Relationship Advice - Dallas,TX

Yes, a man can stay at a woman's house and nothing can happen. But he lied to you. That's what's bothering me, and for me that would be a deal breaker. I wouldn't want to marry a man I could only trust 80% would you? If he loves you as much as he says, he should be 100% honest with you. Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too.

I think a drunk man can sleep on a woman's couch and nothing happen but him lying about staying there and going to work makes me think he's guilty of something.

Just my gut feeling here, but if nothing happened he would have answered his phone and told you that he was drunk and staying there for the night. The fact that he lied to you and told you the "truth" ONLY when you caught him doesn't sit well with me.

If he trusted you to believe him (and was telling the truth), there would be no lying start with. You love him, but if you can't trust him it's going to be a long life.

Your post brought back a painful memory for me. Before I was married I dated a guy who I was madly in love with. We had a mutual friend who was a girl and she asked him to come over one night and figure out a computer problem she was having. He said he wouldn’t be long and would come over to my house after. Well I ended up calling him because he was taking so long and he didn’t answer. Just like your story, he avoided my calls all night. Next morning he finally called me on his way to work and told me they had been drinking while working on the computer and it was a bigger problem then he thought and he didn’t want to drive while intoxicated. He swore up and down that nothing happened and stupid me, I believed him.

His excuse for not answering was that he knew I would be upset that he got drunk. I asked why he didn’t call and I would have picked him up. After a few “well…uhhhh…hhmmmmm” he said he didn’t think of that. Anyway, next time I see this girl she completely avoided eye contact.

A few months later a mutual friend tells me that this girl has herpes. I went to my BF and told him this and he immediately got a panicked look on his face. That said everything. Thank God I insisted he always wear a condom because he contracted herpes from her. He was so convincing in his story that nothing happened. Amazing how well someone can lie isn’t it? I'm not sure what hurt me the most - the fact that he did sleep with her or the reality that he really DIDN'T respect me at all. I'm sure the girl was feeling pretty good that my BF avoided my calls for her.

Ask yourself = How could he avoid my calls then blatantly lie about it and then tell me he loves me??

Well, that was the end of him and I never looked back. He is someone else’s problem now =-)

Impossible for me to say for sure whether he cheated or not.

But I will tell you this. I dated a cheating man for 15 years, and your man's story sounds painfully familiar...

If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck...

Go with your gut...
Female intuition is rarely wrong...
YMMV
LBC

Based on the facts you presented, I would not believe him.

I want a man I can count on, who cares more about me than he does helping some woman move and hanging out thereafter. That's pretty absurd when you think about it.

If he was that serious about you there is not a thing in the world that would cause him to risk making you doubt him. Men are not stupid and they know how to avoid trouble if they really want to. If it's like this before you're married, and things are still in the romantic phase, what will happen when real life kicks in and you both are tired and stressed?

That's just my opinion, and it could be totally wrong. I wish you luck though.

I wouldn't believe him.
First he wasn't answering his phone and then he lied about being on his way to work. Even though he came clean about sleeping over there later, I don't think it was the whole truth. And if the girl was looking at you funny there is something there. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like you are in denial because you love him and don't want to believe that he would hurt you. Just the fact that he has lied to you might impact your relationship more than you may realize. The next time he isn't picking up the phone you will be left wondering where he is, and who he is with. Sorry to be so blunt, but I am talking from experience.
Although you may decide to trust him and live happily ever after.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do :)

Your love isn't in question. I question his love for you. What kind of loving man puts himself in a position in where he is vulnerable and you begin to question his commitment to you. I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship like that. I wouldn't want to be with a man who could do that to me. For me the integrity in my man counts. I wouldn't be with a man who was so careless with himself and our relationship. I would hold out for a man who had more thought about us and our future, one that would never put us through something like that but I'm over 40 years old and have long since raised my standard. I'm married to a man that would never do that to me but the choice is yours. Your love for him isn't the question. I would question his love and commitment to you and then I would walk away from him. You deserve better than this.

