Why Is My Son Not Eating What I Give Him

Although my kids are now turning 16 and 15, I still remember the toddler stages very clearly! I remember, like you, I was worried my kids weren't getting the nutrition they needed because of their picky eating. I just learned to relax and try different things. But too many choices just puts a strain on you. If he's hungry enough he'll eat what you put in front of him for the most part. Maybe he's not hungry. You can't make them eat when they aren't hungry. That's not good either.
Just because we eat three meals a day, doesn't mean it's the bodies timing to do so. If he's hungry he'll eat.
Their little bodies will give them cravings when they are low in certain things, and trying new items may help. Find out what he likes by letting him sample your meals (babies are curious and want to try what you are eating). When you find something he likes make note of it and then you can make it for him again to help assure yourself he's eating right.

My kids snacked a lot, which is actually better for our systems, a lot of small nutritional boosts instead of forcing the body to absorb a lot in one sitting. My kids liked carrot sticks to gnaw on because it felt good on their gums and teeth, and it's sweet. I'd throw in some chocolate pudding (sugar free) and they loved it. One of my son's favorite things to do was to take his cheetos and dip it in his pudding. Yuck huh?! I have photos, I thought it was funny but I remember worrying over the junk foods. It was more of a snack then a meal when he had that. NO nutritional value there, just fun. He was still drinking a bottle then (and a sippy cup)too and there are a lot of nutrients in milk.

Us mom's worry a lot. It never stops! We can't help it. As far as meat goes, it was a long time before my kids liked any kind of steak. The burgers would get half eaten when I split one into two halves for them. So they got about a forth of a burger down and would run off. I had a lot of wasted food. So long as they get a bit of each area of foods I wouldn't worry.

And when they hit growth spurts they will start to eat a lot more. It's a sign of them growing. It is fun to see them grow. The most shocking time was in the last couple years when I'd turn around and look down to see what they were standing on (roller blades? No!) They had grown so fast I thought they were on top of something! I am only 5'4" anyway, and now my daughter is 5'6" and my son is 5'8" and they eat me out of house and home! Both are slim, and have no food disorders. They can make their own dishes now, so if they don't like what I make for dinner, tough, make yourself something else then. It's nice not to have to worry. But if I made dinner already I do get upset if they don't eat it. So we usually discuss and vote on what's for dinner each night.

What I'm trying to say is, unless at his check ups his doctor says he's not getting enough meat then I wouldn't worry about it. Variety is key. It's fun to find out what they like and don't like. Maybe decide you'll try something and only make enough for you and your husband, so that when your son doesn't want to eat it you won't have to waste any, you can eat it yourself. I shared my meals with my kids a lot at that age. I never knew what they would choose to eat. Still too young to understand wasting food, and what they "should" be eating, they are still learning what they like. I'd choose something I liked then tried to find a way to share it for their small size, cut up the meat into tiny pieces etc... and they'd either eat some, or not, it didn't matter, they'd always eat something. Or they drank a bottle.
I used to make it fun too...
Cut up chunks of hot dogs made into smiling faces were fun to make. Ketchup for eyes, and Mustard for a mouth made them think it was fun. Cheetos for hair. Have fun with it. Jello and pudding are fun, messy, but fun. Carrot sticks (cut as thin as you feel won't choke them, same with the hot dog chunks) even soft veggies like peas and green beans. Peanut butter and jelly cut into small hand sizes, no crusts, this will get him some protein too, nuts are very good for them. I am a peanut butter freak, so my kids had a lot of that as they grew up. Macaroni and cheese is a fun one for them because the noodles are fun to suck, they can get air through them, although they've sucked them down their throats before, they are soft and went right on down.

So keep it simple. Try not to worry. He'll let you know when he's ready for more.
Your's truly,
A Mom who likes to feel she's not alone,
V.
PS. Happy New Year!

Hi C.,

I was having this same problem with my son when he was around 18 months and felt exactly like you did about wanting to keep him on the similar balanced diet that my husband and I were eating instead of chicken nuggets for dinner.

I contacted a good friend who is a registered dietician specializing in children's dietary needs and habits and she recommended a fantastic book. She has two young boys of her own and found that the book really helped her and a lot of her clients. It completely changed the way I look at meal time and how I get my son to eat. Now at 2 years old, this month, he is eating a much better variety of food and we aren't fighting to get him to eat. Check it out. I hope this helps.

