Can Someone Please Tell Me How Daycare Is Raising My Son?

Who cares what other people think? Sounds like you know you are a good Mom.

Men are considered good Dad's when they work full-time. What's the big deal?
Is this 2011 or what?

To give you some perspective. Lets say that a person thinks everyone should have a law degree. they get married to a lawyer and have a child. Now they EXPECT that the child will be a lawyer. If that child instead wants to be a doctor then the parent will be dead set against it and talk about how the child is ruining his/her life and the lives of everyone around them. Now replace doctor and lawyer with parenting styles. Not everyone has the giftings to be a doctor/layer/SAHM/working mom. Most people can't see past themselves and their own giftings, so when they open their mouth, they are talking about themselves and not you. They are just venting most the time, but they aren't being nice about it.

If a mom was living on the streets and eating out of the trash so she won't have to put her child in daycare, she'd be very neglectful and abusive to her children. People do what they need to do to take care of their family. I've been a SAHM for nearly 20 years but if I needed to put my children in childcare to better take care of them, I would in a heart beat. I can be the best mom I can be whether I stay home or work full time. I know of stories where moms have to work 2 jobs to take care of their children and they have awesome families. People do what's right for their families and although comments are made, I think for the most part, people really understand that even if their way of life is different from others.

It's because so many moms thrive on oneupsmanship I am sic of the "
If you didn't BF..."
"If you work..."
"If your kids aren't in enough activities..."
"If your kids watch tv..."
Etc etc etc.
Honey--if more women realized they weren't cut out to be SAHMs the world would be a better place!
I worked FT in the corp wold for close to 20 years before having a baby and it was in advertising, marketing, trade shows, etc: tight deadlines, heavy workloads, lightening fast pace.
I figured being a SAHM would be a walk through the whipped cream, right?
WRONG!
If I didn't work PT, I'd probably be drinking a fifth of vodka and a 6 pack per day and sleeping in a gutter by now! LOL
Don't take any of the nasty comments to heart. People are imbeciles sometimes.
YOU know what's best for you & your child. No O. else walk in YOUR shoes. At the end of the day, if you're happy and he's happy, you've done the right thing.

Way to go Patty! btw - most kids start school at 3 years old and spend 4-8 waking hours in school. Do we say school raises our kids? Please! My kids are in 6th and 4th grade and they have classmates who are a-holes and the nicest stand-up kids you could ever know. Guess what? both types come from SAHMs and Working mom's. The one consistency? If the parents are brats, the kids are brats. NOW tell me who raises them?

Phew, that felt good!

I'm a SAHM and I think that the women who make these kinds of comments are just unhappy with their own lives and are looking to strike out at those moms who've made different choices. It's that 'I'll get them before they can get me' attitude that is at the core of all these "mommy-wars"....like breastfeeding vs formula, co-sleeping vs CIO, SAHM vs working mom, and countless others.

I'm happy and confident in my choices and don't really care if other people make other choices. If you love your child and do your best to care for them, then you're doing a great job in my book :o)

I think no matter what, every parent thinks they are better than any other parent out there, whether it is a SAH parent or working parent. I work and have had to put my kids in daycare since they were 3 months old. The daycare workers were great and did more with the kids than I could have ever done! They thrived in that environment, but there was NEVER a day in which they did not know that I was the mommy and the person whose word and love mattered most.
Now they are school aged and go to after care every day. I take solace in the fact that they love after care. There has been many a time when I have had to pick them up early from after care to only be greeted with "mommy why did you pick me up so early" and sound of disappointment in their voices. That is defninitely not the sound of a child that feels like their mommy is neglecting them and doesn't want to take care of them.
To those "purists" that say working moms are horrible people that shouldn't have kids if we can't take care of them, then why don't they home school their child as well? Do they seek out pediatricians that are not moms? Because if their pediatrician is a mom, then oops...where is their child? Oh...that's right...with a nanny or after care or day care. Would they not frequent a business that has women with young children working there? If they do, they are supporting the working mom and them putting their child in the care of someone else ...Come on people, every where we go, we depend on working moms, from the pediatrician to the grocery store clerk, to cops and to even (the horror...) our TEACHERS!! If every single mom stayed at home to care for their child, we would not have these great and wonderful people to provide the service we need on a daily basis.

