Refresh My Mind Please I Can Recall Typical Behavior

having a full sippy cup of juice before dinner is not a good idea as it will fill him so he wont have room for dinner or lunch or even breaskfast, dinner time you should really be only offering 1 thing to him, if he absolutly doesnt want it then try something else but 6 choices is to many. Seperation anexity is normal for this age, it will pass.

separation anxiety is normal till about 18 months.

The juice filled his tummy - so he wasn't hungry anymore. He should be offered a tablespoon of food frome each food group - which would be four or five different foods - it's the new philosophy - even if they just nibble from each then they are getting a well balanced diet.

How often is he seeing his dad? If he is not seeing his dad enough - then it isn't separation anxiety - he just wants his daddy because he doesn't see him enough.

I would encourage your son not to give your grandson juice in his sippy cup. Juice is mostly sugar and calories, with little nutritional value. Also, the volume of all of that liquid will make his little tummy feel full, and he won't want to eat, even though he needs the nutrients. And, finally, constantly sipping on juice sets him up for cavities at an early age. If the child must have juice, dilute it with 50% water, or more. As for the 6 choices, that seems to be a personal judgment issue, but it does seem that the more choices he has, then the more opportunities he has to say "no"--right? Try small portions of food that he can feed himself with, make it fun (like make a picture with the food; broccoli trees, mashed potato clouds, etc.) and don't pressure him. As for the separation anxiety, most all the children I have known, mine included, go through it at some age/point. It is hard to know what he is going through in his mind. Perhaps if he just gets verbal reassurance from his dad, and can talk to him on the phone when he isn't there, the anxiety will lighten up. Kids just need to feel secure in their world--it is normal. Have fun being a grandma!

Well, S. - let's see if my memory is any better than yours! LOL
If I recall 16 month old children are prone to have anxiety when a parent leaves then somewhere. They do this for awhile. I think this is an age when they are becoming more aware of their surroundings than they have been before. Think about it - you can plop a 3 month old down anywhere for a nap and it's just fine - try this on for size with a 2 year old and its STRESS! No! Don't recognize, don't recognize! Change is underfoot! WHAAAAAA!!! Not playing! And unless the appitite continues to be poor, I wouldn't worry about it.

However, I do agree with you that offering 6 things at dinner is a wee bit over the top. That and your statement that your son feels the baby is upset due to seperation from the mother is telling me something: Its telling me that your son is feeling guilty and could very well be overcompensating to make up for the baby's "loss". Talk to any single parent and we can tell you that is a hard one to fight - we wind up doing it without even realizing we are most of the time. Its the same with the weekend Dad who showers his kids with whatever they want, you know? Although I am not, nor have I ever been a strict disciplinarian, I do know that by 16 months they can figure out how to run the show if you let them. The trick is going to be in telling any of this to you son (should you agree, that is) without being the over-bearing grandmother or instilling more guilt in him if he is feeling badly already. Its a thin line, Grandma! But as young as your son is, if he is doing this without a partner, he is very likely to take any gentle and respectful advice from you that you can give.

Good luck to you!

S. D.

As mentioned by others, separation anxiety is very normal, but your son is right in that it is probably exacerbated by the fact that the baby's mom is not present when your grandson is with you guys. Babies NEED mom is a way that even dad can't replace. :( I'm sorry it didn't work out with your son and the relationship with his son's mother. Just another reason I'm a firm believer that only married people should make babies (and if single people do, they should seriously consider adoption for the good of the innocent baby who deserves two married and stable parents). I know you obviously are a big believer in adoption :)!

As far as the food issue - yes, a 16 month old is way too young to be faced with food choices in that manner! It will be stress producing! Just offer him healthy food to eat and give him the opportunity to try different healthy foods at different times, not all at the same time. Also - juice is not really good for babies or kids (or anyone for that matter)...it's as high in sugar as soda and will decrease a child's appetite after giving it. Eating fruit is much better and gives good nutrition plus fiber. If you still want to give juice, it would be best to make it mostly water with just a tad of juice for flavor. My daughter has always been a great water drinker and still is at age 3, and we limited and also diluted her juice a lot when she was an infant and basically eliminated it once she was able to eat fruits.