How to Get Your Kid To Eat... BUT NOT TOO MUCH (From birth to adolescence) by Ellyn Stater, R.D., A.C.S.W

A great book to help with eating challenges is called Child of Mine. I cannot remember the author's exact name but if you search for the book on Amazon it will show up. It has helped me alot with dealing with eating issues of all kinds.
S. M

C.,

Be happy that it is dinner that you are having a problem with. This meal is the least important meal of the day and if your son doesn't eat everything it is fine.

When my older children were little (16,16 and 18 now)we went through the same issues. My pediatrician said that if they were hungry that they would eat. In these years their tastebuds are constantly growing and changing. Something that they once liked will suddenly be disliked and if you don't keep on trying new things with them they will think that they still don't like it.

What I ended up doing that worked was first off allowing one child help choose at least one item for dinner and help prepare it. When we sat down to dinner I put smaller portions on their plates. Then the rule kicked in, they needed to eat at least one bite of EVERTHING. (it was interesting, in time, to see the surprise on their faces when they liked something new). I just laid down the rule and NEVER got upset about it. If they ate at least one bite of everything it was considered that they had eaten dinner and would have no limitations the rest of the evening. Oh, and I did put the desert on their plate also, just very small portion.

If they wanted more of anything they had to finish everything on their plate. Did I mention that the portions were very small, usually only a few spoonfuls each.

Now we go back to when they refuse to eat one bite of everything. They are just reminded that they need to do that and if they chose not to they go into their bedroom and play quietly until bedtime. The other children were able to play and watch TV if they wanted to. It is amazing how quickly they realized that all they had to do was eat one bite of everything. Pretty soon this wasn't an issue but once in a great while.

Whatever you decide to do, stick to it every time. Be consistent.

Hope this helps.

Evelyn

yes to answer your question about choices. Meat is a tough one to get some kids to eat. Don't worry about that one so much. Say this to your child. you get to help mommy make dinner tonight. Get a tall step stool and let him help with the salad or soething else easy. Tell him we are making spaghetti tonight. Do you want yours with suce or plain? 2 choice only. you are not a retaraunt and cannot make 40 different items every night. My kids still try and pull that with me but i simply say, well that is what we are having tonight and if you don't want it that is ok but that is all that is being served. That works with older kids probably not with a 2 year old. too many choices at 2 are not even good for the child. They need boundaries and structure at that age. i don't blame you for not wanting to eat nuggets every night. yuck! Try some other foods besides meat that he might like. try getting creative with the food and using veggies, peanut butter, jam, cream cheese, etc to make silly faces. Raisins and peanut buter on a celery stick are ants at the picnic. cream cheese, grapes, and tomatoes and cucumbers make the silliest face on a bagel. They get involved and they tend to eat better too.

My son, who is now 6, did the same thing and still does! From experience I've had to learn to let go of my own agendas with the food thing and trust that he knows what his body needs. I was told by an intuitive healer recently that my son is a "new age baby" and prefers to not eat meat and that he can get his protein from pastas, cheese, fish, vegetables, etc. She also said that he wants to eat foods that make him feel good (not weighted down). He's always loved pasta with butter, he will eat battered fish or chicken with ranch to dip it in (he loves the "dipping" concept with most foods), cheese bugers, vegie burgers, rice with butter, steamed vegies like carrots and broccoli, romaine with ranch and avocado, all fruits, yogurts, and he even likes salmon and sushi! He is unusual and picky about the foods he'll eat and I have had to make "buffets" for him in the past as I would try new things and he wouldn't like them so I would have to make him something else he would eat...unfortunately, no matter how frustrating it is...I make him his own food everynight. I have to, or he won't eat. I've decided to pick my battles and trust that he knows what he needs...it's just more of an inconvenience for me and I have learned to get over that hurtle as his nutrition is more important than my frustration. The good news is, over time, he is curious about some foods we eat and he'll try them - it's better that he has his own food to eat but if he likes what we have he'll be more open to eating it the next time. He is not a very flexible child either - so it takes him time to get use to a new food. I hope this helps! I can go on and on about this topic - I struggled with it for years - but it's all in hind-site now. It's important that we don't make meal times a struggle, otherwise they'll have a negative associaition with food. Stay positive and focus on how to make him successful! "This to shall pass..."

A great book that has helped me with my son is "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Kucinick.