Here's why some people say that. (not me, but some people)
If a child is in daycare full time they are probably there about 9 hours a day (lets say from 8-5). Most kids would get up at 7ish and go to bed at 8. So the child is only with the parent for4 hours a day. Some of that time is spent eating, bathing, running errands ect. So, then the parent probably only has about 2 1/2 hours a day to spend with their child and just "be". Whereas a daycare worker has 8 or 9 hours to sing, read, play, color ect with the child. She can also take them to parks, museums, walks, bike rides without having to worry about a time clock. She gets paid to help you raise your child. Monday-Friday the child is with the daycare for 45ish hours while the child is with the parent for 20ish.
So really, a LOT of time IS spent with the daycare or nanny. That's why working mothers are so careful to pick a good daycare or nanny since that person is such an influence on the child.
Not trying to offend, just giving you my thoughts.
L.
(nannied a little girl for 3 years....50 hours a week)

Both of my parents and I and now our daughter were all raised by working moms and dads.

Because there was no choice. We needed to have places to live, food to eat, clothing, insurance, transportation.. This meant the men and women in our families had to work.

None of us lived in big houses.. As a matter or fact only my mom ever had a home with 3 bedrooms. All of the houses always only had 1 bathroom and 2 bedrooms

Our cars were enough to get by, but nothing fancy. No vacations by airplanes.. always short car trips.

We have always been low to medium income families. Never on public assistance, but never, not worried about money.

All of us were in some sort of child care or daycare. Until we could attend public schools. I remember LOVING nursery school.. I cried on friday afternoons because I was going to miss my friends and teachers.

Our daughter loved her teachers in daycare.. Ms. Candy and Ms. Becky.. When all of us started school for kindergarten, we were all ready to go. No crying, no problems. My father and I were just talking about this yesterday, he said that he wishes there was more pre school available for kids to be able to learn the basics like we all did.

So if the childcare facility or the daycare giver in their home is good, your children are going to thrive. Yes, many parents are excellent at staying home with their children 24 hrs a day, but not all of us do well in this situation or have the luxury of staying home with our children..

Parenting is not a competition. We do what works best for our families. It is not the same for every family. No worse no better, just different.

I get sick of reading it too. I'm the daycare provider and we already have a steep uphill climb to try and get any love and respect in this world. I don't need people making us out to be child stealing vultures.

I think your ? should have been: why are so many moms sooooo mean on this forum? Why can't questions be answered honestly, without inflicting judgement?

You can have honesty without accusations based on personal bias. You can divergent opinions without flaming others. It's called acceptance!

As an inhome daycare provider, I'm consistently teaching children life skills which they may/may not encounter in their home environment. A perfect example would be one of my little boys. He's 20 m.o. & is the "crown prince" in his home....even tho' he has 4 siblings. No one in the home is allowed to touch any of his toys, no one is allowed to wrestle/tickle him. He is Mom's baby & that's it.

Now, translate that home behavior into a daycare setting: when another child touches whatever he deems is his....there's Hell to pay! OMG, he flies across the room, pushes/shoves/hits/screams until the other child hands over the toy. I do not tolerate this behavior, & he is taught -daily - a gentler way to interact with peers. When I discuss this with Mom, she laughs & applauds his strong will.....which absolutely disgusts me. We have reached an armed truce where she now understands that we each have separate rules for our own homes.....that is the only way I will continue to care for him.

The reason why I'm even taking the time to relate this story is that I truly do believe that good can come out of childcare. I spend (on average) 50 hours each week with the children.....that's a lot & these kids are soaking up the atmosphere & way of life that I present. As in my example, my home is very different from his home.....right or wrong? I don't care as long as my home is my home! Peace....

