SAHM But I Want Daycare Now

We have two daycares. Well, 1 sitter and one dayare. at one time we had two different home daycares. Worked out well for us, if one was sick the othe was a back up. (but that is not a concern for you).

Good luck

Wow.. why doncha get a job to pay for that daycare.. maybe you caould get a cleaning lady too..what is the point of being a SAHM if your kids aren't there...

I KNOW that day care is a POOR POOR substitute for a mom because I worked in one. The kids are cared for.. fed diapered and napped..but not loved.. not hugged and kissed and loved like their mom does.

why have kids if you want to send them off to day care so you can clean house.. who the heck cares if your house is that clean???

I know sometimes I got overwhelmed when my kids were small.but I needed 3 or 4 hours off..so I could go out to lunch by myself. window shop at the mall and then go back home ot my kids..I never even considered 25 hours of childcare a week so I could clean house...

There is no benefit for a child under 2 years old in a daycare.

This question actually seems rather suspicious to me. I can't imagine such a flippant post regarding the fact that children do wake early (duh), and make messes (yep...) and need interacted with (big obvious there...).

ETA: Okay, now that I read your SWH, I KNOW you are a troll. You SWH reeks of cynicism toward SAHMs, and you are just fishing to start an argument. Well done, little troll. Well done.

If you want to farm out your parenting duties, fine. Do you really need us to tell you that's okay or not?

Women who work HAVE to choose alternate care for their children, so its not an insult to THEM to question YOU on why you are pushing your parenting off on a daycare center. Are you getting a job?

It can't be stated enough that some people should not have children. Some can't handle it physically, or emotionally. Some are too selfish. Some see it as just another box to check off on the bucket list.

Do you REALLY think its in your 8 y.o.'s best interest to go to aftercare after 7 hours of school? Do you always give in to her whining? Does she get cookies for dinner because she "begs" you?

Your 5 month old and 2 year old will be sadly missing out on a vital and wonderful part of the sibling experience-being WITH one another. Think about that before you choose to contract out the "yucky" parts of parenting. Being a parent isn't a part time job, so don't make it one.

Not seeing how it's a slap in the face of working moms. They're working to earn money, part of which pays for the daycare their kids are in. I saw my job as a choice -- either care for the kids myself so I didn't have to pay someone else to do it or work and earn money to pay for the daycare. My choice was not don't hold a job and don't raise my kids. Did you not expect the kids to make messes and need attention.

Sorry my being home with my children is not the "standard" you think we should strive for. I don't think having strangers raise your kids while you're perfecting your house and getting your nails done is an appropriate standard. I can't imagine what you're doing if your house isn't clean AND your kids don't get your attention. My kids get a ton of my attention, which is why my house is a pit. But we do chores together as much as we can and realize they'll be gone soon enough. You are "eager" for them to experience day care. I'm eager to hug my kids and play with them as long as I can. They'll move on soon enough.

To answer your question, I would put the children together in the same place - they usually will give discounts for families. Not that cost is an issue. Better yet, put them in two separate daycare centers, so they don't see each other. Then get a cleaning woman, a chef, and a babysitter for when they come home. The Manhattan Approach. And before you know it, they'll be off in college and you won't have to worry about it any more! Good luck!

PS - I have absolutely no problem with daycare for parents who need it. I have a problem with it when parents do it so they don't have to raise their kids.

I'm really confused. So, you stay home with your kids so you can be the primary caretaker. But now you want someone else to do that so that you can clean? And your 8 year old, who already spends 6.5 hours a day at school, is also going to do daycare? Are you planning on working somewhere else while they're away? I guess I don't understand.

I don't know - my kids have never done day care and tell me regularly they'd rather be home with me than anywhere else. We have a blast together, even if it's just cleaning...

