Seeking Advice - Glen Burnie,MD

I will try to make a long story short. My 23 year old son has a baby with his EX-girlfriend. They broke up in mid October 2006. He told me and his dad that they broke up because she drank too much, she smoked and she flirted with other guys when he was with her. About a week after they broke up - the girlfriend came to our house to see my son and he ended up going home with her. I thought they were getting back together but they didn't. In mid November - the EX called my son and told him that she was pregnant. He did not respond nicely and he did not tell anyone. In August of 2007, I got a phone call from the EX who said she needed some of my son's medical info for "the baby." I was SHOCKED!!!!!! I called my son who then called the girl. He called me back and said she did have a baby, it was a girl and was 6 weeks old. I called the girl back and asked if we could see the baby - we visited that night and the next day. Our son went with us. We later asked our son - why he had not told us. He said that he thought the girl was lieing when she said she was pregnant because she had told him that she could not get pregnant. So...to try to skip many details.... things did not continue to go well with us or our son visiting the baby. We tried to reach out to the mother and offer any and all support she needed or wanted. She stopped us from seeing the baby and calling her. She did not list any father on the birth certificate. My son wanted to establish himself as the father and could only do this through a paternity test. He offered to pay all the costs but the mother refused to have the test done. So, our son had to resort to the legal system. A court ordered paternity test was done and our son is the father. After this - the mom turned her home phone off and would not answer her cell when our son called. Since then, they have been through mediation and a couple court hearings. Child support has been set up and is being paid. Our son has limited visitation with his child. We have continued to offer the mother any help she needed. She smiles in our face but ..............it is a different story later. She has lied to the mediator and a judge and been caught in the lies. She has not given the court all the paperwork they have requested. Our son and this girl have no future together other than the parenting of the child. We have tried other ways to be kind to her - gifts at Christmas and her birhday, flowers on Mother's Day. I know that she was hurt by the way that our son handled it when she told him she was pregnant. I feel bad for her for that. I wish we had known but no one told us. We can not change the past. We want the mother to know (and have told her) that no matter what the circumstances between her and our son - she is still part of our family now, that she is always welcome in our house, that she can always call on us anytime for anything. There seems to be no way to reach this girl. We have talked with the girl's mom (baby's grandmother) and we feel that grandmaw somewhat plays "both sides of the fence." She will be so nice to us and say things to us that maybe she should not say about her daughter but then in the next instance she is taking up for her daughter. Grandmaw says that she likes our son, that she liked him from the first time she meet him and that she did not like the boyfriend before our son or the boyfriend that her daughter has now. So, it is little use to try to talk to the grandmother about how we can reach the mother's heart. There are more court dates in the future because this girl wants our son to have as little time as possible with his daughter and there are other related issues that the two of them and their lawyers can not reach an agreement on. I know this is costing this girl because our son has already spent over $5000 in legal fees and things are still not fully settled.(They both have signed paperwork agreeing to pay thier own legal fees.) I do not know why she continues to act this way other than "getting back". Any suggestions.... PLEASE????