Pull Out of Kindergarden?

If he isn't struggling why even consider holding him back. Perhaps dad should speak with the teacher so his concerns can be addressed and hopefully his mind put at ease when he hears how well he is doing.

If he's doing as well as you say, and he was not sent to Kindergarten 'early,' which he was not, I don't understand why you'd take him out and put him back in preschool. Am I missing something here?

if he's doing well, and the teacher doesn't see a problem, why would you pull him out? Shouldn't this have been decided BEFORE the school year started?

If it ain't broke, why fix it?

Tell him my boys, both with fall birthdays, started kindergarten at 4. They excelled throughout their school years, are now a sophomore in college, and a senior in HS. They would've been bored out of their gourds if I'd waited a year.

Why would he want to pull him out? Why didn't he say so before school started?

:)

What reason does his dad give for wanting to hold him back? Who has primary guardianship?

I'd talk with his teacher to ensure that he's tracking for his age/peer group (it sounds like you have). If his teacher feels that he's on track (get it in writing in case this becomes an issue that your husband tries to fight you about), tell your ex no.

It sounds like you ARE doing the right thing for him.

Bad idea. He's making friends and he's successful. The teacher isn't concerned. Why would you pull him out of a successful environment to have him repeat something he already achieved? How would you explain this to him?

Not only doesn't this make sense, research does not support retention aside from very young children who are not "mature" enough for school. It doesn't sound like this describes your son.

You wouldn't be "holding him back"... you would be "moving him back".

Really really bad idea.

If he is thriving in K please don't pull him out!
Here is an excellent article on the subject:

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/25/opinion/sunday/dont-del...

I don't really get what the problem is here - he sounds like he is doing perfectly fine! Why pull him out now? He's aleady been there for what I am assuming has been a month and sounds like he's totally adjusted and settled in. What is his dad's reasoning for pulling him out? Because he's one of the youngest (if not THE youngest) kids in the class? That's not reason enough in my book, especially since he seems to doing great, from what you have said. My guess is he'll miss the new friends he has made and will be totally bored back in pre-K. He will be worse off, not better. If his dad wants to argue with you some more, how about you both discuss it with his teacher and see what she says? (My guess is she will be in agreement with you and back you up.) Do you really have your own doubts or are you allowing your son's dad create all this self-doubt in your head?

If it ain't broke, don't fix it...

Why would you do such a thing?
If he is at the top of his class, behaving well and enjoying it then he is where he belongs.
If you do put him back he will resent you forever. It will always be his failings that made you do that. He will always feel less than perfect and always feel that he has to
a) be extra perfect and make himself sick over grades so you dont do it in 7th grade again or
b) fail, Why should he even try if he was trying, being successful and you rewarded him by telling him in your eyes he is a failure.
Tell your hubby, or soon to be ex to go pound sand.

If there's no REASON to hold him back, then why do it? That doesn't make sense.

Why does your ex want to hold his son back?

I might need another cuppa joe. I can't find the explanation of why your son should be held back. Did teacher suggest this to dad? Based on the way you describe your son's experience w/ kindergarten I vote for keep him where he is. Daddy might need to suck it up and accept that his boy is growing up and sometimes as parents we have to adjust our schedules/lives to do whats best for our children.

ETA - meant to add that if Daddy thinks the Pre-K location, hours etc. are more convenient for his own schedule/life...

Hello,
What are your ex's reasons for holding your son back? Are there any -- or is this just a power play on his part? If your son is doing so well and the teacher hasn't said anything about the need for this, I don't see any reason to pull him out of kindergarten. That sounds like a step backward to me.

What are his reasons for wanting to hold your son back? It sounds like he is doing great in school. I would not mess with something that is going good.

Why on earth, is the Dad wanting to hold him back???
Your son seems fine.
My son is 5 (since August) and is in Kindergarten as well. He is doing great.
My daughter, entered Kinder at 4 and turned 5 a few months after starting Kinder. She was fine too.

There has to be a "REASON" your Ex is trying to do this???

Bear in mind, that if your son enters Kinder at 6 or turning 6 years old... some schools, will then enter that child into 1st Grade. Kindergarten, is NOT 'mandatory' in many States.
So, you NEED to find out, from your child's school... what their grade level and age cut-offs are and what grade your son will be in , IF he enters elementary school at 6 years old.