I've done both and I've enjoyed both. I've been a working mom and I am currently a sahm.
Although to be honest, looking back now I regret putting our son in daycare when he was younger. I missed alot. But back then I WANTED to work, I needed to work. I did what worked for our family at the time. Now our son is in elementary school and ideally I will return part time someday. We also adopted a 3 yr old little girl-- and we want no more regrets. No daycare for her. It just got to the point where I lost passion for my job, my mind was a million miles away. ( at home& with my kids ). I quit my job and I have never felt more free. My heart is at home, thats where I need to be.
I have friends who work and friends who are sahms, we do our thing and support one another. It dosen't need to be 'us versus them' kind of thing, we're all after the same goal-- doing the best we can for our family.

The only people judging you are people you shouldn't worry about.

I LOVE being a stay at home mom. I got my fill of work full time for 15+years and this is an exciting new phase for me (that probably wont' last because I need to go back to work but I'm cutting the budget constantly and doing whatever I can to put it off)

Most of my friends with kids work and use day cares. None of us judge each other. We totally understand that different people have different personalities and could not picture the workers staying home and being happier or me working and being happier. And to be honest, some of my really loopy friends need the structure of their job to function well, and their kids are lucky to have the structure in the day care during the day :)

Don't sweat the judgmental people.

I've been a SAHM and a working outside the home mom and I'm a much better working mom! I believe in quality time over quantity and I wouldn't leave my kids with some of these moms who down those of us who work for a minute! Do what's best for you and don't worry about them. They don't know you or your life and (often thankfully) you don't know theirs.

I'm with Julie B. I've been both a SAHM and now I'm a full-time working mom. This works for me! It works for my kids who have creative, patient, loving people caring for them. After that, a patient, ready to go Mommy does the rest. They love me best, and (until they meet their future wives), always will. It takes a village to raise a child, and frankly, I LOVE it when my children connect with, and love other people. It expands their world. Find your groove and do your own thang!

For myself... I do use the term occasionally... because other people DO, have, and WILL raise my son aside from me. They aren't robots. They're meaningful people in his life, who spend either a significant to a majority of kiddo's waking hours with him.

If I think back in my own life, there are a *plethora* of people who helped raise me. It wasn't just my parents. That's where my thinking is on the subject. I'm not doing it alone (even if I only don't have him 2 hours a day out of 12... I'm not doing it on my own... much less 4, 8, 10 of those hours). Sharing (and acknowledging) that other people are raising my son is important to ME. Part of it is letting go of control. Part of it is gratitude. Part of it is fear. Part of it choosing wisely. Part of it is knowing that I can't always choose those in his life, nor should I *always*, no matter how much I might want to... a lot of life is pure dumb luck.

I'm a SAH-Homeschoolng-Mum. Are other people helping raise my son? Durn straight. I've been a FT working mom, a PT working mom, an in college mom, and a straight 'SAHM'. And none are either good nor bad, but thinking makes it so.

I think whatever you choose to do, go to work or stay home with your kids is your decision and that you shouldnt let ANYONE make you feel guilty for the way you are raising your son. It sounds like you are doing what you can to keep things running, and if that means putting your son in daycare then so be it.

I dont know why people judge others so much for what they cannot control, or should even care about for that matter.

People raise their kids differently, we ALL have different ways and techniques and other views and no one does anything the same.

When it comes down to it people, her son is alive, and cared for. He is fed, and hugged, and sounds quite loved. It's a lot better than some of the other stories I have read on here about children.

I mean seriously ladies, it is HER choice, not ours. And to be quite honest some of you are acting like she is beating and abusing her child by putting him in daycare. Get real.

Is my son in daycare? No, but that is MY choice and it is what works for MY family. But am I going to judge her? NO. And I wouldnt think that anyone else would want to be judged themselves for what parenting they do either.

