a smart choice.

If it's enough money that you really need/want it returned, ask them if they'd like to set up a payment plan or maybe give them a date you'd like it returned by. Good luck!!

If the parent's don't feel guilty over spending their daughters money, there is not much you can do about it. At least the money went to something your niece wanted and it was used for her so I wouldn't worry about it, call it a lesson learned. I wouldn't loan them anymore money though after this. You could put the money in CD's and let them roll over so the money is tied up and gives you an excuse that you can't loan them money out of it anymore. It would earn a little more then a savings account and they won't know when the CD's are able to be cashed to argue when you tell them it is tied up.

I'm with Nikki, when you loan money, assume you will not be paid back. It's not right for them not to pay it back--lesson learned, I guess.

I would just let it go this time since it was supposedly for your niece. However, I would think about using your contributions to buy US bonds (in her name) that will mature with her.
Just buy them every now and then and lock them away for her. My grandparents did this, and when I turned 18, I had $1500 in matured bonds waiting for me upon graduation (this was 18 years ago). Also, you can't whittle away savings bonds little by little when asked, either. Hope this helps.

Sorry they are irresponsible and took advantage of a kindness you are trying to do for THEM and your niece, that sucks. However, I would just forget about getting the money back and consider it a lesson learned. This type of thing has happened to me twice, once with a boyfriend, once with a couple roomates! To the tune of $3500 and $1500 - none of them have paid me back after 10+ years, all of them have one on vacations, the couple had fertility treatments, adopted one child and gave birth to 3 high risk babies - so I understand your irritation that they don't take care of other obligations/"can't afford" to pay you back, but somehow seem to feel they CAN afford a vacation to Disney and the amount of money it takes to have a care for another child....it irritates me to no end as well, and that is because we are people who think of others and are respoinible, rather than just thinking about ourselves and what WE want. BUT, no amount of reminding, nagging, or bitching is going ot get your money back, it is just going to piss them (and you) off even more.

N ow that this has happened, you have learned that next time they ask to borrow money, you have to decide to either give it freely as a gift (since it WAS for HER for a dance class, this is a nice and reasonable used of money for her as well) or not give it and reserve it ONLY for college - because they obviously are not the "paying back" type.

Sorry, it is great you are doing this for her, but obviously, you had misgivings about her parent's financial responsibility in the first place, and now you have learned the lesson the hard way.

Good Luck and good for you for being a great Aunt!

Jess

I'd set up a 529 College savings account and skip the regular savings account that can have withdrawals. You'd have an honest response if they ever asked to borrow from it again...the money can only be withdrawn for school-related expenses, you'd get some tax benefits, and your niece will have something when she goes to college.

This is like lending money to a friend who says they'll pay it back--it's never going to cross the palm of your hand. I believe the brother-in-law believes the money is "his," since it's money set aside for your neice (his daughter) for college. As far as he's concerned, that money is his or his familys. I know; that's now how you see it, that's not how the fund was set up, and that's not how the fund is supposed to be used. But that's how the dad sees it.

And I do not believe that they "didn't know" that the money for the dance lessons, clothes, shoes, etc., wasn't due the first night of dance. My daughter has taken dance lessons for the past 7-8 years; you always have to pay what's owned the night of the first dance lesson. It's the rule of the game.

Therefore, under no circumstances should you ever "lend" your brother-in-law any money that you expect him to pay back. Because he won't; he/they see it as "their" money; whether it's from their daughter's college fund or not.

If you want the money to go toward your neice's college education, then you must absolutely never give the family any money that you expect to be paid back or "put back into the neice's college fund." Any and all money given to this family from this point forward should be seen as a gift of money--because they've showed you, in no uncertain terms, that they don't plan to reimburse you for "money lended." If you want them to pay you back, then next time, write up a promissary note that will stand up in a court of law, so that when they don't make any payments, you can take them to court.

Or, better yet, just don't give them any money.

I understand perfectly where you're coming from. My husband loaned a friend some money to have some work done on his truck. It's over a year later now, and we still haven't been paid a dime of any of that money. The friend could have put $25 or $50/month aside to pay us back. Or he could stop enabling his grown children with money hand-outs, so he could pay us. Or he could stop enabling a drunk buddy freeloading off him, so he could pay us. The fact is, I don't expect to ever see that money from him.

Lesson learned. My husband will never "lend" this person money again. I'll make sure of that. This friend has taught us that he can't be counted on to repay us back.

The lesson learned is this: never lend money to a friend of a family member if you expect it to be paid back; the majority says, it never will be. If you must loan someone money, then set up a legal repayment plan, have them sign it, you sign it, and a notary public sign it, so that it's legal and binding. That way, when they don't pay you back by the specifics set up in the legal piece of paper, you can take them to Small Claims Court.

Otherwise, you have no alternative but to see this as a gift of money given, get over it, and get on with your life, lesson learned.

Maybe I'm weird but I don't see why you care? The money was used for the child to do something the child wanted to do.... It wasn't like they pre-borrowed her money to go to a movie. She is in dance which if she keeps with it can be considered a extra carricular activity which you need badly for good colleges anymore anyways.

I'd let this go. I doubt the hudred or two you took out is worth all the drama this is going to cause not to mention the money was used on the very thing it was meant to be... the child. You don't even know if the child will go to college even.

But I don't know you but the whole way you phrased this i took it as you don't trust them in the first place, especially with money. You are even using them going to a trip and having a child to prove them irresponsible with money. Why I have no idea because I don't know them.

But put all that aside. That money is for the child's life right? It's for the child's betterment right? If so how does dance not enter into that. I'd let this go.

One delicate way to approach this is not to make it about your husband's relationship with his friend, but instead to address it as "let's make a plan on paper, today, to get that money back into your daughter's account". If they hem and haw, it might be stated that "well, we know you are starting to plan for future events, and we'd like to have this squared away sooner than later". Then, draw up what amounts to an agreed-upon written payment plan and have everyone sign it.

Does your god-daughter know about the loan, and are they in arrears with her or your husband? Did she have 'say' in this loan, was she asked by you or your husband if this was something she wanted to do? I'm confused if this was *her* saving account that she was putting her own savings into, or if it's something you and your husband are solely contributing to. If it's her savings from her work/gifts, it would be very important for them to pay her back. And equally important that you consulted her first.

If this is money *solely* from you and your husband, I also very much like Victoria's idea of maybe considering this a hard learning experience and deciding that the next time it's requested, a NO answer can be given. Then they can either choose to see the light and repay their daughter's account, or at least they won't have 'borrowing' priviledges.

I think, given what you've described, you might just try to accept this couple (for the sake of their daughter) and to be very clear with boundaries with them. The fact that they had No Idea that their daughter's dance tuition was due up front seems a bit odd, but not beyond the pale. They might choose to have another child (it's not as cut and dry a choice for some as it is for others, and it's not the choice I would make if I was having to borrow money from my child). They might want to go to Disneyland (don't get upset, just stand back and see if they can make their plans happen on their own). Chances are, you were likely aware enough about this mismanagement to begin with, which is why the bank account exists in the first place.

Did you just copy and paste this from N.?

The two posts --- a misunderstanding. Looks like the other one is gone now anyway.

I also wondered if the family simply forgot to pay and a reminder might help them get in gear. Worth a try.