Best wishes to you in doing what's best for your precious grandson!

Blessings,

S.

Hi S.,

I think the juices should be stopped, it's loaded with sugar and not much nutrients (read the labels) - I know now they tried to add calcium to make you feel good about it, but that's like eating calcium supplements, my opinion is that you don't know how much of that gets absorbed. Certainly it fills up a small person's tommy, and sugar makes one feel full - that's why we have desert at the end of a meal, not beginning.

By the way, sugar is also known to make a child hyperactive (sugar surge, not good for the brain), and behave differently. I think many adults don't associate sugar, candies and alike with bad things for a child, because when we were little, not so much sugar & candies were in our diet, and we never felt it bad effect. But today, check all of your processed food, from sausage to soups to juices to your soda, all day you'd be consuming sugar without knowing it. That's just too much for kids. Ever wonder about the increased dietetics and obesity in children? That's the diet. So chances are if you watch the diet for the kid (cut the sugar, and milk - replace with yogurt or kefir, easier for digestion), he might be much calmer and happier.

I make smoothies with whole fruits (and plain yogurt) for my son's sweet tooth almost everyday and purchase no or very little juices. It's great with all fibers still in there, but easier to eat than whole fruits - some times I put in a bit of green vegs, with all the fruits the veg. is easily disguised.

Good luck

Hi S.

Separation anxiety is totally normal. Here is a great article on suggestions of what to do to help your grandson.

http://www.babycenter.com/0_separation-anxiety_12652.bc

In addition to the suggestions in the article I would also try sitting down on the floor at his level so you don't look so tall.

Feeding a toddler can be tricky. My toddler is a picky eater. Maybe your grandson is too? That may be why his Dad offers him so many foods. I give my 22 month old a variety of healthy foods and he decides how much he will eat. Sometimes he will eat only one thing on his plate, like a whole mango, and nothing else for his meal and sometimes he finishes everything and asks for more. Other times he eats two bites and he's done. At the end of the day or the week I think he does get all his nutritional needs in though. Here is an article on picky eating that I found helpful. There are also many other articles about food and toddlers.
http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-to-handle-a-picky-eater_9...

There are many different types of families these days. Whether the Mom and Dad are together or not doesn't really matter, as long as the child is loved and made to feel secure. Sounds like he has that so he'll be just fine. Best of Luck!

This is a very common age for separation anxiety. I'm a SAHM and all three of my kids went though separation anxiety just after they started walking. Walking gives them a new independence to move about and move away from Mom or Dad and sometimes that also causes them to have a bit of anxiety when Mom or Dad is the one going off. Your grandson should grow out of it. My youngest is currently 16.5 months old. She started walking at 13 months and at 14 months she had separation anxiety. Now she's much better. I have recently (past month) started leaving her to run an errand if I'm gone less than 2 hours and she sometimes cries when I head out the door but I call 10 min later and my husband says she's fine.

I have no idea about the not hungry tonight issue but I would agree that six choices is WAY too many choices for a toddler. I've always fed my toddlers bits of whatever I'm eating. IF he's able to point to what he wants, I would not offer more than TWO items and I would offer items that the rest of the family is eating so he gets the idea that everyone eats the same meal. The only child I give separate food to in my family is my son with autism who has oral/texture issues and is on a special diet.

Hope that helps.

I'm in school to become a child psychologist. I wanted to give you just a little bit of advice. First: At your grandson's age he should be given two choices. If he is given too many choices they can be just to much for him to handle and therefore it will be more difficult for him to make up his mind. Its very important to offer choices but it has to be limited to his capacity to make a choice. It should be kept to 2 choices until he is at least 2 yrs and then if he seems capable you may be able to add another choice. Also giving only a few choices will keep the parent in control of the situation. Second, don't worry about trying to cut juice out right now. There are more things that are more important for him right now then trying to cut back on juice. Its much better for him to have the juice then for dad to give in and give him something like soda. Third, it is normal for him to have some separation anxiety right now and yes going through stressful things will cause it to happen more, and longer. One thing you could do is if his dad leaves the room and he can go with him offer the option. He likely will understand if you tell him, "It's OK you can follow daddy if you want. Daddy's not leaving you, he'll be back in a moment." By offering him the choice of going with daddy he will be able to at least deal better with his dad being out of the room while he is in the same house. As long as he sees that daddy is still around and he can follow him if he wants then he will be better with daddy leaving. Make sure that if his dad leaves to go away, or anywhere at first, that his dad tells him where he is going and when he will be back, whether thats 5 minutes or Wednesday. It will help his son understand that daddy goes away but he is consistent in coming back. Stress and inconsistency will always cause some anxiety and difficulties. Its a matter of trying to make everything as consistent as you can.