Just ask yourself if you want to be asking these questions 5 years from now, 10 years from now, etc - after having his babies. Character is vital. Beauty fades, pesonality gets old, sense of humor is nice - but character is the thing that brings people through the hard times of life. You will go though hard times in your life. Your loved ones will get ill, someone will lose a job, they will be financial troubles, maybe even you or he will get ill. Do you want to have to deal with a person of small character during those times in your life?

The bottom line is that if you have to ask the question there's a problem. If a man loves you he wouldn't put you in a situation where you have to wonder where he is, what he might be doing, etc. You should be able to know without a doubt that he's helping his friend, then coming home - or calling you to join him. Don't you deserve a man who would help his friends, have a beer then call you to tell you what the rest of the evening's plans are?

To answer your question directly - yes a man can sleep on the couch and not sleep with the woman - but why should you have to ask?

"Can a man sleep at a woman's house on the couch drunk and not do anything? "

Yes, absolutely. You either trust him or you don't. If you trust him, just tell him not to keep secrets like this. You'd rather know the truth than find out he lied about it later. Then let it go.

If you don't trust him, then let him go.

I think yes, a man can stay over a females house and nothing happen, however you did call and text him, so why couldn't answer the phone and ask you to come get him... than lie and say he was going to work, what did he do the whole day "at work"?
Are you not friends with this women?
good Luck!

I don't disagree that its sound a little hinky, but has he ever down anything to make you not trust him before? Have you ever hung out with a guy friend without him?
You and he, both should be able to hang out with your male or female friends without suspicion.

His story seems right to me, he could have slept drunk on the couch and nothing happened. Though, he shouldn't have lied about that, he could have made arrangements to get home, he shouldn't have lied about work... where was he all day if not at work then, her house?... that one lie could mean the whole story is a lie.

Yes a guy can sleep at a womans house and have nothing happen. Befor I was married I had lots of guy friend (Most of them not gay), however if they where in a relationship I did try nicely to kick them out, or if posible gell the GF and have her come pick him up.
You have every right to be a little upset with him. I know I would be seeing read. I would however go with your gut. If you belive him try to put it behind you. Trust me I know that not as easy as it sounds. If you feel like you still need to talk about it then have a face to face with him and clamly bring up the things that is upsetting you. If this is a deal breaker for you then its better to end thing now. Hang in the sweety!!
Blessings
S.

Why did he lie to you about it if he weren't guilty I wonder?? If I were you I would totally snoop-dig out old receipts, look at his phone, email, everything. Also you need to be with the 2 of them together...watch without them knowing you are. See if there are sparks or weirdness.

Go with your gut. If you believe something happened, then it's a dealbreaker. If you're mad that he lied to you, then address that issue. My husband is "allowed" to go to bachelor parties or hang out with the guys as long as he behaves and tells me what happens afterwards. This has caused fights with our friends because I know about strippers and the like, while they hide those things from their spouses. If you want to stay with this guy tell him he's going to have to be honest from here on out about everything or it just isn't going to work. (But then you can't get mad when he tells you he went to a topless bar for a bachelor party. You have to just be happy he TOLD you he was going before he went, and explained that the single guys got out of hand afterwards.)

I would trust your head over your heart on this one. If there were other friends helping her move, he should have asked one of them to drive him home or he should have called you--out of love and respect for you. Better yet, he should not have been drinking to begin with....alcohol makes people do stupid things. Do you have a friend who knows this woman? Maybe find a confidant who can ask this woman if anything happened or is going on. Personally, I think it is always trouble if your significant other has friends of the opposite sex.

Just my 2 cents,

M.