Why does daddy want to pull him out? Doesn't make sense from what you have told us to do so. Sounds like he's right were he needs to be.

We should always follow a child's needs. You cannot hold a child back for just any reason.

I always remind parents to never underestimate their child. Sounds like dad is not wanting son to grow up.

Your son needs stability more than ever. School and his classmates and beloved teacher are HIS own world right now. Do not allow your husband to take that away.

Your husband may have heard the horror stories of kids having trouble if they're pushed to hard to young or something, but if your son is doing great, he's doing great. Tell the ex American schools are behind as it is, he doesn't need to be held back. Good work considering it, but holding kids back is only right if they're not READY to be in the older class.

I was gonna say "if it ain't broke, why fix it", but Theresa N. beat me to it. It sounds like things are going just fine for your son. Follow your instincts and let him continue kindergarden.

He's doing great, why move him back? Did you tell your ex how great your son is doing? If so, why does your ex want to put him back? You feel that he is fine, so what's the problem other than maybe your ex wants to stir trouble or take control? My SIL had suggested that we hold back my son in kindergarten since he was a June baby. I thought she was wrong, so I talked to my pediatrician who told me that as long as my son can handle the curriculum, leave him where he is at. It's okay if he is one of the younger students because it gives him the advantage to keep up with the other kids as opposed to him being one of the older kids and looked on as being one of the least bright ones because he was held back.

Keep him in K if he is doing fine. If he likes it and is doing well why make him adjust again and risk not having as good an adjustment? If things get bad later on this year he can always repeat K if his has to. Both my mom and I repeated first grade and it worked out well for both of us (mom was Valedictorian and went to an Ivy League School and I was also in the top 10% of my class). At this age it is about maturity and if your son is doing well, no reason to mess things up (I would say different if he were struggling now).

That is my 2 cents based on having a Kindergartener and having moved many kids between schools as a case worker.

Why in the world would your husband want him out of school, especially if it sounds like he's excelling? Don't take him out of school if he's doing well.

I am not sure I get why you would want to pull him out. he is at the top of the class academically, he has made friends, is on the soccer team and has no social problems? is it because kindergarten is only half day and its a pain to get him back and forth? why would you pull him out? you would have known the first week if he was not ready for kindergarten

From your post I would say let him stay in K. My daughter is also in K and started one month ago and her & her classmates have all started to adjust nicely. It sounds like your son has as well. I'm also curious as to why your ex thinks he needs to be returned to pre-k. If it is really a concern of yours try taking it to the teacher and see what she thinks then if your ex brings it up again you can say well the teacher says he's doing great in K and there is no benefit to pulling him out and putting him in pre-k as he has mastered those skills.

My daugher turned 5 on August 26 and she had no structured daycare but she's doing fine. Sounds like your son is too. If you don't have concerns from the teacher and he's adjusting well then I don't see the point. I'm wondering if his dads motivation for holding him back is for sports (I guess a lot of parents hold back for that reason).

Funny, one of the blogs I subscribe to had a guest writer today that talked about this very subject, there's a book recommendation too. Here's the link:
http://thepioneerwoman.com/homeschooling/2011/09/will-del...

I think you should leave him be, My oldest was a 8/10 baby and he is a straight A student. If the teacher is not complaining then he is finr. Pulling him out now and holding him back will only make him feel different and quite frankly it is making him different. He belongs in Kindergarden and Daddy cannot protect him from everything.

Good luck and listen to you gut and the teacher she/he is the expert and sees many kids.

There's an article that just came out that addresses this issue: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/25/opinion/sunday/dont-del.... It sounds like your son should stay where he's at. I am in the same boat as you - only my son is a year older. I chose to move him forward - but in my case, my son is having social anxiety issues, and our school district will not allow us to hold him back.

You can always have him repeat kindergarten next year if an issue comes up - but from what you are describing, your son sounds like he's doing just fine in kindergarten.

The age difference matters more now, and less when he is in 3rd and higher. If he is doing well now, then there is no reason to change.

Seems like he is fine to me. Why does his dad want him put back in pre-K? What are his reasons. Lots of kids have august birthdays and start Kindergarten that year. I just read an article that it is actually better/more stimulating for your child to go ahead and start kindergarten instead of waiting a year (as long as the are ok socially/emotionally). You can repeat Kindergarten if you want but your child actually matures faster and learns more by starting them instead of holding them back. Being around slightly older kids makes your child mature at a much faster rate.