I would sit down and evaluate your needs as well as theirs, and your budget. I see no reason not to sign the older kid up for an after school program if it's educational (my SD took Spanish after school) and sign the middle one up for preschool (they do have half day options) if that is also beneficial to that child. What I would not do is sign the baby up for daycare. If I had a do-over, I wouldn't have had DD in daycare as an infant, but I was working FT. I did Meet Ups and other activities with DD from 18 mo. on (when I went to PT) and enrolled her in preschool at 4 (couldn't get a slot at 3.5). She has benefited from preschool enormously.

I guess the impression I'm getting is that you're not sure what to do with them and they are a handful but I'm not understanding the need to get them all out of the house (at great expense) when you are home? Especially the baby. Are you going to work? Are you unhappy being a SAHM (totally legit)? Do you/your DH/your kids have unrealistic expectations about how life is with kids? If the expense isn't an issue, what about a housekeeper so they get Mommy time?

ETA: Change of scenery? I'm sorry, but no 5 mo. old needs a 5 hour change of scenery (that you can't provide by going for a walk or something). He or she needs you. I can see educational value for the other kids but not for the infant. So what's really going on? I've done SAH and FT working out of the house and while I liked my breaks, I valued my time with DD as an infant more. I see no benefit to the 5 mo. old being in a daycare everyday when he/she doesn't need to be. I was with you til you said that.

Your whole take on this thing irks me, and I feel obliged to tell you why.

First off, no baby...and imo, no two year old...will benefit from daycare.

Basically, you have one child in school all day...a toddler, and an infant. Your toddler is at the funnest age...where you could be giving him enriching days full of simple learning...and your baby is a BABY.

Quit having children if you don't want to raise them. You don't know how lucky you are to have the OPPORTUNITY to raise your own children when so many mothers HAVE to work but would LOVE to stay home.

I stay home with my kids, 8 and 3, homeschool the eldest, somehow manage to keep my house clean (yes, REALLY clean), schedule appointments, volunteer my time, hold offices at my church, have hobbies...and oh, on top of ALL of that, I somehow manage to spend lots of time playing with my kids.

You're right. Your kids DO deserve better. See if you can find a nice nanny who will love them enough to WANT them.

It's hard to imagine a 5 month old being bored and "crashing around the house" or even making any sort of mess.

I thought the purpose of being a sahm was to be with your kids and not have to put them in daycare. Hmmmm.

But if you are determined to put them in daycare, I would think there would be an advantage to having them at the same place in that they would have the same schedule (days closed, etc.) and you would probably get a discount on the fee for the toddler since you have more than one child there.

This cannot be real. If it is, why on Gods green earth did you have children?

The funny thing is, most mom's have no idea that if they were to go to work their houses would stay cleaner and there would be so much less to do.

If no one is home during the day there is no one to make any messes so the house stays clean so much longer. I would not like having the kids home all day and staying home with them. I was grateful to work when the kids were little. I appreciate your situation and choice.

If the expense isn't an issue hire a cleaning lady, and put the two year old into a nursery program for a few hours each day. A five month baby is not going to benefit from daycare.

Why not keep the 5 month old home with you and send the toddler for a few full days a week rather than five half days? I understand wanting them to have lots of interaction and new epxperieces, but that does NOT apply to the 5 month old... at all... period. the 8 year old is social, she likes other kids, so that makes sense... the 2 year old would probably enjoy a couple of mornings a week. There's nothing wrong with infant childcare, but that's what it is. It isn't preschool. There is nothing GAINED by the child, it's to provide care for your child when you CAN'T.

I just don't understand paying for a center to watch your infant (in a room with several infants, all in swings, or all plopped on the floor for tummy time etc) when you, Mommy, are home.

How about NOT being grumpy, and taking care of your very young baby... or going back to work.

HTH
T.

