Need Some Advice from Both Sides of the Fence!

Hi Robyn
I think you should wait. My son was 2 1/2 when I started him in school. I had to for financial reasons.
I still missed a lot of work because he was constantly getting sick - he caught everything, and he had kids bite him and take his snacks and I would go and stay and observe and fend off the little kids that would try to do things - maybe it was the school, I didn't consider it bad, just needed improvement in the way they ran it. Anyway, when my son finally mastered going to the bathroom I sent him to the school I originally wanted him to go to. Whew, much better.
They go through so much and I feel for people that have no other alternative. They will leave their children from the second they open the school to the very end.
If you can stay with them - do it. :) Before you know it they'll be tweens.

I had my daughter in preschool so I could go to school. The benefits are that the kids get social interaction with other kids. They do however pick up bad habits from other kids. You just have to stay on top of the dicipline.

I don't know if you've decided on this or not, or are even continuing to read the responses, but I'm still going to give my input.

You had children, so WHY on earth would you put them in daycare, preschool, whatever you want to call it, so you can get on with your 'career'. Why wouldn't you want to stay home and enjoy them?

They really are so little for such a short amount of time. You have the REST of your life to do your career.

It breaks my heart to read about so many people who felt compelled to have children, only to put them in daycare or preschool. Being a mom means being a mom, not an incubator and then it's back to 'your' regularly scheduled program.

For those who talk up the 'socialization' aspect, join a mommy's group! go to the park, get together with other mommies, or at the very least, be involved in a co-op preschool where you are required to take part with your child's experience, education, and socialization.

There will be plenty of years for you to do your career. For now, grab those babies, and hang on tight. They'll be squirming to be out of your arms soon enough.

~J.

Trust your mama instinct that cries out to BE with your children. NO ONE will love or care for your child the way you do. Children with a loving parent at home can teach their child everything they need to know for Kindergarden. If you are worried about socialization, join a MOMS club, or other social group out there for SAHM's. Preschool is not necessary or required. If you don't absolutely need to work then don't. Believe me, its the best sitation for your child. This is coming from a former elementary school teacher.

Your children are little for just a little while. You have their whole lives to pursue your own career.

Robin, I *so* understand your mixed feelings! I have four kids, all of whom have been in childcare for at least *some* of their little lives. I think it is totally normal to feel torn in half on this deal. I know I have, each and every time!!

The setting IS more unpredictable and yes, all of my kids were exposed to things (biting, shoving, cussing) that I’d rather they weren’t, but! I do feel that it has done my children a ton of good. Much more good than ill, frankly. Not only from a "socialization" and "education" standpoint, which is important and all - but also from a 'we had a darned good time today' point of view.

The thing we gloss over about daycare while fretting about what we’re giving up and/or exposing them to is that it is All About Kids, All The Time. The daycare teachers aren't worried about the dishes, the laundry, answering the phone, how much mess fingerpainting would make or whether or not they feel like dealing with having macaroni art drying all over the room. (Or, getting in an afternoon nap, which I'm afraid is often high on my list of Things To Do Today.)

A good center will be a lot of fun for your kids, too. Sure, they might encounter a biter or a shover, but again, a good center will nip that in the bud. (And a center which doesn't is a good center to LEAVE.)

I have to say, my school age kids have a pretty happy attitude toward school, I think BECAUSE they started with daycare. Daycare was fun. Daycare was interesting. Ergo, school is likewise fun and interesting.

I know you’re going to get a LOT of feedback on this one, and have a lot of conflicting things to mull over. So! Good luck! Don’t make yourself TOO crazy – I personally don’t think this is one of those areas with a clear-cut ‘this is right, that is wrong’ kind of answer. It’s individual to the family – so whatever you decide, it’ll be right for YOU.

Just remember that they are little for such a short amount of time,enjoy it while it lasts. You have plenty of time to work? Remember you will not be known for your career, but a mom and a good one that sacrificed so that her kids could be raised with value and love by her not someone she paid to mother them or raise them. I have done both and i would not change it for a million bucks. I RATHER BE POOR...Than not be w/my kids..

A.

Hello Robin,

I have done it both ways... I worked graveyard for 3 years
(911 Dispathcer) it was really hard on my family and my children because my ex-husband(we were married at the time) could not handle the kids - I had another family member with them at all times, but it just became obvious that wasn't working.... (I am now a teachers assistant - broke, but I LOVE my summers off with the kids!) If your arrangement is working then I would do what I can to stick with it if you can - it's only a few more years and then you will be a teacher "congratulations"... You will be out of school the children will hardly need any daycare at all.