But we LOVE you K. B, we REALLY REALLY do!

:)

I didn't read all of the responses because I didn't want it to influence my answer... I am a daycare provider, and I don't feel like I am "raising" anyone's children for them. I just don't see it that way, and I think that anyone who does is in the wrong profession. And I think that Moms that don't *have* to have their kids in childcare because they have to work to survive and provide for their kids don't understand how it feels to be in those shoes. Sometimes the sacrifices that people have to make include spending less time with their kids, and I don't think anyone should be judged for that.

I will tell you as a provider, what does bother me. I have had parents who bring their child to me so that they can have a break and meet with friends, shop, take a nap etc... and it's on a regular schedule; not just once in a while. And they don't work. I get that everyone needs a break once in a while, but I don't understand regular daycare for parents that don't work.

You don't have to justify your choices to anyone, K.. Don't feel guilty about what makes you feel fulfilled. Do what's best for your family and don't worry about what other people think.

K.,
You do not have to justify yourself to anyone.
The reasons I didn't want my sons in daycare is because I was selfish! I didn't want to miss anything. Their childhood goes by so fast as it is.
But I had my children late so I had my successful career as an engineer before I had kids. Otherwise, I might have made the choice to use daycare also.

Hi K.
Its great as my son is now 3.5 yrs and we can have a conversation. He has been in daycare since he was 6 mths old as I have to work.
Every morning he runs in at 7am and says "are we getting ready for creche".
A few weeks ago I said "no it's the weekend " .He looked upset and said "ahhhh". I said "whats up".He replied " I love you Mammy but I want to go to creche because I have lots of friends to play with".
After that I said I would remember this everytime the guilt sets in.
He loves the creche. I work very hard at work and then have to do all the household chores as well so I don't think I need to be beating myself up.
The creche certainly doesn't raise my child. Its a place he goes to while I'm at work. I am his Mammy,he knows it and is certainly not adversively affected in any way. He is a very social,confident happy boy.
All the best
B. k

The best moms for you to talk to would be the moms who raised kids alone, worked, and used daycare.... and their kids are now old enough to recant how THEY felt about it. Kids are only in daycare for the early years, and then it's regular school and the after school program.
I doubt there are harmful long term effects.
Your kids always know you love them and are doing your best to take care of them, when you are.
Honestly, Ive never read anything that said "Daycare damaged me"... from anyone that was a product of daycare.
Quit worrying about it and dont let people make you feel bad for doing what you have to do to provide. Every family has its struggles, even the ones that appear to be "story book" on the outside.

let me first say that just by being a SAHM doesn't make you a better mom. I am a SAHM and its the hardest thing I've ever done. But I do believe that I was created to be a mother. That being said how I choose to be that mother depends on me. In my church there's a saying "Family, isn't it about time?" and that could be taken two different ways, 1. just spending time and getting to know your children, and 2. its also (to me) about dropping what we as parents think is important like yard work or doing the dishes and giving that time to the kids. Life hands us all ups and downs, If you're doing right by your kids and they are happy, you are a good mom. Let let that make believe super mom who bakes cookies and runs a charity all while keeping a clean house and have perfectly behaved children bring you down because she doesn't exist. The fact that you care means you're okay! My heart goes out to you, Keep it up.

I agree with S.H.

I am a sahm and I know that some people can't do it, but I would never use that against them. Keep your chin up and only you know what is best for you and your child... remember that....

Best of Luck to you!!

I don't blame you for being sick of this attitude. It's not good from either side of an issue where people have made vaild but different choices. I thought of something while reading this, it used to be long ago that any able bodied adult to young person had to work. So Mom was helping out sometimes on the farm or family business while Grandma or Auntie helped out with the kids. They were related by blood. When you think about it, how much different is it other than many times the people who take care of the children aren't related by blood. It's still a division of labor. In some ways better because hopefully the people taking care of the kids want to do that more than what others are doing. If someone mentioned this before, I apologize, I glanced at many but not all of the responses before posting. Also, hopefully in any situation where the parent isn't with the child all the time I would hope the caretaker would defer to the parents wishes on the big stuff so that the parent(s) are raising their child.