Are you talking about 5 hrs a day 5 days a week? Because that's a LOT! I'd def put them at the same place, but I'd do a Mother's Day Out/preschool 2 or 3 days a week for a few hours a day, I truly see zero advantage of a baby going to daycare, other than being out of your hair. And the fact that your 8yo WANTS to stay after school speaks volumes :( One kid gone all day til evening, then 25 hrs with the other two gone? Any chance you are depressed and overwhelmed and need to reevaluate some things? Put some thought into a more manageable routine? Just seems a bit extreme to have the kids gone practically full time so you can clean... I feel you, I really do, I have 3 of my own, indoor dogs, I'm an OCD neat freak - I used an MDO 2 days a week once my kids were 2.5 years old - and I'm able to keep my house clean, cook, relax, do older kids homework, and.volunteer work with a dog rescue group. I fear you're gonna end up with sick kids, more stress, lots of driving to and fro, and some regrets....

I second the mothers helper suggestion. I can totally understand that you're overwhelmed, but daycare is just not good for a baby. A toddler preschool could be great for your toddler (I use a five morning Montessori program) and you could hire a mothers helper to help you hold and entertain the baby. It might even be cheaper. I use a 13 year old once a week to have time for my own cleaning. Luckily I have pretty low standards in that department. :). The problem with daycare for the baby is that he or she jut won't get enough attention.

Just wanted to send you a hug! Anyone who judges you for trying to find harmony for your family is being unfair. I really do sympathize with you (SAHM of 13 mo. baby + 2 1/2 & 6 1/2 year olds). Baby + crazy two year old is insane and exhausting on a good day. We aren't all cut out to be super entertaining mommies (although, sometimes I wish I was that mom) and no two families are alike. That said, I completely understand your Motivation to make a change. My husband has been begging me to put our middle child in preschool or hire a nanny (think we are going to go preschool). He is tired of coming home to an exhausted wife who is trying to manage everything and not really doing anything well.
Whatever you choose, just know that it will be the right choice because no one knows your children better than you. Good luck!

you may be overwhelmed and unhappy - but rather than pay people to take over YOUR responsibilities, you should (a caring parent would) get help. get help dealing with things so that you can do your job well and enjoy it. you're supposed to be able to, you know. as it is you are taking the lazy way out. lazy is not a part of a (good) mom's vocabulary. we are the hardest working people on the planet.

whether it is counseling (PPD?), organizational skills, relaxation techniques - maybe even getting a job if sahm really isn't for you - learn how to cope with your life - it's YOURS. you need to live it - not pay someone else to live it for you.

I think it's a great idea. I also think it is wise of you to recognize that you will have a better run household in the process. I think the kids will be happier and so will you! I would encourage you to use a little of that time for you, and not just cleaning and household stuff. Ignore all the people that will try and heap guilt on you.

This can't be real. If it is, I hope you stop having children and focus on why you can't work OR be a mother. I especially feel badly for your 5 month old. How sad his own mother would rather spend her days cleaning the house and cooking fancy meals than raising him. You give SAHMs a bad name.

If it were me I would put them both in the same school. I would pick a half day MWF preschool that also has a daycare room for the tiny ones. Then you pick them up at noon. Home for lunch and playtime at home. Then big sister gets home from school. If it were me I would not let my 8 year old do an afterschool daycare program but I'd have her come home, get homework done, and practice piano (or whatever it is she does in life). Then she is done by dinnertime and then if she is in any sports/dance/whatever some evenings, she is already done with her homework. For me a half day MWF preschool program gives me enough time to clean and get stuff done. I will let the kids watch a movie from 4-5pm while I get dinner started if they are not doing well entertaining themselves each day. Usually my 9 year old is playing with neighborhood kids outside by that time and I often have my preschooler help me cook. I give her jobs to do at the kitchen counter and she loves it. Tuesday and Thursday, if I were you, I would do something fun w my 2 younger kids those mornings and then plan on being home by lunch to clean/cook/etc. Get them outside for the morning...hiking, playground, environmental center, etc. Where I live there are tons of fun programs in the mornings for young kids...and many are free! PS - My 9 year old also begged to be in an afterschool program with his friends (when he was 7/8) and I said no bc I want him to have some quiet time at home to do homework before dinner and evening activities like soccer practice and piano.