Most people are saying his lie is a deal breaker but I think it has to be put into context. Has he done things like this before? I can see him lying bc he didn't want to start a big fight. I would be wary and keep an eye on things and this incident in the back of your mind but if 6 months pass with no other suspicious events, I would let it go. Let's say he did get really drunk and something happened, it doesn't necessarily mean that much. You're not married yet. A good guy friend of mine had sex with a woman when he was dating his now wife - I don't remember if he'd told his now wife he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her yet or not but she would have been furious, had some girlfriends telling her to dump him etc - and 9 years later, he's never done it again. They weren't married yet at the time. I would tell your boyfriend one more lie or incident like this and you're done. But if everything else is good, I'd let this go.

Eeeek! I would be concerned about the lying. Why did he lie if everything was innocent? I dont know...

He's cheating. And he is immature to boot.

A mature, grown man would:
1. call his girlfriend to inform her of his whereabouts as soon as he arrived.
2. call his girlfriend as soon as he is done with helping his friend move.
3. Call back, or text back, promptly.
4. Help out as quickly as possible, especially when dealing with a woman, so that time between himself and the woman is minimized so he can get back to you.
5. Let you know when he was back on the road home.
6. NOT drink during his helping out time; he is helping a friend, not going to a party.

You don't want this man as the father to your future children. Distance yourself, let him mature a little bit.

I am concerned about the lying. The fact that he felt the need to lie, and that he couldn't call you and ask you to pick him up. How did you find out about this? Is this guy really marriage material?

Listen to your gut! If he is already pulling this kind of stunt, rest assured things will only get worse. I know it's difficult when you really care about someone but for your own protection, cool things off for awhile. Take a wait and see attitude. He will show his true colors sooner or later. Just don't get married or pregnant or anything else in the meantime. This guy is trouble walking.

I know you got a bunch of answers and I didn't read them. But this is very simple, you need to ask yourself if for the rest of your life, you want to be with someone who the first time doesn't call, or comes home late, or is out drinking, is going to make you wonder what he's "up to". I have NEVER dated a man who drank. My ex didn't and my current husband doesn't. It is a deal breaker with me. Nothing good comes from alcohol, that's just my opinion. Just something to think about. good luck!

I think guys can spend the night at a girls house and have nothing happen. But its the lying that is wrong. Were there other friends that spent the night? If he is really telling the truth that nothing happened than he wouldn't mind if you asked the friend if anything happened. And is your guy one that can maybe tell a lie over the phone but then once he sees you spills his guts? If he has always been honest with you then i would say believe him.

If he lies to you is that really who you want to spend the rest of your life with?

IF lies about this , what else does he lie about. Why didn't he call you for a ride. I would not marry him for a long time. You have a life time to pick a good partner.....take your time here with this one.

I have twice, when I was young and attractive, had male friends sleep on my couch with nothing going on, one after a party and one just because his girlfriend was mad and locked him out. Both events were very proper. And the man I call husband now is completely trustworthy – he has stayed with my sister (whom he later informed me invited him to sleep in her bed, but he declined), and with another old girlfriend who put him up on trips. It might be rare, but it can happen.

And I was also once married to a guy who would not have slept at a woman's house without putting the moves on her. He had numerous affairs during our 13 years on-and-off. He also gave me signals before we were married that this would be his mode of operation, but I was in love and chose to ignore the warning signs.

Give it time. Get to know your guy. Just this once wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me if he has been otherwise trustworthy. If he's showing any sort of pattern, save yourself the heartbreak, which gets worse after you marry.

Usually the head knows what it's doing--the heart only confuses it--or prolongs the agony.
Sounds like a relationship with very little trust--both ways.
He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with you--but do YOU want that?
Marriage is about a lot more than feeling "in love" in reality, after the dust settles.
Good luck.

The question should not be can he spend the night on the couch without something happening, the questions should be why did he feel the need to lie to you. Yes, he could have slept on the couch. But if he did and nothing happened, then he should have felt comfortable enough to tell you even if he did feel bad. He should not have lied about it! I don't know how long you've been together, but lying should not be an option in a good relationship.