Hiya,
We have a 2 1/2 y.o. and for us what seems to work best is not to put any expectations or requirements about eating, but encouraging him to come to the table with us, only serving healthy foods, and giving him choices if and when we can manage it. Sometimes he eats little but that's ok as long as he is not losing weight. About meat: There are lots of totally vegetarian folks out there who are very healthy and get enough protein. I know this is not what you want to do, but I bring it up to say that even if he doesn't eat a lot of meat, it's not only ok but probably healthier for him--and he can get protein in other ways (and since you are not going veg he will get B12 when he does eat meat). We give our son meat once in a while (a few bites once a week or so) both b/c we don't think it's good for him to have a lot and b/c he doesn't really like it. Why not have him eat the non-meat things your family eats, and then have available some sources of protein that do not burden you with extra cooking, such as milk, cheese, raw unsalted almonds, cashews, peanuts. My 2.5 y.o. especially likes string cheese cuz it's fun to eat. Maybe once a month I also cook in advance legumes such as chick peas, pinto beans, etc. that can be made in big batches and freeze them in jars. Then I take a jar out of the freezer and serve it over the next few days, either cold on his plate or added to another dish I am cooking for the whole family. Mixed with rice, tortillas, etc. these bean-type things often make complete proteins. As for iron he can get it in spinach and other dark green things. Good luck with all of it! :-)

Dear C.,

Well the first thing you have to do is give up your hard and fast rules. They don't work on babies, especially on 23 month old boys. You need to look at the individual situations and see what the child needs. For one thing 23 months old is about the time that children do not need so much to eat anymore, and they cut down because their bodies don't need so much.They will begin eating more when their bodies make another growth spurt.

Also, meat has a very strong taste and many children stop eating it as their taste buds develop more and more. My gr grandson used to eat like a starving person, then suddenly the meat came out of his mouth with the first chew. It happens. He did start eating meat again, but it was quite a while. Your child will start eating meat again, if you do not make a big deal out of it. The more you fuss, the more he will balk at the things that do not taste good to him anymore. Give him other foods that are proteins - umhuh, you may have to eat his diet if you do not want to cook two types of meals. He is the one that is the most in need in the home at this time.

I had a child that was quite allergic to a lot of foods, and I cooked two types of meals for many years. That helped him grow and develop normally and his body was healthy unto his early death because of allergies that had caused his esophaugus to finally collapse after a lot of years of strain. The strain would have been worse if I had not made that extra effort.

Umhum, yes, I am being 'mean' and 'rude'. Someone has to tell people when they are making too many unnecessary rules for children to follow.

I am sure that the other mommies will be wise and give you good ideas of how to handle this problem.

C. N.

Hi C., your son might be a "dipper" (likes to dip food into different sauces). My daughter likes to dip veggies or even try different foods in differenct sauces and dressings such as Ketchup for meats, Ribs basted with BBQ sauce, celery sticks and Miracle Whip, Celery and peanut butter, bread into Marinara or Alfredo sauce, carrots sticks and Ranch or Russian Dressing, Asian flavored dressings go well on a lot of things, teriyaki sauce on rice or meat, etc. Get creative!

Hope this helps!

E.

With our 2 year old she eats a really good breakfast and lunch with a few healthy snacks throughout the day. At dinner we put some raisins, cheese, and a piece of whole grain bread on her plate. It is more important for us to have her sit there with us than to have her actually eat what we are eating. As she gets older and has more fine motor control, not to mention a bit larger of a mouth and more teeth, she'll start to eat more of the things that we eat.

Our 8 year old is pretty picky but this is where we follow a lot of the same advice that has been given. She eats what we are eating (unless it's steak, I'm not listening to complaints while enjoying my favorite food) or she doesn't eat.

Don't worry, he will not starve himself. Just give him healthy choices and he will eat when he is hungry. Ask him to join you and your husband when you eat, but do not go on and on about eating. He is just trying to be an attention getter, and it is working. And when he does eat, don't make a big deal over it. You don't want to instill emotional/food relations in him. And always have good snacks with you when you leave the house. Until he eats normally, no fast foods, no special treats. Remember he may need food 20 minutes before you two are ready to eat dinner, so either eat earlier or feed him, there is no such thing as "spoiling your dinner" only a different hungry schedule and that is normal.