None of my children attended pre-school.... 17, 12, 7 and 5 - - - all of them are top students in school - straight A's and loved by their teachers so don't let anyone tell you they need pre-school for long term academic achievement having active parents at home is better...

My suggestion would be to try and arrange your family so that a family meal a day is mandatory - - - it can be breakfast, lunch, dinner or desert - it is the foundation to a happy home life.... Find a way to make a meal where you all sit together once a day it is important.... Take at least one vacation per year - it can even be just a long weekend, but nothing drains a marriage and a family more than never getting away together without any worries... I just took my kids away for one night a few weeks ago - to a hotel about 30 minutes away from the house - - - it's amazing what a little break can do for the soul..... It's really really hard - but get some hubby time at least once a month...

You will be glad in the end for staying home - just don't neglect your marriage or your mental health while doing it - -

Best of Luck to you!!!!

I am 36 year old sahm/former teacher w/credential. I taught in Early Childhood for over 15 years and Kindergarten one year as I obtained my credential.

I think that childcares can be good places for kids if they are quality programs with nurturing teachers. The NAEYC website is a good place to start as well as the Children's Home Society referral center. You may want to look at ways to shroten their time in school by adjusting your husband's hours for a later drop off time such as 9:00 to give them a little break. When you tour a center or childcare home I suggest that above academics really observe the children already there. Do they seem at ease, loved for, cared for? Or are the stressed out, cranky, not connecting with the staff. Also, watch the staff and see if they bend down to talk to your kids (if you bring them). Do they work hard at engaging with the children. There should really be an attachment between caregivers and the children. Not like when you drop your kids off at gym daycare.

I did go back to work when my daughter was 3 for one school year. It was really hard on the both of us. She went to the same preschool where I was teaching and she couldn't understand why I wasn't with her. She still complains at age 6 about how long her day was (and I only worked from 8am until 1:30pm).

If you do decide to go back, I am looking for one family to provide childcare for. You may email me at ____@____.com luck in whatever you decide.

S.

We are very similar. I too have the chance to start teaching this fall. I want to, so my daughter just started preschool this week! I was a little nervous at first.. HOW IN THE WORLD DO I CHOSE SOMEONE TO TAKE CARE OF THE MOST PRECIOUS THING IN THE WORLD?! Well here are some things to take into consideration...

1. Decide fairly quickly so you can get them in and started soon. That way they have time to adjust, and YOU have time to adjust. You don't want to start them the week before you start working. Then you will just be worried all day at work.

2. Decide if you want to do a home daycare or a facility. There are BIG differences between the two. I decided on a licensed facility because of reccomendations through friends in play groups. MY daughter goes to school like classes at the community center and she LOVES it. But I stay with her. She loves learning and hanging out with the teacher.

Here are some of the big things that came into play when I was deciding... Who covers when the home daycare person is sick or goes on vacation. In most cases, the daycare is closed. Home daycares do not HAVE to tell you when they have days off. There might be specific days in the contract you sign with them. So look carefully at that. At a school, there are many teachers, directors, all who have taken classes and know most of the children, so its not a big deal if a teacher is sick. Holidays are usually teh same as school holidays, so being a teacher, you won't have to wrry about that. Also, at a school there is someone watching the teachers, the director, to kind of make sure that everything is kocher at school. In a home daycare, its really just that person and maybe one helper.

Those were the two biggest things that helped me to decide on a school. One other thing was that usually home daycares have a wide variety of ages. Tehy could have two infants, 2 2year olds 2 4 year olds and a couple after school care for kindergardners... Since my daughter is very interested in learning and being challenged, I didn't like that she could be held back at times.

Now as far as picking one.. Ask around. Here in our area we have a website that lists all the preschools in our area and when they have openings so I started there. I picked a couple that I liked, from the reading... Look at the class sizes and ratios, sometimes they vary. Though it will say 1:5 there may be 2 teachers per classroom so there are 10 kids and two teachers, but often schools have a roaming helper or two.

