My Exboyfriend Thinks He Can Take Our Kids.

Is he the father? If not, then no--he has no rights to them at all and if he takes them, he is kidnapping them.

If he IS the father, then he has just as much a right to them as you do. If you think he's planning to take them away, you should get an attorney, pronto.

If he is the father? If so.... GET A LAWYER! You need to file for tempory custody so if he does take them it would be kidnapping. I work with a lady going through a similar situation. Most lawyers will do a free consultation. Don't take any chances!

You need to talk to an attorney right away. If he is the biological father of the children he does have some rights to them. Relevant questions would be how much support ($, health care, parenting) he has provided for you and them over the years. A local woman's shelter might be able to provide initial advice. Is he threatening taking the children because he really wants them or because he's trying to stop you from leaving?

Well, if he just takes off with them, there is a such thing as parental kidnapping. Judges will be VERY hesitant to take kids from their mother, especially if there are no grounds for it other that "he wants them". If it makes you feel better I have a cousin who has been in tons of legal trouble and probably should have had her kids taken temporarily for thier safety, but the judge just could take them from thier mom unless she hurt them. Especially in Missouri, most judges seem to agree that a childs place is with thier mother unless she is unfit (and believe me, it takes a lot to prove some one unfit - i know this not only from my cousin, but i personally know at least 5 other women who have been in a situation somewhat like yours). Hang in there, i'm sure at most he could get shared custody - i just want to make one suggestion (because my best friend has 2 kids from before she was married) make sure to NOT sever the relationship between your kids and thier dad, and NEVER say bad things about him around your kids (not that you would) because eveb though you may have issues with him - remember he's thier dad and they need to love him with out thinking bad things about him. i wish you the best of luck with this - i have seen many friends go through stuff like this and it is hard. you're a good mom and they can not take them from you!

L.,

If you have any fear at all that your ex would "run" with your kids, you need to get a lawyer fast. A lawyer could get a restraining order, or get it set up so that your boyfriend has court-supervised visitation only - to avoid the risk of a kidnapping.

I assume from your letter that your ex-boyfriend is the baby-daddy. If he's not, then he has no rights. If he is, then he has the same rights as any father. You need to have this worked out between you, with or without lawyers.

If he comes to his senses, and will sit down and talk about parenting schedules, where the kids will live, who will have them how much of the time, etc, then you might be able to find a mediator who can help the two of you resolve this more amicably, without a lawyer. Mediators are cheaper and have the goal of helping people to find a mutually agreeable solution they can both live with.

But again - if you have any fear at all that he would run with the kids (and if he's threatening it, that's enough for me!), you need a real lawyer, right now. Beg, steal or borrow the money for one - WAIT - don't steal. If you don't know a lawyer, ask friends who have been through a divorce if they were happy with their lawyer, or call the state or county bar association and tell them you need help finding a good lawyer who specializes in child custody issues. If you are impoverished and can't borrow the money for the lawyer, tell the bar you are afraid of kidnapping, and you need to know if there are pro bono lawyers who might help you. There may or may not be, but it's more likely if there is a possibility of violence or kidnapping.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Number 1, you have to take legal action immediately, like the other moms have adviced. And number 2, this sounds like a scare tactic to keep you from leaving him. Your kids should never be used as pawns, and you should make that clear to him. If you are the mother and he is the father and you both love your children, he needs to understand that you both have the responsibility to ensure that the children are loved and not denied their other parent. That would be wrong and no one gains anything from that. You can tell him point blank that if he really loves his children he wouldn't even consider taking them from their mother.

A lot of times this is just noise. Something he says to make you upset or not leave him. However I had a friend who split with her boyfriend and they had a regular visitation schedule set up until one day he refused to give the baby back. She called the cops and there wasn't anything they could do because he was on the birth certificate and he had all the things to take care of the baby (bassinet, formula, clothing, etc.). So when he finally let her go and see him she had to take him back. He "let" her hold him and she didn't put him down and left. They tried to stop her and the cops were called again, but she was allowed to leave with her son and she didn't let him see her baby until they had gone to court to set up legal visitation so he couldn't pull anything like that again. Since then he's seen her son maybe 3 times. So check out your local laws and see what they say about it. But if they are the same don't let him see them, not even at your home, if he's on the birth certificates, until you've got a legal document to ensure that your kids will be returned. Other then that don't let him scare you into doing something you don't want to do. If you want to break up do it. It doesn't sound like he's a good guy anyways if he's threating to harm you and your children by taking them away from you. Good luck and take care.

