My 9 1/2-year-old daughter is beautiful--inside and out, but we have serious issues with having to beg, cajole and threaten her to get a bath. She's a competitive cheerleader, so when she goes to the gym, she works...and she sweats...and she STINKS! She's got those pre-pubescent hormones coursing through her body, and she needs to bathe everytime she comes home from the gym, and really should just be getting a shower every night anyway. The problem is that she will try every kind of negotiation you can imagine to get out of doing it. Has anyone else been through something similar? What can I do to motivate her? In all other aspects, she's a girly-girl, so I never imagined I would have this problem. Please help!
Wow! Thanks so much for your creative suggestions. So far, none of her friends have said anything to her, but then again, we won't let her go long enough for it to become really obvious. Thankfully, the idea of faking a bath hasn't occurred to her...yet. We did talk with the doctor at her check-up last week (I just simply posed the question: "how often should she be bathing?", and he quickly explained to her that soaking for a while in the tub every night and then applying her moisturizer will really help her skin...in addition to making her smell better. She really respects him, so it was a good thing for her to hear him say, and she didn't have any reason to think that I was feeding him the answers I wanted her to hear. I also really like the shaving the legs idea, because she has been asking to do it, and I've just been putting her off. I think it's possible that some of the girls at the gym have commented about her hairy legs, they're still pretty blonde, so I haven't seen it as a major issue. Perhaps this will help motivate her. She re-decorated her bathroom several months ago, but refuses to shower or bathe there. She does the teethbrushing, facewashing, and hairbrushing in her new "seaside" bathrrom, buit for some reason she has issues with being up there alone long enough to get clean by herself. She prefers to bathe in my bathroom downstairs. Perhaps I could use that, too...she can only bathe downstairs when she does so without putting up a fuss, otherwise, she'll be required to bathe anyway, but will have to do it upstairs.
I'm 32 years old and I refuse to get in a tub that's not complete with bubble bath and scented candles. If she's a girly girl, take her to Bath and Body Works and let her fancy herself up with scented washes and bubble baths. Nothing pampers a girly girl like a big bubble bath. Buy her a bath pillow, pouf, pumice stone, everything to make a bath delicious.
Does she shave her legs yet? My 10 year had been BEGGING me to be able to shave her legs. I told her that she couldn't until I didn't have to MAKE her take a bath every day. If she couldn't be responsible for her own body (by keeping clean) she sure wasn't going to be able to shave. Well, that didn't work... so I tried the reverse. I let her shave her legs once... and now I don't have to tell her to take a bath...she wants to now because she HAS to shave her legs!!
I think this is a 9 yr old issue all around. I have two boys and getting 8-10 year olds to bathe is ridiculous. They even went as far as pretending to shower by sticking their head under the water and then coming out wrapped in a towel giving the appearance they had washed.
If she is really girly girly then you might try the opposite tactic. Have her help decorate her bathroom and make it the lap of luxury with shaggy carpet throw rugs and a couple big fluffy towels. Especially this time of year you can get cheap "spa" like bath things like special fragrance body washes and bath beads, special shaped soaps etc. Make the bath seem like not so much work but more like something she WANTS to do. Let her know how much you enjoy a bubble bath after a stressful day! To really drive the point home, take her with you to a spa get your fingers and toes done! Show her that the bathing and being clean and comfortable is about her not about something else you REQUIRE her to do.
I did something more simple with my boys. We decorated their bathroom with a nautical theme, I went and splurged on 3 sets of nice fluffy higher quality towels, one red, one blue, one cream and did like a nautica theme. They are in cub scouts so we tied nautical knots in thick rope and hot glued the rope with knots around the mirror. I got a new bath curtain and liner to match the cream towels and we painted the walls a blue grey color like a stormy see. We got a new plusher navy rug for beside the bathtub too. We got a few other things like a chrome shelf and new canvas and chrome clothes hamper and new toilet paper holder. I also invested in a cheap one of those things you hang on the wall in the shower that you pour shampoo conditioner and body wash into. This makes it easy to see what soap you need and easy to dispense, no messing with bottles and reading the labels. (Apparently messing with bottles and opening 3 is too much work!)
Once the bathroom was done, they thought it was soooo cool. Once the bathroom looked nicer and was more of "their" place bath became less of an issue. Having fewer soft fluffy towels also encourages them to bring dirty laundry downstairs more often so the towels will be clean for next time! All in all I spent only like 300 bucks and the house looks nicer too which is a bonus!
Another trick if you can't fix her bathroom up is to let her shower in your bathroom. Usually the parents bathroom has some "better" stigma to it. I think its because usually the master bath is more welcoming, which is why I updated their bathroom and made it "nicer" for them.
Either way it should be a phase, by 14 or 15 she will be showering multiple times a day running up your water bill and driving you nuts and making you late everywhere you go!
