What Are the Father's Rights?

I really hope you will involve the Father if he is a decent guy for every child deserves 2 parents!!!He will have rights unless he signs off on them. Please do not have any more children without the commitment of marriage for children suffer so much in these situations.

I too am a single mother with little support from my co-parent or his family. Unfortunately, he has the same rights you have unless you file for sole custody. As far as visiting, you will have control of that until you go to court, at which time visitation may be set up. As far as financial assistance, I asked her father to pay for child care, which is $500/mo. That way he pays directly and gets his own receipts. I haven't filed for child support because he's been pretty consistant with paying child care. Plus I know if I file, visitation may change. He doesn't see her that often but if mandated, he will visit more, rather then pay more child support. How much they visit with the child is a factor in how much they will be ordered to pay. So if at all possible try to hold out on filing, because although not documented, you, the primary care giver, will have more control. I enjoy my time with her and him having to check her schedule. I don't want outsiders (the court) shceduling my life. But one thing I recently found disturbing; The government needs both parents' consent to get her a passport. I was so disturbed to find out that basically, I have to ask him to take MY (because I do everything for her)child on vacation. He sees her once a month and he's paying the bare minimum. Why do I have to ask him anything?? But good luck! Be strong! Enjoy single mommyhood! Raise YOUR child the way YOU want to! Try to remain reasonable though and he may not fight you and you can stay out of court.

Ms B.,
It can be very stressful as a first time mother, and extra stressful to do it alone. I am going through a divorce now and I urge you to check into child support now. I am not sure how it works while you are pregnant but I do know that the process to get child support can be frustrating and long. I personally have been waiting over 4 months and I still do not have a court date. I am currently getting no money from my daughter's father and because there was nothing in writting, I can not go after him for back-pay. You can contact me if you just need to talk or whatever. Maybe we can help each other out.

Hi B.,

Congratulations on your upcoming baby. I'm 30 weeks pregnant, too! And I am a child custody mediator, so here is the scoop:

The father has the right to a paternity test (which I think they can do before the baby is born in some cases).

You have the right to speak with the Department of Child Support Services to open a "Paternity Case" in which you ask for help paying for the medical costs of your pregnancy and child birth, as well as help once the baby is born in the form of child support payments to cover and childcare and other expenses, as well as insurance coverage.

In the same court case you can also file paperwork to request orders for physical and legal custody and visitation. The court will send you to family court mediation where you and the father can work out your own agreement. If you do not reach agreement on the issues, you both will be sent to court to have an order put in place.

OR, you could do all this informally without any court intervention so long as you are both reasonably civil and cooperative.

In terms of the father's contact with the baby, the most developmentally appropriate approach is for him to have frequent (daily is ideal) and short (1-2 hours is ideal) visits for the first 2-6 months. The schedule should shift to less times per week for longer duration as the baby gets older. Keep in mind that if you plan to have the baby in daycare full-time, it only makes sense that this slow approach would not apply as well, since the argument can be made that dad is just as appropriate as daycare: If the baby can handle the separation from you for daycare, why not for dad?

I read through some of the other responses and want to clarify - You can start a child support case without establishing child custody or visitation. That would take a different filing. I disagree that the court always orders a 50% visitation time-share, especially when the parents do not and have never lived together. The one important factor to consider if you have no child custody/visitation order, is that there are certain things that require both parent's consent by default, such as obtaining a passport and sometimes school enrollment. If that is important to you, you may want to consider establishing custody/visitation down the road.

A good resource for all these questions is the Family Law Facilitator's office (Self Help Center) in Alameda County. Find them on the Alameda County/Court website. They can help with child support, child custody and visitation information and the filling out and filing of papers. Department of Child Support Services does child support only. Family Court Services does child custody and visitation mediation only (no finances discussed in mediation). Good luck with this.

Congratualtions B.....

Be careful how you proceed here - with your job and with the father - you need to decide what you REALLY want... Father's have a LOT of rights in California right now - especially in San Mateo County where I live...