As far as dicipline and stuff like that, many schools have set guidlines. My daughters school has a 4 step program. If it happens the 1st time then they talk to the child, write up an incident report and talk to you when you come to get them. 2nd time, same thing and give you reading materials and ways to work on this challenge at home. 3rd time the child is sent home from school as soon as possible. and the 4th time the kid is asked to be removed from the school. This I think is a good plan, and of course the school is willing to work with you. If it is something that you and the school are actively trying to prevent, and working together, then there maybe some leway. Im off track..

so first I picked a couple that I liked based on location, class size, price and pictures. So then I called and set up appointments for tours and trial runs. I did one a week for a couple weeks. My daughter and I would go and take a tour of the school, meet the director, teachers. See the classes and the kids she would be with. She would stay and play in the class for about half our or so... Then we left. I either got a good feel or not and cross it off my list. I narrowed it down and made the decision.. One last time we went and my daughter stayed for a whole day (well a preschool day) and I was sure. I really have a great feeling about the school, teachers, and students... My daughter is really excited too!

Also another thing for you to consider, since I only have 1 I didn't have to, but at a home daycre they will be together all day. That could be something benificial to them, little less scary being left somewhere together. On the otherhand, sometimes its better for them to go and do their own thing, make their own friends?

TRight now she is just going 3x a week part day 9-12:30 So she goes, plays with her friends has lunch and then I pick her up. Towards the end of the month we will add 2 more mornings. Then throughout August we will start to leave her for 3/4 days 7-4. That way when I start teaching in September she will be ready and neither of us have to stress about it.

Good luck and let me know if you have any other questions! I know its been long, but I know how hard of a decision it is... Lastly, I really think its a good idea for the kids to get into some kind of social environment. The kids learn so much. Not just the bad behaviors, but the good things too. They learn so much from situations liek that with their peers. Even if you just work part time, I would try to find something for them. ;o)

It is my opinion that it is important for children to have some experience with kindergarten readiness programs prior to being thrust into the school setting. There are many families who place their children in day care at an early age because they have to, but others choose to do it on a part time basis or wait until they are closer to 4 years old in order to give them a little bit of experience being in the school setting prior to going into Kindergarten. I feel it is important to gear your child towards functioning properly in a group setting, otherwise you may be setting your child up for experiencing seperation anxiety or even misbehaving as a result of lacking the tools and understanding of what it is to be in school.

As far as sending your child with "strangers", that is all a matter of you chosing the school that feels right to you. And your best indicator of the school is really how your child feels about it after some time. If you are in tune with your child's feelings and needs, he/she will most certainly be able to communicate to you how well the school is working. Your child may need some time to adjust....a few weeks, maybe even more. But you will soon see that your child will form relationships with other children, as well as the teacher.

Biting and fighting with other children are definately a risk in this setting. And you may even be surpirsed your child may even participate in these types of misbehaviors, but you will never know how your child will behave in this setting until you give your child the experience. On the flip side of that, your child will also have the experience of learning the behaviors that are inappropriate and those that are appropriate by going through the experience.

I am a preschool teacher and the children in my care are like my extended family. I don't feel like when a new family brings their child to me that I am a stranger, even though I am. We quickly build a relationship and trust....and soon, they are running to me when their mom and dads drop them off and waving goodbye to them. It is not an easy thing to leave your children, it is a matter of finding the right center and the right teacher who is going to love and nurture your child while in her care. Good luck....

I say follow your gut instincts. I worked full time and put my two kids in daycare when they were 4 and 2. I had previously been a SAHM.

On one of those days where I went home before picking the kids up from daycare for a little me time guess what...My husband picked the kids up from daycare and brought them home. My son came home with an incident report and an adult hand print bruised into his neck and the inner elbow, with little tiny hickey looking marks all over his torso as if he had been in a struggle.

I became a WAHM after this experience! No regrets!

I had to go back to work when my girl was 18 mo. It was hard at first cuz she got sick a lot. But once she built up antibodies, she was fine. Then when she was about 3 she started being clingy when I dropped her off. But once I was she adapted well. It was easier for me to leave when her friend was already there. The way I see it, the pros of going back to work far outway the worries of the kids in day care. But maybe you could take it slow and put them in pre-school for just a few hours a day for like a year or so. They could have fun with other kids, learn a little about independence, learn new social skills, and be home with you the rest of the day.

I can totally understand how you feel. My sister in law had watched my daughter from birth and then suddenly "quit" on us when my little girl was 21 months. We had to put her in daycare and I was devastated. Until we found a great daycare lady thru our church. She has our same values, treats our baby with as much love as anyone, and truly has her best interests in mind. My daughter has blossomed being around other children. She had stranger anxiety issues that have now disappeared and her speech delays are gone. Just be sure if you do it you feel 100% comfy with the person you chose to watch your child and I promise you the experience will be great for your kids.

