My BFF of 10 years came over with her kids for my daugher's birthday dinner at my house. I had told her my ex would be there and thanked her for coming knowing this because I really needed her support to get through the night. We had all been friends for a long time, but through my split/divorce she clearly chose my side and I know exactly what she thought of him and his choices.
So, everyone leaves that night. I drove by her house on my way to work the next morning and his car was at her house. I called her and she said he stopped over to talk and then she let him sleep on the couch.
How would you react?
little background to add: when I found out about my then husband's affair, it was her house I went to. When we finally completely split, she came over with her kids (they were all bestfriends) the day he moved out. She was there for every moment and every tear of mine and the kids.
A little time has passed this actually happened so I've had time to collect my thoughts.
His version (that I tend to believe as he tried to get me to make up with her) is that she texted him after she left and invited him over to talk. Part that really bothered me is she told her daughter not to tell mine that he was there because it would hurt her that her dad spent time with her friend instead of with her.
I don't really think they slept together that night, but it has made me wonder if anything was going on before that.
It's never easy losing a bestfriend, especially one who was really like a sister and so involved with my kids. I guess I just don't think that is something that a bestfriend should do.
Totally betrayed. Friends don't have sleepovers with their friends' exes. There is definitely something fishy here.
Sounds like they deserve each other.
I would never be able to trust her again. Friends don't keep things from each other and don't ask their kids to lie for them.
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If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck...
I would feel betrayed. I bet there is more to the story she told.
I would be surprised. Hopefully, you are completely over him and have moved on. I guess I would kind of chuckle at the thought that if she is involved with him, she really can't call and complain to you if he turns out to be a jerk to her, can she?
Pissed is how I would feel. Betrayed. But more confused than anything if she really had taken your side. If I had been your BFF, I would have called you that night to let you know what was going on - that is what a 'BFF' would do. ...since she didn't, I would venture to say it has probably happened before.
You are her friend but I doubt she is yours. Friends don't %^&%&^% each others exes.
In your heart of hearts, would she get together with your ex? I would talk with her face to face. It is harder to lie to someone that way. Good luck.
Oh.Hell.No. If it were me, I would end the friendship, but I'm black and white about things like this. I could never trust her again. Since they are such good buddies now (and very likely MORE than that), your kids and her kids can remain friends and see each other during HIS parenting time. Also, no more combined parties where you and your ex are both there. There is a reason you are divorced. You can have a party for you kids at your house, and he can have a separate one at his during his parenting time. Good luck.
yuck!!! i think she would be my ex friend after that
Okay, based on this info alone I would go ahead and assume they are sleeping together. BUT, that does not factor into account your relationship with her, what your gut tells you and whether or not you think she'd tell you the whole truth.
I think that I'd probably find a time to talk to her when no kids are able to listen in and have a heart to heart. Give her a way to tell you more IF there is more. If this is the whole story then tell her how you feel about it.
I agree that that is not something a best friend would do. I would be very hurt and upset. What is it that she had to "talk" to him about that she couldn't do at your house?
Unfortunately I think that would be the end of any trust I had in my friend, thus the beginning of the end of the friendship.
Sorry this happened.
I would wonder if she really chose my side back then or his. It seems very shady!
Would you have not called her and said your ex is at my door, what is up with this? Would you have called to say hey girl he stopped over to talk and I didn't get a chance to call you but he feel asleep on the couch and I am just letting you know?
Let us know what you find out because the truth will come out.
If I was totally over him, glad he found someone else, but sad I lost my BF. Hopefully it's not what it seems.
Trust your gut. It does seems fishy. Personally, I have never contacted my BFFs ex, nor she mine. If anything she told my ex to stay away from everyone involved because she wasn't interested in hearing his excuses.
Good luck!
I'm wondering if they've been sleeping together behind your back BEFORE you got divorced...
Time to do some investigating on your "best friend" sorry, this just sounds weird. Friends before or not, once your bestie gets divorced, you shouldn't be talking to them anymore either.
He is your 'EX' for a reason..... right???
That being said, are you more upset he is at 'your friends house' or are you more upset he's your ex?
Catch your breath. Check your gut. I know my initial reaction would be anger and hurt and suspicion. I'm only human. But, try to check the reaction.
Can you chill long enough to really ask her what is going on? Would you be able to live with it if it turned out they had gotten together? If not, know it and understand what it means about your friendship and your relationship with your ex. He is an ex. He's not yours any more.
Try not to react in a way that does not allow for the fact that they are adults and if they are together she could one day be the step parent you share your children with....
Find a safe place to vent and process.
id be annoyed she lied. Thats a hard story to believe, that theyve never hung out since and then hes at her house? odd
although if my friend said they were with my ex, I wouldn't be upset at all..unless they did it thinking i was going to be upset and with intentions of lying and threw my feelings to the wind so to speak
My reaction would be to drop her. She is not who you think she is, and I would feel like all those warm fuzzy memories with her weren't so warm at all. I would not care to be friends with her any more, especially after the part about her telling her daughter not to tell yours he was there. Yucky.