I am confused as to what the reasons would be for holding him back. I am not sure if you did not express it well in your post, or if there is no reasons at all. From reading it, it seems that there would be no reason to hold your son back, but if there are more details you could give, that would be great!

Had he not already been in pre-k, I could see this argument more, but it seems like his path has already been chosen and that he is doing well. I'd have to agree with you mom, moving him right now just doesn't make sense given the info you have shared.

I would not teach a child that he isn't smart enough to succeed at kindergarten...I can't imagine telling him he has to go back to Pre-K when he is obviously doing well.

To me it sounds like your son would be confused, hurt and disappointed if you took him out of school now. It sounds like school is where he belongs.

It sounds like he is doing great, I see no reason to believe he will have trouble down the road, I definitely wouldn't pull him out just becasue of some "fear of future chance of failure", nothing like telling the kid you have no confidence in his abilities and punishing him for doing nothing wrong.

Why does his dad think he is going to have trouble? Any concrete reasons? Did the dad have school problems himself in grade school? Cause it sounds like his fears are unwarranted, and he is either projecting his own history onto the boy, or just tryingot cause you strife and make trouble.

Trust the teacher and your own instincts and observations!

Do not push him back! That would be unfair and uncalled for given how well adjusted he is even at this early point in the year. My son has an Aug. 18th birthday and we struggled with the decision because he had social and sensory difficulties. We sent him to K when he had just turned 5 and while the first half of the year was a struggle, he is now in 3rd grade, top of his class in reading and math, has tons of friends, etc. Writing has been the only struggle and even that would not have warranted him being back a grade.

I am confused, is it your sons dad that wants him back in pre k or the teacher? I would think if he is doing well in kindergarten then why change it. Is it because if his age, being younger then the other kids? My daughter is the same age (one day older) and she just started kindergarten. I was worried about her starting since she never went to pre k, but she loves it and is learning so fast. I talk to her teacher everyday to check in and make sure she is keeping up. I would talk to your son and see how he feels about it.

I don't get it...why are you considering sending him back to 4k? You didn't give any valid reasons for why your ex is considering this. If he is doing great now then chances are he will do well later down the road. Please don't send this child backwards!

our cut off for school is december 1, so he is still 3 months older than some other kids. Unless there is more specific things his dad sees that you aren't sharing, I don't get it. He has already started school, why would he be pulled out now. He can always repeat kindergarten if he really needs to.

The New York Times just had an article about this on Sunday. The article said that a long term study showed that redshirting kids (holding them back from K) actually is more likely to hurt them in the long run.

It sounds like your son is in the right place. There is no reason to pluck him out of K and put him back in preK, and if you do, it will send a really negative message to him (we don't care about your feelings, you're not smart enough for K, etc.).

I really do understand where your husband is coming from. I believe he has very valid concerns. My son is in a 2 year kindergarten for those very reasons. He might seem like he's doing great now, but I was concerned that being the youngest in the class would catch up with him.

Like Shannon said, the thing is, you already sent him, he already started kindergarten. Rather than focusing on what might have been a good decision in August, you and your husband need to decide what is best for him now. Talk to your husband. Take his concerns seriously. I'm not saying move your son now. I'm saying you need to really address his concerns. You might even want to talk to his kindergarten teacher and listen to his/her thoughts on the subject. You might decide he really is fine. You might want to talk about this again in June. Whatever you do, make sure the two of you talk about this together and reach a decision together.

FWIW - That New York Times article assumes that a child beginning kindergarten at age 6 had no schooling prior to kindergarten. There are many benefits to children with summer birthdays beginning kindergarten at age 6. Academics and test scores are being stressed at a much lower grade level. Many children are able to handle it better when they are not asked to sit still at a desk when they have just turned 5.

Leave him where he is at. Think of how it would be for him if you pulled him out. I would say to go with your gut instinct. If you think he should be there then he should.

You don't have to put him back now... he can repeat K next year if he needs to/you and your hubby decide to.