My daughter is the same age, but what works best for us is a morning shower. When I head for the shower I wake her up to brush her teeth, then when I come out she goes right in. She gets cleaner than the tub because she actually gets in, washes and gets out instead of playing until the water gets cold.
I'd just tell her how bad she smells, and that she shouldn't want to go to school stinking. They are so peer-sonscious at that age.
I really can sympathize with you on this T.. I have an 8 year old daughter that I just took to the doctor because she had a persistant odor about her in addition to getting pubic hair and pimples! She hates to bathe though, so it was horrible. Unfortunately she came home one day and said that her best friend was sitting next to her at school and said 'do you smell that garlic smell? It's terrible!' and moved away from her. That was all it took. Now after her scrubbing herself in the shower, I put cornstarch powder all over her and she uses deodorant. The doctor said according to her test results she will probably start her period anytime. She is 8!! I just told her "sorry Baby, but like it or not, you are becoming a young lady and you have zero choice and must shower every day. But because of this big change in personal responsibility, I will be changing a few things such as your bedtime (by 15 min.) and allowance (by $1 more a week) as you should get some benefits too". Sounds silly, but it worked for us. Good luck and God Bless.
D.
I have the same problem with my 10 year old. We struggle with her every other day to get her to bathe. She's not into athletics or anything like that, but we've recently talked with her about being responsible for her ownself and it seems to have helped, because for the last two weeks she's been going to shower on her own. She takes about 30 minutes to shower, but hey, she's doing it. Best of luck!
I wouldn't give her a choice, she would have to bathe with me in the bathroom watching her. I'd let her know that when she would take responsibility of taking care of her body I would not accompany her in the bathroom and make sure she bathes.
I know from experience that if you let the kids ridicule her, she will change. Girls are generally more likely to change if people stop liking her or make fun of her. Thats just how most girls are. I also think that if you can, take her to her dr. Have him/her explain why it is essential that she practices good hygene daily and why. Also, :D introduce the idea of deoderant. Not anti-persperant because those clog pores, but a deoderant like Dove or Secret that has the solid - clear. That cut a huge hole in my younger brother's stinky when he was your daughter's age. Hope this helps.
My god daughter's are just a little older than your daughter... The 13 year old looked at the 10 year old and refused to sit by her because she stunk. I know it's harsh, but have you tried to tell her that she's not smelling fresh?
T.,
I remember going through a similar phase, although I am sure for different reasons. What this girl needs is motivation. Bathroom decorations are a good idea - especially if she gets to help. So is picking out her own soap and shampoo - the choices are endless. She may be ready to switch from a bath to a shower. If she prefers baths and isn't prone to infections, she may enjoy a bubble bath.
Or you may need to work with priviledges. What does she value? Maybe her TV or computer time could be contingent on whether she bathed (and didn't dig in her heels about it.) Or she could get to stay up an extra 15 minutes for some one on one time with mom to show you her newest cheer. A sticker chart with a reward system works too: Certain number of stickers means a date with mom, a new shirt at the mall, or an afternoon of watching the National Cheerleading Championship with a bowl of popcorn. Whatever will get her going.
If you think she would benefit from being told up front that her body odor is the root cause of this, just be careful on your delivery. Watch your tone of voice, wording and body language to make sure she understands that you are coming to her out of love, not to be judgemental. If she gets that vibe, the rebellion will only get worse.
Good luck,
S.
T.,
My daughter was about 10 when she staring do the trick get in the shower get all wet and her hair wet and than get out when one day. she came home crying like someone hurt her really bad. what had happen was the kids at school started calling her names and making fun at her for not smelling good it sounds mean that i just let her but it work she started to take bath more and keeping up with the way she looks she know 15 years old and she has 2 more sister under her that seen what happen to her and they say no way am not going to go to school and smell like her so they started to take a bath as well we even left her at home a few times when we went out. it work she takes them everynight like clock work as for the bill oh well it hight but that is fine when you have very clean girs. good luck the bath room idea is great make it her own. it just might work.
Maybe you need to quit begging and start making her choose consequences for her behaviors. I'd start by telling her that if she cannot be responsible enough for her body and wash up after a hard practice or work out, she won't be going to practice or working out. If you don't like that idea, think of some other currency you can use. To be responsible and practice good hygene allows one certain privileges. I'm assuming you've asked her why it is she can't stand getting clean. What's her reasoning? I have a son that's 9 1/2 and a daughter that is 7. They'd love to not have to take a shower. We've just got a routine that they have to stick with. They are allowed freedom on Friday night if nothing is happening the next day. Mayby you just need to create a solid, consistant routine where bath/shower is part of the nightly ritual before going to bed or supper.
P. S. If you threaten, you must follow through.