I don't like when people judge other people, so I agree with you. There is no right way to be a mother. Some mothers choose to work, others have to work, some choose to be home. No choice is right while the other is wrong; it just depends on each persons individual situation. I don't think it is easy to be a mother who works outside the home, I don't think it is easy to be a stay at home mom, and I don't think it is easy to be a work at home mom.

I've been home with my daughter for a little over 4 years. I've loved it, but honestly, I'm burned out and ready to go back to work. I don't think working mothers have it easier, I'm just ready for an intellectual challenge. My daughter is starting preschool in the fall and I'm so ready to get a part-time job. I did some consulting for a few years when she was younger and that really helped. I liked having something non-mom to do and can't wait to have that again.

Okay - I've not read any of your responses but here goes...

The DayCare is not "raising" your son...they just end up spending more time during the week than you do with them....many people believe this because of the amount of time many children do spend at day cares.

However, YOU are doing all the other important things - tucking him into bed at night, loving him and giving him a roof over his head, clothes on his back and food on his plate......but most importantly - LOVING HIM..

So you chose to raise your son alone? Who gives a rats A$$? Whose business is it anyway?

You are probably doing more with your son than other working mom's - I used to work for a day care and mom's would drop their kids off at 0630 and not pick them up until we closed - sometimes later...ANY opportunity they had to leave their kids they - did!!! It was truly sad!!! Monday mornings - they were RELIEVED to drop them off as they "didn't know what to do with them over the weekend."

So stop worrying about what other people think. You just keep on loving your son....doing things with him!!!

Well you are being a great Mom to the best of your ability and situation.
Be proud!
You are involved with your child.
That is golden.

I've always suspected SAHMs who lash out like that, saying passive aggressive things like "Oh, well I am sure they are raising him fine where he is at while you're at work all the time", are actually quite jealous of working mothers.

Truly happy SAHMs are a delight to be around, are overall positive minded if not frazzled woman who have light in their eyes. I've been a SAHM for nearly 8 years now and am just about to go back to work, I can't wait!

Don't get me wrong, I think overall I was fortunate to have the chance to be with them while they were little, but I lost a lot of myself in the housework and toddler shows and doctor's offices.

You go on and work, momma. You are raising your kiddo, you are his momma and he darn well knows that. It's fantastic that you love to work and it fulfills you! He will see that when he is older as well. A happy momma is a wonderful gift to give him ;)

I really hate that too. I work full time and I am also a single parent. Now I don't use daycare as I am lucky enough to have an amazing sister and mother who have helped me out, but if I didn't I would definitely have used a daycare. This lady used to really look down her nose at me, she was a SAHM with 2 kids and hubbie had a fabulous job. Well she used to always make snide comments about other people HAVING to raise kids for people who want to work and they should never have had said kid in the 1st place!!! B***H!!! :-) Well I got her one day after a couple of glasses of wine - ME: How often do you go out at the weekend??
HER: Oh every weekend as granny takes the kids on Fri night and we don't see them until Sun am.
ME: What do you do in the evenings when kids get home from school?
HER: Makes dinner, then off to the gym/zumba class
hmmm well I pick up my dd at 5.00 when i finish work and apart from when she has an activity she is with me (so she is at school, then without me max 2hrs, Mon-Fri) and I go out at the weekend maybe once every 4-6 weeks (if that) for 1 night)!!! So other than that I spend all weekend with my child, so basically I spend more time with my kid than you do with yours and I work Full-time!!! Na na na na nah!!!! :-)

Not all SAHM are like that though, most are great. I also love to work and like I have said before if I want to take my dd on nice vacations etc mommy needs to work. :-)

Know that what you are doing is what works best for you and your child and that the SAHM is doing what is best for her and her child(ren). Imagine how much better it would be if we supported each other rather than judged one another.

