A Child in My Daughter's Class Is Dirty and Smells Bad. How Can I Help?

Wow. good luck. This little girl needs to learn about keeping clean and smelling nice. It's not just her body... but her clothes will keep the bad smell too.. if not cleaned properly. I wonder if their is a mom too?? or what the story is?? maybe she is gone and the dad doesn't know about teaching his child and doesn't know about it himself. As they get older - the body odor will get worse too. I would have her over with other friends.. and tell them that it's beauty day.. or something.. maybe get a few parents.. set up the basement for beauty day.. do nail, wash hair in the cellar sink.. blow dry.. put on eye shadow... and then the best .. you get a goody bag, nice dove soap, deodrant, and small bottle of shampoo. I think she will feel good.. if you explain to all the girls that now as they get older, it's important to shower every morning or night, wear deodrant, wash our face daily so not to break out.. brush our teeth... maybe you can ask the school for help in some way. My son's school in 6th grade contacted mennen and got small deodrants for all the kids in the class.. and they gave them a leaflet about cleanliness and body changing issues. The girls got a small leaflet explaining changes, and a small gift from tampax. This really helps when parents aren't around to help their children. You can call tampax.. they might send you something - also check with deodrant companies with samples. These places usually give samples.. go on line.. go onto teen deodrant websites... and send them an email.. and see if any company is willing to help you out. You sound like a very nice person... so good luck

If her father was rather fragrent himself I would lean toward the idea that the girl has not instruction on personal hygene. My thought would be if you are up to it or able to, have your daughter invite her over for the night, to encourage the friendship and while she is at your home have bubble bath and things available for her to use, Maybe being where there is alot of hygene she will be more encouraged to be clean and want to bathe. The other thing is Christmas is coming. You could get her a gift of toiletries for Christmas along with same gift for your daughters other friends and teacher/s. She would be getting the same thing so it would not be an insult to her, but a gift reflecting she means as much to your daughter as her other friends. If you know where she lives (her mailing address) you might be able to get her family signed up for some mailings on hygene connected to illness etc. food for thought. T.

Unfortunately there isn't really anything you can say to the child that won't hurt her feelings. What you need to do is speak to the teacher about it. She should have already done something on her own. This is where the school nurse should be getting involved and talking to this child about her hygiene. That's part of the nurses job. The teacher may be feeling the same way you do. Not knowing what to say or do if she has never come across this situation. I think you should call and leave a message for the teacher to call you at a convient time. It may not be neglect at all. It could be that the parents just see the importance of being clean. I've seen it before. Some people just don't get it. This needs to be taken care of before she gets much older and kids start making fun of her. She'll hate school, and drop out if she's teased too much.

You may talk to the school's social worker or guidance conselor without embarassing this dirty girl directly. It is in the regulations of Department of Education for students to come to school in good hygience with clean clothes; otherwise, it would be child neglect from her parents. So, the school will be accountable to speak with her parents about her hygience. Just ask your school to approach her parents in a polite diplomatic manner.

Hi S.,

Wow, this is really a tough one. Just by reading your post my heart goes out to this child and the isolation she must be going through, especially at her age.

If I were in your shoes I would contact the teacher, and tell her your concerns, and then gently suggest that the teacher herself or the school nurse contact the girl's father to have a discussion about what this is doing to the poor child.

If the father understands this and is given the knowledge, hopefully he's decent enough to respond. This whole thing could socially make or break this kid's social and emotional well-being for the next 5-6 years in school.

Hopefully it's not a financial thing in which they can't afford a place with running water or something like that.

I agree that the school nurse can not only explain proper hygeine to the student, but also to the father so he understands what it's doing to his daughter. I would explain it that way. Perhaps you may even want to call or email the school nurse yourself. I know in our schools we are able to do that.

Even if it doesn't work, at least you've tried.

Good Luck with it all, I wish everyone the best.

D.

S.,

Are you sure this is not a cultural thing? My daughters best friend was of Indian decent and sometimes they do not shave or use deodorant and put oils into their hair to keep it shiny. I was very close to the family so I was able to talk with her mom and tell her that the girls were asking her questions (like why don't you shave your arms, and why is your hair so greasy) and also some were rejecting her. She was a beautiful girl and I was horrified what was happening to her. In my situation this little girl was very close to my daughter and her mom was very open to allowing her daughter to shave and not use the oil any longer. If it is not cultural then it is up to her teacher to report the family to her superiors if it is neglect. I would not try to do anything on your own it may not be well received.