I just have something to add...Remember that whichever you chose to do be sure to look into the sick child policy. Kids tend to get sick more often if they have never been around lots of kids and it can take a whole school year for them to build their immunities to the smaller colds and germs. My son started preschool at 3.5 and missed about 1/4 of the school year with various colds and chicken pox that he picked up from the kids at school...before he went he was sick maybe twice a year. Just something to consider especially when FMLA or sick days are hard to use when you start a new job.

Hi...kids grow up too fast and before you know it they have their own friends in school, ignoring you and then moving out of the home. Some see this as a relief, but for me, I dread the day. You are young and have lots of time to get your career going. Enjoy them while they are still babies, at least. Ages 2 and 3 are still babies.

Do your kids like to play with other kids? I understand your fears...I was the worst. I trusted no one and even though my boys were big, they were gentle and kind.
First of all, get a referral from a close friend or neighbor whoose parenting style is similar to yours, to recommend a preschool or daycare. If you don't need the money and are enjoying your kids at this age...enjoy it!
These are very precious years that you won't ever get back.
My kids are all grown up now and I will always be grateful for the times we had when they were little!

When I found myself pregnant, I was part way through my undergraduate education. I continued classes during my pregnancy and resumed 4 months after having my son. Having just finished my B.A., he has been in childcare since this time; he is now 2 years old. Although I was apprehensive at first, the benefits are obvious when I hear my son speak. Being around other children in a structured environment helps little ones learn to communicate, encourages them to learn, and helps them socially. Of course, it is important to make sure that the philosophy of the teachers who will work with your children matches yours. Where your child goes will inevitably make a huge difference; perhaps spending some time observing different programs will be useful in making your decision. And, yes, my child has come home with new habits...and sometimes colds. But, in the end, I would not have it any other way. My sons vocabulary, his love of books, and his understanding of emotions can all be attributed to a great extent to his being in childcare. I wish you well in this decision; it is not an easy one to make.

I went back to work when my daughter was 6 months and was completely horrified about daycare. It was tough at first. I spent every single lunch hour for the first 3 months at the daycare. It took awhile for me to adjust, but my daughter loved it. She loved being around the other kids and the staff was great. They treated each kid as their own.
She is now 22 months and loves her daycare. I love how she interacts with other kids, not only at daycare but with other kids at the park or with her cousins. She shares, is polite(as much as a 22 month can be) and knows about boundaries. Daycare has taught her such great social skills. Obviously, I would rather be home with her, but knowing she is in such a great place gives me piece of mind.
There will always be something that comes up with daycare though. The turn over rate is frustrating at times and the kids come home completely dirty either from playing outside or from a special project they are working on in the classroom. But for us, we have been happy and it shows in our daughter.
Hope this helps. Best of luck.

i think a daycare at someones house is better than the preschool one, my daughter has been going to home daycare since she was 2months old and its been great she's had 3 different ones and each lady has been wonderful
my nephew went to a prescool daycare and there is to many kids and a couple teachers and i don't like hte way there run hope this helps

I have a flex schedule and a helpful MIL, so my kids did preschool only part-time. I loved it. They loved it. I think they get so much out of it (bonding with other adults, friendships, sharing, independence, education, music/crafts/trips that I would never have thought of, food I don't cook, etc) that i think it's worth the negatives (which were not that big of a deal for us). My niece job shared as a kindergarten teacher, so she only worked 8am-noon 2-3 days a week. My son's 1st grade teacher job shares and only works 8am-11:30 Mon-Thu & every other Friday. His 5th grade teacher job shares and only works 8am-3pm Mon&Tues and every other Wed. Maybe you could work something out like that??? Your kids are still young, but I wouldn't wait until Kindergarten. Maybe just another year. Good luck.

I know it is scary, and I know you want to do what's best for your family. Spending so much time apart from your hubby has got to be hard on the marriage and the kids too. If you want to start your career then go for it.

Yes 2-4 year old in daycare will be unpredictable, but your kids will learn life lessons that they aren't learning at home. they will learn how to deal with those kids. there are studies that will tell you what you want to hear. there are studies that say kids in daycare are worse off and there are also those that say kids in daycare do better. Follow your heart.

I know it sounds silly, but I was less worried about my kids in a daycare center than I was in a home-daycare. Ina center there are always more than one person watching the kids and they are also watching each other. In a private home what is to stop the person from shaking your baby, but in a center there is another provider to stop it before it starts.

If your like me you don't ahve the option of paying another family member to watch them so you have to make a choice. I would try taking a month or so and send them for a couple of hours a day and gradually increasing the time from there. If it doesn't seem to be working then hold off until they start school. You will also have to be prepared for them to not want to go to school either. If they are too sheltered it might be a culture shock for them.

