Question About Raising Girls

Love them equally, but don't love them the same way. They are separate beings. They are not twins. Don't dress them the same. Don't expect them to always get along. They will have disagreements. But expect them to have respect. Eventually if they have respect, they will develop strong a friendship and bond.

i have two girls and all i can say is i want 5 more girls!, theres nothing like them! pink and purple everywhere. signs of tomboyishness overlapped with frills and lace. that first crush. My goodness its fun. I had only brothers and my mom died when i was young, so i was raised by my dad. This makes it even more alien to me, but its the best..........congratulations.

My tip... don't force them to hang out. My dad used to make me take my younger sister with us almost every time I wanted to go out with friends, and I resented her for it (my friends lived in walking distance...). When we got older and she was able to go further on her own, we became a lot closer. We would go on "sister dates" and are pretty close now. I also recommend sharing a room while they are younger... There will be fights, but there will also be bedtime giggles and confidences. :)

I have two little girls, and they are 2 years, 9 months apart in age. They are so fantastic! I love the hair bows and tutus (mixed in with rocker tattoos and playing in the mud). My advice would be, don't typecast them because they're girls. It's great (and fun) to be girly, but let them do "boy" stuff too. My youngest loves to play with trucks (however she wears a ballgown to do it). Little girls are every bit as good at math and science and sports as boys!

Maybe I have a little different perspective than most, though. I was a cheerleader all the way through college, and I'm as girly as they come, but yet I grew up to be a construction manager and I'm in charge of a bunch of big, burly construction workers (and I'll tell you what, they don't give me ANY flack). So, I raise my girls accordingly. You can still be feminine while you play in the big boys' league. It's great to be a girl - you can be anything you want to be! That's what I try to get across to my girls.

Congrats on your growing family!

My dad used to say, 'What's better than having boys? Having girls!' The way he looked at it (and this is how I look at it with my girls) is pretty much anything you can do with a boy you can do with a girl and then you also get to do the fun girly things (lucky dad had two daughters and now has four granddaughters). I don't have a lot of advice but I would suggest that you remember that they are separate individuals and not just "the girls." Spend time with each one separately from time to time. Emotions change with the breeze with girls. So if one moment they dislike each other just send them to opposite corners and in a few minutes they will be plotting some adventure together. Good luck and enjoy your daughters.

get the book "Strong Father, Strong Daughter" by Meg Meeker(I think I spelled her name right) -it's a great book and very helpful. I have 2 daughters and 4 sons- I grew up with 5 sisters and 1 brother so I was opposite- I was terrified at the thought of raising boys! I really had no clue! I think the best thing you can do is to follow your gut- take time to be with each individually and also to do things together.
I think you will do great!
God Bless!
~C.

I raised daughters. I suggest you buy a great book called Raising a Daughter. You can go on line and see if Powell's has it new or used.
It'll take care of all your fears and phobias. My daughters are wonderful sisters to each other.
I just would not tolerate fighting or nasty arguments full of accusations. I did not rule for one or the other but for peaceful ways of solving disputes.
One big hint. They were awful roommates and so I always had them in separate bedrooms once they showed how little tolerance they had for each other's personal habits.
One was very tidy and the other a total slob until the age of 14. One was personally clean and other had to have a notice from the board of health to go take a shower.
Don't worry K. you can be a great mom to two daughter, even three if that ever happens.

I enjoyed reading "Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls". As the title reveals, it's meant for tweens/teens but I've found that a lot of issues of self-esteem appear even with my 4 yo. And it's never too early to start building a positive self-image and good relationships, as you point out. Congratulations and good luck!