It really depends on the kid. Is he small for his age? As he gets older it can be difficult for boys who are smaller than their peers, especially once they hit middle school. I've also talked to men who were not held back that complained that it effected their ability to compete with others in sports. I held my son back because he wasn't emotionally ready, but it doesn't sound like that is the case with your son. You could always have him do another year of kindergarten if this is still an issue in a year, but since he is enjoying it and doing well I think I would let him be. The only other thought I will share with you is this---when we were considering the same thing our pediatrician said that she sees a lot of people who regret not holding their child back, but never sees anyone that regrets holding them a year. My vote is reevaluate next year. He can always do kindergarten again.
J.

I have done a lot of research on education and grade placement and see no reason to suspect that your son would have troubles in later grades if he's doing fine now. There is a myth that "everyone levels out" by third grade -- maybe that's what's confusing your husband. Or maybe your husband had problems himself at that age? Can you find out more specifics from him?

As other posters mentioned I'd be more concerned about the harm you would do by putting him back in pre-k now. This would confuse him and send the message that he's not doing well enough in kindergarten, when in fact he is.

My recommendation is to go with what's working now, and if there are problems in the future, deal with them in the future. You can't make decisions now based on what ifs 4 years from now.

Here's the link to the recent NY Times article. It may reassure him. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/25/opinion/sunday/dont-del...

I would not pull him out because of a date on the calendar. He sounds
like he has adjusted beautifully and enjoys it and is doing well. You will
do more damage pulling him out.

If your ex is concerned, have him make an appointment with your son's teacher and express his concerns. She is in the best position possible to assess his school-readiness. Having a less-involved third party give an opinion on the subject will likely be the most helpful thing to do. Give him the teacher's contact info, and make him get in touch and make his concerns known. (You might separately give the teacher a heads up on the background - be fair and straightforward, you and your partner are separated, and he has some concerns about whether your son should have waited a year for K, and that he will be contacting her to talk.)

That said, if he's doing well now, there is no reason whatsoever to pull him out. Most research suggests that any lag (or gain, for kids who wait) evens out by 3rd or 4th grade. (I did hold my Aug 19th birthday son back, but he was *not* ready and would *not* have done well in full-day K when he had just turned 5 - but that was social and impulse control issues.) If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

It's too soon into the new school year to know if your son is coping well enough with the material and social skills needed at this level. If he's happy, though, and his teacher/s aren't bringing any serious issues to your attention then you should feel confident that he's where he should be. Don't pull him because he "might" fail in the future.

If he begins to fall behind to the point where it's a concern and he needs another year to catch up, that will be noticeable mid-year or later. At that point you and his teachers can discuss if you should keep him back in kindergarten for another year or if he would benefit from a summer session before entering first grade.

At five years old, he's the right age to be in kindergarten... it's the average age. I don't know if your ex thinks he's too young to be in kindergarten, but he's really not.

No! Don't pull him out now that he's started and doing well. That could be very traumatic and have long term effects. Check with your school district too--it might not even be an option. Back when I was making this decision (although years ago) in our district we could register them for kindergarten and change our minds up until the first day of school, but once school started we couldn't pull him unless the district wanted to hold him back for academic or behavorial reasons. It sounds like you made the right decision for your son. If you need help with your ex in this regard enlist the teacher and/or principal at your son's school to talk to him about how well your son is doing. They could also talk to him about the current research in this area. Like I said, it's been awhile, but back when I was researching this topic the current research said that younger kids actually struggled in the first couple of years, but caught up by about 3rd grade or so. If that's true, your ex might be mixed up about the effects of starting kindergarten young. Our son was a July birthday and we did decided to wait a year for a variety of reasons, but every kid and situation is so different and it sounds like your son is right where he should be and should stay there. Good luck!

My birthday is Aug 25th and I have always been one of the youngest in my class.... and usually one of the more higher academic achievers too. My daughter is Sept 1st and seems to be following in my footsteps.

If he's doing well - do not punish him because of his birthday!! If he's already falling really far behind and has behavioral issues - then maybe keeping him back is a real option.

If your son is currently doing well, then your ex has zero justification for his opinion.

Keep him in Kindergarten. You need to put your foot down on this one, and stick to your guns. There is no reason to pull a child out of school unless there is a concern. He is doing well, he has made friends, he is doing well academically, and has no social problems, and your husband wants to pull him out? Why? Not all young 5's need to be held back, it depends on the child. To pull him out would cause more harm than good at this point.