If you want to make him pay support and 50% of child care that is easily done through your county - they will arrange the paternity test if he demands it... Keep in mind he can then sue for custody - as much as he wants - many families are now 50/50 - the baby lives one week with you and one with him.

If you decide to go it alone - - - and he cares more about money he might just leave you be, but he can come back later and demand his rights - then not have to pay for the lost time if you don't have an order...

You need to think about what you really want first and then I can help you more... I am a single mom and a teachers assistant.

Definitely talk with family services now!!! You will want to get things rolling as soon as possible as you will be needing help after having the baby. The father, whether he wants to or not, is obligated to help support the baby. His support obligations most likely will depend on how much he makes, you make, and whether custody is shared. Try to get this done through a mediator rather than having to go through attorneys, but you definitely want someone who knows how to punch in the numbers to calculate support properly. The state has guidelines which should be followed, which will be to your and the baby's benefit. As the baby's father he is allowed visitation (especially if he is supporting the baby). This can be resolved during mediation. Good luck!

Hello B.!
Your best bet is to go to Family Court House in Oakland and they have a self help center were they can answer all your questions. For a paternity test he will have to pay and as for visitations, being a new born he will not have over nights especially if your breast feeding. You will not be able to get child support until you do a paternity test( because he is denying the baby and you guys should do it through the court for the paternity so it can be all on paper), once that's done he will have to pay child support from the day the child was born, so he most likely will have to do back pay. But don't worry you will find that father figure one day for your child. Once you go to court they will take care of visitation, child support and childcare. I believe in having the father see his children but as an infant and still in diapers, father's shouldnt have over nights but thats my opinion. Congrats on your first baby. :)

As for the lady who said dont hav anymore children out of marriage because children suffer - NO, they only suffer if you worry about it. Your child will be fine, it be diffrent if the child was 10 and then you get a divorce ok then they might suffer. you could have as many children as you want with out being married and able to take good care of your children. God bless your new family on the way :)

B.,

I have a four yr old son from a man I also dated. You both have rights and I can give you some excellent books to read that helped me through the process. I now have a wonderful co-parenting relationship with my sons father and I am married and have a two year old daughter now as well(planned and by choice). If anyone had told me my relationship with the man I dated(my sons father) would work out as well and that I would also find my husband and have two beautiful children and the life I dreamed of.......during my pregnancy and after...through the paternity test, the awful fights with my ex that I dated who denied he was the father....I cried so often.

You may contact me via email and I can tell you more of my story, legal rights of both, and whats most important to remember.....to always do whats in your childs best interest which is having a relationship with both parents if that is possible.(hard on you but best for son and thus you in long run)

Happy Married Mom in Marin of 4yr old Diapraghm baby and 2Yr old

____@____.com

p.s. My sons father is a silicon valley ceo and he freaked out when he found out i was pregnant....he made things very hard on me the first yr but with great counseling and the resolve I had to do what is in my sons best interest we made it through that difficult time and now speak daily/ share our son and he is a bright, loving, enthusiastic little kid with so much opportunity in front of him. We also never were together and divorced so my son never knew us together so he doesn't have the pain of divorced parents but instead two families(one with my husband, me and his sister and the other with him and his dad) and lots of love to go around. Also the support I recv'd from friends because I originally was a single mom with my sons father not in the picture(in denial) have many friends who fill in the aunt/ uncle roll for my son.

HUGS.....I know how hard and scary this period has probably been for you.

This sounds like what I'm going through right now. I live in Alameda county just like the father of my baby and he too demanded a paternity test. What I did was file a paternity suit and in the suit I asked for a paternity test. The judge sent us to Terra Firma to be tested. I think I filled out the paperwork for the suit when I was around 30 weeks too. If you want child support it is a good idea to save all the receipts of baby related purchases you will make. If you are worried about him having legal rights you should consider giving the baby your last name on the birth certificate.

I was in a very very similar position as you when I had my son eight years ago.