Try your best to ignore the controversy, keep loving on your child like you're already doing, don't let it get to you, and let it go. This is a topic that will never see eye-to-eye.

OMG, I hate that, too. I was a single mom. We can all do different calculations of time spent with the child and that's meaningless. At day care, there's usually more than one child, so they aren't getting one on one attention from their day care provider. And what about those day care providers - spending time with other kids instead of devoting themselves to their own kids? And how about the school teachers that have them all day? It's not about the minutes in the day. "Raising a child" encompasses the unconditional love, the imparting of values, the family activities that create a family bond that lasts a lifetime, the traditions, the celebrations, the sense of family. You are the one providing all of that, you are the only one "raising" your child - don't let anyone tell you different.

It's ridiculous when people say that. It is DAY care. She is not raising him, she just taking care of him during the day. I worked from the time my oldest was 7 weeks old until she was 3.5 years old. Our good friends (a married couple) used to put us down all the time for letting my mom "raise our daughter". I used to go nutty when they would say that. She was only with my mom from 10:30 AM when my husband dropped her off until 5:00 PM when I picked her up. That was hardly raising her. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to stay home. I know quite a few SAHM's who are home all day, but not spending time with their kids. They are sitting them in front of the TV while they surf the net out of boredom. It's the quality of the time you spend, not the quantity.

I have no opinion about daycare, honestly. We're all just doing what we can to have a good life and give a good life to our children.

My only question, is if you are really content...then why do you need to write a long post on all the reasons why you are content, and to get our affirmation? If you are really content...shouldn't you just brush all that off and know what you're doing makes you happy. I don't know, I find it strange.

You know what it took my son's father talking to everyone we knew that had raised kids to figure out that day care is a wonderful tool and it's all in who you pick and it is how you raise your kids. You never know who actually has an influence in your kid's upbringing ... I had the BEST child care and still try to find someone simmilar to be involved in my son's life.

K.,
I would be sick of that too! I think that all of us as moms try to do the very best that we can with the resources and people that we have available in our life. Until we know someone's full story, it isn't our right to judge them on why they put their child in daycare or why they dont? I have gotten judged alot for being a SAHM and also for being a working mom outside of the home. Comeing from both sides of the fence, i understand. But as a mom, I do the very best that I can do to provide for my children and my family. I am sure that you are doing the very best that you can do too! I learned to take people's comments with a grain of salt-- They don't know me or my situation-its easy for them to judge. I would encourage you to find your inner voice and speak out when someone trys to make you feel bad. You are doing an incredible job of working to provide for your child's needs. No one can judge you poorly for that. So just remember that as long as you are true to yourself and your values, no one else can steal your joy or make you feel a certain way. Don't let them have that power over you. Best wishes and have a great night!

Molly

I just have to say that I am quite jealous of you, i WISH i loved working and could have a good career. I got pregnant before I ever finished school and did not have a career going, so staying home was the logical choice. I love being home with them, but a part of me wishes i had an outlet like you do and that i was GOOD at something (like you). You sound amazing and your son is very lucky to have such a dedicated and hard-working mother like you