Yeah, I don't think it's kidnapping if they're his kids, too. He has just as much right to them as you do. And, if they are his, it is possible for him to get them from you. Get a lawyer asap if you think he is serious about taking them.

But, I feel I have to include this... please don't make it impossible for your children to see their father. It's important for them to know both of their parents, and to know they're loved by both of them. So, unless he's hurting them, take into consideration how much it would hurt them to be kept from a parent.

I hate to admitt this but, if he is the father than no it would not be kidnapping, he is the parent and has as much right to the children as you do. You will need to get a custody agreement through the court, so that there is some support leagally when you and him have to exchange the kids. Since you are splitting up than also contact SRS in order to start recieving child support if you are eligiable. There is no easy way to do this, but for the kids you just have to do it and do it respectfully.

He has the same rights as you do, they are his kids also. I'd get you a lawyer and talk to them and get their advise. You will need to establish custody of the kids and visitation. Make sure that the lawyers and courts know that he has said that he'd take the kids away from you.

Good luck and get you some good leagal advise ASAP!

S.

not sure which state u live in but in arkansas unless he has gone to a lawer and paid to have rights to them he can not take them , he has no rights , i found this out because of my grandson is having to do same things to have legal rights to his son ,check with lawyer , it does not cost to ask , this means even if his name is on birthday records good luck --nellie

I don't want to worry you, but unless you have a court-ordered custody arrangement, you're boyfriend can take your kids and it won't be kidnapping. Unless he takes them away and you don't know where they are - that would be kidnapping. But if he just took them to live with him, that would be perfectly within his rights as their dad. You really need to get a court-ordered custody arrangement. Good luck, I know how hard it is to deal with exes and kids and custody. It's a very stressful time.

I'd get a lawyer,you haven't been married but have kid's togehter,if he tries to take off with them i'm afraid that the police response will hesitate to find them since they are with their father,or they will send out an AMBER ALERT to find your kid's and he'll be charged with kidnapping.For now is there a communication between the 2 of you to set up some sort of visitation and have you have residential custody of the kid's,I know lawyer's are expensive but if you want to fight for your kid's then do so now if he doesn't have one now already or you either.I haven't been through this just a friend of mine.

L.,

Is he the bio. father? If so, he does have rights to these children. In Missouri, when a couple splits up, whoever leaves with the child, has custody until they go to court. Then the judge decides who gets the children. Do you have to break up being mad at each other? Can someone smooth out this rocky relationship so the kids won't be in the middle of living hell? Is this father abusive? Is he someone the kids need to be kept away from? How long has he been the role of their father? If he is abusive, keep written records of his behavior. Date and time of behavior that is unacceptable.
I don't know your real situation, I hope the kids will be okay.
D.

my daughter is going thru the same thing as long as his name is on the birth certificate he has rights which sucks. go to courthouse file for sole custody and child support yourself before he does thats only my opinion i know how you feel and what your going thru

Im kind of in the same situation. If there has been no paper work filed, legally he can take them and there isnt much you can do about it. You need to get yourself an attorney and file for custody ASAP, before he does up and take them. If you file before he does, it will be easier for you to get them. If neither one of you are "bad parents" both of you have rights to see your children. If you file first you can put in the papers what type of visitation he will get. When he is served with the papers, he can either fight it in court to get more time with his kids, etc. or he can sign them and then you get what you filed for, piece of cake! If he does fight it both of you will have to go to court for it.
I hope this helps. File ASAP so you have the upper hand. He can take them, so be prepared and do what you need to do to keep your children safe. If he is a "bad parent" you can request sole custody for yourself!
Good luck!
--S.

yes it would be kidnapping if he just took off with them, but ever married to not, if he is the father, he's got legal rights to visit at least - if you keep them from him thats violating his rights - and if he has reason to believe and proof that you arent a good mom for whatever reason, yes, there is a distant possibility he could get them. What a chaotic and sad situation for the kids

You need to consult a lawyer. It depends your states laws. I know in the state of Kansas if you were never married and he has no visitation rights in a court then yes. Because if you are never married then in Kansas the mother automatically gets custody and the father must go to court to get rights to see the children but that varies widely from state to state.

if the kids are not his, he did not adopt them then I think the answer would be yes if you all did not go through the court system. Keep an eye on him.

He cannot take your kids away from you. First off, make sure you take your kids with you when you move. You will have to put a petition in to the court. BUt only do that if he is on the birth certificate. Even if he isn't he make go to the court house and request a paternity test so that he can have his rights. YOu need to let this happen if so and than you will have to come up with a parenting plan. I would get it in writing and put through the courts so it is legal. No parenting plan equals trouble later, trust me. so good luck to you. Just be sure to not let your feelings show about the situation in front of your kids, they need to feel as happy and secure as possible.