I had the same problem with my eldest son from the time he was 1-3 years. Remember that he can get protein from other sources like peanut butter, eggs and beans. Mine went through a stage when he was that age where he would only eat saltines with peanut butter on them. I was horrified...he was already so skinny and I thought he would starve to death! I took him to the pediatrician and was told not to worry about it. He told me that I was lucky he would eat what he did because it was a healthy choice. I think meat is hard because of the texture. I did find that he was willing to eat chicken strips. I recommend grilling chicken and slicing it because it is healthier. My son is almost 10 now, loves most food and is very healthy!

okay, here's grandma again! can't you see that he is enjoying being "in control" of the eating situation? what i did with 2 of my 5 children who went thru that stage was to put the food on their plates, put it in front of them, not saying anything, and after 20 - 30 min., i just removed the plate and the child from the table. when they saw there was no dessert for them, of course they howled, but you have to stand strong. explain to him that if he wants dessert or a snack, he must eat his dinner first (if he doesn't eat it all, it's ok). TAKE BACK CONTROL!!!!!

Aloha-

I have a good friend that had a daughter and about that age she put out several big jars of things her daughter could eat by herself anytime she was hungry. She was able to unscrew the tops off of granola, dried fruit like apricots,raisins, cranberries, cherries, etc., whole wheat crackers, nuts, etc. She kept them on the floor at her level. She sort of grazed a lot of the time. Her parents were able to sleep in a little more because Holly didn't go hungry and cry for breakfast in the mornings. At night I would offer whatever was for dinner and if he doesn't like it, then that's his choice. He won't starve. Have things that he can handle alone, smaller versions, like shredded chicken, smaller cut veggies, etc. They still like to eat with fingers at this age. I'm sure it will be only a matter of time when he is up at the table eating with the rest of the family.

Enjoy your son, they grow up much too soon.

My kids used to be the same. My doctor told us at one time not to worry about what they eat. They will eventually balance themselves out. What my sister-in-law taught me was to include at least one thing you know they will eat along with the meal. Even if it is something like pretzels at least they will eat. We also had a one taste rule. They had to taste every thing. If they didn't like it they didn't have to eat it. Now at 10, 8, and 6 they are willing to try new things and eat just fine.

I have been batteling the same battle for the last year. My daughter is almost 3 and she is still a very picky eater, for me. However, at child care, she will eat everything under the sun, because ALL the other kids are eating the same thing. Because I know that she eats well 2x a day, I don't stress on dinner. We used to offer her multiple choices and fight for hours to get her to eat. Now, if she doesn't like what we offer her, then she doesn't eat. I was hesitant at first because I felt like I was starving my child to do this, but my doctor said she will quickly get the message and if she is hungry she will eat, and she does. I would say out of 7 days, she now only refuses maybe twice a week, but her food options are increasing. We have also gone the backwards way, which I am sure is not accepted by many, but it worked, where we put all her food on the table and let her eat her pudding first, on her own, and then when she was done, she would eat the rest of the meal. I hope some of this info helps...I just wish I could find my daughter's manual...

D.

My pediatrician has always said that kids eat when they are hungry. I am with you on not being a short-order cook so my son (3 yrs) also eats what we eat. Feeding time has always been a battle. My son knows that there is no dessert if he doesn't eat his lunch/dinner. If he chooses not to eat then he simply goes to be hungry. With this said, be consistent. No negotiations. I have also learned that my son needs to eat on his schedule which tends to be earlier than we like to eat dinner. However, since he is hungry it does seems to go more smoothly. Good Luck!

I also have a son, Ian, who will be 3 next month. I know the feeling of trying to provide a balanced diet for a toddler who wants chicken nuggets and mac & cheese for every meal. My husband, who is a stay at home dad has devised a method of feeding our son, and keeping a healthy, and easy menu. Unfortunately, we do eat things that we either know Ian won't eat, or he cannot eat (spicy foods, too much soy, etc.) So, you will have to fix things for him aside from your family meal.

Ian is pretty good about trying food, but also has an aversion to meat. Toddlers thrive on routine, because so much of their life is about learning and experiencing the world, and their place in it. But, you can change it up, scrambled eggs for breakfast one day, cheerios or oatmeal the next. We give a comfort food, like chicken nuggets, but also some steamed veggies, or fresh fruit slices.

I know, as a mom, you must worry, that your son is eating enough of the right foods. Sometimes, you have to sacrifice what we all feel is right, for what your child will eat. As long as there is a balance, he gets his beloved chicken nuggets, but he also has fruits and veggies, it's ok.

Also--Invest in a toaster oven, if you don't already have one, there are lots of kid friendly (low sodium/non-fat) foods that can be ready in just a few minutes.

I am sorry, I don't have an answer for you, but I am going through the same thing. does not matter what I cook, my 4 year old will not eat it. BUT, if daddy makes the same thing, all of a sudden it's gold. I get very sad that he won't eat what I make. If you get any good advice, would you mind sharing?
Thank you :)