Returning to Work - Georgetown,MA

I started work full time with an 8 month old and 2.5 year old after working part time. Though I preferred working part time, the kids have adjusted so well, and seem to do better having the same routine everyday. I put the baby in home daycare, and the older one at a center. Now they are both at the center. It is really really really really important to find a GOOD daycare that both you and the kids like. Cost does not nescessarily determine quality.

You are not just talking about going back to work, but becoming a single parent. It's a double adjustment for you and your children. Wow. I don't have any advice as that's a lot to handle at once.

I guess if anything, I'd say break the big steps into littler steps. Can a friend or family member watch them for the first two weeks while you adjust to work? Can you go back to work part-time for two week or a month, and then transition to full time? Do you have other people in your life to support you and help out?

I've done it for the past almost 4 years, my husband and I work full time and our boys, 3 1/2 and 1 1/2 are in daycare all day. At first, you feel horrible and will most likely cry when you drop them off(i did with both kids). However, it gets better and my kids love their daycare provider. It is so much easier when you know they like going there and they are being taken care of as if it was you. That will make all the difference in how you handle the transition. You make up for it at night and on the weekends and spend as much quality time as you can with them. I make sure that I take extra time every night to talk and play with them, read a bedtime story, take them to the park on the weekend, etc. Don't get me wrong it is tiring and sometimes downright depressing knowing they are away for so long, but it's a fact of life and you just do what you can to maintain the connection you have with them. Good luck and remember-kids are resilient and adaptable, we are usually the ones that take it harder!

L.
Working full-time and being a mom is not easy. It sounds like you are doing so because it is the best for your family and I commend you. The way I justify working and being a mom is that I honestly love what I do. Working makes me happy- my girls sense that. They also know I love them. I don't do much else right now. That is ok for me because my kids need much of my non-work time (although as they get older I imagine that will change and has done so over the last year). It sounds to me that you are going back to work because that will make your life better and you will be happier. Your kids will know this. You can make it work for your family. A happy (and loving) mom makes happy and loving kids. You might miss them and for a while they will miss you, but as long as they are in quality daycare, they will end up having a great time at school and be so psyched to tell you what they did at the end of the day.
Good Luck to you!

I work full time and my husband works in the evenings so my kids go to daycare and I take care of the two kids all night. It can be tough but is totally doable. Like some of the other mom's said, even though you are away from them all day you are with them all evening so you still get great quality time with them. As far as tips to make it easier:
1. Find a sitter situation where they can be a little flexible on the pickup time. Sometimes work runs a little late and you don't need the extra stress of additional fees adding up.
2. See what meal prep you can do ahead of time. It is great being able to throw dinner together quickly to make the most of the evening.
3. If you can't do that I got a step stool for my 2 year old and she 'helps' me while I cook and my 5 month old sits in the bouncer or a front carrier depending on how fussy he's being.
4. If you can control it, avoid end of the day meetings. Those always lead to trouble in my book. They either run late or assign new work which you then feel guilty about when you have to leave right away to pick up the kids and it hangs over you.

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Why does your counselor tell you to leave your husband? Do you have any family members who can help you?

Your question is worded so strange. You don't say you want to leave your husband, you say your counselor tells you to. Are you ashamed to say you want to leave him? Do you feel like you'll be judged - so it looks better if an official with training has told you to? Or are you not sure you want to leave?

I divorced my first husband. I am not against divorce or one of the types that will tell you the evils of divorce. I just wonder why you say it like that. If you DON'T want to leave him -- change counselors. Look into couples therapy. See if you can save your marriage. Make sure when you do leave him it's because YOU want to. Not because someone told you to. This is your life.

Now, as to the kids. If the divorce is your choice, and your husband is abusive, hurtful, controlling, neglecting, alcoholic/user or some other serious offense -- you're helping your kids as well. Yes, you will lose some time -- but you can make the most of the time you do have, and you will know that you're not raising you children in a toxic environment. Remind yourself that being a parent is making the best choices you can for yourself, and your kids. Like they say, the right choices are often not the easy choices.

Good luck to you,
H.