Have you considered getting a cleaning lady and a mother's helper or part time nanny? Surely if you are going to put your kids in daycare (and I see nothing wrong with daycare), you can find something more rewarding to do than clean your house.

One center seems way easier. One fewer time to get one of the children out of the car while you drop the other and it just eats into your time off to go 2 places. Most moms I know who have 3 (though the kids are all younger) have a PT nanny and/or cleaning person so I get the need for help. We couldn't have afforded easily for me to be home and hire help and save as much as I like to which is one reason I didn't have a 3rd child... I knew I couldnt do it all alone or wouldn't have been happy at least. We didn't use daycare for our infant though. I do think that's a kind of tough one if you don't have to. I'd get a nanny. Even 2 is VERY young to "need" preschool. It's really daycare at that age. Don't be surprised if your young ones protest. I think it's a rare child who at those ages is happy going with strangers. Read about all the meltdowns by kids when they're dropped off... You realize the benefits of all the entertainment but they don't. They just are being left by mommy. Also, my oldest is 8 too and has periodically asked to do aftercare. She's VERY social. But she gets tired of it even though she only would go maybe 2 days a week. So I'd be prepared for that too. It's exciting at first but not so much after a while. I also found with preschools that the "shiny big new ones" are so attractive at first. From an adult perspective, do I want to go to a little house or a nice big new building? For me the latter. I prayed my kids would get off the long wait lists for those preschools. But then I realized that's an adult's perspective. Those big centers often have more staff turnover and my kids seemed to like a small, homey atmosphere much better. So if you go ahead, I would focus on small and nurturing.

Maybe you can get a cleaning lady so you can truly be a SAHM instead of a stay at home wife.

I would use the same center, personally. For one, you usually get a discount if you have more than one kid in the center. I did two kids in different daycares and it was so much easier when the spot opened up and they were in the same place. If time is what you are after, then make it efficient!
As for the hater that will surely condemn you for putting your kids in a daycare- just remember that a good mom is a happy mom. I am not the SAHM type. I admit it and I'm not ashamed of it either. You do what you have to do and let the haters keep on hating (I think they are just jealous anyway). :)

It sounds like you just need a break from the two younger ones that are home with you most of the time. Have you looked into finding a support group such as MOMS Club (www.momsclub.org)? There are chapters all over and it's for SAHMs just like you. You will not only make new friends for yourself but it will allow you to get out of the house and take part in fun and often educational activities too. It was a lifesaver for me and I am still best friends with many of the women I met through my local chapter.

To me daycare is different than a mothers-day-out or nursery school. Do any of the churches/schools in your area offer these type programs even for a few hours a day? In our area, you can choose 2-5 days per week for 3-5 hours a day (depending on the program and age of the kids). When my children were younger, I had them in programs like this and it gave me enough of a break that I felt like I could get things done like errands, housework, visit with friends, etc. I also had a housekeeper come clean twice a month which was a huge help--way cheaper than full-time daycare. As a SAHM (I also work part-time from home as a freelance writer) I am so thankful that I am able to do that. I know people will tell you this and it's hard to believe when your children are still so young but they really do grow up so, so fast. Cherish every moment you get with them as they will be grown and gone in a flash. I think finding a balance between the mental break you need and making social connections outside the home are key. You might be able to do that without going to full-time daycare which can be quite expensive. Even if you say expense is not an issue, I'm sure you can find other fun ways to spend that money (or save it!)

Great first question! Welcome!

I think Quality is very important for a preschool program. Kids who attend a cheap daycare are not ready for kindergarten, and may pick up bad habits. Pick the best program for your 2 yr old. And ignore silly people who say that a half day program is raising your children for you.