In all the years I did daycare I felt I was helping parents raise their kids. It certainly wasnt all me. I had certain hours with the child and they had the other hours with them. We each brought something different to the table and kids would be more adaptable with different styles and ways of doing things. The one thing that I always felt bad about was when a baby did a "first" with me instead of their parents. I had parents tell me that I was never to tell them when their child rolled over, or stood up, or got a tooth. Others said, if he turns over you call me! K. your baby is only a few months old so you are pretty new at this and you may find one day that it bothers you that someone else got to be there when these things happend. You may end up in tears one day when you find he took his first step while at daycare and you missed it. You might even blurt out how unfair it is that someone else is getting to raise your child! Or maybe the step YOU see FIRST will be the big moment for you. Maybe it wont be a big deal to you but we never know until it happens. We are all different and we all have our own expectations and hopes and dreams for our kids. I know I was meant to be a SAHM with a house full of kids. I spent every moment there was with my kids, but when my daughter came home from kindergarten singing a song I hadnt taught her, I fell apart thinking someone else was teaching her and had a big influence on her besides me!
I want you to know I totally understand some parents are not cut out to be home every day with their kids. I have known many. I could tell in the first few minutes meeting prospective day care moms, if they should be home or in a work place. They love their kids, but they HAD to work, and I dont mean just for financial reasons. It is a life style that some are just mean to live and they shouldnt be deprived from the family just because they work. I had a lot of kids over the years who were probably better off not being home with M. every day too..lol . So hang in there, dont let them bother you, but given the short time youve been the mommy, dont be surprised if someday you see the other side and maybe what they say to you wont seem so harsh.

I'm answering w/o reading previous answers so I HOPE someone else already said what I'm going to say.

The best mom is the one who's doing what she needs to do for herself and her kiddos.

I stay at home w/ my girls because that's the choice we made, but I have a few friends that work for the same reason. There are (quite a few) days I WISH I had something other than laundry and poopies to think about. My mom worked out of necessity...but now that she doesn't have to as much (she still has young kids at home, but they're all in school) she still does because, frankly, she's a terrible stay at home mom. And she's able to admit that.

I feel like staying home is a few years that I can give my girls all my attention because I have no other pressing goals right now. (Maybe losing the baby weight...) When they go to school, if we don't jump on the homeschooling bandwagon, I'll probably find a job, maybe even a career because that's what's right for me and them at the time.

Daycare is a resource that is right for your family. There are plenty of SAHM's that drop their kids in a parent's day out or for weekends/weeks at relatives. I asked my husband before what it's like to not see our kids for 12 hours a day and he said it really, really sucks sometimes but that even if he's not seeing the babies he's thinking about them all day. I'm guessing you're the same. Being a mommy doesn't stop when you kiss the baby good-bye at daycare.

Kudos to you for being strong enough to do what's right for you. Good luck!

It can be a very polorizing issue. I do find myself curious at woman who would never want to be SAHM's. They rarely factor in what thier children would prefer. I find myself thinking all throughout my day how precious a time I am having with my kids and how I don't want to miss any of it. I'm very particular about what they eat and I know there are things like that that i'd loose control over. All the time I hear day care moms say, "my baby sitter does it this way and I want it done that way". I wouldn't be able to stand loosing that control over my children. I suppose just like you don't want to spend every waking moment with your kids, us moms who stay home have the opposite thought, "i don't want to miss out on my kids." I wonder what working mothers have left at the end of the day to give thier children. I know i was wipped daily with a full time job. Sorry if this sounds horrible but I think seeing that difference somtimes we can get to feeling, well, superior as mothers. And for working mother's who would love to stay home, I certainly don't feel that way, rather I feel sorry for them and terribly blessed to be able to be a SAHM. I have very deer freinds who do day care, their kids are doing fine and well bonded, but I just feel sad that mama misses out on so much.

I think it is our feeling that we need to defend our choices by pointing out someone else's are wrong. SAHMs who are confident about their choices do not have to criticize others and Working moms who are confident do not have to bash SAHMs. those who feel guilty need to lash out to feel better about their choices. I dont think anyone really believes that a daycare worker, nanny or babysitter tucks children into bed at a night after their evening routine, takes care of them when they're sick, takes them on vacations and celebrates holidays with them, helps them with their homework, goes to parent teacher conferences, takes them for vaccinations, to sick visits, physicals, Dentist, and eye doctor apts and loves them and cares for them year after year after year. I dont think anyone believes that working moms are letting someone else raise their children, it is just a hurtful thing to say to make someone feel better about their lives. and MOST SAHM s dont need to hurt others to make themselves feel better. Why would they? spending time with our children is wonderful, it always makes me feel good, not something to feel guilty about! I've been a SAHM and a working mom. any SAHM could suddenly find themselves in an emergency where they have to work to survive. I pray they will find the support they need if that happens.