If he is the father to those kids he has every right to them as you do. And anything is possible. If you have the money look into getting an legal councel, only if you think it will come down to that. If he is not the father of your child/chiildren, he has no legal rights to them.

get a lawyer it depends on the state most lawyers will talk to u free of charge the first time. And not to sound crazy or anything but if U can trust him to care for the kids then let him have a taste of doing it by his self I bet he won't find it so easy, then he will come running back with kids in toe.Good luck and I hope all works our for U.

Get a lawyer now. The lawyer will get an emergency court order to keep him from leaving with the kids. The judge who issues the order will then schedule a hearing to decide custody & visitation. Neither parent can "take" the children. The judge will almost always give custody to mom with visitation to dad unless one of you prove to be to unfit to care for the children.

you need to go file for custody and he may take you to court but he will not be able to take the kids from you if you have custody orders until the courts decide. Just because you aren't married doesn't mean he can't take you to court for custody.

If he is the biological father then it wouldn't be kidnapping. You should contact a lawyer however if you think that he is really going to try and take them so that you can get custody or some type of court order. As long as you are financially and emotionally stable enough to take care of your children then you should not have a problem with getting custody.

Go see a lawyer ASAP. If you can't afford one, find a legal aid service. Learn your rights and his.

Hi L.,
Yes I believe that would be kidnapping. The system takes the mothers side most of the time. If you need a lawyer my mom had a good one when I was growing up, not sure where your at but I think he is still in clayton, Byron Cohen. If you need the number I might be able to get it for you. Let me know and good luck.
J.

Just want to start by saying I am NOT a lawyer. In my past experience, I have learned that if there is no court order allowing his visitation rights then you do not have to allow him any. BUT, if he does file for visitation he will get it, no matter how good of a mother you are. There are cases where a parent will be denied these rights by a judge, but these are extreme cases involving harm to the child and other serious offenses. I have no idea in this situation what would be considered kidnapping though. Feel free to call the police station and ask them what they would do in a case like that.

If you all were not married, he has to take a DNA test to prove he is the father, before he has to pay child support, try to get custody of them etc... Just being on the birth certificate WITHOUT a DNA test, doesn't mean a whole lot. My son's father was on his BC, but had to take a DNA test before he could really do anything (he wasn't trying to do anything thankfully, but was told this by a lawyer). You need to get legal help ASAP, and if anything, get ahold of Hope House, or another shelter, that will keep your location seceret from the father etc... As long as you have custody of them, get away from him why you can until legal proceedings. Don't give him that chance to take off with them. Wether it's because he wants to hurt you, or because he wants to ensure he'll see the kids, either way, take precautions till things are settled legally! Good Luck!

Kansas does favor the mother and I'm sure that you are a great moma but if he's the father then he has just as much right to the kids as you go to litigation you get a lawyer he gets a lawyer and a court appointed third party advocate for the kids all meet a lot of " blood" is shed but eventually a visitation schedule is agreed on and someone has to pay child support more often than not it will be the father

Hi L.,
I am going thru the same thing right now w/my exboyfriend. I have recently seen a lawyer and she advised that since we have never lived together and he is not financially responsible he does not have any rights, even though he is on the birth certificate. If he wants to see her he has to file for paternity rights and then we have to go to court, but w/out a court order I do not have to let him see her. He does not want to pay child support so I doubt that he will ever take me to court to get visitation. If he does show up w/a cop to see his kids, you ask to see a court order and that should make the cop back down. Some cops think they know the law but in actuallity he has to prove to the court that he is the father and they have to grant him visitation. I was living scared and would jump every time he called to come over and see her just because I was trying to stay on his good side so he wouldn't take off w/her but after seeing a the lawyer, (which was a free consultation) my mind is at ease and the best thing is that I don't have to live in fear. I hope this helps you, good luck and God bless you and your children.

Hi L.,
You need to get some legal advice, either through a private lawyer or you can go to the state in which you live.
You must get some form of legal/technical custody as soon as possible.
Help is out there, but it is up to you to find it and find it soon.
Any state agency that deals with children will be able to point you in the right direction.
DON"T PUT IT OFF.
Good luck, you can take care of your children better than anyone else!
C.

See a lawyer NOW. Get a offical custodity agreement. You would be amazed at what the court would let fathers get away with.