Either way the best of luck to you. I am going to school and staying home with my son. If I had my degree already I would go to work and start building my retirement, but that's just me.

Dear Robin,

You are already sacrificing something huge by not having time with your husband. ...and that is the truth !! As Edith Ann used to say, remember her?

I taught preschool and ran day care centers for about 15 years, and taught classes to people who wanted to teach in preschool. It is a wonderful life for those children. The furniture even fits them!! They love their friends and have teachers who enjoy being with them. The teachers are very carefully taught how to guide them.

At Preschool the most important things that they learn are to be comfortable in a school setting, communicate with a thing called a teacher, and learn how to get along with their peers. All the rest is gravy. They DO learn many skills that will help them through out their LIVES. But the most important ones are what I mentioned. If someone tells you differently, then they are wrong, no arguing about that from my side of the fence.

One time a couple came to my school to see if it was good enough for their 3 year old daughter. It was for preschool day care. They decided that we were not structured enough and didn't 'teach them anything'. So, o.k. that was fine, but I felt sorry for the little girl. Many years later I heard that they had been having a lot of trouble with her in her teen years. That is, of course, not unusual, but, I knew that in preschool we teach the children how to use their own minds and how to manage the world. That is, we try to do that. So, you see she missed out on that.

They also get to know people who respect their stage of life and do not try to push them. They get to live and enjoy and learn all at the same time. That is all I know. C. N.

First, congrats on going to school & having 2 kids & juggling a schedule so they're home w/a family member! That's great! But, now that it will work, it might be a good time to start having a more 'typical' family schedule so you can all eat together, have vacations, family time & such. It's important to set this example for your kids. I understand your concern about putting your kids in daycare & it's hard to find a good one but I suggest you get them in some kind some of social/school situation (esp. the 3 yr old) so they're both ready when it's time to go to school. Kids learn so much from their peers....more than we can see or understand & this is an important part of their lives. It will help them tremendously once they both go to school. As far as looking for good preschools, try 1st at your college as some of them have daycare/preschool programs on-campus. You can also go to Babycenter.com to get tips on how to choose a preschool/daycare for them. I know you're concerned about other kids' habit & your kids being influenced but you have to let your kids go so they can figure some of this out for themselves. Plus, it's jsuspreschool....there will be educated & credentialed adults there to supervise & guide your kids. Good luck!

Hi Robin,
I have four grown children,and three gand cildren. I think that waiting until they are in Kindergarten is a good idea in some ways, but how is your relationship with your spouse going? That is inportant as well. Then keep in mind that from 0-6 is when they learn the most. Good habits as well as bad ones. I hope this will help. I am sure you will make the right chioce.
L. K

Kids this age need interaction and can benefit well from a preschool setting or other setting which you are comfortable with. I preferred a preschool setting, versus day-care or home daycare, because they will learn more. There are many good preschools out there, what area are you in? I love my daughters preschool, and they have more stimulation than they would get at home or with play-dates or play groups. Sure, they will be around all types of kids and behaviors...but this is good for them, they need to learn how to navigate around their world and around other people. A parent can't control their every waking moment...but can always be there for them to monitor their surroundings and school and school mates experiences. Some parents I know, actually work at their child's preschool, whether as a volunteer parent, or as a paid employee at the school. That is an option. A parent has to let go of their child sometime, and at this age, they are usually ready for school. It benefits them in ways staying home can't. Good luck!

Hi Robin,
Working is rough and I have one little one. At two years old, I do have a rough start every morning with trying to dress, get two shoes on the right feet, pack lunches, provide clean sippy's, and deal with the seldom grumpy mornings. I work 4 - 10 hour shifts and find that I pick her up and we eat, bathe, and get in jammy's and go to bed for the 4 nights out of the week. On the flip side of that, I love my 3 days off so we can wake up slow, walk around in jammy's and eat breakfast when we feel like it.

I am very fortunate that my sitter feeds her breakfast lunch and dinner. My little one loves her sitter and has been with her since she was 7 months. Do they hit eachother or bite, sure they do, but it is not the end of the world.

The flip side, my child care is a home day care and sometimes there are people (relatives) in and out of the house. I originally specifically stayed away from home daycares who had men listed as the provider. I have adjusted to the husband being there, as he LIVES there and I have no choice, but he is now her back up and does stay alone with her and the other girls from time to time. I am bothered by this for no reason but my own paranoya (sp), but she is happy and so are the other girls.

