Questions for Those That Work and Use to Be a SAHM

Well, first of all - kids are like dogs... but instead of fear, they can smell your guilt!!!!!!!

I have been a: working FT mom / SAHM / working FT mom / Work from home mom / working FT & grad student mom. Whew.... no wonder I have a flexible kid :-)

I think it's about communication and stability. So, establish a routine, tell 'em what you're gonna do and then try and stick with it. Hahahahahaha. easier said than done, I know!

I think you just have to wait it out. you can say things like "I know it's a new routine. It makes mommy happy when you help" so you validate for them that their life is a bit different, but you also let them know you want them to cooperate. Those ages are tough because they aren't super verbal.

But like anything else.... the more you give in the more they know they can hold out for!!!! This is a great transition for them to learn independence, but it can be super frustrating for everyone at the same time!

You can do it!

They are still very, very little so any change is going to rock their world for awhile.

Your 3 year old is very young for all day school - JMO (I do understand the purpose and proposed benefit of early intervention). In our family our household is only as peaceful as my least happy child, so if your 3 yr old is struggling it will probably be felt by the whole family.

Good luck, hope you guys can work things out.

Hi,

my kids are 5 and almost three (boy and girl). Our boy had a hard time getting used to daycare, after he had to switch from a daycare mom (few kids, home-like situation) to pre-school (where we live it's called Kindergarten, and they have 2 people looking after 25 kids). There wasn't much we could do at first. We had to be patient, and luckily we could be alittle flexible about our worktimes. I am not sure what worked in the end -- he is much better now, after a year and a bit. Here are some things i suspect were useful:

- letting him voice his feelings without trying to talk him out of them. Rather we repeated back to make sure he felt heard.
- acknowledging that it was a tough situation for him. Saying that still he needed to live through it, that we had all the faith that he could, and that we knew how this was, since as a child we had been through it (he loved to hear details about that!)
- reading the picture book "The kissing hand" and practicing the kissing hand.
- leaving a note, a picture and a photo of me and his siter with him. The photo was glued onto a wooden bear that he made with his father. The picture showed a drawing of one of his favoirite things (a snowman) and said that i loved him.
- giving him all the attention and cuddling we could. We did not try to make his needs go away by not meeting them. Since he was already challenged into forced independence, we understood that he would need more of us again at home. If he needed to regress a little, we let him. If he started to pee his pants again (as he did) we did not comment or punish.
- when we noticed that he was moving nto a power battle instead of being a little too challenged, we were calm and firm (as much as we could...argh), and we did carry him to daycare screaming a few times.

Actually, that was a tough time for us! Constantly balancing needs, trying to find the right amount of firmness, the right amount of understanding, it was confusing, and exhausting.

Do you have a partner? If you do, make sure he or she understands that this is a difficult time, so you can align forces, and support each other.

I hope everyone adjusts soon! Good luck!
D.

I have a question. You never mention why you went back to work. Did you have to based on finances? If it is not a DESPERATE financial situation--I would quit work and stay at home. They are SO little and they obviously need you. I don't know your situation, and if it is a true FINANCIAL thing--then I guess you will all have to make it the best you can. I worked full time with my first until he was two. He hated it and so did I. Then I had my second and got laid off. I never went back to work for 17 years. When I did (part time) my oldest told me he missed me not being home when he got home from school. Made me want to cry. They love their mommy. They want time with you. If you can possible swing it--that is what I suggest. Or maybe you could work while they are sleeping at night. Good luck. I understand it is rough!

I started back to work when my youngest was 5 years old after 10 years of being home. I did it so we could afford to buy a house. My 5 year old son said it all when he said to me one day "Work Work Work, when's it all gonna quit!"

Social time from preschool and day care is great for kids but if you don't have them there and you don't need to work, is giving the time up with your children worth it to you? I went back to work when kids went to school and that was only during the hours they were in school pretty much. I worked at a restaurant from 8 to 3:30 or 4 so I was home with them after they were out of school, only the youngest had to be at day care at that time. I still did the scouts and all that with them. I never regreted being home and spending that time with them because they grow so fast I didn't want to miss any of it. I started at day care when my son wanted me to be at day care with him. Then when they were teens they got into enough trouble that being home with them would have been a good thing but by that time I was working until 6pm.

You never get that time back with them, so make sure it is something you really want to give up if you don't have too.