Everyone has an opinion on this. I taught 2nd and 3rd grade and I had great kids with SAHMs and great kids with working moms. I honestly don't know how working moms get it all done but I know plenty who work and are raising great kids. There are moms who want to work. There are moms who must work. There are moms who SAH and do a fabulous job. There are moms who should NOT be SAHMs and I wish they would put there kids in daycare for the structure and education. I love being at home with our kids. It is a privilege. It is what I always wanted for our kids. But I realize that it isn't for everyone. Do I wish more moms were able to sah? Yes. There are thousands of moms who would love to and are not able for financial reasons. I guess it all boils down to quality vs. quantity. The quality of the time we are with are kids is more important.

Both sides get this sort of thing, just let it slide off. Fact is, that is the reason many SAHMs state as their reason for staying home, so it is not really meant as a slam on the working moms anyhow. We all do what works best for our own families, and that is all any of us can do.

I work full time and our nanny probably spends about as much time with our kids as I do. But they Certainly know and want me and don't call her mommy! And they've known her their whole lives. There are lots of different reasons women work and I think so long as it's a legit reason and your kids know you love them more than anything in the world and scarifice for them etc, how are they going to look back and think anything bad? Some sahm's are busy doing lots of stuff other than being with their kids and then the kids eventually know their mothers just preferred to be
away all the time lunching with their friends etc. Also, why are other care providers bad? Most working mothers make sure the person takin care of their child has the same values etc. I'm not saying mother isn't usually better in many ways but there can be value from other providers. They can teach different things etc. So it's not like all the hours away from mom are just a horrible waste of time...

I get it!! I worked with my first, but have stayed home with my second. I have been home a year and I LOVE my boys, but I am more than ready to go back to work!! I am a teacher by profession, so going back to work means only working 180 days a year, which is hard to beat. I was definitely a better Mom when I was working. Being with my kids 24/7 can really wear on you! I lose my temper with them much more often than I did when I was working. My oldest (almost 4) will also show his annoyance with me towards the end of the week. Also, I see a difference in the language development of my first vs. my second. My first really enjoyed playing with his daycare friends everyday. Mommy is definitely not as exciting as a room full of kids! Like I said, I love my boys!! But daycare isn't all bad if you find a good one!

The day care isn't raising your child - you are.
I was a single mom (by choice) and a full-time college student with a full-time job when my daughter was a toddler. Yes she went to day care sometimes. When her dad was off, he came over and watched her. And when I was off, I was the one taking care of her.
Guess whose values she ended up with? Not the church day care where she sometimes went - mine and her dad's, even though he didn't even live with us.
She is now grown and has told me on more than one occasion that she is GLAD I raised her the way I did.

K., you shouldn't feel guilty at all.....You are the mom of your son, period. In my opinion, every mom does what is best for her kids with the "tools" she has at the moment including working or SAHM moms, all of us sacrifice many things, money and time for our kids one time or another, being a mom is a 24/7 job again, including working or SAHM. Some moms, as you said are OK with working outside and are great moms to their kids and others are great moms being at home.
Being a mom is nothing to do with staying home or not. Personally I enjoy being with my kids with its ups and downs.... I feel happy in this situation and I was also a professional before having kids, then I chose to stay home and I was blessed we could do it.
Be happy and live the way that make YOU happy and yours according to your needs, likes and dislikes.

I commend you for doing the best you can as a single mom. You don't have a choice but to put your son in daycare, and that is okay. You are mom and no one else. Therefore you are the one who is raising your son, the daycare workers are just helping you out during the day when you cannot be there for him. You are a mom, there is no other way to look at it. Good luck Mom and God Bless.