First and foremost CONGRATULATIONS A.. It is incredible to feel their tiny body flutter within, no? When I became pregnant (unplanned) I was 22 years old. I feel blessed every day to have been given my daughter. She is 3 years old now, and an incredible spirit. There are actually no words to describe love I feel for her.
Eighteen months ago, my four year old niece began living with us as well. Tonight she was awoken by a far off firework and called for me. When I went in to her room I found her, bushy strait hair hanging in eyes, lip quivering, sitting up in bed. We talked about fear and love, about loss and courage. I sat next to her and she drooped into my arms and I was reminded of the miracle of love. When my daughter was born I was sure it wasn't possible to love another human as much. But love isn't quantifiable, nor does it dissipate as it is spread. It intensifies and is the most beautiful miracle of life. Indeed, I find I love my niece like she came from my own body.
They say a mother knows this love upon pregnancy and I think this is true for many. We find courage like we may have never known, clarity, purpose, strength, and often we feel a drive to give our children all that they deserve. A., there are many different ways a (close and healthy) family can look. Only one of those ways looks like Mom-Dad-2.5 kids. You do not have to be a mother and a father both to give your child a wonderful life, nor does a child need both biological parents to know she is loved and to be whole.
Sometimes, the substitute is more damaging than not having something at all. If you sense your child may not be safe in his/her bio father's care, I would suggest you follow your intuition. After all, an abusive father can be more damaging than not having a father in the picture at all. Many very well rounded people were raised primarily by a woman they love.
Information is a powerful tool. I was able to see a (reputable) family law attorney for a consult visit for free. I have, since, seen her for pay, but the initial visit helped me to know my *options* and make an informed *choice*. I hear your dedication from here, and it brings joy to my heart. Big hugs.