Scared Boyfried

J.,

He doesn't sound like husband/father material -- at least not right now. His behavior is telling you all you need to know. You have to ask yourself, "Can I be content with him even if he never changes?" Re-read your post, and I think you'll see that you already know what to do. Your first priority needs to be your daughter and yourself. Why wait for him to bail out on you? Start cutting your ties to him now. For sure, do not introduce him to your daughter!

Hope this doesn't sound too harsh or heartless. God bless.

J.,

I think you should keep looking. You already know all of this up front. Don't you think that you deserve the best that God has for you? Why settle for all this frustration?

Good luck!!

I'll make it short and sweet.....You can find better!
Think about your daughter, because what you accept into your life will effect her as well. I would say, don't waste your time because chances are, he won't change.

E. C

Keep him away from you sweet little girl until you are sure he is worthy of her attention. This will be an emotional time for her because she will react to how you react. If you don't think he's in this for the long haul or he has reservations (which clearly he has expressed) as wonderful as he may be, he is simply not ready. If you like him, you see great potential, that's excellent. But be gracious and gentle because as much as he may eventually love you and your little baby, RIGHT NOW it is just too much for him.

Allow him some time, pace yourself emotionally, protect your daughter at all cost.

Enjoy them both and I wish you the best of luck and I'm sending prayers up for you!

K.

I can't believe he hasn't met your daughter after 9 months! Don't settle for this guy just because you want somebody in your life, and a father for your daughter. It doesn't sound like he's the right guy. You need to ask yourself, "Will he be a good father/provider to my daughter?" It doesn't sound like he wants a commitment, nor will he be there for you when you need him. Sorry to sound harsh, but I would keep looking. There are good guys out there.

Hi J.... I am a single mom of an 11 year old boy and I have always been cautious, as you are being, about men meeting my son. I think only 2 have actually met him in all these years. I think you should get rid of him. It sounds like the relationship is convenient for him and, after 9 months, he is treating your concerns with no respect. Above anything else he should be your friend as well and I'm sure that your friends have more compassion and understanding, even those times when a girl just wants to complain and have someone listen to them. I have had similar relationships and I am sorry to say but... he is not worth your time and energy. I don't know about your relationship but if you are giving, caring and being there for him, then YOU deserve nothing less than that from him. I personally think its better to be alone than to be with someone who will cause you any distress. People who care about you don't cause you distress. Save the energy you are giving him for your daughter... she will appreciate it many times more than he will even begin to.

S.

J.,
I was also a single mom and I understand how it is to try to figure out where you're going in a relationship. I know every situation is different, but it sounds like you've had some red flags and the fact that you have been dating 9 months and still haven't let him meet your daughter to me says alot. If you can't lean on him or he gets frusterated by your stresses (before having met your daughter)I'd say you need to really think about if he's the kind of guy you want to introduce to her and try to allow him to be a male role model. If he's this committment phobic before he meets her, I'm guessing that once he's faced with the daily realities of being a father figure it will be too much for him. It may sound harsh, but you're only seeing him once a week, it's time to cut your losses and find someone who's dying to be a part of your whole life not just a small piece of it!

I am a 59 y/o grandmother and RN. I have found that men always want to "FIX" things and stress when they don't know how or can't. Sometimes just asking him what his opinions/view of options are help. To his fear of commitment; simply ask him if he can imagine a life with you versus one alone when he is older...be prepared however for a possibly negative response.
Suggest also that you share what you are planning on doing with a close supportive friend...just in the event it doesn't turn out like we all hope it does for you. Blessings and best of luck.