So your EX has an affair on you, messes up the home life he has with you and the kids, and your "friend" thinks now that some time has passed, he's someone worth pursuing? Oh, I'm sorry, "offering to talk to him and a place to crash" It smells too fishy to me. I'd not believe there isn't something more going on, even if they haven't slept together (yet)You've known her for a long time, has she always been attracted to men like this? Someone she can "try to fix?" If she had higher standards, she wouldn't be texting and inviting him over to talk, OR allowing him to pursue her. Not sure who started it him or her, but you know what kind of man the EX is, now you know your BFF has no standards in choosing male company. Or she has low self-esteem. Or she is desperate. Or she is looking for an easy "hook up." Or she is delusional. Kind of sad, that's what I would think. Yeah, what kind of best friend would even consider cozying up to him? So I'd start hanging out with some different friends. Sorry, that stinks.
Oh Lordy! I've heard of keep your friends close and your enemies closer-but this really tops everything! Don't feel bad-she is going to get exactly what is coming to her-and so will he. I cannot predict the day and time-but I know as sure as I am sitting here-karma will rear it's ugly head and -poof-you won't have to have lifted a finger in retaliation. They deserve each other-it's you that doesn't deserve to have been betrayed by your "friend". I don't care if she had given one of my children a kidney-she would no longer be my friend.
she needs to read this:
http://instereo92087.tripod.com/indiansnake.html
I would go with what your gut tells ya! If you think something is up, something is probably up unfortunately. You know those 2 better than anyone so if it doesn't seem right, then it's not. Why wouldn't she have called you & said hey, guess what, so & so came over last night to talk vs. hiding it? Seems weird to me & just like a cheating significant other, I would always feel I couldn't trust her. I wouldn't waste my time on either of them. Why did you drive by her house the next morning??? Is this your usual route or were you already thinking something was up?
Save yourself the headache!
Ummm, NOT RIGHT. I'd be wondering what she has been doing behind your back. Clearly that is not what a BFF would do.
Oh, wow!!!!
Smells fishy!!!!
How much drinking was going on at your house? Was your former husband too drunk to drive? How close by is your friend's house. In all those years, was your former husband friends with your friend. Have you had other relationships since you and your former husband split?
I would not like it, but who kicked whom the curb? Do you see your BEST friend hooking up with your fomrer husband, or was she just letting another friend cry on her shoulder, or keeping a drunk from driving?
What a pathetic excuse for a friend! She texted your ex? What was the point of that? Why did she need to talk to him at her house? And she told her daughter to "lie" about all of it -- or keep it a secret from her friend? Her allegiance really should be to you and she shouldn't be doing these kinds of things behind your back.
She sucks as a friend, and she's turning her kid into a liar.
I think you'll probably learn in time there is more to this than you had suspected. I could be wrong, but it sure seems like a weird situation all around.
OMG. My jaw literally dropped reading your post. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. You got some very good responses.
This woman is not the friend you thought she was. Personally, I would cut ties with her. There are some boundries that should never be crossed and having my ex sleep over at your house... that is a BIG one!
Your BFF is sleeping with your Ex. Really sorry, but it sounds like that's what's going on.
He's your ex, does it matter where he sleeps?
The only thing I would wonder about is that if your BFF knows about his flaws, why she would bother to sleep with him, if that's what's actually going on.
But both of you get to move on.
I'm sitting here trying to imagine my ex and my best friend in the same situation and my neurons can't manage it. I mean, they really can't. She'd cut his balls off.
But then, she's MY best friend, and was never a "mutual friend".
Our mutual friends? There are some sides drawn, but by and large they still see both of us. They're polite enough not to advertise that fact. Granted, we're in the BEGINNING of a divorce. I don't know if by a 'little time' you mean a few months or several years.
I think I would be alittle (LOT) annoyed!!!!!!!!!!
I know it probably is hard but I wouldn't make a big deal of it. He is your ex and he can see who he wants to. Your friend knows all the bad but I take it that you were friends with her as couples, her and her husband and you and your husband, so if she does start seeing him, at least you know he is with someone who loves your daughter and you... besides, just one night, if anything did happen, doesn't mean a relationship. Could it be that they got to talking at the party and carried the catching up at her house? That is a spur of the moment and can't be changed. This is your best friend and there is much more positive in the relationship then negitive so please don't throw out the baby with the wash, so to speak.
Your "friend" does not sound like a real friend and this whole situation sounds like middle school. Remove yourself from the situation and relationships and move on.
Okay, I am tired so maybe I am reading wrong. You had a birthday dinner and your friend and her kids came to the party. She left along with everyone. The next morning his car was at her house?
Unless there was something going on at the party I would think things were as she said. He stopped by to talk to her. My ex did a lot of stupid things after our divorce. I think if he knew where my friends lived he would have dropped by to talk. He is also the kind of guy who overstays his welcome. He is also the kind of guy who would ask to stay where he is unwelcome cause he just doesn't get it.
To give you some idea he is a funeral director and this is my children's family business so when my mom died we went to his father's funeral home. We requested a different director but he took out the funeral because clearly we misunderstood. He then invited himself to the family dinner after the funeral. Did I mention I was there with my fiancee? He stood up at the dinner and had to speak. Did I mention I hate this man? He referred to my father as his favorite ex father in law and a fair few other off color remarks.
If any of this sounds like your ex cut your friend some slack, please. :)