Please find an attorney who specializes in family law as soon as possible. They can help you through the ins and outs of the legal issues. I know that in San Francisco there is a section fo the DA's office that specializes in child support and I bet that ALameda County has the same thing. Since you live in Alameda County, you need to go through their office. Also, look online for the state of California's webpage on child support. It was very helpful for me to be familiar with the laws, etc. Money was tight for me too, but I must say that hiring a private attorney was money well spent. He always called me back and things went very smooth. The DA's are good but they are overloaded and the process may take longer.

Yes, you will definitely need a paternity test to get child support. The sooner this is done, the better. (If you file papers before the baby is born, you will get support from the child's birthdate. Otherwise, it is not retroactive). If he wants to be a part of the child's life after the baby comes, you two will have to work out a schedule. He is entitled to visitation , but while the child is still so young, I imagine it would not be overnights or anything. It will probably be in your home. Anyway, an experienced attorney can help negotiate soemthing fair and reasonable that you can live with.

With me, my son's dad did not want to participate, so he gets his wages garnished and we get $$$ support. Sometimes this is not a bad thing. I think my son and I do quite well without my ex around because he would be too toxic for a small child. My son does have other good role models thorugh my extended family and friends.

The other thing is to look for dependable childcare NOW! Even if you plan to stay home for a few months, you will still need someone to take over when you go back to work. Sometimes the search takes a while....As a teacher, ask your collegues who they use for their kids, call the Bananas hotline in Oakland or Childrens Council in SF, decide if you want a childcare provider close to your school(work) or to your home. Part of teh child support is to pay for 50% of childcare so you can work.

Your story sounds so much like my story did. You will do fine! This is going to be a great time with you and your baby, so enjoy it to the fullest. Depend on your friends and family....they will (honestly)be thrilled to be there for you and the baby! Make sure you take some time out for you, too....let your friends babysit for a couple of hours so you can take a walk or something. Do not let your ex bum you out...he is probably freaking out over his own issues.

greetings- I was in the same situation 10 years ago.

I understand that parents always have all rights until there are court hearings for custody, etc.

It is important that you call the child support office in Alameda County to see when you can file for child support. If you file now and the child is his, once the baby comes he will have needed to pay since the first day of birth. The day you take care of applying, is the first day he needs to start the child support. This process can be very long, 5-6 months to even get a court date.

I am not sure how much money you make, but if you are a new teacher and dont make much, there are programs t help low to mid income parents. If you plan to have daycare in Alameda County call "Bananas" - child Care network. If SF, then call "The Childrens Council"

As I did not file for child support until my son was 1 year old, I urge you to do all you can now. It was very stressful paying daycare on my own as I was a very new employee of middle class and there were no programs to help me. Day care was VERY pricey.

also, make sure you talk to someone about how youa re feeling, so the feelings dont interalize to the baby.

Otherwise, remember that the baby is a miracle. Babies are very hard to create. Enjoy your baby every moment.

Take care

Hi There!

The first thing to do is get a paternity test. I know it sucks and I know you know who the father is, but he may be unclear - his own fear and insecurity of becoming a father he does have a right to ask. Second, once paternity has been established you'll need to contact the Family Services Department in Alameda County. Each county is different, but I believe that child care and visitation privileges will be discussed during mediation. If you can try to talk things out with the father first to avoid bad feelings, etc. But if you need to get help with child support and visitation, then contact Family Services.

I am a single mom and I had to go through the Family Courts 8 years ago myself and child support, child care, and visitation was discussed during mediation in San Mateo County. After a year of being "in the system" my child's father and I decided to make our own arrangments, child support and day needs. It's worked out great for the last 6 years.

If you don't take a paternity test, he can force that through the court system. You will be in Alameda County - since that's where you both reside. Most likely, the court will let him see the child 50% of the time. It's always best if you're the mom and the father doesn't know that he's entitled to 50% - to work out the arrangement between the two of you and not go to court. A typical schedule is that the father gets the child every Wednesday evening at 5:30 p.m. until Thursday morning and every other Friday at 5:30 p.m. to Monday morning.