Good luck

Well, I have 3 children 2 with a spouse still married to and 1 when I was young like your son. Here is the deal seperation anxiety is very normal. My youngest only wanted his dad or me from 8 mos until about 2 years old. now he is the most social child I have. I think it is important to allow you grandson to be and develope at his own time. As for juice, I think it is important not to tell your son what to do or not to do but suggest. I think it is most important that your son has stood up to take responsibility and be there. A little juice is so minor and in time your son will get it. Part of being a parent is a learning process and it seems that your son is wanting to do his best. Give him a break

I think your son is right. You can't expect typical behavior from a child who has been separated from his Mom. I would hope they could reunite for the sake of the little one, unless Mom's behavior is destructive.

Well, seperation issues come & go for some kids. Your grandson may be reacting this way if he senses any tension between his parents, over leaving his mom (whom I assume is the custodial parent?) & dealng w/being in a relatively new environment, your home or your son's home. Also, giving him a full sippy cup of jiuce & then expecting him to eat dinner is not a good idea. He was probaby still full from the juice by dinner time. And, yep, I agree, 6 different choices for dinner is too much. Too over-whelming for a 16 month old to choose from. I suggest one option for dinner & that's that. If Dad feels he needs to give him a choice for his meal, then only offer 2 options. He also may not have eaten due to feeling uncertain of his surroundings. Try not to push food on him, this could start some serious struggles. Kids will eat when they're hungy. Even at 16 months, your grandson will pick up on the differences between his parents' homes & start to work those to his advantage so I suggesten etc, & try to follow the same routine. Hope this helps & good luck! Merry Christmas!

Its absolutely b/c he doesnt have his mom and dad. Is he with his mom mostly? Babies need their mom especially and if dads not around either- they feel major abandonment. Poor punkin. Hope it works out.

Hi S.!

I saw this note pop up the other day and didn't have time to respond. Just wanted to let you know that your grandson is at that typical, prime-time age for seperation anxiety. Lack of consistency in his daily routine (custody not being worked out yet) are probably intensifying it. Also remember that babies, kids are more sensitive than we often realize to how their caregivers are feeling. Stress, sadness, anger are all things this little one will notice.

Best thing you can do is be as consistent as you can be with routine, expectations, etc. while your grandchild is in your home. He will learn what to expect when he is there, and that will help him feel safe - the most important element in the development of a happy child. It sounds as though he is already SO loved. Yeah for you for supporting your son. He is still so young.

Six choices for food is overwhelming. Two or three is perfect. Also, my children are often not as hungry in the evening. Not to worry. Worry about a child's eating habits is far more damaging than the habits themselves. Eating and pooping/peeing are the two things a caregiver cannot control - and an area where a child will prove this to you if he feels out of control! I believe a child knows his own needs as far as when he needs to eat, etc. and even though we may have good intentions, we mess it up sometimes. {Prior to becoming a teacher, I worked in early childhood (with infants and toddlers) for over 10 years.} I saw many potty training issues and eating disorders caused by parents who thought they were going to just make the child do what they thought they should do! A caregiver can and should, however, set certain limits, expectations (lovingly and patiently) and BE CONSISTENT, BE CONSISTENT, BE CONSISTENT!

Absolutely foolish to give the baby juice before dinner. Have water available to the child througout the day, and I cut all snacks/drinks off an hour before meal time. Milk is offered after they eat dinner. If the child drinks throughout the day, this will not be a problem. I give diluted juice following breakfast time and that's it.

I'm sure that as things settle, you will find what works for your family. I wish you all the best!