I have a sister who is 2 years younger than me and I have 2 daughters, ages 3 and 2. I have vowed that I will not compare my daughters the way my mother compared my sister and I. I hated being called "the stubborn one" while my sister was "the loving one", etc. Accept that your children will more than likely be very different from each other and embrace those differences. Don't ever make 1 feel like you love the other more. Be fair about things. I was told multiple times to wait until a certain age for something (ie contact lenses when I was 16) yet my sister didn't have to (she got hers at 14). Things like that have always bothered me and caused me to resent my mother. However, sisters will always have a special bond no matter what. Even thru periods of fighting, etc....which is bound to happen!
That being said, it is also important to have some quality time spent with them individually as well. I take both of my girls with me the vast majority of the time when I go shopping etc, but occasionally I take one to lunch while the other goes to the park with daddy. The next time we alternate. They love it!
Just something fun....I have a "spa" day with my girls about once a month. Since I work full time, I usually pick a Saturday to do this. I let my girls take a bath in my big jet bath tub. Then they get to pick which one of my good smelling lotions they want on. After that I usually paint their toenails with Hello Kitty nail polish. We finish off with a little bit of a light pink sparkly eye shadow. They are always so happy and love to show daddy how pretty their nails are, etc after we are finished. It is very cute!

"Gentle Passages" by Robin Jones Gunn is amazing. It is a book written by and for moms of girls with encouragement and ideas of ways you can usher your little girls into womanhood throughout the years as they mature and grow. It is from a Christian perspective. But a great book :)

I have a 3 year old daughter and no plans to have any more kids (more because of medical reasons than anything else). Honestly, my take on this is that kids are kids. They all have their own personalities. Sure there are differences between boys and girls, but your 2 girls could be totally different from each other in terms of personality and temperment. I do have 2 stepsons that are only a year apart in age (now 16 and 17) and they are like night and day. Both boys, but as different as oil and water.

My advice would be to recognize that, as they grow, they are individuals and need to be respected as such. Do not expect the older one to always "set an example" for her younger sister and do not allow the younger one to act the baby just because she is younger. My stepsons' mother tended to do this and it seemed to me that it just created more conflict and sibling rivalry. She would also constantly make comparisons in front of them and talk about them like they weren't there and could not hear: "He is more athletic and his brother is more artistic, etc.". Later I read somewhere that this is one of the worse things you could do in terms of siblings learning to get along. It was this constant dynamic, in terms of the younger one acting the fool to get attention, being a pest to the older one, older one getting ticked off and yelling at him, then mom telling older brother to be nice to younger brother because "he's younger than you, he doesn't understand, etc. " I wanted to say, hey, he's not that much younger - it is only a year's difference!

But I digress...my point is, don't cast them in roles...recognize them for the individuals that they will be and embrace it. Encourage the both of them to be strong self-confident girls who find their talents and their strengths and learn to use them to their full advantage.

Please don't expect them to be alike because girls can be as different as night and day. They can also be exactly alike too. Be fair about everything because girls can be really bad about "thats not fair." If you wait till the olfest is 5years old to buy a bike for her make sure you buy the younger one a bike at 5 years old too and not before. I grew up with a younger sis and my parents tryed to do that as much as posible. I also second Christina's response about playing together. Please don't make them play together all the time because it could drive a wedge between them. My sis and I didn't become best friends until I was about 18 and she was almost 16. Sometimes it can't be helped but try not to forsethem together. It's soooo much better when they choose to play together.

I also have two girls. I love the book "Growing a Girl". It's a wonderful book about raising girls to be strong, capable, creative, to understand that there is more important things about themselves than what they look like or what they wear, which is often the message that society gives them. Great book.

Anyway, I really want my girls to grow up to be each other's best friend. I try to talk to them about what it means to be a good sister. If one does something kind to the other I say, for example "I love how you just shared that with her. That was such a sisterly thing to do." If one does something negative to the other I will say, "That's not how sisters treat each other." I talk to them about how being a sister is very special and they must take care of each other and watch out for each other. My older one (4) really takes this to heart and watches out for her little sis (2) at the playground, making sure she gets a turn on the slide, making sure big kids don't bump into her, etc. And my two year-old's current favorite thing to tell her sister is "You my best friend!"

I just cross my fingers that it lasts, especially in high school!