I guess if I had the option and I were you, I would put the 3 year old in preschool part time and put wait until the 2 year old was closer to 3 before considering working...if given the choice.

Good luck with your decision. It was difficult for me to go back to work, but it wasn't so bad once I got used to it.

C.

Wow, it sounds like you have made a decision that is right for you. I have done both daycare, and the opposite schedule with my husband to keep one of us home. I wasn't happy with my daycare experience. Then I met a woman who did stay home with her children, and she offered to take mine twice a week so they had some play time with other children, and we got a brief break. Now after moving, we don't have a wonderful woman like before, so I am a stay at home mom for the next few years. I hope you enjoy your time with your children.

Dear Robin,
I am a single mom with two kids whom have been in daycare since they were born.My experince is find a small family home daycare because the bigger ones the children get left unattended. I have been doing the the home daycare for eight years now and its been going fine.If you live in manteca I know of the best home daycare lady. If she has openings.

Hi Robin,
My husband and I was on oppisite schedules when my first son was born. It was really hard, but it was nice not having to have anyone watch our son. Oh and not to mention the cost of daycare. Well I am one of those mom's that love my child, but love to work as well so I started looking for something that could get my husband and I on the same page. I found a great job, but it was soooooo hard to put my son in daycare. I first got in-home daycare let me tell you I called everyday to make sure he was fine. Then I put him in a pre-school when he turned 2 years old. He seemed to love it. I believe the hard part is on the parent. He did fine, but I have to admit there were times it was hard yes he got hurt and sick and he bit other kids and vice versa. He also got to socialize and learn letters, colors played games and had lots and lots of fun. He learned about rules and had a routine. The structure in his life was so good for him as well. There are the pros and cons I would way them out. People tell me all the time you have to make you happy. If you want to work you need to do what you want. The kids will be fine with you or in daycare/preschool. My kids are just fine. I now have a 10 month old and she was doing just great in daycare. As of two weeks ago for a hard decision I left my job of 10 years to be home with my kids. I still think about working part-time because like I said I love to work due to the socialization I get, but right now I want to stay home. When mama is happy the whole family feels it. I wish you well and I hope I helped. Take Care!

Personally if I had the option of staying home with my baby I would. My husband and I cannot afford for both of us to stay home, we have to budget everything and it is unfortunate that i have to work. Stay home with your kids while you can. Enjoy them because they grow fast and will be out of the house into school soon enough.

Sandy

I didn't read any other replies and I saved this because I've been on 3 sides of the fence. Yes, I do mean 3. I've been at home with my son for a period of time, he's been at in-home daycare, and he's been in a daycare center. All are VERY different. My son has been through all the different things you mention (biters, mean kids, picked up some not-so-nice things, etc). Let me say this right away... I was NOT meant to be a stay-at-home mom and very much admire those who do! You all are AMAZING! With the in-home daycares, they have to follow certain rules, but there's not as much structure and the age ranges can vary quite a bit. In a daycare center, the kids are grouped according to age with certain kid to teacher ratios and there is quite a bit of structure and more age appropriate activities. There are more adults to deal with the biters and bad behaviors. The daycare center is the BEST match for our son and for us. The kids who display appropriate behavior are dealt with in a positive manner and the "victims" are treated accordingly. My son seemed to be a magnet for the biters because he didn't fight back, but I can tell you it didn't seem to affect him negatively at all and he didn't pick up the behavior. The reality is that no matter where they are, they will eventually be exposed to things we don't like (heck, I was in the store when a lady next to me yelled a cuss word because her son hurt himself). We have the responsibility to teach them otherwise when/if they pick up a bad habit.

So, I guess the bottom line is that you should consider what you think will work best with your children and the family as a whole. Try not to let those list of scary things be the driving factor, because they won't be as bad as our minds make them out to be. If you don't try a career, though, you'll never know whether it's what you really want to do. If you do try and it's not working, you can always go back home! BONUS! :-)

Good luck and God bless!

My husband and I worked days all the time. Our children had to go to daycare. I looked at "Childtime", "Kindercare" and they were tooooo expensive. I looked at bringing someone into our house, but they never seemed to work out. So we did put our kids in a "home" daycare. I loved it. They learned to share, they grew up with other kids. When my oldest started school, he thought it was cool, because he got to play after school (when at daycare).

I quit my job 2 years ago when my last child was born and I opened a home daycare. So, now my children are with me and doing the activities we do in daycare.

There comes a point when you have to say your parenting skills will overcome any obstacle and what you have taught your children so far will shine through when they are with others.

