Question About Custody and Visitation

Updated on February 18, 2010
K.S. asks from Plano, TX
7 answers

I was physically abused which lead to my boyfriend and my separation. Currently I have our 2 year old daughter and we moved 350 miles away from him for better job opportunities. The case is still being processed but I was wondering how visitation would work out considering the circumstances. Like the fact that there was family violence and we live so far away. Another thing is that he actually wants to see her, a lot. I'm sure if he had it his way he'd get custody, or at the very least make me move back :( Anyone have any idea? Live in tx btw

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T.W.

answers from Dallas on

Stephanie, I have volunteered with many divorcing women and it seems that in cases like yours, many times the court will allow supervised visitation with the abusive spouse. The abuser gets to visit the child with an approved third party present. The third party doesn't interfer, just sits with and reads a book and keeps a watchful eye.
As far as the distance, oftentimes, the meetings or exchange are midway between the location of the two parents.
Good luck and God bless you.

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V.B.

answers from Dallas on

Hello Dear,
It will depend on the outcome of the case; generally if the judge allows him to see the child, let say every other week-end, then he might order you to move back, because the law will not allow you to prevent the other parent from seeing his/her child, especially if he is of no danger to that child. Start preparing yourself for that possibility, both parents deserve to have access to their children because the judge always looks at this as being for the child best interest; it is not about you or him, it is about the child and she deserves both of you.
Be brave and let your daughter benefits from the love of her parents. I grew up without my father and believe, not 40+, I did not like my Mom decision to not let him be involved in life, I searched when I became adult, I come not go back to those years, but I wished we had those special moments; she is a girl and his dad attention is very determining for a lot of issues later.
Do the right thing, let the emotion aside, il will pay later and you aill never regret it, if he is not of a danger for the kid.
Vava

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M.H.

answers from Dallas on

I actually knew someone who had a case similar to this. The mom moved away for nursing school/better job opportunities....the judge in their case made her moved back to the area with the son and share joint custody 50/50 with the dad with no child support. That meant the dad had him 50 percent of the time -- I think it was like Thurs - Monday morning (he would drop him off at school) with the next week being Thurs - Friday/Sat morning so they could both have some weekend time. I am not trying to scare you, but Texas started going to a 50/50 w/no child support many years ago. There are still standard visitation schedules but really when you look at it, it almost ends up 50/50....I am not an attorney, judge, etc. I am just someone who has (in Texas) gone through a divorce and have seen several of my friends go through this. I just wanted to share a situation I knew of. Good luck!

M.H.

answers from Dallas on

We went through a 4 year custody battle over my stepson so I feel for you. If you can prove that there was a "history of violence" and that it is "not in the best interest of the child" to have normal visitation with the dad then they may do limited or supervised visitation, otherwise in Texas it would be "STANDARD VISITATION" which you can look up under the TEXAS FAMILY CODE (Google these two items). In the Standard Visitation it spells out what visitation would be for under 100 miles apart and over 100 apart, etc. Usually it is first, third, fifth weekends, spring break, summer and you switch out Christmas and Thanksgiving. Like I said, we went through it all with the custody battle. My stepson was abused badly and we now have sole custody and she is only allowed supervised visitation. If you have ANY questions, I would be glad to answer them.

Good luck!!!
M.
www.justamom.morethanonemoment.com

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B.

answers from Augusta on

considering the distance I'd say that visitation would have to wait till she was older or you'd have to take her there or him come to you. And with the violence they might not give visitation. It would definately be supervised at the least.

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E.M.

answers from Des Moines on

really depends on the case and the judge and whether your boyfriend wants to see her or not. my sister was abused but her ex husband got equal custody and pays almost no child support on 3 kids and as part of the custody agreement neither is allowed to leave the school district or they give up rights to the children. You kind of have to wait and see what rights your boyfriend wants and go from there. if he still wants to see her all the time. he may have to move to your town or if he wants to be mean and gets the right lawyer you could be forced to go back to where he is. i hope it all works out for your daughters sake

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V.W.

answers from Dallas on

Well, there was no marriage, so he'd actually have to go to court and get parental visitation rights- legally, to force you into letting him see her. Unless you are proven to be an unfit mother, the courts generally prefer children stay with their mom. I will say this, as a early childcare provider AND mother to 4, it is better for the childs MENTAL HEALTH later in life to have that father figure in their lives, especially this early. At the same time, it is damaging to young children to have new boyfriends/males meet them early on in your new relationships.
I also neglected to mention- IF you have solid PROOF that he has physically assaulted you, file a police report AND get a restraining order. That's really your best bet... and if something pops up later, hinders his chances of getting custody; been there done that- except I wasn't smart enough to file those charges!!
Hope this helps~

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