I wouldn't put them anywhere without interviewing the provider first. Like their home, their activities, are there other kids your children's age? Who all will watch your child? Then you will need to decide if you want them in a small daycare (up to 8) or a large (up to 14). I hope that helps.

Tammy/B. Daycare/Lic#: 334816143

I have actually done both, stayed at home with my kids and sent them to daycare. I think that if you can find a provider that fits with your family then you shouldn't have any problem. I have worked at an in home daycare, sent my kids to an in home daycare as well as a daycare facility. In my experiance, when we found the right provider we had a perfect fit. We had interviews with different providers to find out how they discipline children, how they handle sick children, how they feel about vacations and if there is structure for the kids during the day. It was important to us to find a daycare that doesn't just turn the tv on and put the kids in front of it. Our provider doesn't even have a tv in the daycare room and only on rainy days are they allowed to watch movies.
Our provider has a two week trial period with all new kids to see if the situation will work with the other kids, this helps with children who might set bad examples for your kids, we thought that was important too. I trusted her enough to watch my last child as an infant which was huge for me, but I knew that he was safe there. My children never were hurt or bitten or had any serious issues while they were there. Every child is different but if you find a place were the core rules suite your familes needs you shouldn't have a problem because if the provider sticks to her rules all the children should behave by them regardless of what they are allowed to do at home which is the case with my daycare. She actually helped us with potty training our daughter and implementing the time out system with our two year old. I hope this helps you somewhat and if you happen to be in our area ( Riverbank/Modesto) I would love to give you her number. I would also check the with the state licensing board to make sure there are no complaints about a provider you are considering. I would say the best way to find out about a good daycare is word of mouth, I mean if your friends or relatives have a child at a daycare then you can interview that one to see if it's right for you too!

I am mother to an almost 4 yr old and a preschool teacher. My daughter started preschool before age 2, and I felt so scared and guilty. Every day I would drop her off, she would run off and play, and I would walk to the car and cry. Now I know better. Young kids need to be in preschool. They learn so much, more than just numbers and colors. They learn to deal with separation, they learn social skills, they learn responsibility, and they gain independence. They get familiar with and accustomed to a school routine. Plus, they have so much fun! Also, I don't know if you know this, but kindergarten today is a lot tougher than it was 20 yrs ago. Kindergarteners are writing paragraphs by the end of the year! If they don't get started in preschool, they will have a very difficult time trying to succeed in kindergarten. Personally, I think kids are being pushed to read and everything too quickly. But unfortunately we can't change the school system, all we can do is prepare our kids so they have the best possiblr chance.

I put my daughter in preschool at 3, largely because most of the other kids her age were in preschool and I thought she needed the interaction with her peers (imaginative play, etc). She hated it and complained every day on the ride to school. I switched to another school when she was 4, and she has really benefitted from the experience. I don't know if it was the difference in school, or her maturity level, but I would recommend 1 year of preschool for your child before they attend kindergarten. Also, visit as many preschools as you can with your child and watch then child's reaction. I visited 6 preschools with my daughter, and some of them actually frightened her (too strict/didn't like the dark room/that kind of thing) but for her 2nd year, we chose the school where she felt most comfortable (that school would not have been my first choice) but she has absolutely thrived. Her school has a very diverse population, many of the kids are there on subsidies, but she has not learned bad habits, actually the opposite has occurred. She corrects my husbands (and mine, too) table manners, and we discuss her friends' misbehaviors, and how to handle them. (in addition to all of the fun stuff she learns, also).

Anyway, there is so much to enjoy while your kids are little, and while it probably won't hurt them to go to preschool, if you can handle staying home with them longer, I would do it. My second one is 2 1/2 and the teachers at the preschool are asking me when my "baby" will start, but I'm going to hold off on sending her. Even though I would like to become a "human" again and go back to work, I regret sending my older child before she was "ready". I'll send her when she's 4.

I am a 4th grade teacher, and I had to go back to work right after having both of my children (now 4 and 5 yrs old). My mother watched them until they were two and three years old, at which time we put them into daycare because she was diagnosed with cancer (she's fine now!). I was very worried about putting them with people I didn't know, but I researched the area daycare programs and found a great little school. Don't be fooled by the "more expensive" or "more trendy" schools, they aren't always the best. Take the time to meet the actual teachers and aids in the classrooms and watch the children playing/learning. If most of the kids seem happy, then chances are that your kids will be fine too.
There is always a chance that another child could hit, bite, call names, etc.. But that can (and will) happen at the park too. Your kids need to learn how to react in ALL situations. I am VERY happy that we were forced to put our kids in daycare, because I feel they are well-adjusted and ready for kindergarten now; better then they would have been if they had stayed in a home sitiuation with my mother or myself. As a teacher, I also see a benefit for my kids, both academically, as well as socially. Of course they will learn the basics that daycare/preschool teaches kids, but more importantly, they learn to sit still, stand in line, take turns, share with large groups, play with "hard-to-play-with" children, and all the really important stuff that schools teach kids. Most parents think that their own kids can do these social skills already because they seem to do it at home with siblings, but there is something different about being able to behave differently in a school situation, away from family.
So, I would say, don't worry too much about daycares/preschools. Just research your choices so you feel happy with it. As long as you stay involved and give your kids quality time with you when you are home, your kids will be just fine!! Good luck!

I recently went back to work as a substitute teacher. I only work a few days a week, and I'm off for the summer and track breaks and all of that. BUT I did feel terribly guilty about leaving my son. I was home with my older son until he was ready for school. My younger son adapted well to daycare. He is outgoing and enjoys the friends he has made. He is awfully happy to see me when I pick him up, however.

My older son was at home until he was four. His preschool teachers were not very accomodating. They gave me such a hard time that I felt like a bad parent for NOT sticking him in daycare at six weeks. They insisted he would not 'make it' in kindergarten (we all know what a dog-eat-dog world kindergarten is!). We were fortunate to have a good teacher in kindergarten who didn't share their grim outlook. It took some adjusting, but my son was just fine.

I think the point I'm trying to make is that it is helpful for the kids to have something before kindergarten so they can adjust. School is way different from home; they have to get used to the way things are done. However, you need to be careful about finding the right place for them. Check out daycares carefully, talk to the other parents who send their kids there. Make sure they are patient with your children's adjustment time.

Robin, my son has been in daycare since he was 9 weeks old. Started out in a small home daycare then at 2.5 yrs old, went to a little bigger one with more kids but not too many where he was lost in the crowd. Now at 5 yrs old, he is in a regular preschool where he is one of 12 or so kids and is more structured. I think the socialization is good for kids, and there will be times where there is conflicts with other children. It does happen and you won't like it when it does. As long as your care provider handles the situation properly, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Go visit some places to see what type of care you want ( daycare center vs in home daycare etc ) ... then talk it over with your spouse and go from there. Visit the Contra Costa Child Care Council online and then you can get references from them. Good Luck !

When I had my girls I had no choice but to put them in a child care situation. I spent months doing research and I discovered that there are basically 3 types - preschool (includes age appropriate academics), daycare (can be in a home or facility, most time spend on activities and free play usually with combined ages) and child development centers (usually structured around a philosophy). I chose to go with a development center based on the R.I.E. philosophy because I liked the idea that the care of my children was based on their needs, not on some adult's arbitrary decision that they knew what was best for them. Both of my girls have grown into strong, caring children that are not dependent on someone else to entertain them, who understand that they are going to have differences and usually can resolve them if given the opportunity, and who expect to be treated with respect not only by their peers, but by adults. My feelings are that a child begins learning at birth and the development center was the most appropriate place for them to explore and learn what they needed to be well adjusted children.

i think preschool is well needed. it not only teaches kids how to be okay away from mommy and daddy, it helps cognitive development and them cope in a social setting. plus them have a life of sorts seperate from bro/sis. the fact that it can help your sanity and self-worth (by allowing you to work) is another bonus!
it is a scarry thing leaving your children in someone elses care and will demand some research and a few test days, but i strongly recommend it, if you can afford it. dont be afraid to show up announced a few times to see how they are handeling the kids. to contact a few of the parents already sending their kids there or to ask for the center's lic # or complaint report...ultimately it is they're job to put your mind/worries at ease. one more thing- ALWAYS trust your gut.
Good luck and God bless!

Im a SAHM, but i still have put my children, both of my older kids in the CDC program, the child development program. Now 1 will be starting Kndergarten and the other preschool. I dont need to do this for me, i do it for them. Even though, im home, i still feel that kids need the interaction, with other children, other then thier own siblings. As far, as your worries go, i dont blame you, yes they will get sick and yes they will pick things up from other children, but, just having that interaction with other children does them a world of good. Go, get that job you have been going to school for, and spend more time with your husband. I would defenitly recommend that you start them in preschool. There are great programs out there for kids.
Good Luck, you will make the right decision.
A.!